sam_storyteller (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sam_storyteller) wrote2005-07-17 11:27 am
sam_storyteller) wrote2005-07-17 11:27 am
Entry tags:
Edgar van Scyoc Presents: Doctor Who; Chapter 3
Title: Edgar van Scyoc Presents: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13 (mainly for language)
Summary: Doctor who, gaining in its reputation as the Scariest Show on Television, brings stories of the first manned lunar landing and creatures who live in the darkness to the television, while Torchwood adapts to a team member without a body and Jack begins to face up to his past with the arrival of Captain John Hart. A Christmas Crossover brings the two shows together, and Edgar and Ellis face up to a few truths of their own.
Author's Notes: The book Ellis Graveworthy reads from is called Recycling Shakespeare, by Charles Marowitz. It was written yea these many years ago, and it is my secret belief that the internet term "wank" originated with someone who had read his works.
Chapter Three
DOCTOR WHO 1x07: THE IMPOSSIBLE PLANET
The Doctor, Rose, and Lethbridge land on a science station on a planet that shouldn't exist, in orbit around a black hole, staffed by a slave race overseen by a handful of humans, covered in strange alien writing that even the TARDIS can't translate. When the TARDIS falls victim to an earthquake that knocks it deep into the heart of the planet, the Doctor must lead a dangerous mission to retrieve it -- especially when it becomes their only chance of escape. But something is lurking deep inside the planet...
DOCTOR WHO 1x08: THE SATAN PIT
The TARDIS crew, along with the four surviving members of a science team stranded on a planet orbiting a black hole, are trapped deep under the surface. In order to reach the TARDIS they have to go forward, because there's no going back -- but there's something down there, in the dark, with the crew. Can the Doctor stop the Vashta Nerada before it's too late?
***
Transcript from the DVD Extras, Doctor Who, Season One: The Magic PDA:
Joe Flanigan, standing in the foreground in costume; Hayden Panettiere, not in costume, can sometimes be seen on the left of the screen, talking to a Production Assistant. On the right, Ellis Graveworthy is seated in a chair working on a script.
Joe: This. [Holds up prop PDA] This is Colonel Lethbridge's Magic PDA. I've had this for seven episodes now and the Colonel has taken all his notes on it and even tried to mail it to Torchwood. Dear diary, went to the Renaissance today. Two words for you: Chamber Pots.
Ellis: We wanted to get him an iPhone but they wanted to charge us to use the name.
Joe: Bastards!
Ellis: Bastards!
Joe: So, anyway, this is a -- where did we get this? I think van Scyoc donated it. [turns it over and pretends to read] Property of...E...van...S.
Hayden, offscreen: We're high class at Doctor Who!
Joe: Anyway, the Colonel's been putting it into pretty constant use for at least a couple of weeks, and he hasn't once had to charge it or change the batteries. It just goes on forever, like there's some kind of nuclear reactor in it or something. If I open it up, I'll die.
Ellis: No, that's not right. It has a charger.
Joe: Where does it have a charger?
Ellis: In the TARDIS console.
Joe: Yeah, in some [flails hands] imaginary world...
Ellis: No, really, the charger for it is in the TARDIS console. It's probably wired up and all.
Joe: Are you serious?
John Barrowman wanders past in an orange descent suit as Ellis gestures at the console to the right of where he's sitting. The camera swings around as Joe approaches the console like it might eat him. Camera zooms in. There's a PDA charger embedded in the set, next to a glued-down rubik's cube and a large metal lever.
Joe: THere it is! [gleeful] There's my PDA charger!
Ellis: [as Joe is already plugging the PDA into the charger] Go on, plug it in --
The PDA lights up and reads "SERVICE NOT FOUND". Joe and Ellis cheer ("Hey!" "Hooray!"). In the background, John shakes his head and laughs. Joe turns to the camera.
Joe: And that's the magic of television, boys and girls.
***
TORCHWOOD 2x08: BOOM TOWN
There's a new governor in the state of Illinois, and she has big plans for a nuclear power plant outside of Chicago. The only problem is that the new governor is an alien, and her plans include blowing the plant up to get the necessary kinetic energy to escape Earth. Torchwood finds it almost too easy to apprehend the intergalactic criminal -- but then must figure out what to do with her while they wait for her homeworld to send a retrieval ship. Meanwhile, Owen is adjusting to life as the man in the machine -- and the rest of the team is having to adjust to a Hub that suddenly answers them back.
Springfield didn't have great associations for anyone just at the moment -- the memory of Owen's collapse was too fresh in their minds -- but Gwen found herself riding along with Ian and Jack on the road south out of Chicago, headed for the state capital and the governor's office. Jack drummed his fingers on the wheel as he drove, and in the backseat Ian was sorting through paperwork, carefully assembling a binder of information.
"Meeting the governor," she said, grinning at Jack. "Kind of exciting, huh?"
"Eh," Jack replied. "Been there, done that. Love the uniform, though."
Gwen fingered the trim on her dress uniform. "Thanks. Weird to be in uniform again."
"We should have a Torchwood uniform. Ian -- "
"No," Ian called without looking up. Jack made a mock-unhappy face.
"He doesn't like the drive to Springfield," he said to Gwen. "Makes him cranky."
"It's like this whenever power changes hands," Ian said, still not looking up from his work. "That's why I like Daley. He grew up around all this, we've never had to explain anything to him. He just gets it."
Jack turned to Gwen, eyes flicking back to the road occasionally. "Whenever there's a significant shift in the power dynamics -- new governor, new senate majority leader -- new US president, come to think of it -- someone's got to go have a bit of a sit-down with them so that they understand the nature of Torchwood's existence. Especially when it's something to do with Illinois in specific."
"I'm still not exactly sure why you asked me to come along," Gwen said.
"Oh, didn't I say? You're the good cop. Literally, which is nicely fitting."
"And you're the bad cop?" Gwen asked.
"That's the idea. A little healthy fear of Torchwood never hurt anyone."
"So what's Ian?" Gwen asked, grinning at him in the rearview mirror.
"Eye candy," Ian replied. Jack chuckled.
"Three's a nice round number," he said. "Anyway, I need someone to -- "
"Jack." Owen's voice emerged from the car stereo speakers, making Gwen and Ian flinch.
"Yes, Owen," Jack called to the air, seemingly at ease while the other two exchanged nervous looks.
"Tommy's been brushing up on the Governor's dossier. Went a little further back into her history."
"And?"
"And she doesn't have one before the late nineties," Ian put in, as information began to scroll across the computer screen embedded in the back of Jack's seat.
"Also, he'd like you to know that she eats a macrobiotic diet exclusively," Owen put in. Images of broccoli and bowls of lentils began appearing on the front-seat computer monitors.
"What do you mean, she doesn't have a history?"
"It's like she just popped into existence," Ian said. "Owen, is this accurate?"
"Questioning my research?" Owen asked.
"Sorry, but just because you read it on the internet doesn't mean it's true."
"It's what I'm not reading on the internet. The dataload from inside the computer is pretty awesome, by the way."
"Yes, we're all very impressed with your processing speed," Jack said.
"What's it mean?" Gwen asked. "Does it matter that she eats healthy?"
"Aliens tend to be unable to handle food processed for humans," Jack said, jaw tightening. "Owen, can you cross-reference her diet with the database and narrow it to humanoid or shapeshifting races?"
"Can do. I'll hit you back in five."
"Hold on. Thirty seconds ago we were going to go scare the hell out of the governor," Gwen said. "Now all of a sudden she's an alien? She's a democrat!"
"I voted Green Party," Ian said absently.
***
From the Torchwood Quotes File, part of The Unofficial Torchwood Fansite:
The Torchwood Hub is hooked into the most advanced computer system in the world, an organic processor interfaced directly with twenty-first century technology. It can access any traffic or security camera in the country, flick through a thousand websites in the blink of an eye, manipulate information on a dozen different military and law-enforcement networks, take weather readings, convert visual and audio images into pure data, and control any device operated by a computer with a wireless transponder. It can alter the courses of satellites, intercept telephone calls and GPS transmissions, and control the data flow to millions. The one thing it can't do is touch. -- Owen Harper
Governor Blaine: They have the death penalty on my world.
Jack: Not my problem. They have it here, too.
Governor Blaine: You'd send me to my death, just like that?
Jack: Tomorrow morning, when the Slitheen prisoner ship arrives, I'll send you and I'll be smiling. Nobody messes with my city.
Governor Blaine: So you're my executioner.
Ian: Do you deserve death?
Governor Blaine: Does anyone?
Jack: When the reactor went down, the rift would have gone down with it. Energy waves like you wouldn't believe. It would have shaken the world to pieces. So forgive me for not shedding a tear over your execution.
Governor Blaine: You're quick to soak your hands in my blood, though. It's a long night until dawn...let's see how many of you can look me in the eye.
Owen: Ian. Ian. Ian. I'm bored. Ian. Ian.
Ian: [holds up a sheet of paper with "Buzz off, iWen" scrawled on it]
***
Sam's Three Things about Torchwood, 2.08: Boom Town
1. I was highly skeptical about Owen being turned into the Disembodied Voice du Jour, but I think they're handling it really well -- we're getting a full-on dose of his misery and confinement, but we're also seeing the flexible-minded Torchwood team teasing and needling him to get him to react. It's nice that he still has emotions, that he's in a machine but isn't actually a machine. I'll be interested to see how this subplot plays out, because it's fun now but it's a very character-limiting plot for Burn Gorman. I'm willing to bet that it doesn't last even until the end of the season before they find a way to bring him back. And my first reaction to Jack's remark about Owen always watching was AHAHAHA NAKED HIDE AND SEEK but on second thought, now we're going to get flooded with cheap and horrible hide and seek fanfics where Owen gets off on it somehow. Ack.
2. In case it wasn't evident that Ian now and forever pwns everyone and everything, his sad little "We're all going to die" after Owen announces he can remotely drive the car? Was awesome personified. Also, the real reason Jack took him to meet the governor is his SEKRIT MAFIA TIES. (Like paisley ties, only more violent.)
3. I love, love the conversation between Governor The Slitheen and Jack, when she's tempting him out to dinner. "Can you sit with a creature you're about to kill and take supper?" and of course Jack says yes, because Jack loves new experiences. I bet he eats at that insane molecular gastronomy place downtown where they have like, levitating desserts and stuff.
3a. OMG WTF SMITH AND WOLLENSKY, I've had dinner there! But not with aliens.
***
[ kinkocopier ] posted on fandom_wank at 9:35 AM: Did someone time how long that took?
I'm pretty sure you could have used a stopwatch to measure how long it took Torchwood fandom to go from zero to wank over last night's episode.
SPOILER WARNING: I'm summarizing last night's episode. If you haven't seen it, go watch it. I'll still be here when you get back.
For those who aren't in the fandom, the episode was called "Boom Town" and was about an EVIL ALIEN POLITICIAN (what are the odds?) who wants to use a nuclear power plant to blow up Chicago. Needless to say, our heroes have to stop her. Here's the thing, though: Stopping the alien isn't the major plot. The major plot is that once they've stopped her they summon the SPACE POLICE to come take her to her homeworld where she's scheduled for execution. She manages to seem pretty pathetic and sympathy-worthy right around the middle part of the episode, then pulls a bitchface right at the end and nearly blows up the world again.
Reactions are mixed, but most people are no more or less wanky than usual. (Half of fandom spent the night sleeping with the lights on after Doctor Who.) Then whoisthedoc decides to make a post declaring HER THOUGHTS ONYAOI THE DEATH PENALTY. whoisthedoc believes that not only should the Torchwood crew not have called the SPACE POLICE, but they should have set her free (because she was only blowing up the Earth as an escape plan!). The Death Penalty is evil and barbarous, and ALSO she hated the episode because surely advanced space races, while perfectly cool with blowing up planets and stuff, are too sophisticated to have anything so old-school and socially incorrect as the death penalty.
Even this wouldn't have been a big deal, except she crossposted it to every goddamn community she's a member of.
Reactions to this are less mixed; the above links go to particularly good threads. Personal favorites:
I support the death penalty for wanky fans who think we care.
and
Hey, whoisthedoc, Ellis Graveworthy called. He'd like his soapbox back. He says you're ruining its street cred.
Eventually it devolves into burbling over whether "execution by vaporization" is cruel (there's pretty general consensus that it's unusual) and whether Ian shed a single emo tear over Governor Blaine's passing (answer: NO).
Edgar van Scyoc reads the comms. Five gets you ten he is weeping in his cornflakes this morning over his audience base being morons.
***
"What on earth are you doing?" Ellis Graveworthy asked, standing in the doorway of the writers' communal room.
"Taking constructive criticism," Edgar replied, reaching up to tape yet another printed page to the wall.
"Oh my god, you've gone mad, you're wallpapering our offices with spam."
"No! No. Do you know what a wank is?"
Silence from the doorway. Edgar looked over to find Ellis gazing at him steadily over the top of his glasses.
"Not that kind of wank! An internet wank."
Ellis's expression didn't change. Edgar set down the tape and rolled his eyes.
"It's a slang term on the internet for an argument that gets out of control."
"D'you know," Ellis said, walking into the room and studying the half of the wall already covered in scotch-taped paper, "I've had many arguments that have got out of control and I can't think of one that ended in masturbation. Actually, that could have been entertaining," he added absently, pulling a pen out of his pocket and beginning to correct the punctuation on the nearest page.
"No, like...when people start shouting rabidly at each other and saying stuff just to show how smart they are, that's called a wank."
"Ah. Like Marowitz."
"Who?"
"Philistine." Ellis capped the pen and took a book down from a nearby shelf, thumbing it open. He cleared his throat. "Intellectually speaking, when we say someone is wanking we usually mean he is indulging in personal ratiocination without direct reference to the subject at hand. Wanking implies working up a quantity of useful energy and then squandering it on personal satisfaction which, pleasurable as it may be to the wanker, does not fertilise any seed or benefit anyone else. The yardstick of successful wanking is the amount of notoriety your wanks will incite."
Edgar swallowed.
"Yeah, that's about it," he said. Ellis smiled down at the book.
"No idea is original, and no consensus of peoples exists without a root," he said, holding the book up and waggling it slightly. "Close your mouth, Edgar."
"Um," Edgar said, waving a hand at the paper. "So anyway, I printed out the good points and some of the interesting arguments."
Ellis opened the book again.
"The crowning success of a wanker is to transfer them into the minds of non-wankers who are dealing practically with material which the wanker deals with only pornographically. Now his theories must be either validated or nullified -- and, because this is a prospect as daunting as it is tantalising, the majority of wankers prefer to wank in private, and never wander into the public arena." He shut the book. "Don't become a testing ground for wankers, Edgar; I won't have you second-guessing my writers either. Take it all down and come have breakfast."
"You go ahead," Edgar managed. "I...need a few minutes."
Ellis shrugged, pressed the book into his hands, and disappeared down the corridor. Edgar sat down heavily.
Condescending intellectualism really shouldn't be so hot.
***
The second novel in the Torchwood series, "Hub", chronicles the thoughts and trials of Owen Harper, a man trapped in a machine. As an integrated program in the Hub, Owen has instantaneous access to any open network in the world -- but he can't help his team as a doctor or as a field agent, and he can't do anything to stop Toshiko from falling in love with someone who isn't just numbers and electricity -- but who might be more dangerous than any of the team imagines.
***
TORCHWOOD 2x09: MURDER IN THE PLAZA
When Ian trips over a body on his way across Daley Plaza one morning, the team decide to solve an old-fashioned murder with Torchwood style. Gwen returns to her old precinct to take over the case, but not everyone welcomes her back -- and suddenly solving this murder might be more important than she'd dreamed.
dark_hark wrote:
I loved the old-fashioned look of this episode and all the noir touches and the references to old golden age detectives, so I thought I'd make some icons. I don't know, do you think Gwen would make a good Sherlock Holmes? Maybe she Cares too much. Anyway, I hope you like them.
***
DOCTOR WHO 1x09: THE IDIOT'S LANTERN
The Doctor, Lethbridge, and Rose arrive in 1969, on the day before the launch of Apollo 11. Rose, who has never seen a lunar landing in her lifetime, is nonplussed; Lethbridge, who chose USPAT over offers from NASA, is excited to relive his youthful viewing of the liftoff. Hundreds of thousands of people will be watching the launch on television, but something inside the wires is trying to get out...trying to feed.
EXT - DAY - CAPE CANAVERAL
LETHBRIDGE, the DOCTOR, and ROSE are sitting in beach chairs, wearing sunglasses and surrounded by a crowd of eager onlookers, everyone focused in the direction of the Apollo 11 rocket about to take off. ROSE, in sunbathing kit, is rubbing suntan lotion on her arms. LETHBRIDGE is clutching a camera and looking geeky.
ROSE
God, could you be any more of a NASA dork?
LETHBRIDGE
Says the woman who can name every member of the original Survivor cast.
DOCTOR
Children.
ROSE
So what're you gonna do with The Wire? Is she gone for good?
DOCTOR
Stashed on a videotape. Just to be on the safe side, I'll use my unrivaled knowledge of trans temporal extirpation methods to neutralise the residual electronic pattern.
LETHBRIDGE
You're gonna tape over her?
DOCTOR
I'm doing it as we speak. When it's done you'll have a priceless betamax copy of the Apollo 11 launch.
ROSE
What, Star Trek wasn't available?
LETHBRIDGE
Hey, do you mind?
DOCTOR
Rose, can I ask you something?
ROSE
You can ask me a lot of things.
DOCTOR
You stepped in front of Magpie when I was going to shoot him.
ROSE
Lucky move. I couldn't see a thing.
DOCTOR
Why?
ROSE
Didn't have any eyes.
DOCTOR
Why'd you step in front of him?
ROSE
There wasn't any reason to shoot him. You were just angry. That's a dumb reason to kill someone.
DOCTOR and LETHBRIDGE both look at her, questioningly. She shrugs.
ROSE
I've seen the future. A little of it, anyway. I guess humans aren't going to get any nicer if we always pick shooting. You're supposed to be some wise old alien, you should set an example. If you're not going to do the right thing, I'll just make you do it.
DOCTOR
How do you mean?
ROSE
I'm going to be your conscience, Doctor. Whether you want it or not.
DOCTOR
Rose, I don't --
LETHBRIDGE
THERE IT GOES!
All three turn to look as the rocket lifts off in a glorious plume of fire and smoke. ROSE stares, stunned. The crowd explodes into unbridled cheers and applause.
LETHBRIDGE
[shouting]
There goes humanity. Reaching for the stars.
DOCTOR
[shouting back]
Good old humanity.
[glances at ROSE]
Always ready to surprise me.
Focus in tight on ROSE, her face transforming from shock to ecstasy as the sounds of the crowd fade away and we see the arch of the rocket's contrail reflected in her eyes.
Blackout.
***
TORCHWOOD 2x10: THE CHRISTMAS INVASION
As they prepare for Christmas the Torchwood team is surprised to find Jack sick -- none more so than Jack himself. There's no time for chicken soup, however; aliens are invading, and their ability to harness pure energy is unlike anything anyone's ever seen. With Jack out of commission it's up to his team to take care of business, or the Sycorax will take care of it for them. And then there's one very unusual Christmas guest to contend with...
It wasn't exactly rare for the writing teams of Torchwood and Doctor Who to be together in the same room at the same time, but it was infrequent enough that it did call for some celebration. Edgar had sprung for pizza and beer -- the good stuff, not the Craft Services stuff that some of the lower-paid members practically lived on -- and there was a general sense of good-feeling and camaraderie in the common room. Even the junior writers, who were supposed to be pitching ideas for Christmas episodes, looked relaxed.
"All right," Ellis said, somewhere around everyone's second beer. "Edgar, the children have a pitch for you. I've kept well out of it, but I think they will succeed on their own merits rather than fall on their faces."
Derek cleared his throat. "Should I stand up?"
"Not unless you really desire it," Ellis said, amused.
"Okay." Derek cleared his throat again. "What we want to do is a shot of Chicago, looking Christmasy -- the decorations on Navy Pier and the really ugly stuff they put on the El stations downtown. Ian's walking along from his El stop, and he enters the Hub. It's totally dark."
***
Excerpt from the shooting script for Episode 2x10: The Christmas Invasion
Story by: Derek Smith and Richard Allen
Teleplay by: Derek Smith, Anna Jackson, and Richard Allen
Directed by: Ellis Graveworthy
INT - HUB - MORNING
IAN enters a darkened HUB and pauses, eyes shifting back and forth. It's obviously unusual for the HUB to be completely shut down.
IAN
Jack? Owen?
No response. IAN flicks on the lights and discovers a bundle of blankets on the couch.
IAN
Jack. If you want a more comfortable bed...
He pulls the blankets back to reveal JACK, flushed and sweating, asleep but restless. IAN touches his forehead, then pulls back, panicked.
IAN
OWEN! OWEN, WHERE ARE YOU?
***
"Where is he?" Edgar asked, intrigued.
"He's in hibernation," Anna said. "There's a little bit of bickering as Ian switches on the computers and gets Owen up and running, Owen's talking about being shut down, something like...the equivalent of sleep?"
"There's nothing canonical to contradict it," Derek put in.
"Go ahead."
"We cut to Tommy's phone ringing. He answers -- "
"Ian, what fresh hell is this, morning wake-up calls?" Richard added, doing a decent imitation of Hiro.
***
IAN
Jack's sick and Owen can't do anything except measure his heat signatures.
OWEN
Thanks, Ian. Give him some asprin, it'll bring the fever down.
IAN
Are you sure?
OWEN
Of course I'm not sure!
TOMMY OS
Is that Owen?
IAN
Be quiet a minute. You're not sure, Owen?
OWEN
I've never treated an immortal for the flu before!
***
"Blah blah blah, cut to credits." Anna spread her hands on the table. "We come back to Jack obviously feeling better but not at full strength. Tommy's doing his best to doctor him up while Tosh and Gwen check the CCTV for anything that might have gotten into the Hub at night. They can't find anything but they do find a ship bound for Earth and some really weird energy readings."
"So, they figure out that the ship's going to arrive on Christmas day, and Ian volunteers to take Jack home while the rest of them start preparing for the arrival of whatever ship this is," Richard said.
Ellis glanced at Edgar, who was listening with a tilt of his head -- a good sign, an indicator that he was listening critically but also slowly being pulled into the story.
***
INT - IAN'S APARTMENT - DAY
IAN'S APARTMENT is small but clean, with large windows looking out on the street below. He manhandles JACK through the door and leans him against the counter while he sets down his things and puts a pot of coffee on. Snow is falling outside.
JACK
I don't get sick.
IAN
Well, you are.
JACK
No, I mean, I don't get sick.
IAN
Owen said --
JACK
Owen said I haven't been sick in five years, I'm telling you I haven't been sick in a hundred and fifty. I don't get sick.
IAN comes around and pulls JACK upright. He begins undressing him.
IAN
First time for everything.
JACK
Is it wrong that I'm enjoying this?
IAN looks at him.
IAN
The undressing, or being sick?
JACK
Both, but I meant being sick.
IAN leans him against the counter again and begins taking off his shoes.
JACK
Jesus, it's cold in here.
IAN
That's the fever. It's fine.
[as he pulls his socks off]
Well, it can be nice, being sick, I guess. It's an excuse not to have to do anything. License to be lazy.
JACK
I don't like being lazy.
IAN
I'd gathered something to that effect.
***
"So, he gets him into bed, and Jack very seriously tells him that this isn't the flu, it's time-sickness," Derek said.
"Oh, please, can we have a puking scene?" Edgar said.
"Puking might be good," Derek looked at the others for confirmation.
"I'm okay with puking," Anna agreed.
"The point is, we need to get across that the reason he's sick is that he's linked into...time as a whole," Richard said. "And there's some physical object that's slipped out of the timestream and is wreaking havoc. We can have Owen tracking strange weather patterns, maybe even strange economic patterns. Christmas craziness, you know?"
"We thought about having a montage," Derek said. "Sort of intercutting Ian looking after Jack and Jack being totally miserable with the others researching this ship that's coming. The ship itself gives off a lot of light, it's sort of crackling with energy, so people are starting to notice a new star."
"The Sycorax," Anna added. "That's what we're calling them."
"What do they want from Earth?" Edgar asked.
"Power. The slip in the timestream is centered in Chicago and it's putting out power, like the rift does. There are other ships too."
"But the Sycorax are really worrying because they've started scanning the city, and the scans tend to...destroy things."
"So Torchwood's fighting a losing battle?" Edgar said.
"And then," Anna leaned forward and grinned at Edgar. "The Doctor shows up."
***
EXT - DALEY PLAZA - DAY
The TARDIS appears on the plaza, in the shadow of the PICASSO SCULPTURE, fading in and out before finally solidifying. The door bursts open and the DOCTOR, LETHBRIDGE, and ROSE stumble out, laughing.
There is a series of clicking noises.
All three stop dead. Swing around to see TOSH, TOMMY, and GWEN holding guns on the trio.
GWEN
Stay right where you are.
LETHBRIDGE
Oh, for crying out loud.
TOSH
On your knees. Hands on your heads.
LETHBRIDGE and ROSE grudgingly obey. The DOCTOR just stares at them.
DOCTOR
You can't be serious.
TOMMY
We can do this the easy way or the hard way, Doctor.
The DOCTOR puts his hands on his hips. All three Torchwood agents aim at him.
DOCTOR
I am not kneeling so you three can feel like you're in control of the situation. You don't need to shoot us, we came looking for you and your Captain.
TOSH
Why are you looking for the Captain?
DOCTOR
That's between me and him.
[beat; sardonic]
We come in peace, Earthling. Take me to your leader.
***
"So they lock Lethbridge and Rose up in the cells and take the Doctor off to see Jack," Derek continued.
***
INT - HUB CELLS
LETHBRIDGE and ROSE are in two adjoining cells, each sitting on one side of their shared wall.
LETHBRIDGE
It's okay. The Doctor will get us out.
ROSE
The Doctor's at the mercy of these freaks.
OWEN
That's hardly nice.
Both start.
LETHBRIDGE
Who're you?
[turns to locate loudspeakers]
Where are you?
OWEN
Doctor Owen Harper. You're Colonel Gordon Lethbridge, USPAT, and that's Rose Tyler. Current status: Lethbridge, classified; Tyler, missing, presumed kidnapped.
LETHBRIDGE
Oh, you've got all the answers, huh?
OWEN
Yes, actually. I do.
LETHBRIDGE
Why don't you come down and talk to us in person?
ROSE
Try not to piss him off, Colonel.
OWEN
I would if I could. But I can't.
LETHBRIDGE
Oh yeah?
OWEN
Yes. I don't have a body.
ROSE
What?
OWEN
I am a human personality uploaded to the Hub supercomputer via alien technology. Technically I do have a body, but it's currently in cryogenic storage. I can access more data in a day than you could in an entire lifetime. I have emotions, higher reasoning capabilities, and an attitude. In short, I'm the perfect AI.
LETHBRIDGE
Bull.
A monitor in LETHBRIDGE's cell comes on. OWEN's speech appears as scrolling text on the monitor.
OWEN
Not so much. I'd be nice to me if I were you. I control the environmental programming for your area. I can make things very uncomfortable for the two of you.
ROSE
I told you not to piss him off!
***
"Why is the Doctor there?" Edgar asked, leaning forward raptly.
"That's what the audience is going to be asking," Ellis said. Edgar shot him a look. "No, honestly. Go on, Anna."
"They get the Doctor to Ian's apartment -- it'll be fun having everyone look around, I think it's the first time any of them have seen his place," Anna said. "The Doctor goes to see Jack in the bedroom, it'll be kind of touching, you know -- Captain, what's happened to you?"
"Meanwhile, Lethbridge is trying to give his PDA away again," Richard said.
***
INT - CELLS
LETHBRIDGE
[whispering]
Owen? Are you there? Can you hear me?
OWEN
[over the loudspeakers in LETHBRIDGE's cell only; infinitely weary:]
I'm always here. And I hear everything in the Hub.
LETHBRIDGE
Can Rose hear you?
OWEN
She's asleep.
LETHBRIDGE
You can tell?
OWEN
Yes.
LETHBRIDGE
Listen. I know Torchwood. You work with USPAT. I have information on the Doctor I need to get to USPAT headquarters. If I upload it to you, can you send it to them?
OWEN
I'm not letting you upload anything to me.
LETHBRIDGE
I don't suppose I could confound you into a perpetual loop with a logic problem.
OWEN
No, and I saw that episode of Star Trek, so don't try it.
LETHBRIDGE
Worth a shot.
***
"The Doctor has a pistol, which surprises everyone, but it's obviously an antique," Anna said.
"The Sycorax are still attacking, by the way, so Torchwood's freaking out a little."
"But he gives the pistol to Jack, and all of a sudden, tons of flashbacks," Richard said smugly. "Jumbled images, Jack in a long victorian coat, people running through dark streets, that kind of thing. Which you won't get until the Doctor Who episode afterward."
"Oh, a double header -- that's good," Edgar said. "We're already doing a crossover for sweeps, but -- this could work."
"We'll put in some scene where the Doctor says We must stop meeting like this," Ellis suggested.
"From there it's pretty much your standard action sequence," Anna explained. "The Sycorax start actually appearing in Chicago, trying to find Jack, but now that he's got the pistol the timestream is righting itself and he's recovering. If they can get to the Hub there's an energy cannon they can fire at the Sycorax ship to destroy it."
"Except, of course, that one of them has gotten into the Hub," Richard said.
"How'd he get past Owen?" Edgar asked.
"Futuristic over-ride, locked him into a handful of systems."
"Uh-huh. So Owen's going crazy?"
"That's the beauty of it. The Sycorax guy is going to need backup, he knows this, so he starts looking for bodies to reanimate, because they deal in energy," Richard said.
Edgar got a gleam in his eye.
"That's how we get Owen back," he said. "Your Sycorax reanimates Owen and once the Sycorax are defeated by our plucky heroes they can zap Owen back out of the Hub and into his newly reanimated body."
"Fully charged and ready for use," Ellis smiled. "Told you they'd do well. Lethbridge and Rose get away and they hightail it out with the Doctor before anyone can catch him."
"And the stuff we don't know, that's all explained in the Who episode?" Edgar asked.
"Yeah, most of it. A few mysteries, just for kicks," Richard said.
"Well, let's have another beer, then you can lay that one on me."
***
DOCTOR WHO 1x10: THE UNQUIET DEAD
Christmas is Rose Tyler's favorite time of year, and the Doctor is determined to show her a proper Victorian Christmas in London. The only problem now is that there's a timeslip forming that the Doctor needs to prevent, Jack Harkness is stalking them, and ghosts are slipping through time to harass and terrify the population. Just your ordinary Christmas for the Doctor, really.
"It's actually really simple," Anna picked at the label of her beer bottle. "The pistol is the center of it all. Time is starting to unspool even before they encounter it, but because Jack's stalking the Doctor in London -- "
" -- where he's doing some undercover international work for Torchwood -- "
" -- he eventually has to team up with them to kill some monsters that have fallen through. He gives the Doctor his pistol and..."
"Time explodes," Edgar said. "Brilliant. So they have to take the pistol back to him to set time right."
"Magic," Ellis smiled. "Pure poetry."
"It'll knock 'em on their asses," Edgar agreed. He looked at the junior writers, saw them beaming but anxious. "Well, okay. Get on it. Work up the scripts amongst yourselves, have Ellis check them over when they're done for continuity. You'll get name billing on the episodes."
He stood up. "Good storytelling, but I'm tired. You three -- celebrate, finish up this beer if you can. I'm going to bed."
"Merry Christmas, Edgar," Ellis said, though Christmas was still months away. Edgar stopped in the door and winked at the kids.
"Merry Christmas. Now get to work."
***
TORCHWOOD 2x11: KISS KISS
Torchwood has begun to receive strange messages from the past, from a man named John Hart that Jack seems to be all too familiar with. Hart claims he can't reach them in the 21st century and he doesn't know why. Eventually they figure out a way to communicate -- after receiving a video-recorded letter, they leave a letter of their own in a safety-deposit box, which John Hart recovers in the future and then replies to by jumping back into the past. All this transit, however, might kill John Hart before he can provide the help Jack so desperately craves -- and with Owen still recovering from his time in the Hub, there's only so much they can do.
When Jack met them on the Plaza that morning, he was out of his usual uniform; instead he was standing with his hands shoved in the pockets of a sober brown pinstripe suit, and he was wearing a tie.
Tosh saw him first, as she and Ian dawdled their way towards the barricaded front facade of the old Torchwood El station. She nudged Ian.
"We should meet the mayor more often," she said.
"He cleans up well," Ian agreed.
"You know," Tosh said, "Don't take this the wrong way, but once in a while I look at Jack..."
"Hm?" Ian sipped his coffee, eyebrows raising to indicate she should continue.
"And he's so tall. I just kind of want to climb him."
She'd expected him to at least choke on his coffee, but he just finished swallowing, smiled at her, and said, "Bring rope."
Tosh burst out laughing as they reached Jack, who looked like he'd like to be told what the joke was but was far too cool ever to ask.
"Morning," he said, adjusting his tie.
"You look nice," Tosh said sincerely.
"I dress for the mayor," Jack replied. "It's an old tradition. Become sort of a joke really, over the years." His eyes clouded a little. "I dressed for his dad, too."
"Jesus Christ, get out of my way, cripple coming through," someone said, and they all turned to see Owen fighting his way down the sidewalk in a wheelchair, occasionally slamming one of the footrests into the leg of any passing pedestrians who didn't clear the way fast enough. He was hampered somewhat by the thin crust of snow still on the ground.
"Owen," Ian said impassively, as he approached. Ian had a way of making a poker face which indicated, without a twitch, that he was expending all his energy on not smiling vengefully.
"This is your fault," Owen said, skewing the chair to a stop and pointing at him. "You fried my goddamn nervous system."
"Admit it, Owen, you like the attention," Tosh replied. "You wouldn't keep shouting about it if you didn't."
"You know what I don't like? Being forced to relearn how to use my legs."
"Could be worse," Jack said. "Could have been permanent."
Ian's face said that suddenly Owen's wheelchair wasn't as funny as it had been a moment ago.
"Well, this is nice and gothic," said a new voice, and Gwen appeared, bundled in a huge waterproof parka. "It's like a painting called Misery on Daley Plaza. Where's Tommy?"
"Meeting us there," Tosh said. "He was running late."
Jack turned from the Torchwood station facade to gaze up at the City Hall building across the plaza. "Shall we?" he said, offering Gwen his arm.
When they reached the Mayor's office, Ian broke off from the rest of the group to locate the kitchen, and by the time they were invited into the inner sanctum he had a tray of hot drinks prepared. He handed them around while the mayor shook Jack's hand and inquired after Owen's health.
"I realise it's unusual to request the presence of the entire staff," he said, as a preamble, leaning against his desk rather than sitting behind it. "But I'd like a consultation on an...interesting piece of video footage we received two weeks ago."
He flicked on a television in the corner of the room; it was freeze-frame paused on an image of a newspaper. Daley held up an identical newspaper.
"This morning's paper," he said.
"And you got the tape two weeks ago?" Jack asked.
"It looks old," Tommy said. "Yellowing around the edges, faded newsprint."
"Is that all there is?" Jack asked.
"No," Daley said, and hit the play button.
The paper stayed in front of the camera for another few seconds before being tossed aside. A man stepped into the frame -- mid-thirties probably, with sharp high cheekbones and dark hair. Tosh could see Jack's back stiffen.
"This is Captain John Hart," the man said, his accent (not dissimilar to Jack's) sharpening the consonants. "This video recording is an attempt to reach a companion of mine. As you can see from the newspaper, which will become accurate two weeks after you receive this recording, I am speaking to you from the future."
"Jack?" Tosh asked softly. Jack shushed her, still staring hungrily at the screen.
"I am an agent of the Tri-System Time Agency, New London branch. My companion is a former Time Agent who may go by the designation of Captain. His last known alias was John Tiernan and my intel informs me that he is likely located in the Chicago area during this time period. Fortunate for me," the man, Captain Hart, added with a grin. "Because my intel also tells me that the Torchwood Institute's Chicago branch is still operational. I am speaking to you in the hopes that you will be able to contact the Torchwood Institute and pass this message on to them. I believe they may have the best chance of locating him."
He held up his arm and tapped a small mechanism inside a leather strap on his arm. Jack's hand darted to his own, secured around his left wrist. A small holographic projection appeared from Captain Hart's strap.
"This is Captain John Tiernan. Good luck. You'll find information on how to contact me contained with this recording."
Daley paused the footage again. The hologram was a man's face; hair slightly longer, but still unmistakeably Jack Harkness.
"My father trusted you implicitly," Daley said slowly, switching off the TV and ejecting the DVD, placing it in a black plastic case. "And I don't have any reason not to, Captain Harkness. As far as I'm concerned, the tape was turned over to Torchwood unwatched."
He held the case out to Jack, who took it with fingers that shook just slightly.
"Good luck making contact," the mayor added. "My secretary will show you out."
***
Transcript from the DVD Extras, Torchwood, Season Two: Interview With An Ex-Vampire.
James Marsters: It was a ton of fun doing the John Hart recordings -- it's hard because you're not talking to someone you can see, you're just talking to the camera, but that can be good too. When you get the right moment, when you have a character turn and look right at you through the TV screen, that's great stuff. And it's interesting to see because -- the further along he goes in the first episode, the sicker he gets while he tries to keep jumping back and forth over this barrier that the Rift has made around Jack Harkness. Which for me was just a lot of time in the makeup chair. But now you can string all the John Hart recordings together and see him slowly getting paler, bigger rings under his eyes. Yeah, I liked that. It was cool to actually get my own scenes in the second episode, but the recordings are a bigger kick to watch.
***
TORCHWOOD 2x12: BANG BANG
John Hart has finally managed to locate Jack Harkness, but in throwing the Rift open last year the Torchwood gang created a temporal bubble that John's time-travel device isn't strong enough to get through. Jack will do anything to make contact again, but Ian and Tosh are suspicious that John has only come to take their Captain away from them. When Tommy formulates a way to bring John Hart inside the barrier, Jack must choose between the home he's made on Earth or a galaxy of possibilities.
Edgar was going over artistic sketches with Mia -- Captain John's temporal bubble generator and the 51st Century Flashback scenes -- when Ellis walked into the room, holding a slim hardcover book. He cleared his throat and read aloud.
My old clock used to tell the time
and subdivide diurnity;
but now it's lost both hands and chime
and only tells eternity.
Edgar stilled, one finger extended over the drawing of the Time Agency front desk.
"What's that from?" he asked.
"It's a poem by Piet Hein called Out Of Time," Ellis replied.
"Well, we have to use it," Edgar said, breaking away from the desk and taking the book out of Ellis's hands.
"Yes, that was rather the thought."
"Can we fit it into episode twelve?"
"I don't know, I'm not certain where to crowbar it in, there." Ellis took a pen out of his pocket as Edgar reached for the working script.
"It's a little contemplative for the episode, but..."
"Oh well, we could put a quiet scene in, waiting for a letter to arrive."
"If we put him with Ian, we can reference it as part of the decision -- "
" -- to stay, of course."
Mia smiled, quietly rolled up her drawings, and left the room as the two men bent their heads over the script and began paging through it.
***
Excerpt from the shooting script for Episode 2x12: Bang Bang.
Story & Teleplay by: Ellis Graveworthy & Edgar van Scyoc
INT - IAN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
IAN is lying in bed, eyes open, facing the camera. Tight focus on his face.
JACK OS
There'll be another letter tomorrow morning. From John.
IAN
Mmh.
JACK OS
This time tomorrow he could be here, in our time.
IAN
And if he asks you to go back to yours? Will you?
JACK OS
Why, would you miss me?
IAN
Yep.
Beat. JACK's head is visible behind IAN's neck. IAN shifts to accomodate the embrace.
JACK
I left home a long time ago. What was my home. Maybe where I came from doesn't matter so much anymore.
IAN
I know you get lonely.
JACK
Going back wouldn't fix that, would it? I've lived too long here. And there wasn't much for me, there. He's said he can't fix me, so. I don't know yet.
[beat; teasingly, as if to cheer him]
My old clock used to tell the time / and subdivide diurnity; / but now it's lost both face and chime / and only tells eternity.
IAN
I'm sorry.
JACK
Don't be. I've seen the most amazing things, being here. Loved the most amazing people -- people I never would have met if I just stayed where I was. That, I wouldn't change. Not for worlds.
IAN turns his face up and kisses JACK; inbetween kisses:
IAN
Stay. Stay. Stay. Stay.
***
"There's just no way to do this," Edgar said, when Ellis picked up on the third ring.
"Have you seen the sun?" Ellis asked, which gave Edgar pause in the rant he was about to work up.
"Huh?"
"If you're calling me I assume it's during daylight hours, because only fools and bastards call me in the middle of the night," Ellis continued. "Especially when the middle of the night is four AM for you."
Edgar glanced at the clock. "I woke you up."
"Yes, Edgar, you woke me up."
Edgar considered matters.
"I wouldn't want to have woken you in vain," he said carefully, and heard an annoyed huff from Ellis.
"All right. What is it that you can't do?"
"Write this in a way that makes sense."
"Which script are you working on?"
"The ending for Bang Bang. There's no way anywhere to indicate that Ian and Tosh are right in thinking that John Hart's collecting Jack to take him back to the Agency for horrible experimentation."
Edgar tapped the fingers of his free hand on the laptop, waiting for Ellis to assemble his sleepy thoughts.
"Well, how concrete should we be? Leave it up to the viewer, pretend it was intentional."
"Yeah, but I want to at least indicate," Edgar complained.
"Fine, well, you have all this baseless suspicion of Hart floating round, in the minds of the team, and you've never really justified that, Edgar. have Ian suggest it or something. Get the team talking about it."
Edgar tilted his head. "That might work. It'll give the baseless suspicion some bite."
"There you are then." He could hear Ellis yawning around the last word. "Do you need me to hold your hand while you work it in?"
"No, I'll make some notes, finish it in the morning." Edgar hesitated. "How's work on the new Who going?"
"Moderately well. Lots of green screen, not really my forte. Apparently the epic underground traffic jam will look quite impressive once the CGI is done. I've spent most of my time doing edits on the three-parter."
"Are you tracking the edits? I want to see what you're thinking."
"You don't want to see what I'm thinking, Edgar, trust me. You only want to see what I'm writing."
"We should do a telepathy episode."
"Next year. Go amuse yourself. I'm going back to bed now," Ellis said.
"Sweet dreams, El."
"Die in a fire, Edgar."
Edgar laughed and hung up.
***
Excerpt from the shooting script for Episode 2x12: Bang Bang.
Story & Teleplay by: Ellis Graveworthy & Edgar van Scyoc
INT - HUB
GWEN, TOSH, and IAN are working at one of the computer terminals; in the background, JOHN and JACK are talking.
TOSH
Well, now that we've seen him in the flesh, what do we think of him?
IAN
He's short.
GWEN
You think he'll go back with Captain Hart?
IAN
Don't know. Don't think Jack knows.
GWEN
Would it be bad if he did? He's not meant to be here, not in this time, not permanently.
IAN looks up at her.
GWEN
You want him to be happy, don't you?
TOSH
I don't believe Captain Hart's come here now to take him home and live happily ever after.
BOTH look at her.
TOSH
Watch them. Hart won't go within three feet of Jack unless he has to. He wouldn't eat with us, won't take any coffee from you.
GWEN
You think he's planning something?
TOSH
Jack scares the hell out of him. Look, watch.
In the background, JACK claps JOHN on the shoulder; JOHN flinches. JACK appears not to notice.
TOSH
I think this Agency sent him to get Jack back.
GWEN
Why would they want Jack back so badly now?
TOSH
Maybe they wanted him back all along, but until now we didn't have the technology inside of Torchwood to create the second temporal bubble. Not until Tommy and me.
IAN
There are a lot of reasons an agency dealing in time travel would want to get their hands on an immortal.
GWEN
What do we do? You think Jack'll believe us?
IAN
Not me.
[They look at him; he tilts his head at JOHN]
Jack thinks I'm jealous.
TOSH
Are you?
IAN
My urge to strangle John Hart with my bare hands has nothing to do with Jack.
GWEN
Yeah, that sounds objective.
IAN
Jack belongs here. HE doesn't. He's an asshole, and he's messing around in time. He's making us mess around in time just so he can -- drag Jack away, or put him on the dissection table. Something.
TOSH
And he's trying to steal your boyfriend.
IAN
[quickly] He's not my boyfriend.
GWEN and TOSH look skeptical.
IAN
We don't -- call it -- it's not that formal. We're not like that. Me and Jack.
***
DOCTOR WHO 1x11: GRIDLOCK
The Doctor's attempts to teach Rose the basics of flying the TARDIS land them in the underbelly of New New York, where the gridlock is so bad that it can take years just to get from one city to the next. The population has become a group of barely-mobile car-campers, living in their futuristic automobiles and trying to get to a promised land where jobs and surface-level houses await. But the Doctor suspects that nobody is left on the surface of New New York, and that something much darker is controlling the news that comes out of the car holo-radios every morning...
Ellis didn't return to Chicago until after Bang Bang had wrapped, grabbing a week of leisure for himself while Doctor Who was on filming break so the CGI boys could work their magic. He snuck in so quietly that the studio didn't even know to send a car, and he ended up riding the El north to Edgar's shabby, red-brick condo in Lincoln Square. He showed up at a little past seven in the evening, with a bag slung over his shoulder and an ingratiating grin on his face.
It was pretty deep winter and porch-sitting, their usual summer pastime, had given way to Edgar attempting to prove he could start a log fire and Ellis, of course, mocking his efforts. When they finally managed to get the fire going, Edgar sat back on his heels and cocked an eyebrow at Ellis, who was watching the flames lick around the edge of the kindling.
"I don't know why you bothered coming down, actually," he said. "Did you know we weren't filming this week either?"
"It's not unreasonable to assume I missed Chicago," Ellis replied. He caught Edgar's dubious expression and smiled. "What, were you hoping I'd say I missed you?"
"Well, it wouldn't hurt," Edgar answered. "By the way, I thought you might like to look over the new -- "
He'd started to trail off when Ellis had leaned forward, but he didn't stop until Ellis was kissing him.
Well.
That was new.
Ellis leaned back. "I missed you."
"Uh," Edgar said.
"I had a good speech all done up about how, having finished work on a story where people who spend their whole lives in holding patterns break free and death is preferable to being locked up in a giant glass tank, I thought perhaps my subconscious was trying to tell me something, but, ah. Carpe diem," Ellis said, not quite meeting Edgar's eyes. "And of course I've no idea if you -- that is to say I know there have been women and men in your past -- "
Edgar cupped his hand over Ellis's mouth to stop him from continuing.
"I missed you too," he said. Ellis blinked once, slowly.
He took his hand away.
"Edgar, would you have dinner with me tomorrow night?" Ellis asked. Edgar glanced at the fire. He had dinner with Ellis all the time, they ate nearly every meal together when they were in the same zipcode, but he suspected Ellis was being discreet and he'd long known Ellis was easier in the symbolism of the act than he was in the speech of it. Which was weird, for a writer, but Ellis was weird.
And smart, and interesting, and always willing to go along with Edgar's insanity, and watching him carefully for a sign that this was okay, that they weren't going to screw up, that he hadn't already screwed up.
"Dinner. Yes," Edgar said.
"Grand," Ellis replied, and smiled.
***
DOCTOR WHO 1x12: SILENCE IN THE LIBRARY
The great library of the planet Alexandria has one of the most comprehensive collections of published books anywhere in the universe, stored in huge rooms which, like the TARDIS, are bigger on the inside. Past masters of the art of research, the librarians are famed across the galaxies for their knowledge -- but they have fallen mysteriously silent, and when the Doctor and his companions arrive on Alexandria they find the library deserted. Where have the librarians gone, and why are books suddenly disappearing?
From the Doctor Who Quotes File, a subdivision of The Unofficial Torchwood Fansite:
Doctor: Inside the library, the rooms could span continents. Nobody could walk from one end of the library to the other in a day, a week, a month...you can only access certain sections at certain times of day -- it goes in a ring, see? So only the central entry point is always in light. Staff will fetch books from the dark stacks, using the transporters, but sections open as others close, locks unfastening, doors closing behind you. With enough speed you could chase darkness around the ring. But see here...there came a point where the dark stacks didn't open, and the day-side stacks closed, and you can only run with daylight for so long.
Rose: What happened when they hit the locked doors, and the lights went out?
Doctor: What do you think, Rose?
Lethbridge: All this programming, all these thousands of years to get a bug or a little snare...code is fragile. A bracket where there should be a caret, a zero where a one should be...
Rose: And the artificial intelligence goes insane.
Lethbridge: Pull out the right brick and the whole building falls down.
Rose: So what do we do?
Lethbridge: I think it needs a reboot.
Doctor: What, jiggle the cord?
Lethbridge: Always worked for me in the past.
Doctor: Me too, come to think of it.
***
From Who's Talking, the official Doctor Who website:
The Alexandria Library Screensaver
Projects onto the screen the map of the Alexandria Library used in the Doctor Who episode "Silence in the Library". The screensaver can be set to loop repeatedly or on a user-designated count-down.
Related Links: Enter to win an original sketch of the Alexandria Library, signed by Artistic Director Mia Lee.
***
Author's Endnote: I didn't want to influence anyone or anything, but I think you will all be amused by the fact that I ran the manip of Lethbridge in a descent suit past![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
hija_paloma to see if it was decent. She replied that the only problem she had with it was the pose, which makes him look "like he just jerked off a Dalek."
Bet like 2/3 of you just scrolled back up to see for yourselves, huh.
Chapter 4
Rating: PG-13 (mainly for language)
Summary: Doctor who, gaining in its reputation as the Scariest Show on Television, brings stories of the first manned lunar landing and creatures who live in the darkness to the television, while Torchwood adapts to a team member without a body and Jack begins to face up to his past with the arrival of Captain John Hart. A Christmas Crossover brings the two shows together, and Edgar and Ellis face up to a few truths of their own.
Author's Notes: The book Ellis Graveworthy reads from is called Recycling Shakespeare, by Charles Marowitz. It was written yea these many years ago, and it is my secret belief that the internet term "wank" originated with someone who had read his works.
Chapter Three
DOCTOR WHO 1x07: THE IMPOSSIBLE PLANET
The Doctor, Rose, and Lethbridge land on a science station on a planet that shouldn't exist, in orbit around a black hole, staffed by a slave race overseen by a handful of humans, covered in strange alien writing that even the TARDIS can't translate. When the TARDIS falls victim to an earthquake that knocks it deep into the heart of the planet, the Doctor must lead a dangerous mission to retrieve it -- especially when it becomes their only chance of escape. But something is lurking deep inside the planet...
DOCTOR WHO 1x08: THE SATAN PIT
The TARDIS crew, along with the four surviving members of a science team stranded on a planet orbiting a black hole, are trapped deep under the surface. In order to reach the TARDIS they have to go forward, because there's no going back -- but there's something down there, in the dark, with the crew. Can the Doctor stop the Vashta Nerada before it's too late?
***
Transcript from the DVD Extras, Doctor Who, Season One: The Magic PDA:
Joe Flanigan, standing in the foreground in costume; Hayden Panettiere, not in costume, can sometimes be seen on the left of the screen, talking to a Production Assistant. On the right, Ellis Graveworthy is seated in a chair working on a script.
Joe: This. [Holds up prop PDA] This is Colonel Lethbridge's Magic PDA. I've had this for seven episodes now and the Colonel has taken all his notes on it and even tried to mail it to Torchwood. Dear diary, went to the Renaissance today. Two words for you: Chamber Pots.
Ellis: We wanted to get him an iPhone but they wanted to charge us to use the name.
Joe: Bastards!
Ellis: Bastards!
Joe: So, anyway, this is a -- where did we get this? I think van Scyoc donated it. [turns it over and pretends to read] Property of...E...van...S.
Hayden, offscreen: We're high class at Doctor Who!
Joe: Anyway, the Colonel's been putting it into pretty constant use for at least a couple of weeks, and he hasn't once had to charge it or change the batteries. It just goes on forever, like there's some kind of nuclear reactor in it or something. If I open it up, I'll die.
Ellis: No, that's not right. It has a charger.
Joe: Where does it have a charger?
Ellis: In the TARDIS console.
Joe: Yeah, in some [flails hands] imaginary world...
Ellis: No, really, the charger for it is in the TARDIS console. It's probably wired up and all.
Joe: Are you serious?
John Barrowman wanders past in an orange descent suit as Ellis gestures at the console to the right of where he's sitting. The camera swings around as Joe approaches the console like it might eat him. Camera zooms in. There's a PDA charger embedded in the set, next to a glued-down rubik's cube and a large metal lever.
Joe: THere it is! [gleeful] There's my PDA charger!
Ellis: [as Joe is already plugging the PDA into the charger] Go on, plug it in --
The PDA lights up and reads "SERVICE NOT FOUND". Joe and Ellis cheer ("Hey!" "Hooray!"). In the background, John shakes his head and laughs. Joe turns to the camera.
Joe: And that's the magic of television, boys and girls.
***
TORCHWOOD 2x08: BOOM TOWN
There's a new governor in the state of Illinois, and she has big plans for a nuclear power plant outside of Chicago. The only problem is that the new governor is an alien, and her plans include blowing the plant up to get the necessary kinetic energy to escape Earth. Torchwood finds it almost too easy to apprehend the intergalactic criminal -- but then must figure out what to do with her while they wait for her homeworld to send a retrieval ship. Meanwhile, Owen is adjusting to life as the man in the machine -- and the rest of the team is having to adjust to a Hub that suddenly answers them back.
Springfield didn't have great associations for anyone just at the moment -- the memory of Owen's collapse was too fresh in their minds -- but Gwen found herself riding along with Ian and Jack on the road south out of Chicago, headed for the state capital and the governor's office. Jack drummed his fingers on the wheel as he drove, and in the backseat Ian was sorting through paperwork, carefully assembling a binder of information.
"Meeting the governor," she said, grinning at Jack. "Kind of exciting, huh?"
"Eh," Jack replied. "Been there, done that. Love the uniform, though."
Gwen fingered the trim on her dress uniform. "Thanks. Weird to be in uniform again."
"We should have a Torchwood uniform. Ian -- "
"No," Ian called without looking up. Jack made a mock-unhappy face.
"He doesn't like the drive to Springfield," he said to Gwen. "Makes him cranky."
"It's like this whenever power changes hands," Ian said, still not looking up from his work. "That's why I like Daley. He grew up around all this, we've never had to explain anything to him. He just gets it."
Jack turned to Gwen, eyes flicking back to the road occasionally. "Whenever there's a significant shift in the power dynamics -- new governor, new senate majority leader -- new US president, come to think of it -- someone's got to go have a bit of a sit-down with them so that they understand the nature of Torchwood's existence. Especially when it's something to do with Illinois in specific."
"I'm still not exactly sure why you asked me to come along," Gwen said.
"Oh, didn't I say? You're the good cop. Literally, which is nicely fitting."
"And you're the bad cop?" Gwen asked.
"That's the idea. A little healthy fear of Torchwood never hurt anyone."
"So what's Ian?" Gwen asked, grinning at him in the rearview mirror.
"Eye candy," Ian replied. Jack chuckled.
"Three's a nice round number," he said. "Anyway, I need someone to -- "
"Jack." Owen's voice emerged from the car stereo speakers, making Gwen and Ian flinch.
"Yes, Owen," Jack called to the air, seemingly at ease while the other two exchanged nervous looks.
"Tommy's been brushing up on the Governor's dossier. Went a little further back into her history."
"And?"
"And she doesn't have one before the late nineties," Ian put in, as information began to scroll across the computer screen embedded in the back of Jack's seat.
"Also, he'd like you to know that she eats a macrobiotic diet exclusively," Owen put in. Images of broccoli and bowls of lentils began appearing on the front-seat computer monitors.
"What do you mean, she doesn't have a history?"
"It's like she just popped into existence," Ian said. "Owen, is this accurate?"
"Questioning my research?" Owen asked.
"Sorry, but just because you read it on the internet doesn't mean it's true."
"It's what I'm not reading on the internet. The dataload from inside the computer is pretty awesome, by the way."
"Yes, we're all very impressed with your processing speed," Jack said.
"What's it mean?" Gwen asked. "Does it matter that she eats healthy?"
"Aliens tend to be unable to handle food processed for humans," Jack said, jaw tightening. "Owen, can you cross-reference her diet with the database and narrow it to humanoid or shapeshifting races?"
"Can do. I'll hit you back in five."
"Hold on. Thirty seconds ago we were going to go scare the hell out of the governor," Gwen said. "Now all of a sudden she's an alien? She's a democrat!"
"I voted Green Party," Ian said absently.
***
From the Torchwood Quotes File, part of The Unofficial Torchwood Fansite:
The Torchwood Hub is hooked into the most advanced computer system in the world, an organic processor interfaced directly with twenty-first century technology. It can access any traffic or security camera in the country, flick through a thousand websites in the blink of an eye, manipulate information on a dozen different military and law-enforcement networks, take weather readings, convert visual and audio images into pure data, and control any device operated by a computer with a wireless transponder. It can alter the courses of satellites, intercept telephone calls and GPS transmissions, and control the data flow to millions. The one thing it can't do is touch. -- Owen HarperGovernor Blaine: They have the death penalty on my world.
Jack: Not my problem. They have it here, too.
Governor Blaine: You'd send me to my death, just like that?
Jack: Tomorrow morning, when the Slitheen prisoner ship arrives, I'll send you and I'll be smiling. Nobody messes with my city.
Governor Blaine: So you're my executioner.
Ian: Do you deserve death?
Governor Blaine: Does anyone?
Jack: When the reactor went down, the rift would have gone down with it. Energy waves like you wouldn't believe. It would have shaken the world to pieces. So forgive me for not shedding a tear over your execution.
Governor Blaine: You're quick to soak your hands in my blood, though. It's a long night until dawn...let's see how many of you can look me in the eye.
Owen: Ian. Ian. Ian. I'm bored. Ian. Ian.
Ian: [holds up a sheet of paper with "Buzz off, iWen" scrawled on it]
***
Sam's Three Things about Torchwood, 2.08: Boom Town
1. I was highly skeptical about Owen being turned into the Disembodied Voice du Jour, but I think they're handling it really well -- we're getting a full-on dose of his misery and confinement, but we're also seeing the flexible-minded Torchwood team teasing and needling him to get him to react. It's nice that he still has emotions, that he's in a machine but isn't actually a machine. I'll be interested to see how this subplot plays out, because it's fun now but it's a very character-limiting plot for Burn Gorman. I'm willing to bet that it doesn't last even until the end of the season before they find a way to bring him back. And my first reaction to Jack's remark about Owen always watching was AHAHAHA NAKED HIDE AND SEEK but on second thought, now we're going to get flooded with cheap and horrible hide and seek fanfics where Owen gets off on it somehow. Ack.
2. In case it wasn't evident that Ian now and forever pwns everyone and everything, his sad little "We're all going to die" after Owen announces he can remotely drive the car? Was awesome personified. Also, the real reason Jack took him to meet the governor is his SEKRIT MAFIA TIES. (Like paisley ties, only more violent.)
3. I love, love the conversation between Governor The Slitheen and Jack, when she's tempting him out to dinner. "Can you sit with a creature you're about to kill and take supper?" and of course Jack says yes, because Jack loves new experiences. I bet he eats at that insane molecular gastronomy place downtown where they have like, levitating desserts and stuff.
3a. OMG WTF SMITH AND WOLLENSKY, I've had dinner there! But not with aliens.
***
[ kinkocopier ] posted on fandom_wank at 9:35 AM: Did someone time how long that took?I'm pretty sure you could have used a stopwatch to measure how long it took Torchwood fandom to go from zero to wank over last night's episode.
SPOILER WARNING: I'm summarizing last night's episode. If you haven't seen it, go watch it. I'll still be here when you get back.
For those who aren't in the fandom, the episode was called "Boom Town" and was about an EVIL ALIEN POLITICIAN (what are the odds?) who wants to use a nuclear power plant to blow up Chicago. Needless to say, our heroes have to stop her. Here's the thing, though: Stopping the alien isn't the major plot. The major plot is that once they've stopped her they summon the SPACE POLICE to come take her to her homeworld where she's scheduled for execution. She manages to seem pretty pathetic and sympathy-worthy right around the middle part of the episode, then pulls a bitchface right at the end and nearly blows up the world again.
Reactions are mixed, but most people are no more or less wanky than usual. (Half of fandom spent the night sleeping with the lights on after Doctor Who.) Then whoisthedoc decides to make a post declaring HER THOUGHTS ON
Even this wouldn't have been a big deal, except she crossposted it to every goddamn community she's a member of.
Reactions to this are less mixed; the above links go to particularly good threads. Personal favorites:
I support the death penalty for wanky fans who think we care.
and
Hey, whoisthedoc, Ellis Graveworthy called. He'd like his soapbox back. He says you're ruining its street cred.
Eventually it devolves into burbling over whether "execution by vaporization" is cruel (there's pretty general consensus that it's unusual) and whether Ian shed a single emo tear over Governor Blaine's passing (answer: NO).
Edgar van Scyoc reads the comms. Five gets you ten he is weeping in his cornflakes this morning over his audience base being morons.
***
"What on earth are you doing?" Ellis Graveworthy asked, standing in the doorway of the writers' communal room.
"Taking constructive criticism," Edgar replied, reaching up to tape yet another printed page to the wall.
"Oh my god, you've gone mad, you're wallpapering our offices with spam."
"No! No. Do you know what a wank is?"
Silence from the doorway. Edgar looked over to find Ellis gazing at him steadily over the top of his glasses.
"Not that kind of wank! An internet wank."
Ellis's expression didn't change. Edgar set down the tape and rolled his eyes.
"It's a slang term on the internet for an argument that gets out of control."
"D'you know," Ellis said, walking into the room and studying the half of the wall already covered in scotch-taped paper, "I've had many arguments that have got out of control and I can't think of one that ended in masturbation. Actually, that could have been entertaining," he added absently, pulling a pen out of his pocket and beginning to correct the punctuation on the nearest page.
"No, like...when people start shouting rabidly at each other and saying stuff just to show how smart they are, that's called a wank."
"Ah. Like Marowitz."
"Who?"
"Philistine." Ellis capped the pen and took a book down from a nearby shelf, thumbing it open. He cleared his throat. "Intellectually speaking, when we say someone is wanking we usually mean he is indulging in personal ratiocination without direct reference to the subject at hand. Wanking implies working up a quantity of useful energy and then squandering it on personal satisfaction which, pleasurable as it may be to the wanker, does not fertilise any seed or benefit anyone else. The yardstick of successful wanking is the amount of notoriety your wanks will incite."
Edgar swallowed.
"Yeah, that's about it," he said. Ellis smiled down at the book.
"No idea is original, and no consensus of peoples exists without a root," he said, holding the book up and waggling it slightly. "Close your mouth, Edgar."
"Um," Edgar said, waving a hand at the paper. "So anyway, I printed out the good points and some of the interesting arguments."
Ellis opened the book again.
"The crowning success of a wanker is to transfer them into the minds of non-wankers who are dealing practically with material which the wanker deals with only pornographically. Now his theories must be either validated or nullified -- and, because this is a prospect as daunting as it is tantalising, the majority of wankers prefer to wank in private, and never wander into the public arena." He shut the book. "Don't become a testing ground for wankers, Edgar; I won't have you second-guessing my writers either. Take it all down and come have breakfast."
"You go ahead," Edgar managed. "I...need a few minutes."
Ellis shrugged, pressed the book into his hands, and disappeared down the corridor. Edgar sat down heavily.
Condescending intellectualism really shouldn't be so hot.
***
The second novel in the Torchwood series, "Hub", chronicles the thoughts and trials of Owen Harper, a man trapped in a machine. As an integrated program in the Hub, Owen has instantaneous access to any open network in the world -- but he can't help his team as a doctor or as a field agent, and he can't do anything to stop Toshiko from falling in love with someone who isn't just numbers and electricity -- but who might be more dangerous than any of the team imagines.
***
TORCHWOOD 2x09: MURDER IN THE PLAZA
When Ian trips over a body on his way across Daley Plaza one morning, the team decide to solve an old-fashioned murder with Torchwood style. Gwen returns to her old precinct to take over the case, but not everyone welcomes her back -- and suddenly solving this murder might be more important than she'd dreamed.
dark_hark wrote:
I loved the old-fashioned look of this episode and all the noir touches and the references to old golden age detectives, so I thought I'd make some icons. I don't know, do you think Gwen would make a good Sherlock Holmes? Maybe she Cares too much. Anyway, I hope you like them.
***
DOCTOR WHO 1x09: THE IDIOT'S LANTERN
The Doctor, Lethbridge, and Rose arrive in 1969, on the day before the launch of Apollo 11. Rose, who has never seen a lunar landing in her lifetime, is nonplussed; Lethbridge, who chose USPAT over offers from NASA, is excited to relive his youthful viewing of the liftoff. Hundreds of thousands of people will be watching the launch on television, but something inside the wires is trying to get out...trying to feed.
EXT - DAY - CAPE CANAVERAL
LETHBRIDGE, the DOCTOR, and ROSE are sitting in beach chairs, wearing sunglasses and surrounded by a crowd of eager onlookers, everyone focused in the direction of the Apollo 11 rocket about to take off. ROSE, in sunbathing kit, is rubbing suntan lotion on her arms. LETHBRIDGE is clutching a camera and looking geeky.
ROSE
God, could you be any more of a NASA dork?
LETHBRIDGE
Says the woman who can name every member of the original Survivor cast.
DOCTOR
Children.
ROSE
So what're you gonna do with The Wire? Is she gone for good?
DOCTOR
Stashed on a videotape. Just to be on the safe side, I'll use my unrivaled knowledge of trans temporal extirpation methods to neutralise the residual electronic pattern.
LETHBRIDGE
You're gonna tape over her?
DOCTOR
I'm doing it as we speak. When it's done you'll have a priceless betamax copy of the Apollo 11 launch.
ROSE
What, Star Trek wasn't available?
LETHBRIDGE
Hey, do you mind?
DOCTOR
Rose, can I ask you something?
ROSE
You can ask me a lot of things.
DOCTOR
You stepped in front of Magpie when I was going to shoot him.
ROSE
Lucky move. I couldn't see a thing.
DOCTOR
Why?
ROSE
Didn't have any eyes.
DOCTOR
Why'd you step in front of him?
ROSE
There wasn't any reason to shoot him. You were just angry. That's a dumb reason to kill someone.
DOCTOR and LETHBRIDGE both look at her, questioningly. She shrugs.
ROSE
I've seen the future. A little of it, anyway. I guess humans aren't going to get any nicer if we always pick shooting. You're supposed to be some wise old alien, you should set an example. If you're not going to do the right thing, I'll just make you do it.
DOCTOR
How do you mean?
ROSE
I'm going to be your conscience, Doctor. Whether you want it or not.
DOCTOR
Rose, I don't --
LETHBRIDGE
THERE IT GOES!
All three turn to look as the rocket lifts off in a glorious plume of fire and smoke. ROSE stares, stunned. The crowd explodes into unbridled cheers and applause.
LETHBRIDGE
[shouting]
There goes humanity. Reaching for the stars.
DOCTOR
[shouting back]
Good old humanity.
[glances at ROSE]
Always ready to surprise me.
Focus in tight on ROSE, her face transforming from shock to ecstasy as the sounds of the crowd fade away and we see the arch of the rocket's contrail reflected in her eyes.
Blackout.
***
TORCHWOOD 2x10: THE CHRISTMAS INVASION
As they prepare for Christmas the Torchwood team is surprised to find Jack sick -- none more so than Jack himself. There's no time for chicken soup, however; aliens are invading, and their ability to harness pure energy is unlike anything anyone's ever seen. With Jack out of commission it's up to his team to take care of business, or the Sycorax will take care of it for them. And then there's one very unusual Christmas guest to contend with...
It wasn't exactly rare for the writing teams of Torchwood and Doctor Who to be together in the same room at the same time, but it was infrequent enough that it did call for some celebration. Edgar had sprung for pizza and beer -- the good stuff, not the Craft Services stuff that some of the lower-paid members practically lived on -- and there was a general sense of good-feeling and camaraderie in the common room. Even the junior writers, who were supposed to be pitching ideas for Christmas episodes, looked relaxed.
"All right," Ellis said, somewhere around everyone's second beer. "Edgar, the children have a pitch for you. I've kept well out of it, but I think they will succeed on their own merits rather than fall on their faces."
Derek cleared his throat. "Should I stand up?"
"Not unless you really desire it," Ellis said, amused.
"Okay." Derek cleared his throat again. "What we want to do is a shot of Chicago, looking Christmasy -- the decorations on Navy Pier and the really ugly stuff they put on the El stations downtown. Ian's walking along from his El stop, and he enters the Hub. It's totally dark."
***
Excerpt from the shooting script for Episode 2x10: The Christmas Invasion
Story by: Derek Smith and Richard Allen
Teleplay by: Derek Smith, Anna Jackson, and Richard Allen
Directed by: Ellis Graveworthy
INT - HUB - MORNING
IAN enters a darkened HUB and pauses, eyes shifting back and forth. It's obviously unusual for the HUB to be completely shut down.
IAN
Jack? Owen?
No response. IAN flicks on the lights and discovers a bundle of blankets on the couch.
IAN
Jack. If you want a more comfortable bed...
He pulls the blankets back to reveal JACK, flushed and sweating, asleep but restless. IAN touches his forehead, then pulls back, panicked.
IAN
OWEN! OWEN, WHERE ARE YOU?
***
"Where is he?" Edgar asked, intrigued.
"He's in hibernation," Anna said. "There's a little bit of bickering as Ian switches on the computers and gets Owen up and running, Owen's talking about being shut down, something like...the equivalent of sleep?"
"There's nothing canonical to contradict it," Derek put in.
"Go ahead."
"We cut to Tommy's phone ringing. He answers -- "
"Ian, what fresh hell is this, morning wake-up calls?" Richard added, doing a decent imitation of Hiro.
***
IAN
Jack's sick and Owen can't do anything except measure his heat signatures.
OWEN
Thanks, Ian. Give him some asprin, it'll bring the fever down.
IAN
Are you sure?
OWEN
Of course I'm not sure!
TOMMY OS
Is that Owen?
IAN
Be quiet a minute. You're not sure, Owen?
OWEN
I've never treated an immortal for the flu before!
***
"Blah blah blah, cut to credits." Anna spread her hands on the table. "We come back to Jack obviously feeling better but not at full strength. Tommy's doing his best to doctor him up while Tosh and Gwen check the CCTV for anything that might have gotten into the Hub at night. They can't find anything but they do find a ship bound for Earth and some really weird energy readings."
"So, they figure out that the ship's going to arrive on Christmas day, and Ian volunteers to take Jack home while the rest of them start preparing for the arrival of whatever ship this is," Richard said.
Ellis glanced at Edgar, who was listening with a tilt of his head -- a good sign, an indicator that he was listening critically but also slowly being pulled into the story.
***
INT - IAN'S APARTMENT - DAY
IAN'S APARTMENT is small but clean, with large windows looking out on the street below. He manhandles JACK through the door and leans him against the counter while he sets down his things and puts a pot of coffee on. Snow is falling outside.
JACK
I don't get sick.
IAN
Well, you are.
JACK
No, I mean, I don't get sick.
IAN
Owen said --
JACK
Owen said I haven't been sick in five years, I'm telling you I haven't been sick in a hundred and fifty. I don't get sick.
IAN comes around and pulls JACK upright. He begins undressing him.
IAN
First time for everything.
JACK
Is it wrong that I'm enjoying this?
IAN looks at him.
IAN
The undressing, or being sick?
JACK
Both, but I meant being sick.
IAN leans him against the counter again and begins taking off his shoes.
JACK
Jesus, it's cold in here.
IAN
That's the fever. It's fine.
[as he pulls his socks off]
Well, it can be nice, being sick, I guess. It's an excuse not to have to do anything. License to be lazy.
JACK
I don't like being lazy.
IAN
I'd gathered something to that effect.
***
"So, he gets him into bed, and Jack very seriously tells him that this isn't the flu, it's time-sickness," Derek said.
"Oh, please, can we have a puking scene?" Edgar said.
"Puking might be good," Derek looked at the others for confirmation.
"I'm okay with puking," Anna agreed.
"The point is, we need to get across that the reason he's sick is that he's linked into...time as a whole," Richard said. "And there's some physical object that's slipped out of the timestream and is wreaking havoc. We can have Owen tracking strange weather patterns, maybe even strange economic patterns. Christmas craziness, you know?"
"We thought about having a montage," Derek said. "Sort of intercutting Ian looking after Jack and Jack being totally miserable with the others researching this ship that's coming. The ship itself gives off a lot of light, it's sort of crackling with energy, so people are starting to notice a new star."
"The Sycorax," Anna added. "That's what we're calling them."
"What do they want from Earth?" Edgar asked.
"Power. The slip in the timestream is centered in Chicago and it's putting out power, like the rift does. There are other ships too."
"But the Sycorax are really worrying because they've started scanning the city, and the scans tend to...destroy things."
"So Torchwood's fighting a losing battle?" Edgar said.
"And then," Anna leaned forward and grinned at Edgar. "The Doctor shows up."
***
EXT - DALEY PLAZA - DAY
The TARDIS appears on the plaza, in the shadow of the PICASSO SCULPTURE, fading in and out before finally solidifying. The door bursts open and the DOCTOR, LETHBRIDGE, and ROSE stumble out, laughing.
There is a series of clicking noises.
All three stop dead. Swing around to see TOSH, TOMMY, and GWEN holding guns on the trio.
GWEN
Stay right where you are.
LETHBRIDGE
Oh, for crying out loud.
TOSH
On your knees. Hands on your heads.
LETHBRIDGE and ROSE grudgingly obey. The DOCTOR just stares at them.
DOCTOR
You can't be serious.
TOMMY
We can do this the easy way or the hard way, Doctor.
The DOCTOR puts his hands on his hips. All three Torchwood agents aim at him.
DOCTOR
I am not kneeling so you three can feel like you're in control of the situation. You don't need to shoot us, we came looking for you and your Captain.
TOSH
Why are you looking for the Captain?
DOCTOR
That's between me and him.
[beat; sardonic]
We come in peace, Earthling. Take me to your leader.
***
"So they lock Lethbridge and Rose up in the cells and take the Doctor off to see Jack," Derek continued.
***
INT - HUB CELLS
LETHBRIDGE and ROSE are in two adjoining cells, each sitting on one side of their shared wall.
LETHBRIDGE
It's okay. The Doctor will get us out.
ROSE
The Doctor's at the mercy of these freaks.
OWEN
That's hardly nice.
Both start.
LETHBRIDGE
Who're you?
[turns to locate loudspeakers]
Where are you?
OWEN
Doctor Owen Harper. You're Colonel Gordon Lethbridge, USPAT, and that's Rose Tyler. Current status: Lethbridge, classified; Tyler, missing, presumed kidnapped.
LETHBRIDGE
Oh, you've got all the answers, huh?
OWEN
Yes, actually. I do.
LETHBRIDGE
Why don't you come down and talk to us in person?
ROSE
Try not to piss him off, Colonel.
OWEN
I would if I could. But I can't.
LETHBRIDGE
Oh yeah?
OWEN
Yes. I don't have a body.
ROSE
What?
OWEN
I am a human personality uploaded to the Hub supercomputer via alien technology. Technically I do have a body, but it's currently in cryogenic storage. I can access more data in a day than you could in an entire lifetime. I have emotions, higher reasoning capabilities, and an attitude. In short, I'm the perfect AI.
LETHBRIDGE
Bull.
A monitor in LETHBRIDGE's cell comes on. OWEN's speech appears as scrolling text on the monitor.
OWEN
Not so much. I'd be nice to me if I were you. I control the environmental programming for your area. I can make things very uncomfortable for the two of you.
ROSE
I told you not to piss him off!
***
"Why is the Doctor there?" Edgar asked, leaning forward raptly.
"That's what the audience is going to be asking," Ellis said. Edgar shot him a look. "No, honestly. Go on, Anna."
"They get the Doctor to Ian's apartment -- it'll be fun having everyone look around, I think it's the first time any of them have seen his place," Anna said. "The Doctor goes to see Jack in the bedroom, it'll be kind of touching, you know -- Captain, what's happened to you?"
"Meanwhile, Lethbridge is trying to give his PDA away again," Richard said.
***
INT - CELLS
LETHBRIDGE
[whispering]
Owen? Are you there? Can you hear me?
OWEN
[over the loudspeakers in LETHBRIDGE's cell only; infinitely weary:]
I'm always here. And I hear everything in the Hub.
LETHBRIDGE
Can Rose hear you?
OWEN
She's asleep.
LETHBRIDGE
You can tell?
OWEN
Yes.
LETHBRIDGE
Listen. I know Torchwood. You work with USPAT. I have information on the Doctor I need to get to USPAT headquarters. If I upload it to you, can you send it to them?
OWEN
I'm not letting you upload anything to me.
LETHBRIDGE
I don't suppose I could confound you into a perpetual loop with a logic problem.
OWEN
No, and I saw that episode of Star Trek, so don't try it.
LETHBRIDGE
Worth a shot.
***
"The Doctor has a pistol, which surprises everyone, but it's obviously an antique," Anna said.
"The Sycorax are still attacking, by the way, so Torchwood's freaking out a little."
"But he gives the pistol to Jack, and all of a sudden, tons of flashbacks," Richard said smugly. "Jumbled images, Jack in a long victorian coat, people running through dark streets, that kind of thing. Which you won't get until the Doctor Who episode afterward."
"Oh, a double header -- that's good," Edgar said. "We're already doing a crossover for sweeps, but -- this could work."
"We'll put in some scene where the Doctor says We must stop meeting like this," Ellis suggested.
"From there it's pretty much your standard action sequence," Anna explained. "The Sycorax start actually appearing in Chicago, trying to find Jack, but now that he's got the pistol the timestream is righting itself and he's recovering. If they can get to the Hub there's an energy cannon they can fire at the Sycorax ship to destroy it."
"Except, of course, that one of them has gotten into the Hub," Richard said.
"How'd he get past Owen?" Edgar asked.
"Futuristic over-ride, locked him into a handful of systems."
"Uh-huh. So Owen's going crazy?"
"That's the beauty of it. The Sycorax guy is going to need backup, he knows this, so he starts looking for bodies to reanimate, because they deal in energy," Richard said.
Edgar got a gleam in his eye.
"That's how we get Owen back," he said. "Your Sycorax reanimates Owen and once the Sycorax are defeated by our plucky heroes they can zap Owen back out of the Hub and into his newly reanimated body."
"Fully charged and ready for use," Ellis smiled. "Told you they'd do well. Lethbridge and Rose get away and they hightail it out with the Doctor before anyone can catch him."
"And the stuff we don't know, that's all explained in the Who episode?" Edgar asked.
"Yeah, most of it. A few mysteries, just for kicks," Richard said.
"Well, let's have another beer, then you can lay that one on me."
***
DOCTOR WHO 1x10: THE UNQUIET DEAD
Christmas is Rose Tyler's favorite time of year, and the Doctor is determined to show her a proper Victorian Christmas in London. The only problem now is that there's a timeslip forming that the Doctor needs to prevent, Jack Harkness is stalking them, and ghosts are slipping through time to harass and terrify the population. Just your ordinary Christmas for the Doctor, really.
"It's actually really simple," Anna picked at the label of her beer bottle. "The pistol is the center of it all. Time is starting to unspool even before they encounter it, but because Jack's stalking the Doctor in London -- "
" -- where he's doing some undercover international work for Torchwood -- "
" -- he eventually has to team up with them to kill some monsters that have fallen through. He gives the Doctor his pistol and..."
"Time explodes," Edgar said. "Brilliant. So they have to take the pistol back to him to set time right."
"Magic," Ellis smiled. "Pure poetry."
"It'll knock 'em on their asses," Edgar agreed. He looked at the junior writers, saw them beaming but anxious. "Well, okay. Get on it. Work up the scripts amongst yourselves, have Ellis check them over when they're done for continuity. You'll get name billing on the episodes."
He stood up. "Good storytelling, but I'm tired. You three -- celebrate, finish up this beer if you can. I'm going to bed."
"Merry Christmas, Edgar," Ellis said, though Christmas was still months away. Edgar stopped in the door and winked at the kids.
"Merry Christmas. Now get to work."
***
TORCHWOOD 2x11: KISS KISS
Torchwood has begun to receive strange messages from the past, from a man named John Hart that Jack seems to be all too familiar with. Hart claims he can't reach them in the 21st century and he doesn't know why. Eventually they figure out a way to communicate -- after receiving a video-recorded letter, they leave a letter of their own in a safety-deposit box, which John Hart recovers in the future and then replies to by jumping back into the past. All this transit, however, might kill John Hart before he can provide the help Jack so desperately craves -- and with Owen still recovering from his time in the Hub, there's only so much they can do.
When Jack met them on the Plaza that morning, he was out of his usual uniform; instead he was standing with his hands shoved in the pockets of a sober brown pinstripe suit, and he was wearing a tie.
Tosh saw him first, as she and Ian dawdled their way towards the barricaded front facade of the old Torchwood El station. She nudged Ian.
"We should meet the mayor more often," she said.
"He cleans up well," Ian agreed.
"You know," Tosh said, "Don't take this the wrong way, but once in a while I look at Jack..."
"Hm?" Ian sipped his coffee, eyebrows raising to indicate she should continue.
"And he's so tall. I just kind of want to climb him."
She'd expected him to at least choke on his coffee, but he just finished swallowing, smiled at her, and said, "Bring rope."
Tosh burst out laughing as they reached Jack, who looked like he'd like to be told what the joke was but was far too cool ever to ask.
"Morning," he said, adjusting his tie.
"You look nice," Tosh said sincerely.
"I dress for the mayor," Jack replied. "It's an old tradition. Become sort of a joke really, over the years." His eyes clouded a little. "I dressed for his dad, too."
"Jesus Christ, get out of my way, cripple coming through," someone said, and they all turned to see Owen fighting his way down the sidewalk in a wheelchair, occasionally slamming one of the footrests into the leg of any passing pedestrians who didn't clear the way fast enough. He was hampered somewhat by the thin crust of snow still on the ground.
"Owen," Ian said impassively, as he approached. Ian had a way of making a poker face which indicated, without a twitch, that he was expending all his energy on not smiling vengefully.
"This is your fault," Owen said, skewing the chair to a stop and pointing at him. "You fried my goddamn nervous system."
"Admit it, Owen, you like the attention," Tosh replied. "You wouldn't keep shouting about it if you didn't."
"You know what I don't like? Being forced to relearn how to use my legs."
"Could be worse," Jack said. "Could have been permanent."
Ian's face said that suddenly Owen's wheelchair wasn't as funny as it had been a moment ago.
"Well, this is nice and gothic," said a new voice, and Gwen appeared, bundled in a huge waterproof parka. "It's like a painting called Misery on Daley Plaza. Where's Tommy?"
"Meeting us there," Tosh said. "He was running late."
Jack turned from the Torchwood station facade to gaze up at the City Hall building across the plaza. "Shall we?" he said, offering Gwen his arm.
When they reached the Mayor's office, Ian broke off from the rest of the group to locate the kitchen, and by the time they were invited into the inner sanctum he had a tray of hot drinks prepared. He handed them around while the mayor shook Jack's hand and inquired after Owen's health.
"I realise it's unusual to request the presence of the entire staff," he said, as a preamble, leaning against his desk rather than sitting behind it. "But I'd like a consultation on an...interesting piece of video footage we received two weeks ago."
He flicked on a television in the corner of the room; it was freeze-frame paused on an image of a newspaper. Daley held up an identical newspaper.
"This morning's paper," he said.
"And you got the tape two weeks ago?" Jack asked.
"It looks old," Tommy said. "Yellowing around the edges, faded newsprint."
"Is that all there is?" Jack asked.
"No," Daley said, and hit the play button.
The paper stayed in front of the camera for another few seconds before being tossed aside. A man stepped into the frame -- mid-thirties probably, with sharp high cheekbones and dark hair. Tosh could see Jack's back stiffen.
"This is Captain John Hart," the man said, his accent (not dissimilar to Jack's) sharpening the consonants. "This video recording is an attempt to reach a companion of mine. As you can see from the newspaper, which will become accurate two weeks after you receive this recording, I am speaking to you from the future."
"Jack?" Tosh asked softly. Jack shushed her, still staring hungrily at the screen.
"I am an agent of the Tri-System Time Agency, New London branch. My companion is a former Time Agent who may go by the designation of Captain. His last known alias was John Tiernan and my intel informs me that he is likely located in the Chicago area during this time period. Fortunate for me," the man, Captain Hart, added with a grin. "Because my intel also tells me that the Torchwood Institute's Chicago branch is still operational. I am speaking to you in the hopes that you will be able to contact the Torchwood Institute and pass this message on to them. I believe they may have the best chance of locating him."
He held up his arm and tapped a small mechanism inside a leather strap on his arm. Jack's hand darted to his own, secured around his left wrist. A small holographic projection appeared from Captain Hart's strap.
"This is Captain John Tiernan. Good luck. You'll find information on how to contact me contained with this recording."
Daley paused the footage again. The hologram was a man's face; hair slightly longer, but still unmistakeably Jack Harkness.
"My father trusted you implicitly," Daley said slowly, switching off the TV and ejecting the DVD, placing it in a black plastic case. "And I don't have any reason not to, Captain Harkness. As far as I'm concerned, the tape was turned over to Torchwood unwatched."
He held the case out to Jack, who took it with fingers that shook just slightly.
"Good luck making contact," the mayor added. "My secretary will show you out."
***
Transcript from the DVD Extras, Torchwood, Season Two: Interview With An Ex-Vampire.
James Marsters: It was a ton of fun doing the John Hart recordings -- it's hard because you're not talking to someone you can see, you're just talking to the camera, but that can be good too. When you get the right moment, when you have a character turn and look right at you through the TV screen, that's great stuff. And it's interesting to see because -- the further along he goes in the first episode, the sicker he gets while he tries to keep jumping back and forth over this barrier that the Rift has made around Jack Harkness. Which for me was just a lot of time in the makeup chair. But now you can string all the John Hart recordings together and see him slowly getting paler, bigger rings under his eyes. Yeah, I liked that. It was cool to actually get my own scenes in the second episode, but the recordings are a bigger kick to watch.
***
TORCHWOOD 2x12: BANG BANG
John Hart has finally managed to locate Jack Harkness, but in throwing the Rift open last year the Torchwood gang created a temporal bubble that John's time-travel device isn't strong enough to get through. Jack will do anything to make contact again, but Ian and Tosh are suspicious that John has only come to take their Captain away from them. When Tommy formulates a way to bring John Hart inside the barrier, Jack must choose between the home he's made on Earth or a galaxy of possibilities.
Edgar was going over artistic sketches with Mia -- Captain John's temporal bubble generator and the 51st Century Flashback scenes -- when Ellis walked into the room, holding a slim hardcover book. He cleared his throat and read aloud.
My old clock used to tell the time
and subdivide diurnity;
but now it's lost both hands and chime
and only tells eternity.
Edgar stilled, one finger extended over the drawing of the Time Agency front desk.
"What's that from?" he asked.
"It's a poem by Piet Hein called Out Of Time," Ellis replied.
"Well, we have to use it," Edgar said, breaking away from the desk and taking the book out of Ellis's hands.
"Yes, that was rather the thought."
"Can we fit it into episode twelve?"
"I don't know, I'm not certain where to crowbar it in, there." Ellis took a pen out of his pocket as Edgar reached for the working script.
"It's a little contemplative for the episode, but..."
"Oh well, we could put a quiet scene in, waiting for a letter to arrive."
"If we put him with Ian, we can reference it as part of the decision -- "
" -- to stay, of course."
Mia smiled, quietly rolled up her drawings, and left the room as the two men bent their heads over the script and began paging through it.
***
Excerpt from the shooting script for Episode 2x12: Bang Bang.
Story & Teleplay by: Ellis Graveworthy & Edgar van Scyoc
INT - IAN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
IAN is lying in bed, eyes open, facing the camera. Tight focus on his face.
JACK OS
There'll be another letter tomorrow morning. From John.
IAN
Mmh.
JACK OS
This time tomorrow he could be here, in our time.
IAN
And if he asks you to go back to yours? Will you?
JACK OS
Why, would you miss me?
IAN
Yep.
Beat. JACK's head is visible behind IAN's neck. IAN shifts to accomodate the embrace.
JACK
I left home a long time ago. What was my home. Maybe where I came from doesn't matter so much anymore.
IAN
I know you get lonely.
JACK
Going back wouldn't fix that, would it? I've lived too long here. And there wasn't much for me, there. He's said he can't fix me, so. I don't know yet.
[beat; teasingly, as if to cheer him]
My old clock used to tell the time / and subdivide diurnity; / but now it's lost both face and chime / and only tells eternity.
IAN
I'm sorry.
JACK
Don't be. I've seen the most amazing things, being here. Loved the most amazing people -- people I never would have met if I just stayed where I was. That, I wouldn't change. Not for worlds.
IAN turns his face up and kisses JACK; inbetween kisses:
IAN
Stay. Stay. Stay. Stay.
***
"There's just no way to do this," Edgar said, when Ellis picked up on the third ring.
"Have you seen the sun?" Ellis asked, which gave Edgar pause in the rant he was about to work up.
"Huh?"
"If you're calling me I assume it's during daylight hours, because only fools and bastards call me in the middle of the night," Ellis continued. "Especially when the middle of the night is four AM for you."
Edgar glanced at the clock. "I woke you up."
"Yes, Edgar, you woke me up."
Edgar considered matters.
"I wouldn't want to have woken you in vain," he said carefully, and heard an annoyed huff from Ellis.
"All right. What is it that you can't do?"
"Write this in a way that makes sense."
"Which script are you working on?"
"The ending for Bang Bang. There's no way anywhere to indicate that Ian and Tosh are right in thinking that John Hart's collecting Jack to take him back to the Agency for horrible experimentation."
Edgar tapped the fingers of his free hand on the laptop, waiting for Ellis to assemble his sleepy thoughts.
"Well, how concrete should we be? Leave it up to the viewer, pretend it was intentional."
"Yeah, but I want to at least indicate," Edgar complained.
"Fine, well, you have all this baseless suspicion of Hart floating round, in the minds of the team, and you've never really justified that, Edgar. have Ian suggest it or something. Get the team talking about it."
Edgar tilted his head. "That might work. It'll give the baseless suspicion some bite."
"There you are then." He could hear Ellis yawning around the last word. "Do you need me to hold your hand while you work it in?"
"No, I'll make some notes, finish it in the morning." Edgar hesitated. "How's work on the new Who going?"
"Moderately well. Lots of green screen, not really my forte. Apparently the epic underground traffic jam will look quite impressive once the CGI is done. I've spent most of my time doing edits on the three-parter."
"Are you tracking the edits? I want to see what you're thinking."
"You don't want to see what I'm thinking, Edgar, trust me. You only want to see what I'm writing."
"We should do a telepathy episode."
"Next year. Go amuse yourself. I'm going back to bed now," Ellis said.
"Sweet dreams, El."
"Die in a fire, Edgar."
Edgar laughed and hung up.
***
Excerpt from the shooting script for Episode 2x12: Bang Bang.
Story & Teleplay by: Ellis Graveworthy & Edgar van Scyoc
INT - HUB
GWEN, TOSH, and IAN are working at one of the computer terminals; in the background, JOHN and JACK are talking.
TOSH
Well, now that we've seen him in the flesh, what do we think of him?
IAN
He's short.
GWEN
You think he'll go back with Captain Hart?
IAN
Don't know. Don't think Jack knows.
GWEN
Would it be bad if he did? He's not meant to be here, not in this time, not permanently.
IAN looks up at her.
GWEN
You want him to be happy, don't you?
TOSH
I don't believe Captain Hart's come here now to take him home and live happily ever after.
BOTH look at her.
TOSH
Watch them. Hart won't go within three feet of Jack unless he has to. He wouldn't eat with us, won't take any coffee from you.
GWEN
You think he's planning something?
TOSH
Jack scares the hell out of him. Look, watch.
In the background, JACK claps JOHN on the shoulder; JOHN flinches. JACK appears not to notice.
TOSH
I think this Agency sent him to get Jack back.
GWEN
Why would they want Jack back so badly now?
TOSH
Maybe they wanted him back all along, but until now we didn't have the technology inside of Torchwood to create the second temporal bubble. Not until Tommy and me.
IAN
There are a lot of reasons an agency dealing in time travel would want to get their hands on an immortal.
GWEN
What do we do? You think Jack'll believe us?
IAN
Not me.
[They look at him; he tilts his head at JOHN]
Jack thinks I'm jealous.
TOSH
Are you?
IAN
My urge to strangle John Hart with my bare hands has nothing to do with Jack.
GWEN
Yeah, that sounds objective.
IAN
Jack belongs here. HE doesn't. He's an asshole, and he's messing around in time. He's making us mess around in time just so he can -- drag Jack away, or put him on the dissection table. Something.
TOSH
And he's trying to steal your boyfriend.
IAN
[quickly] He's not my boyfriend.
GWEN and TOSH look skeptical.
IAN
We don't -- call it -- it's not that formal. We're not like that. Me and Jack.
***
DOCTOR WHO 1x11: GRIDLOCK
The Doctor's attempts to teach Rose the basics of flying the TARDIS land them in the underbelly of New New York, where the gridlock is so bad that it can take years just to get from one city to the next. The population has become a group of barely-mobile car-campers, living in their futuristic automobiles and trying to get to a promised land where jobs and surface-level houses await. But the Doctor suspects that nobody is left on the surface of New New York, and that something much darker is controlling the news that comes out of the car holo-radios every morning...
Ellis didn't return to Chicago until after Bang Bang had wrapped, grabbing a week of leisure for himself while Doctor Who was on filming break so the CGI boys could work their magic. He snuck in so quietly that the studio didn't even know to send a car, and he ended up riding the El north to Edgar's shabby, red-brick condo in Lincoln Square. He showed up at a little past seven in the evening, with a bag slung over his shoulder and an ingratiating grin on his face.
It was pretty deep winter and porch-sitting, their usual summer pastime, had given way to Edgar attempting to prove he could start a log fire and Ellis, of course, mocking his efforts. When they finally managed to get the fire going, Edgar sat back on his heels and cocked an eyebrow at Ellis, who was watching the flames lick around the edge of the kindling.
"I don't know why you bothered coming down, actually," he said. "Did you know we weren't filming this week either?"
"It's not unreasonable to assume I missed Chicago," Ellis replied. He caught Edgar's dubious expression and smiled. "What, were you hoping I'd say I missed you?"
"Well, it wouldn't hurt," Edgar answered. "By the way, I thought you might like to look over the new -- "
He'd started to trail off when Ellis had leaned forward, but he didn't stop until Ellis was kissing him.
Well.
That was new.
Ellis leaned back. "I missed you."
"Uh," Edgar said.
"I had a good speech all done up about how, having finished work on a story where people who spend their whole lives in holding patterns break free and death is preferable to being locked up in a giant glass tank, I thought perhaps my subconscious was trying to tell me something, but, ah. Carpe diem," Ellis said, not quite meeting Edgar's eyes. "And of course I've no idea if you -- that is to say I know there have been women and men in your past -- "
Edgar cupped his hand over Ellis's mouth to stop him from continuing.
"I missed you too," he said. Ellis blinked once, slowly.
He took his hand away.
"Edgar, would you have dinner with me tomorrow night?" Ellis asked. Edgar glanced at the fire. He had dinner with Ellis all the time, they ate nearly every meal together when they were in the same zipcode, but he suspected Ellis was being discreet and he'd long known Ellis was easier in the symbolism of the act than he was in the speech of it. Which was weird, for a writer, but Ellis was weird.
And smart, and interesting, and always willing to go along with Edgar's insanity, and watching him carefully for a sign that this was okay, that they weren't going to screw up, that he hadn't already screwed up.
"Dinner. Yes," Edgar said.
"Grand," Ellis replied, and smiled.
***
DOCTOR WHO 1x12: SILENCE IN THE LIBRARY
The great library of the planet Alexandria has one of the most comprehensive collections of published books anywhere in the universe, stored in huge rooms which, like the TARDIS, are bigger on the inside. Past masters of the art of research, the librarians are famed across the galaxies for their knowledge -- but they have fallen mysteriously silent, and when the Doctor and his companions arrive on Alexandria they find the library deserted. Where have the librarians gone, and why are books suddenly disappearing?
From the Doctor Who Quotes File, a subdivision of The Unofficial Torchwood Fansite:
Doctor: Inside the library, the rooms could span continents. Nobody could walk from one end of the library to the other in a day, a week, a month...you can only access certain sections at certain times of day -- it goes in a ring, see? So only the central entry point is always in light. Staff will fetch books from the dark stacks, using the transporters, but sections open as others close, locks unfastening, doors closing behind you. With enough speed you could chase darkness around the ring. But see here...there came a point where the dark stacks didn't open, and the day-side stacks closed, and you can only run with daylight for so long.
Rose: What happened when they hit the locked doors, and the lights went out?
Doctor: What do you think, Rose?
Lethbridge: All this programming, all these thousands of years to get a bug or a little snare...code is fragile. A bracket where there should be a caret, a zero where a one should be...
Rose: And the artificial intelligence goes insane.
Lethbridge: Pull out the right brick and the whole building falls down.
Rose: So what do we do?
Lethbridge: I think it needs a reboot.
Doctor: What, jiggle the cord?
Lethbridge: Always worked for me in the past.
Doctor: Me too, come to think of it.
***
From Who's Talking, the official Doctor Who website:
The Alexandria Library Screensaver
Projects onto the screen the map of the Alexandria Library used in the Doctor Who episode "Silence in the Library". The screensaver can be set to loop repeatedly or on a user-designated count-down.
Related Links: Enter to win an original sketch of the Alexandria Library, signed by Artistic Director Mia Lee.
***
Author's Endnote: I didn't want to influence anyone or anything, but I think you will all be amused by the fact that I ran the manip of Lethbridge in a descent suit past
hija_paloma to see if it was decent. She replied that the only problem she had with it was the pose, which makes him look "like he just jerked off a Dalek."Bet like 2/3 of you just scrolled back up to see for yourselves, huh.
Chapter 4
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Hahahahaha, yes, I did! No shame here!
Also, I am delighted to get some Edgar/Ellis. I was hoping for it.
It's weird trying to get the voices right in my mind. It's so much easier to have Barrowman as the Doctor than Tennant as Jack, even when I stop and reread sections over again with the voice very much in mind.
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Many people have said that they have no problem with Barrowman as the Doctor but Tennant as Jack gives them trouble. I think it's because we're used to different people playing the Doctor :)
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The dialogue at the Nasa launch was brilliant too.
John Hart... interesting.
iWen LOL, ended much better than I thought it would.
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*delurk*
I keep trying to click on the "links". And getting disappointed that they aren't actually links, only pretend.
(I scrolled up. \o/)
Re: *delurk*
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hahaha, favoritest line EVER! ;D
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ETA: BTW, who are Edgar and Ellis, in your head? I think Ellis is probably Tony Head...
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In the first Torchwood America I cast Edgar as Alexis Denisof (Wesley on Buffy) and Ellis as Tony Head, yes. Although usually Ellis is played by Donald Sutherland.
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I also squee'd when Ellis kissed Edgar. My new OTP. SRSLY. I love this fic too much. LOL.
One of my favourite bits was the rewrite of the Jack/Ian kiss scene.
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I love the Edgar/Ellis, and squeed over the working in of Ross (especially played by Gareth David Lloyd, which is just funny), and the fic of the fic, and all the ridiculously circular whatsits, and the modifications of original episodes and their transferring between shows, and yay.
Also, it just occurred to me to wonder, what was the first thing you wrote Ellis in, and how did he wind up migrating so much?
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[One minor typo: you have an 'IANTO' instead of an 'IAN' in the 'Stay. Stay. Stay. Stay.' transcript between him and Jack. Which, by the way, broke my heart.]
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And I really liked Owen during his time as an AI with attitude. Yay for crossovers, too. Excellent time paradox.
I did think, though, that something to do with Illinois in specific. should be "in particular" or "specifically". Is "is specific" a regional phrasing I've just not encountered before?
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And if he asks you to go back to yours? Will you?
JACK OS
Why, would you miss me?
IANTO
Yep.
Slipping back into cannon for a moment, eh?
By the way, this--I can't call it a fic, it's just.. too much to be labeled as such, so I will call it a 'project'--is completely and totally awesome. Although I admit to having trouble keeping the actors and voices correct in my head without slipping back to cannon. David as Jack and John as the Doctor are probably the worst to keep straight for me--I can't imagine how you keep them straight.
Also, Edgar/Ellis FTW.
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-proudly part of the 2/3- YES.
The Christmas Invasion. Sam. I shouldn't be surprised, given the moebius meta, but I am. You came up with the plot. Then you took the plot and made up the people coming up with the plot and had them pitch it to Edgar. HOW? Just HOW?
Vaguely disappointed with the lack of Ross; extraordinarly amused by AI!Owen; I will miss the mixture of I-know-everything and snark. Come to think of it, Owen and Ian would/should have totally pissed each other off during that time, trying to outdo one another in knowledge... :D
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(Anonymous) 2011-03-31 10:15 pm (UTC)(link)...Ellis is from New Jersey? Oh dear, suddenly I'm so conflicted. I liked him better as a quirky Brit, but the only people I've ever heard use this phrase are from north NJ, and they claim to be the originators of the phrase. I believe them- it's got the not-mincing-words quality I associate with that state.
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