sam_storyteller: (Default)
sam_storyteller ([personal profile] sam_storyteller) wrote2005-07-18 11:30 am
Entry tags:

Manchild; Torchwood, G

Title: Manchild
Rating: G
Summary: "So we made a new rule: if you shoot the Captain you buy dinner."
Warnings: None.

Now a podfic by [livejournal.com profile] dreamwaffles!

Also available at AO3.

Originally posted 5.31.08

***

"Mrrfn," Ianto said. "That was his name, I believe."

"Mrrfn?" Gwen asked, adding sauce to her rice. "How's that spelled?"

"Em double arr eff enn," Ianto said, pretending not to notice when Jack stole a clump of noodles from his plate. "I think we finally decided he came from a race that didn't construct words the same way we did."

"So this Mrrfn tied up Tosh and Owen," Jack said.

"To an antique," Ianto added.

"To a fake antique," Jack corrected. "Replica of a priceless Ataxian riverglass ornamental...thing."

"Why was he on Earth in the first place?" Gwen asked, as the waiter brought another bottle of sake.

"He was using it as an off-market smuggling base," Tosh said. "Tidy little scam, really. Selling offworld on Earth's okay because there aren't any tariffs since it's all black market."

"Well, he thought it was okay," Owen said.

"I miss the best stuff when I go on holiday," Gwen sighed.

"Well, you'll only go on one honeymoon. Presumably," Ianto said.

"Oh now, wait for it, it's very James Bond," Jack continued. "Owen and Tosh are tied up, so I go barreling down the corridor after him, gun drawn."

"I'm behind him, but there's all this smoke," Ianto added.

"And out of nowhere suddenly this guy pops up with a knife and he's got a gun in my back and a knife to my throat and then Ianto decides to get cocky," Jack said.

"It wasn't cocky," Ianto answered, wiping his mouth before sipping his drink. "Cocky would be running down a narrow hall to a dead end and expecting not to get taken hostage."

"So there's me, knife here, gun in my back, and there's Ianto, who can't get a clean shot and anyway is being yelled at to put the gun down."

"I believe his precise words were, Put the gun down, I'm not kidding, I'll do your Captain," Ianto said. "Droll, I thought."

"What did he call you?" Jack asked, eyes alight.

"I don't recall."

"Oh that's right. Insolent manchild," Jack crowed. Gwen tried not to giggle. "Ianto's got his gun out and this alien smuggler is shouting about doing his boss, and Ianto just says to me, Jack? Is it all right?" Jack paused to swallow his food. "And I say, it's okay, I don't mind, and Mrrfn says, Oh, isn't that sweet. Saying goodbye? and Ianto says..." Jack gestures with his chopsticks for Ianto to finish the story.

"No, asking permission," Ianto said, a wide and cheerful smile on his face. Owen and Tosh cracked up laughing.

"And then he shoots me, in the head," Jack laughed. "Right through, so that it hits Mrrfn in the head too, which probably wouldn't have killed him except that the head is where that species keeps their cardiovascular organ."

"Blood everywhere," Ianto said. "I had to mop it up after I'd done untying Owen and Tosh."

"Asking permission," Jack muttered, still grinning.

"It's only polite," Ianto said.

"So we made a new rule: if you shoot the Captain you buy dinner," Owen said. "Seemed fair."

"And if you don't ask first, you pay for drinks as well," Jack said. "And no pasty shops on the corner, it has to be a real restaurant."

"Which is why this is my treat," Ianto said.

"Manchild," Owen said, and he and Tosh both dissolved into snickers again.

END

[identity profile] piss-and-ink.livejournal.com 2008-06-01 12:54 am (UTC)(link)
Heee, that was funny. Manchild. hah.
lilyleia78: Close up of a lily in black and white (Jack and Ianto)

[personal profile] lilyleia78 2008-06-01 12:57 am (UTC)(link)
::giggle::

Jack could get a lot of free dinners out of this...

[identity profile] humantales.livejournal.com 2008-06-01 02:27 am (UTC)(link)
:-)

[identity profile] lil-1337.livejournal.com 2008-06-01 02:49 am (UTC)(link)
I can so see this happening. The banter and the way the story plays out is just perfect.

[identity profile] 20thcenturyvole.livejournal.com 2008-06-01 02:49 am (UTC)(link)
... Only in this fandom could a story about blowing a guy's brains out be sweet and adorable and slightly romantic. Well done. :D

[identity profile] sam-storyteller.livejournal.com 2008-06-01 02:53 am (UTC)(link)
Ianto is a gentleman! He always asks first :D

[identity profile] jazmin-firewing.livejournal.com 2008-06-01 03:34 am (UTC)(link)
I think I'm gonna dissolve into giggles along with Tosh and Owen. "Manchild."

Also:
"It wasn't cocky," Ianto answered, wiping his mouth before sipping his drink. "Cocky would be running down a narrow hall to a dead end and expecting not to get taken hostage."
Gotta love the snark.

[identity profile] darthhellokitty.livejournal.com 2008-06-01 03:56 am (UTC)(link)
So. Damn. Perfect.

Because I can really, really see Torchwood needing a rule about that, in case people should start killing Jack as a prank when bored.

[identity profile] sam-storyteller.livejournal.com 2008-06-01 04:26 am (UTC)(link)
I've seen fics where they start killing him as a way to relieve stress or whatnot -- they always seem far too frivolous to me, like the ones where he keeps trying to commit suicide, but to each their own.

Also your icon? Is GENIUS.

[identity profile] melayneseahawk.livejournal.com 2008-06-01 04:37 am (UTC)(link)
Awesome.

[identity profile] rm.livejournal.com 2008-06-01 05:24 am (UTC)(link)
Hahaha. AWESOME.

[identity profile] lillianloop.livejournal.com 2008-06-01 06:38 am (UTC)(link)
I chortled, I laughed so hard, and then slapped my hands over my mouth in abject shame. Chortling.

But really, this was just so spot on that I wish we could sort out a pneumatic tube system between your brain and Russell Davies' desk.

[identity profile] sam-storyteller.livejournal.com 2008-06-01 02:08 pm (UTC)(link)
LOL! Hey, don't kid yourself, if they offered I'd totally take any job they gave, up to and including floor sweeper :D

(no subject)

[identity profile] angely78.livejournal.com - 2008-06-11 04:20 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[identity profile] angely78.livejournal.com - 2008-06-11 13:46 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] thette.livejournal.com 2008-06-01 09:23 am (UTC)(link)
I can't stop laughing. This was even more perfect than usual.
such_heights: amy and rory looking at a pile of post (tw: ianto's got a gun)

[personal profile] such_heights 2008-06-01 10:33 am (UTC)(link)
Hahaha, that's amazing.
ext_27120: ianto loves coffee (Janto sepia)

[identity profile] maxine-mirkwood.livejournal.com 2008-06-01 11:14 am (UTC)(link)
*snigger* That pretty much sums up why I love this fandom so. :-)

[identity profile] thaddeusfavour.livejournal.com 2008-06-01 12:31 pm (UTC)(link)
Ha! I love it when the characters play fast and loose. Funny, and believable. Ianto really is starting to get the hang of this field agent thing, isn't he? :P

[identity profile] ishouldntreally.livejournal.com 2008-06-01 02:45 pm (UTC)(link)
fab fab fab. I think i love you :)
ext_2496: (Default)

[identity profile] aelfgyfu-mead.livejournal.com 2008-06-01 03:44 pm (UTC)(link)
Asking permission! So very Ianto!

Love this bit!
...and then Ianto decides to get cocky," Jack said.
"It wasn't cocky," Ianto answered, wiping his mouth before sipping his drink. "Cocky would be running down a narrow hall to a dead end and expecting not to get taken hostage."

[identity profile] sam-storyteller.livejournal.com 2008-06-01 03:55 pm (UTC)(link)
He's a gentleman till the end :D

[identity profile] ladyoflisquill.livejournal.com 2008-06-01 03:49 pm (UTC)(link)
LOL! Very nice.
marginaliana: Buddy the dog carries Bobo the toy (TW - Insert Innuendo Here)

[personal profile] marginaliana 2008-06-01 04:14 pm (UTC)(link)
Insolent manchild! Ahahahaha! I love how it never goes the way the aliens are expecting.
ext_13504: Kara Thrace, Starbuck, BSG (Default)

[identity profile] unicornvamp3z.livejournal.com 2008-06-01 04:48 pm (UTC)(link)
hahaha, their voices are peeeeeerrrfect!
:D manchild

[identity profile] sanura.livejournal.com 2008-06-01 07:41 pm (UTC)(link)
Bweahahaha.

[identity profile] craevn.livejournal.com 2008-06-01 09:53 pm (UTC)(link)
The Torchwood team is so delightfully disturbed. I love it.

[identity profile] aderam.livejournal.com 2008-06-02 01:27 am (UTC)(link)
Cuuuuuuuuute!

[identity profile] tintop-lizzy.livejournal.com 2008-06-02 02:33 am (UTC)(link)
Ianto has the best word, and the final word, and the memorable word...

Thankyou.
ext_343663: (*squee*)

[identity profile] springandsummer.livejournal.com 2008-06-02 10:26 am (UTC)(link)
Oh man, this is so well written I can just hear Jack's storyteller voice in my ear and picture him leaning so far over the table he's nearly crawling on it, gesturing with his chopsticks *L*

[identity profile] selana1505.livejournal.com 2008-06-02 01:12 pm (UTC)(link)
that was really funny... and I really could see this happen with Jack and Ianto

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