sam_storyteller (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sam_storyteller) wrote2005-07-11 09:07 pm
sam_storyteller) wrote2005-07-11 09:07 pm
I Don't Have To Like Him. PG-13.
Summary: House is Cuddy's donor. That doesn't mean...well, you know.
Warnings: None.
Also available at AO3.
***
"This is sexy," House said, leaning on the counter of the exam room in the fertility office.
"Shut up, House," Cuddy answered, shifting uncomfortably on the bed.
"No, I mean it. Paper hospital gowns are hot. Of course, I get less of a clevage peep than normal -- "
"My child is going to be concieved in this room, do you think you could maybe not make remarks about my breasts here?" she inquired.
"I'm pretty sure most children are concieved while at least one person is making remarks about the other's breasts. I can't wait until breastfeeding commences," he said with relish.
"Are you trying to talk me out of this?"
"Would I do a thing like that?"
"Considering your fear of commitment? I'm shocked you even agreed to do this."
He looked puzzled. "I'm not afraid of commitment. Eels, yes, and I keep having this dream about falling off a rollercoaster -- "
"You've had two dates in five years!"
"Keeping track?" he quirked an eyebrow. "Stacy moved in with me a week after we met. On my invitation. Reluctance to commit to the wrong person doesn't imply fear of committing to everyone."
She tilted her head to one side. "And I'm not the wrong person?"
Occasionally he got this look, when he couldn't refute something, that resembled nothing so much as a deer in the headlights. Then he'd look away -- ah, there -- and duck his head, and change the subject.
"So what are you going to tell people when they ask who the father is?" he said.
"What I would have told them anyway. I had artificial insemination and you've agreed to be my OB."
"Yeah, they'll buy that."
"Do you want in on the birth or not? It's OB or lamaze coach."
A muscle in his jaw tightened. "No incompetent gynecologist who washed out of surgical is going to kill my kid. You know infant mortality rates in this country."
"Your kid, huh?"
"Listen, I just don't want to have to jerk into a cup a second time."
"Nice change from a towel, though."
He clutched his heart dramatically. "Slain!"
"Funny. Where is the damn doctor?"
"Knocking up some other broad."
"Did you just call me a broad?"
"By the time House Junior shows up you'll definitely be bro -- "
"House Junior."
"You're going to saddle your offspring with your last name? I thought -- "
"House. Junior."
" -- the American dream was to give kids a better future than their parents."
"I'm not giving her your name," she retorted.
"Him."
"Although Damien House does have a nice ring to it."
"Whatever you say, Rosemary."
"Why. Why did I think this would be a good idea?" She rubbed her forehead. "Of all the doctors -- I could have had Wilson here, you know, holding my hand and stroking my fevered brow..."
She stopped because House had closed the distance between himself and the bed, picking up her fingers with his left hand and clasping them gently. His right hand brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes.
"If you wanted that," he said softly, and with a wide, mischevious grin, "You should have gotten Cameron to be your donor."
The door opened and he stepped backwards as swiftly as his leg would allow, standing still and remarkably quiet as the fertility doctor entered.
"Hello Lisa!" she said with a smile. "Hi, Greg."
"Anne," Cuddy said warmly. House muttered something under his breath.
"Ready to become parents?" Anne asked brightly.
"Christ, is that why we're here? I thought we were buying a car!" House replied.
"You'd better hope the baby gets your personality," Anne said to Cuddy. "The good news is, you're ready to go. Greg, if you get squeamish around girl parts -- "
"I'm a doctor," he said sharply.
"So am I, but you should see me around snakes."
"Do you encounter many snakes as a fertility expert?" House asked, sounding almost interested. She rolled her eyes.
"Stick around, you might learn something," Cuddy said, as she put her feet in the stirrups.
"Plus, hot girl on girl action!"
"I'm hoping he's the result of nurture, not nature," Cuddy said to Anne.
"He's got dreamy eyes," Anne stage-whispered back.
"I'm in hell," House announced.
"Wait till the baby comes before you tell me about hell," Anne remarked, holding up what looked remarkably like the product of the union between a syringe and a turkey baster. "Say hello to your swimmers."
"Say goodbye to your donor," House said, making for the door.
"Don't you dare -- "
"It's all you, boys!" House called over his shoulder. "Last one in's a rotten egg!"
Cuddy looked at Anne as the door swung shut.
"He has an IQ of two hundred and five," she said.
"And dreamy eyes," Anne agreed. "Besides, he likes you. I can tell."
"I hope not," Cuddy said, closing her eyes. "That would make life ridiculously complicated."
"Don't you like him?"
"God, no."
"Then why...?"
Cuddy smiled. "I trust him. I don't have to like him."
END
Warnings: None.
Also available at AO3.
***
"This is sexy," House said, leaning on the counter of the exam room in the fertility office.
"Shut up, House," Cuddy answered, shifting uncomfortably on the bed.
"No, I mean it. Paper hospital gowns are hot. Of course, I get less of a clevage peep than normal -- "
"My child is going to be concieved in this room, do you think you could maybe not make remarks about my breasts here?" she inquired.
"I'm pretty sure most children are concieved while at least one person is making remarks about the other's breasts. I can't wait until breastfeeding commences," he said with relish.
"Are you trying to talk me out of this?"
"Would I do a thing like that?"
"Considering your fear of commitment? I'm shocked you even agreed to do this."
He looked puzzled. "I'm not afraid of commitment. Eels, yes, and I keep having this dream about falling off a rollercoaster -- "
"You've had two dates in five years!"
"Keeping track?" he quirked an eyebrow. "Stacy moved in with me a week after we met. On my invitation. Reluctance to commit to the wrong person doesn't imply fear of committing to everyone."
She tilted her head to one side. "And I'm not the wrong person?"
Occasionally he got this look, when he couldn't refute something, that resembled nothing so much as a deer in the headlights. Then he'd look away -- ah, there -- and duck his head, and change the subject.
"So what are you going to tell people when they ask who the father is?" he said.
"What I would have told them anyway. I had artificial insemination and you've agreed to be my OB."
"Yeah, they'll buy that."
"Do you want in on the birth or not? It's OB or lamaze coach."
A muscle in his jaw tightened. "No incompetent gynecologist who washed out of surgical is going to kill my kid. You know infant mortality rates in this country."
"Your kid, huh?"
"Listen, I just don't want to have to jerk into a cup a second time."
"Nice change from a towel, though."
He clutched his heart dramatically. "Slain!"
"Funny. Where is the damn doctor?"
"Knocking up some other broad."
"Did you just call me a broad?"
"By the time House Junior shows up you'll definitely be bro -- "
"House Junior."
"You're going to saddle your offspring with your last name? I thought -- "
"House. Junior."
" -- the American dream was to give kids a better future than their parents."
"I'm not giving her your name," she retorted.
"Him."
"Although Damien House does have a nice ring to it."
"Whatever you say, Rosemary."
"Why. Why did I think this would be a good idea?" She rubbed her forehead. "Of all the doctors -- I could have had Wilson here, you know, holding my hand and stroking my fevered brow..."
She stopped because House had closed the distance between himself and the bed, picking up her fingers with his left hand and clasping them gently. His right hand brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes.
"If you wanted that," he said softly, and with a wide, mischevious grin, "You should have gotten Cameron to be your donor."
The door opened and he stepped backwards as swiftly as his leg would allow, standing still and remarkably quiet as the fertility doctor entered.
"Hello Lisa!" she said with a smile. "Hi, Greg."
"Anne," Cuddy said warmly. House muttered something under his breath.
"Ready to become parents?" Anne asked brightly.
"Christ, is that why we're here? I thought we were buying a car!" House replied.
"You'd better hope the baby gets your personality," Anne said to Cuddy. "The good news is, you're ready to go. Greg, if you get squeamish around girl parts -- "
"I'm a doctor," he said sharply.
"So am I, but you should see me around snakes."
"Do you encounter many snakes as a fertility expert?" House asked, sounding almost interested. She rolled her eyes.
"Stick around, you might learn something," Cuddy said, as she put her feet in the stirrups.
"Plus, hot girl on girl action!"
"I'm hoping he's the result of nurture, not nature," Cuddy said to Anne.
"He's got dreamy eyes," Anne stage-whispered back.
"I'm in hell," House announced.
"Wait till the baby comes before you tell me about hell," Anne remarked, holding up what looked remarkably like the product of the union between a syringe and a turkey baster. "Say hello to your swimmers."
"Say goodbye to your donor," House said, making for the door.
"Don't you dare -- "
"It's all you, boys!" House called over his shoulder. "Last one in's a rotten egg!"
Cuddy looked at Anne as the door swung shut.
"He has an IQ of two hundred and five," she said.
"And dreamy eyes," Anne agreed. "Besides, he likes you. I can tell."
"I hope not," Cuddy said, closing her eyes. "That would make life ridiculously complicated."
"Don't you like him?"
"God, no."
"Then why...?"
Cuddy smiled. "I trust him. I don't have to like him."
END
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