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sam_storyteller ([personal profile] sam_storyteller) wrote2005-07-18 12:40 pm
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I Make No Promises As To Historical Veracity

Title: I Make No Promises As To Historical Veracity
Rating: PG
Summary: Ianto copes by inventing the coffee machine. Gwen copes by crossdressing. Shortfic.
Notes: Written in response to [livejournal.com profile] rm posting a steampunky coffeemaker and demanding a Torchwood steampunk AU. Which is not really AU so much as an unexplored branch, really. The original comment is on that post, this is the expanded and enhanced version.
Warnings: None.

Now a podfic by [livejournal.com profile] dreamwaffles!

Originally posted 5.16.09

Also available at AO3!

***

The workbench in the tiny flat filled most of one end of the sitting-room. Gwen wasn't sure where he'd acquired it, but Ianto had his secrets and ways. It made her feel a little like she was back in the Sherlock Holmes stories she'd read as a child, though she was by no means certain that either of them were Sherlock Holmes. A pair of Watsons, getting through as best they could, she supposed.

The flat served their needs, anyway, and the rent was cheap. Two bedrooms, a sitting room, meals fixed by the wife of the landlord and not unappetising, if a little heavier than they were used to.

Ianto was bent over the broad wooden table, working busily away. Most days when she came off shift -- was it a week now? Two? -- he would still be at work, but she'd pulled the short straw for an overnight. She counted back, and realised it was the first time she'd seen him in nearly three days.

"What are you doing?" she asked, as he fitted a piece of piping to a glass beaker. Ianto merely lifted his head from the workbench and gave her a nod of greeting before turning back to his work.

"I have decided that I am not," he said, returning to where he was adjusting strange dials, "going to be stuck in the nineteenth century without proper coffee. I can cope with the mediocre food and the intolerable hygiene, but not without coffee. Not anymore!"

"Where can you get the -- "

"Beau Brummel!" Ianto continued, wrathfully, screwing a clamp shut over a beaker. "He may have inspired generations of male fashion but have you encountered the man?"

"No, but Iant -- "

"Because I have! He came into the shop yesterday. He's repulsive and backwards. This whole century can kiss my arse. I'm building a teasmade next. And if I can get the right chemicals, a proper refrigerator. And a stun gun," he added thoughtfully.

"But what about the beans?" Gwen asked.

"Beans?" Ianto turned to look at her blankly.

"Coffee beans."

"Oh," he waved a hand. "They import them. They're not complete savages. Only mostly. Jack had better find us and get us back through the Rift soon," he added. Then he paused. "Sorry. How was your night? Anything interesting happen?"

"Well, I went out for breakfast and George Sand invited me to dinner," Gwen said slowly. "She was having breakfast too."

Ianto raised his head slowly and turned to regard her. She shifted uneasily from foot to foot, cursing the uncomfortable police boots she was wearing.

"I think it was in the spirit of transvestite solidarity," she said.

"Well. Erm. You do look brilliant in that uniform," Ianto offered. Something hissed and spat deep in the bowels of the coffee machine he was building. "And in another few days you can ask her to have coffee with us. How's the job?"

"Coppering is coppering," Gwen shrugged, then caught his meaning. "Oh! No, nobody's figured out I'm a woman yet. Except Sand. What...about you?"

"Tailoring is tailoring, I suppose," he replied, but he muttered "Stupid Beau Brummel" under his breath. "I tidied the flat, by the way, and I'm almost done with your waistcoat and trousers."

He turned back to his work but didn't actually start working; instead he paused, then slowly straightened and looked at her.

"Wait. Does this make me the wife?" he asked finally.

Gwen grinned and kissed him on the cheek. "But you're such a good wife, Ianto."

[identity profile] hab318princess.livejournal.com 2009-05-17 05:58 pm (UTC)(link)
Loved Ianto's question,

great idea *grins*

[identity profile] emmelinep.livejournal.com 2009-05-17 06:18 pm (UTC)(link)
I love it, especially how Ianto is working as a tailor. this would make an amazing series.

[identity profile] silverkit.livejournal.com 2009-05-17 09:36 pm (UTC)(link)
LOL! Oh Gwen the cross-dressing cop! I ADORE this!



"Wait. Does this make me the wife?" he asked finally.

Gwen grinned and kissed him on the cheek. "But you're such a good wife, Ianto."


And this bit! Hehehe!

[identity profile] fiwen1010.livejournal.com 2009-05-18 05:20 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh how brilliant! Absolutely love it. I have little to no idea of the context, but it still works wonderfully
Gxxx

[identity profile] rose71.livejournal.com 2009-05-18 11:17 pm (UTC)(link)
Love the Gwen/Ianto interaction, but the wild mix of 19th-century references stole my heart! I would love to see a Brummell/Ianto snark-off, as well as a Gwen/Sand transvestite tea. More please?

(Err, sorry, I'm a lazy lurker--I've been loving your fics for months without commenting--but on the positive side I'm a 19th-century literature fanatic...)

[identity profile] sam-storyteller.livejournal.com 2009-05-19 01:23 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you! I'm thinking about more still, hoping to do some...:D And welcome, lurker! Glad you've been enjoying the fics.

[identity profile] misswinterhill.livejournal.com 2009-05-19 08:35 am (UTC)(link)
I really enjoyed this. It made me think of the NA Who/Sherlock Holmes crossover All Consuming Fire in a good way... now I want Gwen in drag to meet Benny in drag! I loved Ianto's creating machines to make his life easier, and Gwen's interacting with others to find her place. Thanks for posting it :)

[identity profile] sam-storyteller.livejournal.com 2009-05-19 01:18 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks!

And ooh, Who/Holmes. I was about to demand a link and then I saw NA -- that's New Adventures, the novel tie-ins, yes? I shall have to find me a copy :)

[identity profile] misswinterhill.livejournal.com 2009-05-19 09:10 pm (UTC)(link)
You shall, because it's very fun! Benny crossdresses, Watson freaks out, and they all go to India to find some rakshasa :)

http://www.drwhoguide.com/whona27p.htm - the prelude to the novel is online. And the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All-Consuming_Fire wikipedia page does a better summary than I could.

[identity profile] true-masquerade.livejournal.com 2009-05-21 01:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Heh, of course Ianto wants a stun gun!

Like all your writing, this is funny and insightful and perfect in its details.

[identity profile] sam-storyteller.livejournal.com 2009-05-21 01:25 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you! :)
ext_46426: (JBHee)

[identity profile] et-muse.livejournal.com 2009-05-22 08:42 am (UTC)(link)
*hee* - the last line made me giggle, not just for the reference, but because it is so TRUE - Ianto would make one hell of a good wife (if he wanted to).

[identity profile] i-louvre-art.livejournal.com 2009-05-22 06:39 pm (UTC)(link)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Thank you! It's a million degrees where I am and this just made my life a little cooler.

[identity profile] be-a-rebel.livejournal.com 2009-05-31 10:55 am (UTC)(link)
"Wait. Does this make me the wife?" he asked finally.

Gwen grinned and kissed him on the cheek. "But you're such a good wife, Ianto."


Ah, the adorable-ness of a moment between Ianto and Gwen. I hate that there weren't more scenes with these two in the show. Probably s3 will change that.

[identity profile] daemonluna.livejournal.com 2009-06-01 05:28 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, this is awesome! I love their disparate coping mechanisms, and the last line was perfect.

[identity profile] bugeyedmonster.livejournal.com 2009-06-03 01:56 am (UTC)(link)
Loved it! Is there more?

[identity profile] sam-storyteller.livejournal.com 2009-06-03 03:41 am (UTC)(link)
Nope, no more....yet :D

[identity profile] mmekat.livejournal.com 2009-06-19 04:20 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh that was brilliant. And now I'm stuck with a most inappropriate case of the giggles.

In the interest of furthering the cause of everyone living like a victorian mad scientist, I humbly submit this: http://coffee-snob.com/product_info.php?products_id=28

Ianto does make a good wife

[identity profile] hohaiyee.livejournal.com 2009-08-17 09:08 pm (UTC)(link)
For some reason, I image Rhett Butler telling him this...because Clark Gable had a wife he loved deeply before her untimely death, and she was the sort of wife that took up hunting with him.
mtgat: (Baby Ianto Coffee)

[personal profile] mtgat 2009-09-20 12:37 am (UTC)(link)
So very perfect.
pi: (Default)

[personal profile] pi 2009-10-06 07:15 pm (UTC)(link)
So this may seem an odd question, but I was wondering if I could post a recording this to Amplificathon. You see, a bunch of friends and I got together and wound up reading fanfic aloud because that's what you do at a sleepover, anyways we recorded it since it's always so much fun. I'd be happy to cite you as the author, or let you listen to the recording before we post it. It's basically a normal podfic but with laugh track included. Either way your story lead to a wonderful evening, so thank you. Hope to hear from you soon!

[identity profile] brightly-woven.livejournal.com 2010-03-29 02:06 am (UTC)(link)
I want them to meet Jane Austen doing something totally LOL-arious. But she's probably an invalid at this point, eh? Oh well, you are not guaranteeing historical veracity anyway, so...???

;)
petra: A beaming White woman in Victorian-era drag (Kitty Butler - Drag is fun)

[personal profile] petra 2011-04-21 04:26 pm (UTC)(link)
George Sand alone made this worth reading. <3
cantarina: donna noble in a paper crown, looking thoughtful (Default)

[personal profile] cantarina 2012-09-22 08:00 pm (UTC)(link)
Off in a happy place imagining Gwen and Sand's adventures! GUH, that is too much badass in one place.

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