sam_storyteller (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sam_storyteller) wrote2005-07-07 02:54 pm
sam_storyteller) wrote2005-07-07 02:54 pm
Entry tags:
Stealing Harry, 6 of 11
It was the third full moon since Harry had come to live with them, and things were not getting easier.
Remus had expected that at least the years of Changing with Padfoot around would have taught him some self control, in that he felt more...more himself, when he was with someone else who was both animal and human. He'd feared that the opposite would be true as well, that the years of not having to control himself would result in having no control.
The truth was somewhere in the middle; it was just like it had been when he was a young boy, only now he was more conscious of what happened when he Changed -- he couldn't stop himself from clawing and biting, but he remembered it more clearly afterwards.
This was not exactly a comfort when he found himself on the hard, dusty floor of the Shrieking Shack and had to slowly pull himself up onto a bed, uncoordinated, half-blind, and nauseated.
He was nearly asleep, so exhausted that breathing was an effort, when he heard the sound of someone Apparating into the dim, dusty room. He didn't have the energy to move.
"Moony?"
Sirius.
"Give me the day, Pads," he said, appalled at how little sound actually made it past his cracked lips. "Come back tonight. I can't travel right now."
"I didn't come to take you home," Sirius said, and he heard him draw closer. "I wanted to see how you were."
"I'm okay. Where's Harry?"
"School. Molly's taking the boys and Ginny on a picnic."
"Harry'll like that," Remus said, trying hard to concentrate on the words and what they meant. "I'm fine, Pads. Just sleepy."
There was a brief rush of cold air and he hissed; then warmth again under the thick, ratty old blanket that had been in the Shack time out of mind. A separate warmth, human and physical, pressed against his back.
"Sirius..."
"Shh. I read about this," Sirius said, body molding to his angular lines, knees curling against his. "You know, your whole body's one big heating pad, right? And heat's good for healing."
"You're mad," Remus replied, but he let Sirius pull the blanket closer, let the heat of the other man seep into his skin.
"If I were Padfoot you'd let me sleep on the bed," Sirius pointed out. Remus winced as Sirius' hand, draping over his hip, touched a sore spot just below the waistband of the cotton pyjama pants he wore.
"Sorry," Sirius mumbled, and Remus felt the roughness of Sirius' trousers on his bare waist.
"It'll heal," Remus answered. The world seemed unreal; warm, to be sure, full of a distant pain, and somehow slow -- as if time was not passing the way it normally did.
"How are you, Moony?"
"M'okay."
"You smell dusty."
"Can't be helped."
"I didn't say I minded."
Remus was aware of Sirius' face pressed against his neck; of Sirius' lips moving against his skin. He did not wince, this time, when they slid over a healing cut on his back. Sirius' breath warmed the skin of his shoulder now and the sensitive, uninjured stretch of his neck...
"Sirius," Remus muttered, the light kisses moving closer to his jaw. "What're you doing..."
"Shh, don't worry," Sirius answered. "Just lie still."
Sirius' hand, Remus realised, was rubbing small circles on the mostly-intact skin of his stomach.
"Sirius..." he said, turning his head with supreme effort, and Sirius, now propped on one elbow over him, silenced him with his mouth.
Remus moaned into the kiss and fell back, face upwards, with Sirius bent over him, hand still pressed lightly to his stomach. Sirius leaned forward, moving gingerly, not wanting to hurt him.
"Heat's supposed to be good for you," he said, his body shifting to cover Remus entirely -- jumper soft against him, hands now holding Remus' head gently, thumbs stroking his cheekbones. Remus closed his eyes, too exhausted to do more than feel -- Sirius' warmth, Sirius' careful movements, Sirius' lips tracing electric sensation across his jaw, back up to his mouth again. "Lie still," Sirius repeated, into his mouth. "I'm here. I'll take care of you."
Remus gasped softly through the fatigue and the pain and the sudden joy pooling in his stomach at the thought of Sirius, his Sirius, here, caring for him...
He didn't know how long they lay like that, Sirius propped over him, legs and hips lying against his, kissing him, hands on his face -- had no idea how much time passed until he began to feel numb, even to this, as fatigue overcame him. He heard Sirius murmuring reassurances as he slid into sleep.
***
Sirius felt the moment Moony slipped from consciousness and drew back a little, moving to curl around his body, covering as much of it as he could with his own. The other man's breathing deepened and slowed, and Sirius felt it slowing his own; he had time to sleep a little, if he liked. Harry wouldn't be arriving at Sandust until late this afternoon.
Moony had said wait until the next full moon, and Sirius was not a patient man. The full moon was done; he was here.
It was different from women; he knew that vaguely from one rather fuzzy night with James, years ago. For one thing, most women weren't as ridiculously tall as Moony was. There were more angles to his body, fewer curves, though part of that was simply because in addition to being ridiculously tall he was ridiculously skinny for a man who ate as much as he did. His jaw was stubble-rough, which was certainly something Sirius had never encountered in any of the many women he'd taken out.
But he was Moony.
Sirius took care of him, had always taken care of him. Since the first day of classes at Hogwarts, when one of the older Slytherin girls was picking on him in the hallway for being the smallest (and for the way, the night before, the Sorting Hat had fit over almost his entire head), and Sirius had made her shoelaces tie themselves together magically while Remus tried not to laugh...
They'd grown up together, explored Hogwarts together. There had been two or three years of less steady contact when Remus was looking for a job and Sirius was being a useless ass, living off his inheritance. But then after James and Lily died and Sirius realised that Remus wasn't eating, couldn't afford to --
Merlin, Moony, you couldn't have told me you were starving?
-- they'd become close again, and hadn't ever considered parting. Sirius paid his salary, kept him company on the full moon, gave him free rein in running Sandust, and in return Moony...
Loved him.
He sighed and pressed his face to the soft brown hair which was already turning silver. Had he been doing this for years because Moony loved him or had Moony loved him because he'd been doing this for years -- or had he been doing this for years because he...
...or did it matter?
You like girls, Moony had said, and Sirius had replied I like you.
Well, he wasn't going to break Moony's big stupid heart. He liked Moony and liked the sound of Moony's voice and the way he always crouched to hug Harry goodnight and the look in his eyes when he was frustrated and Moony when he was tired and Moony when he burned the scrambled eggs in the morning and then ate them anyway, and he liked how Moony's body felt against his.
The idea of a life where Remus Lupin wasn't the one behind the counter at Sandust was a chilling one. He would do what he had to in order to keep the happy life he'd built.
"Moony," he said softly, and felt the other man shift to curl closer to him. He repeated the name, over and over, soothingly.
"Pads," Moony muttered in his sleep.
***
"Ninety-six...ninety-seven...ninety-eight..."
Remus woke to the comfortingly familiar sound of Sirius counting his press-ups, and drowsed his way through Sirius counting his sit-ups before bothering to move. He was warm and surprisingly comfortable; not nearly as sore as he'd been the past two Changes. Perhaps he really was getting used to it. He vaguely remembered the morning after the Change, being bundled up by Sirius and brought back to the flat, and the usual trauma, the shakes, the pain, the half-consciousness; seeing the sunlight now on the floor of their bedroom, it was probably morning again already, day after the Change. Moon waning.
He pondered, watching Sirius through slitted eyes. A strange memory from the day before floated to the surface, and he prodded it while his hands explored the few vicious wounds still healing on his ribcage and hips.
It wasn't as though he'd never had dreams about Sirius before. They spent all their time together, after all. And it was true that his dreams did tend to be more vivid around the full moon. But that one, sometime between Changing and waking again to Sirius bringing him home, had been...particularly so.
Well, obviously he'd heard Sirius talking and worked it into a dream, or some such.
He gingerly pushed himself up, carefully noting just where it hurt. Less stiffness in his back than usual. Good shoulder rotation. He turned his head. Sirius at once dropped what he was doing, like a puppet with its strings cut.
"Good morning," he said, and Remus thought he detected a note of caution in his voice. "Sleep well?"
Remus rolled his shoulders. "What time is it?"
"Coming on ten. Feel all right?"
"Sort of." He shook his head to clear the last of the cobwebs from it. "I had strange dreams."
Sirius tossed him a shirt from a nearby chair, following it with underwear and trousers, turning so as to give him some privacy as he dressed.
"Close up Sandust for the day?" Remus asked, buckling his belt. Sirius heard the clasp, and turned to look over his shoulder.
"Just the morning. Thought I'd see you with lunch and then go in and do a half-day. Got to pick up Harry, anyhow."
"Mm. He only has another week of school before the hols, you know."
"I know," Sirius said. "I've been talking to the Weasleys about it. He's going to see the Cup next weekend, at Hogwarts, and then I thought perhaps we'd...do something."
"You can't take him to a game yourself, Sirius, you -- "
"No -- I know," Sirius said, and Remus saw a wistfulness in his face that made him turn away, as if he were seeing something he had no right to intrude on. "But -- we can do Muggle things. A touristing trip, somewhere. Italy or Egypt or something."
"Well, I'd be happy to run Sandust," Remus offered. Sirius threw himself onto the edge of the bed, flopping back to stare at the ceiling.
"I was hoping you'd want to come along," he said. "You've been all over, you'd know where to go."
"The places I go aren't really hot tourist spots."
"Well, if you don't want to come, don't feel you must," Sirius answered crossly. Remus was silent, wandering into the bathroom. He never really felt functional in the morning until he'd had a shave.
He examined himself in the mirror, not entirely displeased; he didn't look so much like a walking skeleton as he sometimes did. He touched the corner of his jaw and suddenly flinched.
The memory crossed his mind so fast he almost missed it. Sirius' lips on his jaw, at the precise point where the joint was, where the muscles bunched and ached after a night of trying to keep them from latching onto his own skin as a wolf.
Sirius lying in bed with him, not only in a dream set in the Shrieking Shack but in his own bed here, as well. Perhaps part of the same dream. Waking twice to find Sirius' arms around his body --
He lifted his shirt, unsure what he would find; nothing but fast-healing dark patches which had been nasty open wounds yesterday.
He probed his memory, laying out the day's events. He had woken from the Change and crawled into bed, dreaming of Sirius. Woken again to muscle spasms and aches that had made it nearly impossible to stand, even with Sirius supporting him. A few fuzzy moments which must have been their Apparation onto his front step. The sight of Sirius' fingers wrapped around the key to the front door. Bed. Pain. Tremors.
Harry's voice, high and childish, comforting as he and Sirius brought in some dinner. The odd, unpleasant tang of soup broth irritating his dry throat, followed by cold water -- one of Sirius' hands on the back of his neck while the other hand held the cup to his mouth. Stumbling into a bath, at least able to do that on his own, which allowed him a shred of dignity. Then cotton pyjamas and hot tea with a shot of firewhiskey in it.
Slipping back into sleep and...and dreaming again, the same dream in a different place, warm bodies pressed together, hands covering his.
And then waking this morning to Sirius' usual routine.
He gave up on the mystery and lathered his face, shaving carefully around a small scar, sharp bones, slightly-twitching lips. He almost felt good enough to go in to Sandust himself, and said as much to Sirius as he patted his face dry.
"You should rest," Sirius rumbled. "It's not like I'm going to dock your pay, you know."
"I like work," Remus answered. "And it's nice to be there when Harry comes in."
Sirius was silent for a while. Remus sat on his bed, elbows on knees, thinking.
"Hungry?" Sirius asked, after a while.
"Not really." Remus considered things. "Do I talk much in my sleep?"
Sirius sat up, forehead wrinkling in perplexity. "Not that I've ever heard. Why?"
Remus shrugged. "Just curious."
"Dream about Peter again?"
"No," Remus replied, cheeks reddening slightly. "Other dreams. Nothing really."
***
"You know, I was thinking," Sirius said, over dinner that night, after Harry had given his usual monologue about the day's events.
"Oh, dear," Remus sighed. He'd been quiet through dinner; there were a few new scars, and he was self-conscious about the one on his hand. "It's never good when Sirius has been thinking," he said to Harry, who laughed and took an enormous bite of his roll.
"Smaller bites, please," Sirius scolded before continuing. "As I was saying before the cheap seats interrupted, I've been thinking that there's no actual reason we can't go see the Cup as well."
Remus and Harry both looked at him, perplexed for a moment.
"But I thought Professor Snape was taking me," Harry said.
"Well, there's no reason Remus and I can't go root for Gryffindor on our own," Sirius said reasonably. "Plenty of parents come to see the Cup. I'd be willing to bet Arthur and Molly are going. Bill's captain now, they'll want to see his last Cup game."
"It might be dangerous. If people see us they'll be looking for Harry, and I've never thought that a little glamour and some long hair were enough to hide him," Remus said warily.
"Well, they won't look for him in the Slytherin stands," Sirius answered. "Which is where he'll be."
"I wanted to sit with Oliver but he gets to carry broomsticks and towels and all so he's going to be out on the field," Harry interjected. "I guess I'll sit with Professor Snape."
"Who're you going to root for?" Sirius asked. Harry looked pensive.
"Snakes are cool," he said. "But Oliver's cooler and he's a Gryffindor."
"If you're in the Slytherin stands you should probably root for Gryffindor very quietly and circumspectly," Remus advised.
"Up Gryffindor!" Sirius cheered.
"Up Gryffindor!" Harry chimed in. Remus smiled.
"We'll go and cheer for you, won't we, Moony," Sirius said.
"Perhaps we can get seats with Arthur and Molly, make an afternoon of it," Remus agreed reluctantly.
"Molly makes good potato salad," Harry advised. "But she puts ham on her sandwiches. So I fed it to the ducks."
"Ducks?" Remus asked. "Is she keeping ducks now?"
"The whole sandwich?" Sirius asked.
"No, we were in the park," Harry replied amiably. "Just the ham. I took it off. I didn't know ducks liked ham."
"When were you in a park?" Remus inquired.
"Yesterday. We all went for a picnic and to study..." Harry thought hard. "E-co-systems. Molly says it's a Muggle idea. Bout how everything feeds everything else. And then we fed the ducks, which just goes to show," he finished, setentiously.
Remus was staring at Sirius.
"Where's Harry?"
"School. Molly's taking the boys and Ginny on a picnic."
"Harry'll like that. I'm fine, Pads. Just sleepy."
He thought he'd dreamed it, though...
Sirius stared back, guilelessly, eyes almost inviting the question. Not here at dinner, however, not with Harry going on about ecosystems.
"...so we tried to catch a real frog, but they're too fast, and Ginny said she didn't want a frog anyway, she wanted a rat like Percy has. Sirius?"
Sirius broke the stare, and glanced down at Harry. "Yes?"
"I'm done."
"Take your plate to the kitchen, then, and I'll be in to read with you in a little while."
"Can I bring my markers?"
Sirius nodded, tousling his hair as he took his plates to the kitchen.
"I want a word with you," Remus said in a low voice, when Harry was out of earshot.
"After Harry's asleep," Sirius answered.
"I don't like this, Sirius -- "
"You were hurt, you needed me. We'll talk later," Sirius added, as Harry returned, carrying a package of cheap coloured markers and a pad of thick white paper.
Remus worked at the desk in the corner, settling Sandust's book-keeping -- which was always a little fractured after the days Sirius had minded the shop -- while Sirius read a book about sled-dogs to Harry and Harry drew picture after picture of sleds, dogs, and occasionally a little green frog off in one corner. Neither man could honestly claim that they thought Harry had any great talent, but by god he knew what he liked. Dogs and frogs.
It was very difficult to stay angry with Sirius.
It was very difficult to figure out why he was angry with Sirius in the first place.
It was an abuse of trust, that was what it was, crawling into the bed of a man who could barely move and kissing him like that. He couldn't shake the belief that this wasn't Sirius-in-love (and Sirius had been in love once or twice, Remus knew, though for one reason or another it never worked out). This was Sirius, knowing that his best friend fancied him and enjoying the fact.
Sirius hadn't asked him for anything, though. He'd just lain there and held him and been a really good kisser.
Remus watched as Sirius closed the book and crawled down onto the floor to lie there on his stomach next to Harry, admiring his drawings. It really wasn't fair that Sirius was such a natural father on only three months' practice.
It wasn't fair that he was forced to live with Sirius and Harry and watch that and not really be a part of it. It wasn't fair that he wouldn't leave now even if he could.
It wasn't fair that Sirius was such a bloody genius when it came to magic and yet too stupid to realise that he wasn't in love, he was just...bored, or lonely, or something.
It wasn't fair that Sirius should kiss him like that. It wasn't fair that he didn't even remember it fully and it was still better than anyone else he'd ever had.
It wasn't fair that Sirius was charming and handsome and his best friend.
Sirius glanced up, smiling from something Harry had said, and caught him staring. The look in his eyes darkened into something like desire.
Remus glanced away, back down at his figures. Accounting. A steadfast rock of mind-numbing boredom in a world that was rapidly going to pieces.
***
Sirius looked back down at Harry's drawings, realising that he'd just embarrassed his friend, and also that he was far more turned on by the intensity of Remus' amber-brown stare than a man ought to be when he was supposed to be playing at markers with his godson.
"What's that now?" he asked, as Harry drew a lopsided square in black, colouring the bottom a sandy tan shade. Harry uncapped a dark brown marker and drew a squiggle. Sirius was pleased that his voice didn't tremble.
"It's a...terr...arr...ium," Harry said carefully. "Professor Snape showed them to me."
"And this?"
"That's a tree for the snake to crawl on."
"The snake, eh?"
Harry nodded and drew a black lump in the corner. "An' that's a place for them to hide. Snakes like to hide."
"Is the snake in there?"
"No," Harry said scornfully. "Where's the fun in that?"
Sirius heard Remus chuckle from the desk.
"Where's the snake going to be?" Sirius asked.
"Right here," Harry said, pointing to a little dent in the sand, beneath the squiggly tree. He looked up. "Remus, what colour should I make the snake?"
Remus glanced up from his paperwork, surprised. "I don't know, Harry."
"Well, what colours do you like?"
Remus considered the matter. "Red," he said finally. "And brown."
Harry nodded and selected a red marker. "I saw one that was white and red striped with Professor Snape."
Sirius watched as Harry finished the snake, drawing careful diamond patterns and a brown outline, and then tore the page out of the book of paper, standing and carrying it to the desk. He presented it gravely to Remus.
"That's for you," he said.
Remus accepted the paper, perplexed. Sirius could see Harry's face, hopeful and growing worried. Remus' fingers traced the square of the terrarium, drifted up to a couple of small frogs in one corner of the page. Finally, he smiled.
"Thank you, Harry," he said. "It's great. I'll hang it on my wall."
"Next to the picture of the tree?"
Remus nodded. "Sure. I'll get a frame for it tomorrow."
"Harry can help you hang it," Sirius suggested. "Come on, lad, it's time you were getting to bed."
Remus set the drawing carefully on a corner of the desk, rising once Harry and Sirius were brushing their teeth to tidy up the markers and set them and the paper in a neat pile for Harry to take back to his room. He went into the bedroom, fingers drifting idly over the assortment of things on his dresser top, the detritus of emptied pockets and knick-nacks collected over the years, odd bookmarks, spare change in a small wooden bowl, the bottle of cologne Sirius had said he'd borrowed, a tin of Magic Hair Demessifyer he used when he had to look more presentable than a casual bookshop-owner generally did.
How had he filled this room on his own? Well, his bed had been a bit bigger, and he'd taken out a bookshelf, but still. The flat must have been echoingly empty without Harry and Sirius here. How had he not noticed?
And what would he do if one day Sirius decided to leave? Harry would, anyway, and sooner than it seemed. Two years was hardly anything. Sirius would no doubt get a place in Hogsmeade so that he could be near the boy, probably sell Sandust. It wasn't as though Sirius lived on the income from Sandust, though you could.
You could, he heard himself think. You could buy Sandust. You've enough saved for a down payment.
He heard Sirius close Harry's door and pad down the hall to their bedroom, closing that door too. He was still standing, staring at the things on his dresser, when Sirius spoke.
"I was going to explain it to you," he said. "After Harry was asleep. I was."
"I'm sure you were," Remus replied. "Tell me, was it both times, or did I dream the second time?"
He glanced up at Sirius, who spread his hands. "Both times."
"Was this time the first time you'd done that?"
"Listen, it's not as though I committed a crime," Sirius tried. "You were hurt."
"It's exactly as though you committed a crime," Remus sighed. He hadn't even the energy to shout. "You didn't give me a choice. I couldn't very well push you away, could I. You took advantage of that."
"If you'd told me to stop I would have. You kissed me back." Sirius leaned on the top of the dresser so that Remus could either meet his eyes or move away. "If you'd told me to stop, I would have."
"And if you didn't?" Remus crossed his arms, bowing his head. "What you did was wrong, whether or not I...enjoyed it."
"Did you?" Sirius' voice cracked. Remus looked up.
"I trust you to help me when I'm sick, Sirius. I trust you not to use that to your own ends. And now I can't. So whether I enjoyed it is immaterial. Whether I want you coming to the Shack the next time is a question we have to settle now."
Sirius turned pale.
"Was it so awful?" he asked quietly.
"How do you think I felt, thinking it was just one more dream and then finding out it wasn't and I'd been acting like a fool all day? Do you think I enjoyed finding out from Harry that it hadn't been?"
Sirius looked like he might even be near tears. "You were in pain. I hate to see you like that. Why do you think...why do you think James and Peter and I spent three years trying to find a way to help you? And now because I have everything I wanted, because I have Harry, you have to go through it all again. I just wanted to help you. I wanted to make you feel better."
"If I want your help, Sirius, I'll ask for it," Remus said, gently.
"But that's just it, Moony, you won't," Sirius exploded. "You weighed nine stone when I hired you for Sandust. How much do you weigh now?"
Remus muttered something rebelliously. At Sirius' look, he cleared his throat. "Twelve, maybe thirteen."
"You won't even ask for things you need, let alone things you want."
"I'm a grown man -- "
"Starving, Remus. You were starving to death. Every bloody week you said you'd a new job and you were sure you could hold this one and every bloody week you lost it because they found out what you were -- which is not your fault -- or they wanted you to work a full-moon day and you couldn't," Sirius growled. "And you didn't say anything until you went to stand up and fell bloody over and I had to take you to St. Mungo's. And it's the same now. I don't know what you want me to do because you won't tell me -- "
"I don't want you to do anything! You have Harry and you're happy, that's all I care about."
Sirius regarded him carefully. "What about you? Don't you want anything?"
Remus sat on his bed, miserable. Sirius circled the dresser and crouched next to him, brushed hair out of his eyes. He flinched away, and Sirius sighed.
"Everything you want is right here for you to have, if you ask for it," he said softly. "Harry loves you. You can care for him too, it's okay. You can take him places and read to him, and tell him to do his homework and buy him things and teach him things. All you have to do is ask." He swallowed. "And...you can have me, too. Everything you want. Harry and me and a partnership in Sandust and a place in the world."
Remus was silent, lost in some inner thought process Sirius couldn't decipher.
"But you have to ask for them," Sirius added. "If you want it you have to take it."
Remus leaned forward and put his face in his hands.
"I need more time," he said finally. Sirius sighed.
"Another full moon?"
"Please, Sirius. If you lose me all you lose is me. You still have Harry and Sandust and stable income. If I lose you I lose Harry, I lose Sandust, I lose everything." He looked up. "And I need to know that I can survive that, first. If we have...anything, it needs to be because we want it, and not because if it ends one of us is going to starve again."
"I'd never let that happen."
Remus gave him a bitterly amused look. "You'd be surprised what happens when people start to hate each other. One more full moon, Sirius."
"Let me show you," Sirius said, as persuasively as he knew how. "Just until then -- let me show you, Remus -- " he swayed forward, and pressed his face in Remus' neck. This time the other man didn't shy away. "Look what you could have," he murmured, against his skin.
Remus made a soft little moan in the back of his throat. "Egotist," he replied breathlessly. Sirius, in reply, slid his lips up over the edge of Remus' jaw, pushing him slowly backwards.
He resisted.
"Harry's in the next room," he whispered, though he was turning his head to find Sirius' mouth as he said it. Sirius ran his tongue along his lower lip, heard that pleasant moan again. "Sirius, please."
Sirius leaned back, heart racing.
"One more full moon," he said. "I can wait that long."
A small smile curved Remus' lips. "The patience of Atlas," he said.
"But..."
Remus lifted an eyebrow.
"Can I kiss you?" Sirius asked plaintively. "Not when Harry's around or out in public, just -- once in a while -- I think you ought to know what you're missing," he added, with a stab at his usual good humour.
Remus reached out hesitantly and touched his hair, stroking it a little.
"All right," he said quietly.
"And can I -- "
"No."
Sirius smiled again. "Can't blame a chap for trying."
"Can and would," Remus answered. "Don't do that again, Sirius. Bad dog," he added lightly, though it sent a shiver down Sirius' spine.
He nodded. "I should...change. For bed. My own bed," he added virtuously.
He was halfway across the floor before Remus said, "Sirius."
He turned.
"If...if Padfoot liked, he could sleep on my bed," Remus offered. "I...did...like having someone there."
The next morning he woke with the heavy weight of Padfoot's shaggy head resting on his hip, the enormous dog curled up between him and the wall. Padfoot didn't move or even open his eyes when Remus stroked the silky fur between his ears and murmured, "Good dog."
***
Sunday came hard on the heels of the full moon, and Sunday meant the Quidditch Cup. Harry barely slept from excitement the night before.
Sirius was wiser and Remus more cautious than to dress him in Gryffindor scarlet and gold, despite the fact that he had a plenitude of clothing in the colours -- his rugby shirt was already fading from continual wear. They did, however, have just enough House spirit to keep him from wearing green. Instead he went in carefully chosen black and blue, but only after Sirius promised to wear the same.
Sirius brought his field glasses, but spent more time scanning the stands than the grounds; they found seats in the informally-declared Parents' section, a row behind Arthur and Molly and across the aisle from their boy Percy, who was willing to sit near his parents if not precisely with them. When Sirius finally saw a black-clad shape rise over the edge of the Slytherin stands he elbowed Remus, and indicated Harry following the dour Potions Master. Neither of them had ever seen Harry in his disguise, and even Remus had to admit that he mightn't have known Harry if they passed on the street.
"Big git," Sirius muttered, watching Snape lead Harry to a seat next to a couple of Slytherin boys, who gave him familiar if not terribly friendly waves. Remus was grateful that Sirius had a grudge to occupy his mind with; it kept him from pestering him. There hadn't been a repeat of that angry, confusing night; sometimes he woke with Padfoot on his blankets, but more often Sirius was in his own bed, and he was beginning to grow comfortable with the idea of...of all of it, he supposed...
There was a sudden crash, and bits of burning things peppered his shirt and arms. Remus flinched and brushed at them -- not actually on fire, just very, very hot --
"Oh, bloody -- Dora?" Sirius asked, brushing his own shirt to get rid of the extremely hot popcorn that had showered on him as well. Remus wasn't sure where to look first; the great crashing thing turned out to be a thin young woman, already trying to help him pluck the fast-cooling popcorn from his clothing.
"Listen, if I have to yell at one more person to call me Tonks -- " the girl stopped, suddenly. "Sirius?" she asked, gaping at Sirius.
"Little Dora?" Sirius demanded. "Merlin, look at you!"
"I haven't seen you in ages!" the girl blurted. Remus, now completely at a loss, gave up and concentrated on brushing salt from his arms.
"Not since you left for Hogwarts -- "
"Mum's been wondering where you'd got to!"
"Oh -- you know how it is...do you remember Lupin? I'm sure you met him at least once before you went off -- "
"...yes..." the girl called Tonks said uncertainly. Tonks -- Sirius' cousin had married a Tonks, hadn't she? And they'd had a little girl -- he'd met her once when visiting Sirius over a school holiday. "I'm so sorry -- "
"It's fine," Remus said, giving her a reassuring smile. He shook the last of the kernels from the folds of his shirt, flicking one into the aisle, where Percy's pet rat darted out and grabbed it. Percy gave him a shy grin as the rat raced up the ouside of the boy's trouser leg and perched on his knee to eat it; Remus turned back to the conversation.
"...like Muggles, it's sort of like long-term camping," Sirius was saying. "Of course we have some conveniences..."
"You should write to mum, dad's Muggle-born you know, and he gets Muggle post all the time," the girl replied. "She says she hasn't heard from you in months."
Sirius looked uncomfortable, and then the girl's mouth formed a small 'o' of surprise.
"It's true, isn't it?" she asked, her voice dropping. "You went into hiding!"
"I wouldn't say hiding. No, I wouldn't call it that," Sirius stammered. "Listen, I meant to write to your mum and I just didn't -- "
"Is it true then? You've got Harry Potter? There were rumours going around that someone saw you with him in the Leaky Cauldron, but everyone says if you haven't had him up till now you wouldn't be allowed -- " she clapped a hand over her mouth.
A slow smile spread across Sirius' lips.
"That's a good way to be, Dora," he said quietly. "Hand over mouth, when it comes to Harry Potter."
She nodded, eyes wide. Remus coughed.
"Oh, I've gotten your shirt greasy, haven't I?" she asked, flustered. "I'm so sorry. Here, I'll clean it -- "
"No -- " Remus put up a hand quickly. "Thank you, I'll just do it myself," he said firmly. He was remembering more about Sirius' cousin's daughter, now -- Sirius sometimes came back from lunch with Andromeda Tonks with amusing stories about Dora's latest mishaps.
"Well -- all right then..." she looked uncertain, and he smiled at her as he charmed the shirt clean again. "I should go -- friends waiting -- game about to start..."
"Run on then," Sirius smiled. "Say hi to your mum for me!" he called after her. She waved and dashed off, tripping several people in the process.
"Rumours," he said darkly, while Remus, amused, watched her extricate herself. "I've wondered what the Wizarding world had to say about us..."
"Yes, I'd rather thought we'd have more people gawking at the bookshop," Remus agreed. "But then, nobody's known where Harry was for almost eight years, so why that should change at all -- and we were only seen in the Leaky Cauldron for a minute. I know Molly and Arthur are circumspect, and the other children probably simply haven't had the opportunity to mention it to anyone who would care. It's remarkable how well some secrets get kept," he added.
"I should have words with Andromeda," Sirius said.
"I agree. It's not as though you actually are in hiding," Remus answered. "Look, the game's about to start."
"Where's Harry?" Sirius asked, picking up his field glasses again.
"Aren't you going to watch the game?"
"No," Sirius said with a grin. "I'm going to watch Harry watch the game."
Silence. He glanced over at Remus, who was looking at him with an indefinable expression; confused wasn't quite the word for it, but it came close. "What is it?"
"Nothing," Remus said quickly, turning to watch the players enter the Pitch. "Sometimes you surprise me, that's all."
***
The game was a good one, close and well-played; Slytherin cheated, but Remus had resigned himself, long ago, to Slytherins being cheats. Normally he would have had to hold Sirius in his seat to keep him from crying foul and trying to start a riot, but Sirius wasn't paying the slightest attention. Sirius didn't even notice Gryffindor had lost until they were back at Sandust, waiting for Harry.
Remus, listening to Sirius talk, was rather reminded of Harry, come to that.
"Did you see his face? It just -- it just lit up. He followed everything. He's going to play Quidditch, you know. We'll get him the best broomstick you can get. What is that now, a Nimbus?"
"Probably," Remus murmured, doing a crossword. He always felt drained after a Quidditch match; he'd never particularly liked the sport. He hoped Harry was eating all right -- Snape had said he would feed the boy dinner in Hogsmeade before sending him back.
"He says one of the Slytherin girls once let him catch a Snitch. Small enough to be a Seeker. James was too, really, but he didn't think there was enough action -- the way he looked when Gryffindor made that save, you'd think it was him." Sirius vanished into the back room, but his voice drifted out. "We had some books on Quidditch, didn't we?"
"Had an enthusiast come in, he bought a few," Remus called. "Try the shelf above the Dark Arts books."
Sirius came out carrying A Beginner's Guide to Quidditch and Quidditch Through The Ages. Remus gave him a mild smile.
"He's read those."
"Has he?"
"He asked me for them a few weeks ago. And I think his friend Oliver's been lending him copies of Quidditch Monthly."
Sirius looked mildly dismayed. "He never told me."
"When you were nine, Sirius, didn't you have hobbies you didn't tell your parents about?"
"I didn't tell my parents anything, ever, but please, tell me you're not comparing me with them. I'll slit my throat."
"They weren't the most hospitable of people," Remus agreed. He'd met Sirius' mother once before her death; she'd actually come to Sandust, Merlin alone knew why. It had been ugly.
There was a whooshing noise from the fireplace, and a young voice piped "Sirius!"
Sirius dodged into the back room and swept Harry up into a bear-hug, dragging him out into the bookshop and settling him on the counter. Harry helped himself to the jar of humbugs, greeting Remus with a wave and a grin.
"Were you there?" he asked. "Did you see me?"
"We did," Sirius answered. "Have you eaten?"
"Mmmhm, Professor Snape bought me dinner at the Three Broomsticks," Harry said. "And he said he wants to see you tomorrow."
Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Me?"
Harry nodded. "He said he wants to talk to you and will you please floo his office tomorrow at two," he recited.
"Did he say why?"
"Nope. Maybe he needs books," Harry shrugged. "He reads a lot."
Remus and Sirius exchanged a look.
"Two o'clock tomorrow," Sirius repeated. Harry nodded.
"I'll bring the teacakes," Remus said grimly.
***
A letter arrived by owl post the following morning and Remus handed it to Sirius, who took it sullenly and slit it with the air of a long-suffering martyr. Harry was off at the Weasleys', his last week before Molly closed up the little home-school for the summer and the other Weasley boys came home -- Percy from his first year and Bill, no doubt, to recuperate from NEWTs; Charlie had got a very prestigious assistantship, and wouldn't even be home before he packed it off to Japan for two months.
Sirius was grumpy. He hadn't slept well or enjoyed his breakfast. He hadn't actively, personally encountered Snape since the day in the Leaky Cauldron, and not for a long, long time before that. He used to hate Snape for no reason, and after Harry's weekends with him he had a thousand reasons. But all that was forgotten for a moment as he sat up and stared at the letter.
"Good news?" Remus asked, shelving a handful of books.
"It's from Andromeda -- Dora must have spoken to her about seeing us at the Quidditch game. She and Ted want to buy the townhouse on Grimmauld Place."
"That old deathtrap? Isn't it...still...full of things?" Remus asked. "I didn't know you owned it."
"Yes, well, my esteemed mother didn't leave a will, at least not that anyone could find. Everything comes with the house, and that's entailed on the male line or she probably would have left it to that Malfoy spawn by Narcissa. As it is, I got saddled with it. Had the family lawyer close it up. I haven't even thought about it in years. "
"Your family," Remus sighed. "So charmingly archaic."
"She says now that Dora's leaving school next year they want a big place in London -- want to make the bottom floor into some sort of shop." Sirius grinned and shook his head. "They can have it for a sickle. I certainly don't want it."
"Might want to hold onto it for Harry."
"I'll buy Harry something nicer than a mouldering ancestral home full of Dark materials and House-elf heads," Sirius replied. "Goodbye and good riddance."
"Speaking of which, it's about time you floo'ed Snape," Remus said, checking the clock on the wall. "Shall I close up and come chaperone the pair of you, or do you think you can be civil?"
"I can if he can."
"More reassuring words were never spoken," Remus said, and turned the sign on the shop door to "closed", following Sirius into the back room. Sirius knelt on the hearth, and Snape's head appeared in the flames.
"Harry says you wanted a word with me," Sirius growled.
"Not hunched on a hearth, if you please," Snape replied. "I'll come through."
Remus opened his mouth to remark that this was an incredibly bad idea, as Severus and Sirius in one room could very easily destroy themselves and ten surrounding blocks, but Snape was already emerging from the fireplace, dusting ash off his severe black robes.
"An inelegant way to travel," he remarked. Sirius crossed his arms. "Do all your patrons receive such a warm welcome, Black?"
"You're not my patron, Snape," Sirius replied. Remus, behind him, poured himself a cup of hot water and added tea contemplatively.
"I should think not," Snape answered.
"Did you want something from me?" Sirius asked.
"Thankfully, no. Except your permission."
Remus cocked his head, interested. Sirius was silent. Snape cleared his throat.
"I understand Par -- I understand Harry will be nine on the thirty-first," he said slowly, in the deep-throated growl which, doubtlessly, struck terror into the hearts of his students. "I would like to give him a...gift. A pet. Something to teach him some responsibility."
Sirius looked stunned, but gathered his wits a little too quickly. "What do you know," he drawled. "It has a heart after all."
Remus began to wonder if perhaps he should have brought popcorn. Or something heavy with which to separate them.
"I am not required to stand on your hearth and accept your abuse," Snape snapped. "I merely thought that someone ought to be teaching the child something more than..." he flicked his fingers, "pranks and bad cooking."
"And you're the one to do that, are you?" Sirius asked, dangerously still now. Remus remembered that stillness. He'd seen it at school whenever Sirius was about to do something violent or stupid -- usually both, really...
"May I remind you that it is on Dumbledore's orders -- "
"To hell with Dumbledore's orders! I'm his godfather!"
Snape smiled a terrible, cruel smile. "Ah, yes. So trustworthy that the boy was sent to live with Muggle relatives -- "
Sirius was across the intervening space before Remus could move, and in reality he was disinclined to try. Snape was no slouch at fighting, even without wands; he had his hands up and had got hold of Sirius' collar by the time Sirius was drawing back to punch him in the head. Sirius couldn't get enough leverage for one really good hit, but Snape couldn't get away; they grappled for a few seconds, shouting obscenities at each other, before either even thought to go for their wands. Fortunately both thought it at the same time, and each blocked the other's hand.
Remus sipped his tea.
When they were coming close to knocking up against a shelf of rare books, he thought perhaps it was time to intervene. He never had at school, and Sirius had never tried to assault someone since, so it required a little thought.
"Yes, it is absurd, isn't it, Harry?" he said.
Both men instantly stopped and glanced around, expecting to see the boy. Remus continued, addressing an empty chair.
"That's how immature people solve their problems. No, I don't understand it either."
He knew that both Sirius and Severus were staring at him as if he'd gone round the twist, but at least embarrassing himself in front of them was going to get them to stop for a moment.
"Oh, I shouldn't, if I were you, Harry, you're far too intelligent to go wasting time hitting people who don't agree with you," he said, to the imaginary Harry. "You're far better off trying to set an example for those who look up to you."
Sirius sullenly shoved his hands in his pockets. Severus dusted off his sleeves imperturbably.
"You wanted to give Harry something for his birthday, I believe?" Remus asked mildly. "That's very kind of you, though not at all expected."
The professor glanced warily at Sirius.
"I thought...perhaps..." he began, sulkily. "He seems to have taken a liking to the snakes I keep. It crossed my mind he would like one of his own. I felt it would be polite to speak to you first," he said to Sirius, who looked away, studying the bookshelf. "I will supply everything necessary, of course."
"Harry'll like that," Sirius muttered rebelliously.
"Then you have no objections," Snape stated, straightening his collar slightly. Sirius shrugged.
"Do what you like," he said, and brushed past Remus, out into Sandust again, slamming the door after him. Snape turned to go.
"A moment please," Remus said amiably, crossing his arms. The Potions Master turned back. "If I ever catch you coming here and deliberately provoking Sirius in that fashion again, Severus, I will personally make sure that you don't walk for a month, and don't speak for two. Understood?"
Their eyes met. Severus nodded slowly.
"I'm sure Harry will love anything you give him. He speaks very highly of you," Remus continued. His tone hadn't once changed. "For the sake of my own nerves, I would appreciate it if you didn't give him anything too poisonous."
"I'll arrange things," was all Snape said, before vanishing back into the fireplace.
***
The last day of school, Remus and Sirius both came to the Weasleys' for dinner, bringing wine to celebrate the end of Molly's classes and the return of the Hogwarts boys. They also had to have words with the Weasley parents about their children; it seemed obvious that Harry would still visit over the summer, and as Bill and Percy -- who knew him only as Parvus -- would be home, they would have to be sworn into the secret.
The pair of them minded the children while Arthur and Molly went to gather their sons from the station; Harry joined in the rush of redheaded children as they ran out to greet the two.
"Hallo, Parvus, what are you doing here?" Bill cried. "And your nice hair's been cut -- "
He stopped when a breeze lifted Harry's fringe off his forehead. He looked up at his parents, who were standing with Remus and Sirius.
"What...?" he said confusedly.
"His name's not Parvus," Ron said scornfully. "That's Harry Potter!"
Percy joined Bill in his bewildered stare.
"Bill, you remember Sirius Black, don't you?" Molly said significantly. Bill, still looking at a loss, shook Sirius' outstretched hand.
"Like a word with you boys," Sirius said, slinging an arm around Bill's shoulder and leading him away, his other hand guiding Percy with a firm but gentle grip on the back of his neck. Bill glanced over his shoulder to watch the others hustle inside.
"I could swear..." he said, slowly. "That's Harry Potter? The rumours -- "
"Yes, all true," Sirius said, turning the boys so that they faced him.
"He's got a bloody twin, you know," Bill said.
"Professor Snape's nephew looks just like him!" Percy blurted.
Sirius sighed.
Remus, helping Ginny up from a spill on the steps, watched as Bill and Percy's faces changed from confusion to shock, and then to recognition, while Sirius explained the situation. They were both very quiet when they passed through the house and out into the back garden, where Molly and the twins were laying a table. Neither boy took their eyes off Harry -- who was busy sticking the blunt end of a fork up his nose to impress Ron and Ginny -- until the meal began.
"Did you know, Bill's taken his specialty in hexes and charms?" Arthur said to Sirius, who nodded politely. "He's going to India in a few months, they've had some nasty problems with some old tombs there."
"Interested in Eastern work, then?" Remus asked.
"Nah," Bill shook his head, and accepted the potatoes from Fred. "Pyramids are where the real work is."
Molly tsked. "Far too dangerous if you ask me."
"Aw, but they're brilliant, Mum!"
"I've some very interesting manuscripts on translating magical ideograms at the bookshop, if you'd like to come by sometime," Remus offered. "Sirius, pass the rolls? -- and I'm sure we're never going to sell them otherwise. We don't get all that many magical customers."
"D'you sell Muggle books?" Percy asked.
"Mostly," Sirius rumbled.
"Sirius rather likes Muggle novels," Remus said with a sidelong smile at him.
"Don't suppose you sell car-repair books," Arthur inquired. "Only I've acquired an automobile and I'm trying to discover what precisely makes it tick."
"A real auto, dad?" Bill asked. "Can I see it?"
"After dinner, if you please," Molly cautioned them. "At any rate, you'll have a solid month before you've got to leave for India, and I shouldn't wonder if you need it, poor boy," she added.
They spent the next few minutes coming to the satisfied consensus that Bill looked ruddy awful, that NEWTs were a grueling and terrifying ordeal, and that what he wanted was rest and lots of feeding up.
"And what're you doing this summer then, Harry?" Arthur asked. "Godfather of yours going to take you on a holiday, perhaps?"
"Thinking about it. Might take a house in the north and spend a month or two teaching him Quidditch," Sirius answered. "Haven't made any plans yet."
"But you'll be here for your birthday, Harry?" Molly inquired. Harry grinned at his godfather and nodded, mouth too full to talk. "Your first birthday in the Wizarding world. We ought to have a party."
"I don't -- " Remus started, but Ron and Ginny drowned him out.
"Let's," Ron begged. "He's never had a proper birthday, he told me so."
"Would you like a party, Harry?" Sirius inquired.
Harry put down his fork and appeared to think seriously about it for a minute.
"Can I have a cake?" he finally asked. Sirius grinned. "And party hats?"
"And balloons if you like."
"I'd like that."
"Then it's settled. We'll have it here," Molly announced. "With the twins and Ron and Ginny, and Percy and Bill."
"Can I invite Oliver too?" Harry asked Remus, who glanced at Molly.
"Oliver?" she asked.
"He's a friend from school," Percy put in.
"The one who's always loaning out his Quidditch magazines to Harry," Remus reminded Sirius.
"I don't think so," Sirius said gently. "He doesn't know who you are, Harry, and the more people who know...the more danger you're in."
"Percy, don't let Scabbers up on the table," Molly scolded. "It's unhygenic."
"He got away from me," Percy protested, plucking the unlucky rat from a bowl of roasted potatoes.
"But you'll have all the Weasleys, and Sirius and I," Remus continued. "That'll be enough, won't it, Harry?"
Harry nodded and exchanged a grin with Ron, who flicked a piece of chicken at him.
To the Next Part
Remus had expected that at least the years of Changing with Padfoot around would have taught him some self control, in that he felt more...more himself, when he was with someone else who was both animal and human. He'd feared that the opposite would be true as well, that the years of not having to control himself would result in having no control.
The truth was somewhere in the middle; it was just like it had been when he was a young boy, only now he was more conscious of what happened when he Changed -- he couldn't stop himself from clawing and biting, but he remembered it more clearly afterwards.
This was not exactly a comfort when he found himself on the hard, dusty floor of the Shrieking Shack and had to slowly pull himself up onto a bed, uncoordinated, half-blind, and nauseated.
He was nearly asleep, so exhausted that breathing was an effort, when he heard the sound of someone Apparating into the dim, dusty room. He didn't have the energy to move.
"Moony?"
Sirius.
"Give me the day, Pads," he said, appalled at how little sound actually made it past his cracked lips. "Come back tonight. I can't travel right now."
"I didn't come to take you home," Sirius said, and he heard him draw closer. "I wanted to see how you were."
"I'm okay. Where's Harry?"
"School. Molly's taking the boys and Ginny on a picnic."
"Harry'll like that," Remus said, trying hard to concentrate on the words and what they meant. "I'm fine, Pads. Just sleepy."
There was a brief rush of cold air and he hissed; then warmth again under the thick, ratty old blanket that had been in the Shack time out of mind. A separate warmth, human and physical, pressed against his back.
"Sirius..."
"Shh. I read about this," Sirius said, body molding to his angular lines, knees curling against his. "You know, your whole body's one big heating pad, right? And heat's good for healing."
"You're mad," Remus replied, but he let Sirius pull the blanket closer, let the heat of the other man seep into his skin.
"If I were Padfoot you'd let me sleep on the bed," Sirius pointed out. Remus winced as Sirius' hand, draping over his hip, touched a sore spot just below the waistband of the cotton pyjama pants he wore.
"Sorry," Sirius mumbled, and Remus felt the roughness of Sirius' trousers on his bare waist.
"It'll heal," Remus answered. The world seemed unreal; warm, to be sure, full of a distant pain, and somehow slow -- as if time was not passing the way it normally did.
"How are you, Moony?"
"M'okay."
"You smell dusty."
"Can't be helped."
"I didn't say I minded."
Remus was aware of Sirius' face pressed against his neck; of Sirius' lips moving against his skin. He did not wince, this time, when they slid over a healing cut on his back. Sirius' breath warmed the skin of his shoulder now and the sensitive, uninjured stretch of his neck...
"Sirius," Remus muttered, the light kisses moving closer to his jaw. "What're you doing..."
"Shh, don't worry," Sirius answered. "Just lie still."
Sirius' hand, Remus realised, was rubbing small circles on the mostly-intact skin of his stomach.
"Sirius..." he said, turning his head with supreme effort, and Sirius, now propped on one elbow over him, silenced him with his mouth.
Remus moaned into the kiss and fell back, face upwards, with Sirius bent over him, hand still pressed lightly to his stomach. Sirius leaned forward, moving gingerly, not wanting to hurt him.
"Heat's supposed to be good for you," he said, his body shifting to cover Remus entirely -- jumper soft against him, hands now holding Remus' head gently, thumbs stroking his cheekbones. Remus closed his eyes, too exhausted to do more than feel -- Sirius' warmth, Sirius' careful movements, Sirius' lips tracing electric sensation across his jaw, back up to his mouth again. "Lie still," Sirius repeated, into his mouth. "I'm here. I'll take care of you."
Remus gasped softly through the fatigue and the pain and the sudden joy pooling in his stomach at the thought of Sirius, his Sirius, here, caring for him...
He didn't know how long they lay like that, Sirius propped over him, legs and hips lying against his, kissing him, hands on his face -- had no idea how much time passed until he began to feel numb, even to this, as fatigue overcame him. He heard Sirius murmuring reassurances as he slid into sleep.
***
Sirius felt the moment Moony slipped from consciousness and drew back a little, moving to curl around his body, covering as much of it as he could with his own. The other man's breathing deepened and slowed, and Sirius felt it slowing his own; he had time to sleep a little, if he liked. Harry wouldn't be arriving at Sandust until late this afternoon.
Moony had said wait until the next full moon, and Sirius was not a patient man. The full moon was done; he was here.
It was different from women; he knew that vaguely from one rather fuzzy night with James, years ago. For one thing, most women weren't as ridiculously tall as Moony was. There were more angles to his body, fewer curves, though part of that was simply because in addition to being ridiculously tall he was ridiculously skinny for a man who ate as much as he did. His jaw was stubble-rough, which was certainly something Sirius had never encountered in any of the many women he'd taken out.
But he was Moony.
Sirius took care of him, had always taken care of him. Since the first day of classes at Hogwarts, when one of the older Slytherin girls was picking on him in the hallway for being the smallest (and for the way, the night before, the Sorting Hat had fit over almost his entire head), and Sirius had made her shoelaces tie themselves together magically while Remus tried not to laugh...
They'd grown up together, explored Hogwarts together. There had been two or three years of less steady contact when Remus was looking for a job and Sirius was being a useless ass, living off his inheritance. But then after James and Lily died and Sirius realised that Remus wasn't eating, couldn't afford to --
Merlin, Moony, you couldn't have told me you were starving?
-- they'd become close again, and hadn't ever considered parting. Sirius paid his salary, kept him company on the full moon, gave him free rein in running Sandust, and in return Moony...
Loved him.
He sighed and pressed his face to the soft brown hair which was already turning silver. Had he been doing this for years because Moony loved him or had Moony loved him because he'd been doing this for years -- or had he been doing this for years because he...
...or did it matter?
You like girls, Moony had said, and Sirius had replied I like you.
Well, he wasn't going to break Moony's big stupid heart. He liked Moony and liked the sound of Moony's voice and the way he always crouched to hug Harry goodnight and the look in his eyes when he was frustrated and Moony when he was tired and Moony when he burned the scrambled eggs in the morning and then ate them anyway, and he liked how Moony's body felt against his.
The idea of a life where Remus Lupin wasn't the one behind the counter at Sandust was a chilling one. He would do what he had to in order to keep the happy life he'd built.
"Moony," he said softly, and felt the other man shift to curl closer to him. He repeated the name, over and over, soothingly.
"Pads," Moony muttered in his sleep.
***
"Ninety-six...ninety-seven...ninety-eight..."
Remus woke to the comfortingly familiar sound of Sirius counting his press-ups, and drowsed his way through Sirius counting his sit-ups before bothering to move. He was warm and surprisingly comfortable; not nearly as sore as he'd been the past two Changes. Perhaps he really was getting used to it. He vaguely remembered the morning after the Change, being bundled up by Sirius and brought back to the flat, and the usual trauma, the shakes, the pain, the half-consciousness; seeing the sunlight now on the floor of their bedroom, it was probably morning again already, day after the Change. Moon waning.
He pondered, watching Sirius through slitted eyes. A strange memory from the day before floated to the surface, and he prodded it while his hands explored the few vicious wounds still healing on his ribcage and hips.
It wasn't as though he'd never had dreams about Sirius before. They spent all their time together, after all. And it was true that his dreams did tend to be more vivid around the full moon. But that one, sometime between Changing and waking again to Sirius bringing him home, had been...particularly so.
Well, obviously he'd heard Sirius talking and worked it into a dream, or some such.
He gingerly pushed himself up, carefully noting just where it hurt. Less stiffness in his back than usual. Good shoulder rotation. He turned his head. Sirius at once dropped what he was doing, like a puppet with its strings cut.
"Good morning," he said, and Remus thought he detected a note of caution in his voice. "Sleep well?"
Remus rolled his shoulders. "What time is it?"
"Coming on ten. Feel all right?"
"Sort of." He shook his head to clear the last of the cobwebs from it. "I had strange dreams."
Sirius tossed him a shirt from a nearby chair, following it with underwear and trousers, turning so as to give him some privacy as he dressed.
"Close up Sandust for the day?" Remus asked, buckling his belt. Sirius heard the clasp, and turned to look over his shoulder.
"Just the morning. Thought I'd see you with lunch and then go in and do a half-day. Got to pick up Harry, anyhow."
"Mm. He only has another week of school before the hols, you know."
"I know," Sirius said. "I've been talking to the Weasleys about it. He's going to see the Cup next weekend, at Hogwarts, and then I thought perhaps we'd...do something."
"You can't take him to a game yourself, Sirius, you -- "
"No -- I know," Sirius said, and Remus saw a wistfulness in his face that made him turn away, as if he were seeing something he had no right to intrude on. "But -- we can do Muggle things. A touristing trip, somewhere. Italy or Egypt or something."
"Well, I'd be happy to run Sandust," Remus offered. Sirius threw himself onto the edge of the bed, flopping back to stare at the ceiling.
"I was hoping you'd want to come along," he said. "You've been all over, you'd know where to go."
"The places I go aren't really hot tourist spots."
"Well, if you don't want to come, don't feel you must," Sirius answered crossly. Remus was silent, wandering into the bathroom. He never really felt functional in the morning until he'd had a shave.
He examined himself in the mirror, not entirely displeased; he didn't look so much like a walking skeleton as he sometimes did. He touched the corner of his jaw and suddenly flinched.
The memory crossed his mind so fast he almost missed it. Sirius' lips on his jaw, at the precise point where the joint was, where the muscles bunched and ached after a night of trying to keep them from latching onto his own skin as a wolf.
Sirius lying in bed with him, not only in a dream set in the Shrieking Shack but in his own bed here, as well. Perhaps part of the same dream. Waking twice to find Sirius' arms around his body --
He lifted his shirt, unsure what he would find; nothing but fast-healing dark patches which had been nasty open wounds yesterday.
He probed his memory, laying out the day's events. He had woken from the Change and crawled into bed, dreaming of Sirius. Woken again to muscle spasms and aches that had made it nearly impossible to stand, even with Sirius supporting him. A few fuzzy moments which must have been their Apparation onto his front step. The sight of Sirius' fingers wrapped around the key to the front door. Bed. Pain. Tremors.
Harry's voice, high and childish, comforting as he and Sirius brought in some dinner. The odd, unpleasant tang of soup broth irritating his dry throat, followed by cold water -- one of Sirius' hands on the back of his neck while the other hand held the cup to his mouth. Stumbling into a bath, at least able to do that on his own, which allowed him a shred of dignity. Then cotton pyjamas and hot tea with a shot of firewhiskey in it.
Slipping back into sleep and...and dreaming again, the same dream in a different place, warm bodies pressed together, hands covering his.
And then waking this morning to Sirius' usual routine.
He gave up on the mystery and lathered his face, shaving carefully around a small scar, sharp bones, slightly-twitching lips. He almost felt good enough to go in to Sandust himself, and said as much to Sirius as he patted his face dry.
"You should rest," Sirius rumbled. "It's not like I'm going to dock your pay, you know."
"I like work," Remus answered. "And it's nice to be there when Harry comes in."
Sirius was silent for a while. Remus sat on his bed, elbows on knees, thinking.
"Hungry?" Sirius asked, after a while.
"Not really." Remus considered things. "Do I talk much in my sleep?"
Sirius sat up, forehead wrinkling in perplexity. "Not that I've ever heard. Why?"
Remus shrugged. "Just curious."
"Dream about Peter again?"
"No," Remus replied, cheeks reddening slightly. "Other dreams. Nothing really."
***
"You know, I was thinking," Sirius said, over dinner that night, after Harry had given his usual monologue about the day's events.
"Oh, dear," Remus sighed. He'd been quiet through dinner; there were a few new scars, and he was self-conscious about the one on his hand. "It's never good when Sirius has been thinking," he said to Harry, who laughed and took an enormous bite of his roll.
"Smaller bites, please," Sirius scolded before continuing. "As I was saying before the cheap seats interrupted, I've been thinking that there's no actual reason we can't go see the Cup as well."
Remus and Harry both looked at him, perplexed for a moment.
"But I thought Professor Snape was taking me," Harry said.
"Well, there's no reason Remus and I can't go root for Gryffindor on our own," Sirius said reasonably. "Plenty of parents come to see the Cup. I'd be willing to bet Arthur and Molly are going. Bill's captain now, they'll want to see his last Cup game."
"It might be dangerous. If people see us they'll be looking for Harry, and I've never thought that a little glamour and some long hair were enough to hide him," Remus said warily.
"Well, they won't look for him in the Slytherin stands," Sirius answered. "Which is where he'll be."
"I wanted to sit with Oliver but he gets to carry broomsticks and towels and all so he's going to be out on the field," Harry interjected. "I guess I'll sit with Professor Snape."
"Who're you going to root for?" Sirius asked. Harry looked pensive.
"Snakes are cool," he said. "But Oliver's cooler and he's a Gryffindor."
"If you're in the Slytherin stands you should probably root for Gryffindor very quietly and circumspectly," Remus advised.
"Up Gryffindor!" Sirius cheered.
"Up Gryffindor!" Harry chimed in. Remus smiled.
"We'll go and cheer for you, won't we, Moony," Sirius said.
"Perhaps we can get seats with Arthur and Molly, make an afternoon of it," Remus agreed reluctantly.
"Molly makes good potato salad," Harry advised. "But she puts ham on her sandwiches. So I fed it to the ducks."
"Ducks?" Remus asked. "Is she keeping ducks now?"
"The whole sandwich?" Sirius asked.
"No, we were in the park," Harry replied amiably. "Just the ham. I took it off. I didn't know ducks liked ham."
"When were you in a park?" Remus inquired.
"Yesterday. We all went for a picnic and to study..." Harry thought hard. "E-co-systems. Molly says it's a Muggle idea. Bout how everything feeds everything else. And then we fed the ducks, which just goes to show," he finished, setentiously.
Remus was staring at Sirius.
"Where's Harry?"
"School. Molly's taking the boys and Ginny on a picnic."
"Harry'll like that. I'm fine, Pads. Just sleepy."
He thought he'd dreamed it, though...
Sirius stared back, guilelessly, eyes almost inviting the question. Not here at dinner, however, not with Harry going on about ecosystems.
"...so we tried to catch a real frog, but they're too fast, and Ginny said she didn't want a frog anyway, she wanted a rat like Percy has. Sirius?"
Sirius broke the stare, and glanced down at Harry. "Yes?"
"I'm done."
"Take your plate to the kitchen, then, and I'll be in to read with you in a little while."
"Can I bring my markers?"
Sirius nodded, tousling his hair as he took his plates to the kitchen.
"I want a word with you," Remus said in a low voice, when Harry was out of earshot.
"After Harry's asleep," Sirius answered.
"I don't like this, Sirius -- "
"You were hurt, you needed me. We'll talk later," Sirius added, as Harry returned, carrying a package of cheap coloured markers and a pad of thick white paper.
Remus worked at the desk in the corner, settling Sandust's book-keeping -- which was always a little fractured after the days Sirius had minded the shop -- while Sirius read a book about sled-dogs to Harry and Harry drew picture after picture of sleds, dogs, and occasionally a little green frog off in one corner. Neither man could honestly claim that they thought Harry had any great talent, but by god he knew what he liked. Dogs and frogs.
It was very difficult to stay angry with Sirius.
It was very difficult to figure out why he was angry with Sirius in the first place.
It was an abuse of trust, that was what it was, crawling into the bed of a man who could barely move and kissing him like that. He couldn't shake the belief that this wasn't Sirius-in-love (and Sirius had been in love once or twice, Remus knew, though for one reason or another it never worked out). This was Sirius, knowing that his best friend fancied him and enjoying the fact.
Sirius hadn't asked him for anything, though. He'd just lain there and held him and been a really good kisser.
Remus watched as Sirius closed the book and crawled down onto the floor to lie there on his stomach next to Harry, admiring his drawings. It really wasn't fair that Sirius was such a natural father on only three months' practice.
It wasn't fair that he was forced to live with Sirius and Harry and watch that and not really be a part of it. It wasn't fair that he wouldn't leave now even if he could.
It wasn't fair that Sirius was such a bloody genius when it came to magic and yet too stupid to realise that he wasn't in love, he was just...bored, or lonely, or something.
It wasn't fair that Sirius should kiss him like that. It wasn't fair that he didn't even remember it fully and it was still better than anyone else he'd ever had.
It wasn't fair that Sirius was charming and handsome and his best friend.
Sirius glanced up, smiling from something Harry had said, and caught him staring. The look in his eyes darkened into something like desire.
Remus glanced away, back down at his figures. Accounting. A steadfast rock of mind-numbing boredom in a world that was rapidly going to pieces.
***
Sirius looked back down at Harry's drawings, realising that he'd just embarrassed his friend, and also that he was far more turned on by the intensity of Remus' amber-brown stare than a man ought to be when he was supposed to be playing at markers with his godson.
"What's that now?" he asked, as Harry drew a lopsided square in black, colouring the bottom a sandy tan shade. Harry uncapped a dark brown marker and drew a squiggle. Sirius was pleased that his voice didn't tremble.
"It's a...terr...arr...ium," Harry said carefully. "Professor Snape showed them to me."
"And this?"
"That's a tree for the snake to crawl on."
"The snake, eh?"
Harry nodded and drew a black lump in the corner. "An' that's a place for them to hide. Snakes like to hide."
"Is the snake in there?"
"No," Harry said scornfully. "Where's the fun in that?"
Sirius heard Remus chuckle from the desk.
"Where's the snake going to be?" Sirius asked.
"Right here," Harry said, pointing to a little dent in the sand, beneath the squiggly tree. He looked up. "Remus, what colour should I make the snake?"
Remus glanced up from his paperwork, surprised. "I don't know, Harry."
"Well, what colours do you like?"
Remus considered the matter. "Red," he said finally. "And brown."
Harry nodded and selected a red marker. "I saw one that was white and red striped with Professor Snape."
Sirius watched as Harry finished the snake, drawing careful diamond patterns and a brown outline, and then tore the page out of the book of paper, standing and carrying it to the desk. He presented it gravely to Remus.
"That's for you," he said.
Remus accepted the paper, perplexed. Sirius could see Harry's face, hopeful and growing worried. Remus' fingers traced the square of the terrarium, drifted up to a couple of small frogs in one corner of the page. Finally, he smiled.
"Thank you, Harry," he said. "It's great. I'll hang it on my wall."
"Next to the picture of the tree?"
Remus nodded. "Sure. I'll get a frame for it tomorrow."
"Harry can help you hang it," Sirius suggested. "Come on, lad, it's time you were getting to bed."
Remus set the drawing carefully on a corner of the desk, rising once Harry and Sirius were brushing their teeth to tidy up the markers and set them and the paper in a neat pile for Harry to take back to his room. He went into the bedroom, fingers drifting idly over the assortment of things on his dresser top, the detritus of emptied pockets and knick-nacks collected over the years, odd bookmarks, spare change in a small wooden bowl, the bottle of cologne Sirius had said he'd borrowed, a tin of Magic Hair Demessifyer he used when he had to look more presentable than a casual bookshop-owner generally did.
How had he filled this room on his own? Well, his bed had been a bit bigger, and he'd taken out a bookshelf, but still. The flat must have been echoingly empty without Harry and Sirius here. How had he not noticed?
And what would he do if one day Sirius decided to leave? Harry would, anyway, and sooner than it seemed. Two years was hardly anything. Sirius would no doubt get a place in Hogsmeade so that he could be near the boy, probably sell Sandust. It wasn't as though Sirius lived on the income from Sandust, though you could.
You could, he heard himself think. You could buy Sandust. You've enough saved for a down payment.
He heard Sirius close Harry's door and pad down the hall to their bedroom, closing that door too. He was still standing, staring at the things on his dresser, when Sirius spoke.
"I was going to explain it to you," he said. "After Harry was asleep. I was."
"I'm sure you were," Remus replied. "Tell me, was it both times, or did I dream the second time?"
He glanced up at Sirius, who spread his hands. "Both times."
"Was this time the first time you'd done that?"
"Listen, it's not as though I committed a crime," Sirius tried. "You were hurt."
"It's exactly as though you committed a crime," Remus sighed. He hadn't even the energy to shout. "You didn't give me a choice. I couldn't very well push you away, could I. You took advantage of that."
"If you'd told me to stop I would have. You kissed me back." Sirius leaned on the top of the dresser so that Remus could either meet his eyes or move away. "If you'd told me to stop, I would have."
"And if you didn't?" Remus crossed his arms, bowing his head. "What you did was wrong, whether or not I...enjoyed it."
"Did you?" Sirius' voice cracked. Remus looked up.
"I trust you to help me when I'm sick, Sirius. I trust you not to use that to your own ends. And now I can't. So whether I enjoyed it is immaterial. Whether I want you coming to the Shack the next time is a question we have to settle now."
Sirius turned pale.
"Was it so awful?" he asked quietly.
"How do you think I felt, thinking it was just one more dream and then finding out it wasn't and I'd been acting like a fool all day? Do you think I enjoyed finding out from Harry that it hadn't been?"
Sirius looked like he might even be near tears. "You were in pain. I hate to see you like that. Why do you think...why do you think James and Peter and I spent three years trying to find a way to help you? And now because I have everything I wanted, because I have Harry, you have to go through it all again. I just wanted to help you. I wanted to make you feel better."
"If I want your help, Sirius, I'll ask for it," Remus said, gently.
"But that's just it, Moony, you won't," Sirius exploded. "You weighed nine stone when I hired you for Sandust. How much do you weigh now?"
Remus muttered something rebelliously. At Sirius' look, he cleared his throat. "Twelve, maybe thirteen."
"You won't even ask for things you need, let alone things you want."
"I'm a grown man -- "
"Starving, Remus. You were starving to death. Every bloody week you said you'd a new job and you were sure you could hold this one and every bloody week you lost it because they found out what you were -- which is not your fault -- or they wanted you to work a full-moon day and you couldn't," Sirius growled. "And you didn't say anything until you went to stand up and fell bloody over and I had to take you to St. Mungo's. And it's the same now. I don't know what you want me to do because you won't tell me -- "
"I don't want you to do anything! You have Harry and you're happy, that's all I care about."
Sirius regarded him carefully. "What about you? Don't you want anything?"
Remus sat on his bed, miserable. Sirius circled the dresser and crouched next to him, brushed hair out of his eyes. He flinched away, and Sirius sighed.
"Everything you want is right here for you to have, if you ask for it," he said softly. "Harry loves you. You can care for him too, it's okay. You can take him places and read to him, and tell him to do his homework and buy him things and teach him things. All you have to do is ask." He swallowed. "And...you can have me, too. Everything you want. Harry and me and a partnership in Sandust and a place in the world."
Remus was silent, lost in some inner thought process Sirius couldn't decipher.
"But you have to ask for them," Sirius added. "If you want it you have to take it."
Remus leaned forward and put his face in his hands.
"I need more time," he said finally. Sirius sighed.
"Another full moon?"
"Please, Sirius. If you lose me all you lose is me. You still have Harry and Sandust and stable income. If I lose you I lose Harry, I lose Sandust, I lose everything." He looked up. "And I need to know that I can survive that, first. If we have...anything, it needs to be because we want it, and not because if it ends one of us is going to starve again."
"I'd never let that happen."
Remus gave him a bitterly amused look. "You'd be surprised what happens when people start to hate each other. One more full moon, Sirius."
"Let me show you," Sirius said, as persuasively as he knew how. "Just until then -- let me show you, Remus -- " he swayed forward, and pressed his face in Remus' neck. This time the other man didn't shy away. "Look what you could have," he murmured, against his skin.
Remus made a soft little moan in the back of his throat. "Egotist," he replied breathlessly. Sirius, in reply, slid his lips up over the edge of Remus' jaw, pushing him slowly backwards.
He resisted.
"Harry's in the next room," he whispered, though he was turning his head to find Sirius' mouth as he said it. Sirius ran his tongue along his lower lip, heard that pleasant moan again. "Sirius, please."
Sirius leaned back, heart racing.
"One more full moon," he said. "I can wait that long."
A small smile curved Remus' lips. "The patience of Atlas," he said.
"But..."
Remus lifted an eyebrow.
"Can I kiss you?" Sirius asked plaintively. "Not when Harry's around or out in public, just -- once in a while -- I think you ought to know what you're missing," he added, with a stab at his usual good humour.
Remus reached out hesitantly and touched his hair, stroking it a little.
"All right," he said quietly.
"And can I -- "
"No."
Sirius smiled again. "Can't blame a chap for trying."
"Can and would," Remus answered. "Don't do that again, Sirius. Bad dog," he added lightly, though it sent a shiver down Sirius' spine.
He nodded. "I should...change. For bed. My own bed," he added virtuously.
He was halfway across the floor before Remus said, "Sirius."
He turned.
"If...if Padfoot liked, he could sleep on my bed," Remus offered. "I...did...like having someone there."
The next morning he woke with the heavy weight of Padfoot's shaggy head resting on his hip, the enormous dog curled up between him and the wall. Padfoot didn't move or even open his eyes when Remus stroked the silky fur between his ears and murmured, "Good dog."
***
Sunday came hard on the heels of the full moon, and Sunday meant the Quidditch Cup. Harry barely slept from excitement the night before.
Sirius was wiser and Remus more cautious than to dress him in Gryffindor scarlet and gold, despite the fact that he had a plenitude of clothing in the colours -- his rugby shirt was already fading from continual wear. They did, however, have just enough House spirit to keep him from wearing green. Instead he went in carefully chosen black and blue, but only after Sirius promised to wear the same.
Sirius brought his field glasses, but spent more time scanning the stands than the grounds; they found seats in the informally-declared Parents' section, a row behind Arthur and Molly and across the aisle from their boy Percy, who was willing to sit near his parents if not precisely with them. When Sirius finally saw a black-clad shape rise over the edge of the Slytherin stands he elbowed Remus, and indicated Harry following the dour Potions Master. Neither of them had ever seen Harry in his disguise, and even Remus had to admit that he mightn't have known Harry if they passed on the street.
"Big git," Sirius muttered, watching Snape lead Harry to a seat next to a couple of Slytherin boys, who gave him familiar if not terribly friendly waves. Remus was grateful that Sirius had a grudge to occupy his mind with; it kept him from pestering him. There hadn't been a repeat of that angry, confusing night; sometimes he woke with Padfoot on his blankets, but more often Sirius was in his own bed, and he was beginning to grow comfortable with the idea of...of all of it, he supposed...
There was a sudden crash, and bits of burning things peppered his shirt and arms. Remus flinched and brushed at them -- not actually on fire, just very, very hot --
"Oh, bloody -- Dora?" Sirius asked, brushing his own shirt to get rid of the extremely hot popcorn that had showered on him as well. Remus wasn't sure where to look first; the great crashing thing turned out to be a thin young woman, already trying to help him pluck the fast-cooling popcorn from his clothing.
"Listen, if I have to yell at one more person to call me Tonks -- " the girl stopped, suddenly. "Sirius?" she asked, gaping at Sirius.
"Little Dora?" Sirius demanded. "Merlin, look at you!"
"I haven't seen you in ages!" the girl blurted. Remus, now completely at a loss, gave up and concentrated on brushing salt from his arms.
"Not since you left for Hogwarts -- "
"Mum's been wondering where you'd got to!"
"Oh -- you know how it is...do you remember Lupin? I'm sure you met him at least once before you went off -- "
"...yes..." the girl called Tonks said uncertainly. Tonks -- Sirius' cousin had married a Tonks, hadn't she? And they'd had a little girl -- he'd met her once when visiting Sirius over a school holiday. "I'm so sorry -- "
"It's fine," Remus said, giving her a reassuring smile. He shook the last of the kernels from the folds of his shirt, flicking one into the aisle, where Percy's pet rat darted out and grabbed it. Percy gave him a shy grin as the rat raced up the ouside of the boy's trouser leg and perched on his knee to eat it; Remus turned back to the conversation.
"...like Muggles, it's sort of like long-term camping," Sirius was saying. "Of course we have some conveniences..."
"You should write to mum, dad's Muggle-born you know, and he gets Muggle post all the time," the girl replied. "She says she hasn't heard from you in months."
Sirius looked uncomfortable, and then the girl's mouth formed a small 'o' of surprise.
"It's true, isn't it?" she asked, her voice dropping. "You went into hiding!"
"I wouldn't say hiding. No, I wouldn't call it that," Sirius stammered. "Listen, I meant to write to your mum and I just didn't -- "
"Is it true then? You've got Harry Potter? There were rumours going around that someone saw you with him in the Leaky Cauldron, but everyone says if you haven't had him up till now you wouldn't be allowed -- " she clapped a hand over her mouth.
A slow smile spread across Sirius' lips.
"That's a good way to be, Dora," he said quietly. "Hand over mouth, when it comes to Harry Potter."
She nodded, eyes wide. Remus coughed.
"Oh, I've gotten your shirt greasy, haven't I?" she asked, flustered. "I'm so sorry. Here, I'll clean it -- "
"No -- " Remus put up a hand quickly. "Thank you, I'll just do it myself," he said firmly. He was remembering more about Sirius' cousin's daughter, now -- Sirius sometimes came back from lunch with Andromeda Tonks with amusing stories about Dora's latest mishaps.
"Well -- all right then..." she looked uncertain, and he smiled at her as he charmed the shirt clean again. "I should go -- friends waiting -- game about to start..."
"Run on then," Sirius smiled. "Say hi to your mum for me!" he called after her. She waved and dashed off, tripping several people in the process.
"Rumours," he said darkly, while Remus, amused, watched her extricate herself. "I've wondered what the Wizarding world had to say about us..."
"Yes, I'd rather thought we'd have more people gawking at the bookshop," Remus agreed. "But then, nobody's known where Harry was for almost eight years, so why that should change at all -- and we were only seen in the Leaky Cauldron for a minute. I know Molly and Arthur are circumspect, and the other children probably simply haven't had the opportunity to mention it to anyone who would care. It's remarkable how well some secrets get kept," he added.
"I should have words with Andromeda," Sirius said.
"I agree. It's not as though you actually are in hiding," Remus answered. "Look, the game's about to start."
"Where's Harry?" Sirius asked, picking up his field glasses again.
"Aren't you going to watch the game?"
"No," Sirius said with a grin. "I'm going to watch Harry watch the game."
Silence. He glanced over at Remus, who was looking at him with an indefinable expression; confused wasn't quite the word for it, but it came close. "What is it?"
"Nothing," Remus said quickly, turning to watch the players enter the Pitch. "Sometimes you surprise me, that's all."
***
The game was a good one, close and well-played; Slytherin cheated, but Remus had resigned himself, long ago, to Slytherins being cheats. Normally he would have had to hold Sirius in his seat to keep him from crying foul and trying to start a riot, but Sirius wasn't paying the slightest attention. Sirius didn't even notice Gryffindor had lost until they were back at Sandust, waiting for Harry.
Remus, listening to Sirius talk, was rather reminded of Harry, come to that.
"Did you see his face? It just -- it just lit up. He followed everything. He's going to play Quidditch, you know. We'll get him the best broomstick you can get. What is that now, a Nimbus?"
"Probably," Remus murmured, doing a crossword. He always felt drained after a Quidditch match; he'd never particularly liked the sport. He hoped Harry was eating all right -- Snape had said he would feed the boy dinner in Hogsmeade before sending him back.
"He says one of the Slytherin girls once let him catch a Snitch. Small enough to be a Seeker. James was too, really, but he didn't think there was enough action -- the way he looked when Gryffindor made that save, you'd think it was him." Sirius vanished into the back room, but his voice drifted out. "We had some books on Quidditch, didn't we?"
"Had an enthusiast come in, he bought a few," Remus called. "Try the shelf above the Dark Arts books."
Sirius came out carrying A Beginner's Guide to Quidditch and Quidditch Through The Ages. Remus gave him a mild smile.
"He's read those."
"Has he?"
"He asked me for them a few weeks ago. And I think his friend Oliver's been lending him copies of Quidditch Monthly."
Sirius looked mildly dismayed. "He never told me."
"When you were nine, Sirius, didn't you have hobbies you didn't tell your parents about?"
"I didn't tell my parents anything, ever, but please, tell me you're not comparing me with them. I'll slit my throat."
"They weren't the most hospitable of people," Remus agreed. He'd met Sirius' mother once before her death; she'd actually come to Sandust, Merlin alone knew why. It had been ugly.
There was a whooshing noise from the fireplace, and a young voice piped "Sirius!"
Sirius dodged into the back room and swept Harry up into a bear-hug, dragging him out into the bookshop and settling him on the counter. Harry helped himself to the jar of humbugs, greeting Remus with a wave and a grin.
"Were you there?" he asked. "Did you see me?"
"We did," Sirius answered. "Have you eaten?"
"Mmmhm, Professor Snape bought me dinner at the Three Broomsticks," Harry said. "And he said he wants to see you tomorrow."
Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Me?"
Harry nodded. "He said he wants to talk to you and will you please floo his office tomorrow at two," he recited.
"Did he say why?"
"Nope. Maybe he needs books," Harry shrugged. "He reads a lot."
Remus and Sirius exchanged a look.
"Two o'clock tomorrow," Sirius repeated. Harry nodded.
"I'll bring the teacakes," Remus said grimly.
***
A letter arrived by owl post the following morning and Remus handed it to Sirius, who took it sullenly and slit it with the air of a long-suffering martyr. Harry was off at the Weasleys', his last week before Molly closed up the little home-school for the summer and the other Weasley boys came home -- Percy from his first year and Bill, no doubt, to recuperate from NEWTs; Charlie had got a very prestigious assistantship, and wouldn't even be home before he packed it off to Japan for two months.
Sirius was grumpy. He hadn't slept well or enjoyed his breakfast. He hadn't actively, personally encountered Snape since the day in the Leaky Cauldron, and not for a long, long time before that. He used to hate Snape for no reason, and after Harry's weekends with him he had a thousand reasons. But all that was forgotten for a moment as he sat up and stared at the letter.
"Good news?" Remus asked, shelving a handful of books.
"It's from Andromeda -- Dora must have spoken to her about seeing us at the Quidditch game. She and Ted want to buy the townhouse on Grimmauld Place."
"That old deathtrap? Isn't it...still...full of things?" Remus asked. "I didn't know you owned it."
"Yes, well, my esteemed mother didn't leave a will, at least not that anyone could find. Everything comes with the house, and that's entailed on the male line or she probably would have left it to that Malfoy spawn by Narcissa. As it is, I got saddled with it. Had the family lawyer close it up. I haven't even thought about it in years. "
"Your family," Remus sighed. "So charmingly archaic."
"She says now that Dora's leaving school next year they want a big place in London -- want to make the bottom floor into some sort of shop." Sirius grinned and shook his head. "They can have it for a sickle. I certainly don't want it."
"Might want to hold onto it for Harry."
"I'll buy Harry something nicer than a mouldering ancestral home full of Dark materials and House-elf heads," Sirius replied. "Goodbye and good riddance."
"Speaking of which, it's about time you floo'ed Snape," Remus said, checking the clock on the wall. "Shall I close up and come chaperone the pair of you, or do you think you can be civil?"
"I can if he can."
"More reassuring words were never spoken," Remus said, and turned the sign on the shop door to "closed", following Sirius into the back room. Sirius knelt on the hearth, and Snape's head appeared in the flames.
"Harry says you wanted a word with me," Sirius growled.
"Not hunched on a hearth, if you please," Snape replied. "I'll come through."
Remus opened his mouth to remark that this was an incredibly bad idea, as Severus and Sirius in one room could very easily destroy themselves and ten surrounding blocks, but Snape was already emerging from the fireplace, dusting ash off his severe black robes.
"An inelegant way to travel," he remarked. Sirius crossed his arms. "Do all your patrons receive such a warm welcome, Black?"
"You're not my patron, Snape," Sirius replied. Remus, behind him, poured himself a cup of hot water and added tea contemplatively.
"I should think not," Snape answered.
"Did you want something from me?" Sirius asked.
"Thankfully, no. Except your permission."
Remus cocked his head, interested. Sirius was silent. Snape cleared his throat.
"I understand Par -- I understand Harry will be nine on the thirty-first," he said slowly, in the deep-throated growl which, doubtlessly, struck terror into the hearts of his students. "I would like to give him a...gift. A pet. Something to teach him some responsibility."
Sirius looked stunned, but gathered his wits a little too quickly. "What do you know," he drawled. "It has a heart after all."
Remus began to wonder if perhaps he should have brought popcorn. Or something heavy with which to separate them.
"I am not required to stand on your hearth and accept your abuse," Snape snapped. "I merely thought that someone ought to be teaching the child something more than..." he flicked his fingers, "pranks and bad cooking."
"And you're the one to do that, are you?" Sirius asked, dangerously still now. Remus remembered that stillness. He'd seen it at school whenever Sirius was about to do something violent or stupid -- usually both, really...
"May I remind you that it is on Dumbledore's orders -- "
"To hell with Dumbledore's orders! I'm his godfather!"
Snape smiled a terrible, cruel smile. "Ah, yes. So trustworthy that the boy was sent to live with Muggle relatives -- "
Sirius was across the intervening space before Remus could move, and in reality he was disinclined to try. Snape was no slouch at fighting, even without wands; he had his hands up and had got hold of Sirius' collar by the time Sirius was drawing back to punch him in the head. Sirius couldn't get enough leverage for one really good hit, but Snape couldn't get away; they grappled for a few seconds, shouting obscenities at each other, before either even thought to go for their wands. Fortunately both thought it at the same time, and each blocked the other's hand.
Remus sipped his tea.
When they were coming close to knocking up against a shelf of rare books, he thought perhaps it was time to intervene. He never had at school, and Sirius had never tried to assault someone since, so it required a little thought.
"Yes, it is absurd, isn't it, Harry?" he said.
Both men instantly stopped and glanced around, expecting to see the boy. Remus continued, addressing an empty chair.
"That's how immature people solve their problems. No, I don't understand it either."
He knew that both Sirius and Severus were staring at him as if he'd gone round the twist, but at least embarrassing himself in front of them was going to get them to stop for a moment.
"Oh, I shouldn't, if I were you, Harry, you're far too intelligent to go wasting time hitting people who don't agree with you," he said, to the imaginary Harry. "You're far better off trying to set an example for those who look up to you."
Sirius sullenly shoved his hands in his pockets. Severus dusted off his sleeves imperturbably.
"You wanted to give Harry something for his birthday, I believe?" Remus asked mildly. "That's very kind of you, though not at all expected."
The professor glanced warily at Sirius.
"I thought...perhaps..." he began, sulkily. "He seems to have taken a liking to the snakes I keep. It crossed my mind he would like one of his own. I felt it would be polite to speak to you first," he said to Sirius, who looked away, studying the bookshelf. "I will supply everything necessary, of course."
"Harry'll like that," Sirius muttered rebelliously.
"Then you have no objections," Snape stated, straightening his collar slightly. Sirius shrugged.
"Do what you like," he said, and brushed past Remus, out into Sandust again, slamming the door after him. Snape turned to go.
"A moment please," Remus said amiably, crossing his arms. The Potions Master turned back. "If I ever catch you coming here and deliberately provoking Sirius in that fashion again, Severus, I will personally make sure that you don't walk for a month, and don't speak for two. Understood?"
Their eyes met. Severus nodded slowly.
"I'm sure Harry will love anything you give him. He speaks very highly of you," Remus continued. His tone hadn't once changed. "For the sake of my own nerves, I would appreciate it if you didn't give him anything too poisonous."
"I'll arrange things," was all Snape said, before vanishing back into the fireplace.
***
The last day of school, Remus and Sirius both came to the Weasleys' for dinner, bringing wine to celebrate the end of Molly's classes and the return of the Hogwarts boys. They also had to have words with the Weasley parents about their children; it seemed obvious that Harry would still visit over the summer, and as Bill and Percy -- who knew him only as Parvus -- would be home, they would have to be sworn into the secret.
The pair of them minded the children while Arthur and Molly went to gather their sons from the station; Harry joined in the rush of redheaded children as they ran out to greet the two.
"Hallo, Parvus, what are you doing here?" Bill cried. "And your nice hair's been cut -- "
He stopped when a breeze lifted Harry's fringe off his forehead. He looked up at his parents, who were standing with Remus and Sirius.
"What...?" he said confusedly.
"His name's not Parvus," Ron said scornfully. "That's Harry Potter!"
Percy joined Bill in his bewildered stare.
"Bill, you remember Sirius Black, don't you?" Molly said significantly. Bill, still looking at a loss, shook Sirius' outstretched hand.
"Like a word with you boys," Sirius said, slinging an arm around Bill's shoulder and leading him away, his other hand guiding Percy with a firm but gentle grip on the back of his neck. Bill glanced over his shoulder to watch the others hustle inside.
"I could swear..." he said, slowly. "That's Harry Potter? The rumours -- "
"Yes, all true," Sirius said, turning the boys so that they faced him.
"He's got a bloody twin, you know," Bill said.
"Professor Snape's nephew looks just like him!" Percy blurted.
Sirius sighed.
Remus, helping Ginny up from a spill on the steps, watched as Bill and Percy's faces changed from confusion to shock, and then to recognition, while Sirius explained the situation. They were both very quiet when they passed through the house and out into the back garden, where Molly and the twins were laying a table. Neither boy took their eyes off Harry -- who was busy sticking the blunt end of a fork up his nose to impress Ron and Ginny -- until the meal began.
"Did you know, Bill's taken his specialty in hexes and charms?" Arthur said to Sirius, who nodded politely. "He's going to India in a few months, they've had some nasty problems with some old tombs there."
"Interested in Eastern work, then?" Remus asked.
"Nah," Bill shook his head, and accepted the potatoes from Fred. "Pyramids are where the real work is."
Molly tsked. "Far too dangerous if you ask me."
"Aw, but they're brilliant, Mum!"
"I've some very interesting manuscripts on translating magical ideograms at the bookshop, if you'd like to come by sometime," Remus offered. "Sirius, pass the rolls? -- and I'm sure we're never going to sell them otherwise. We don't get all that many magical customers."
"D'you sell Muggle books?" Percy asked.
"Mostly," Sirius rumbled.
"Sirius rather likes Muggle novels," Remus said with a sidelong smile at him.
"Don't suppose you sell car-repair books," Arthur inquired. "Only I've acquired an automobile and I'm trying to discover what precisely makes it tick."
"A real auto, dad?" Bill asked. "Can I see it?"
"After dinner, if you please," Molly cautioned them. "At any rate, you'll have a solid month before you've got to leave for India, and I shouldn't wonder if you need it, poor boy," she added.
They spent the next few minutes coming to the satisfied consensus that Bill looked ruddy awful, that NEWTs were a grueling and terrifying ordeal, and that what he wanted was rest and lots of feeding up.
"And what're you doing this summer then, Harry?" Arthur asked. "Godfather of yours going to take you on a holiday, perhaps?"
"Thinking about it. Might take a house in the north and spend a month or two teaching him Quidditch," Sirius answered. "Haven't made any plans yet."
"But you'll be here for your birthday, Harry?" Molly inquired. Harry grinned at his godfather and nodded, mouth too full to talk. "Your first birthday in the Wizarding world. We ought to have a party."
"I don't -- " Remus started, but Ron and Ginny drowned him out.
"Let's," Ron begged. "He's never had a proper birthday, he told me so."
"Would you like a party, Harry?" Sirius inquired.
Harry put down his fork and appeared to think seriously about it for a minute.
"Can I have a cake?" he finally asked. Sirius grinned. "And party hats?"
"And balloons if you like."
"I'd like that."
"Then it's settled. We'll have it here," Molly announced. "With the twins and Ron and Ginny, and Percy and Bill."
"Can I invite Oliver too?" Harry asked Remus, who glanced at Molly.
"Oliver?" she asked.
"He's a friend from school," Percy put in.
"The one who's always loaning out his Quidditch magazines to Harry," Remus reminded Sirius.
"I don't think so," Sirius said gently. "He doesn't know who you are, Harry, and the more people who know...the more danger you're in."
"Percy, don't let Scabbers up on the table," Molly scolded. "It's unhygenic."
"He got away from me," Percy protested, plucking the unlucky rat from a bowl of roasted potatoes.
"But you'll have all the Weasleys, and Sirius and I," Remus continued. "That'll be enough, won't it, Harry?"
Harry nodded and exchanged a grin with Ron, who flicked a piece of chicken at him.
To the Next Part
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He liked Moony and liked the sound of Moony's voice and the way he always crouched to hug Harry goodnight and the look in his eyes when he was frustrated and Moony when he was tired and Moony when he burned the scrambled eggs in the morning and then ate them anyway, and he liked how Moony's body felt against him.
... is that sentence supposed to read like that? o.o Seems kind of wacky. I don't know if I have your website's version saved to HD, but if it was like this there, I must not have noticed it before.
I am so glad you've started this journal. Finding your website down was rather upsetting, since you're one of the few writers I follow through their websites rather than their journals. ^^;; I'm very fond of this series, anyway!
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I'm glad I did too -- now I can reply directly to feedback!
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Haha, it's reading more smoothly for me now. ^^;; I think I was just in the wrong frame of mind to parse it as intended? For some reason I wasn't breaking along the "and"s but between them. <clearly deluded!>
... having finished HBP yesterday, I and the rest of your f-list would just like to say that I'm really looking forward to what you'll be doing with Laocoon's Children when the time comes, and good luck! ^^;;; (Though by then you'd probably have book 7 canon to work with, hmm.)
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er. Which is all to say, thank you :)
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Neither man could honestly claim that they thought Harry had any great talent, but by god he knew what he liked. Dogs and frogs.
LOL.
I do like how you write the complexities of the relationship between Sirius and Remus. It's not mad pash or anything of the sort. I especially like the hodgepodge of feelings Sirius is experiencing. Wow.
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They also had to have words with the Weasley parents about their children; it seemed obvious that Harry would still visit over the summer, and as Bill and Percy -- who knew him only as Parvus -- would be home, they would have to be sworn into the secret.
Just curiously, what about Charlie? Is he not mentioned because he hadn't had any interaction with "Parvus", while Bill and Percy have? I was just a bit confused.
Oh, and this story is still amazing, even the
secondthird time around. ^___^ I am so fond of your Snape.no subject
OH SNAP!!!!
oh, damn you, Peter Pettigrew!!!
DAMN YOU!
the most wonderful thing about you and EmmaFrost's fanfic works is that you create people so convincingly real that you feel you KNOW these people. When Sirius and Remus have their little quips, I feel like I'm actually intruding on something personal.
But your writings that deal with bliss are truly...well... blissful.
I love your style and stories.
I'm glad I have more to read, yet!
Re: OH SNAP!!!!
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ARGH!
--Cutest Snape ever. Wonderful stuff. I can see why this came so highly reccommended. ^_^
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"They weren't the most hospitable of people," Remus murmured. He'd met Sirius' mother once, before her death; she'd actually come to Sandust, Merlin alone knew why. It had been ugly.
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;-)
Stealing Harry, 15 - 17 of 28
I really love your Snape portrayal, too. :)
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*explodes*
I love how in many ways, Sirius is a kid himself. BUt can be responsible.
I just realised: what about Hagrid? I hope he shows up soon...
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"Aren't you going to watch the game?"
"No," Sirius said with a grin. "I'm going to watch Harry watch the game."
Silence. He glanced over at Remus, who was looking at him with an indefinable expression; confused wasn't quite the word for it, but it came close. "What is it?"
"Nothing," Remus said quickly, turning to watch the players enter the Pitch. "Sometimes you surprise me, that's all.")
This story makes me 'Awww' alot.
("Oh, I shouldn't, if I were you, Harry, you're far too intelligent to go wasting time hitting people who don't agree with you," he said, to the imaginary Harry. "You're far better off trying to set an example for those who look up to you.")
Oh, I love that part.
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Did you mean sententiously?
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"Percy, don't let Scabbers up on the table," Molly scolded. "It's unhygenic."
"He got away from me," Percy protested, plucking the unlucky rat from a bowl of roasted potatoes.
It seems so insignificant, but it's quite obviously not. Great, great work! All of it, wonderful!
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The scene with Snape and Sirius was hilarious. I loved how Remus acted in it.
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"Aren't you going to watch the game?"
"No," Sirius said with a grin. "I'm going to watch Harry watch the game."
Silence. He glanced over at Remus, who was looking at him with an indefinable expression; confused wasn't quite the word for it, but it came close. "What is it?"
"Nothing," Remus said quickly, turning to watch the players enter the Pitch. "Sometimes you surprise me, that's all."
= <3
I was going to wait until I finished to leave a proper review/comment, but I liked that bit so much that I couldn't wait lol. This is really fantastic.
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I have just finished re-reading SH and LC, up to and including the books 4-7 notes, and may I say again how much I enjoyed it. It stayed in my head for days like a very good book. SH was one of the first HP fics I ever read and it set a ridiculously high standard for everything I read afterwards.
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I'm so glad you still enjoy the story :)
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microwave two cut-up oranges just covered in water in a jug on high for ten minutes, cool and puree, whisk together six eggs and 1 (metric) cup caster sugar till pale, gently stir in 250g ground almonds, stir in the puree oranges and some poppy seeds, bake in a 22cm cake tin for 40-50 min at 160 celsius. a marmalade glaze is nice.
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Hope your mum likes it!
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(I agree, this fic stays in my head.)
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