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sam_storyteller) wrote2005-07-17 10:10 am
sam_storyteller) wrote2005-07-17 10:10 am
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The Rules Of Torchwood Three: Nicholas Redux 2 of 4
Title: The Rules Of Torchwood Three: Nicholas Redux 2 of 4
Rating: PG-13 for shenanigans and greenhouses.
Characters: Jack, Team, OMC. Canon pairings.
Summary: After Jack disappears, Torchwood hires a new tea boy -- someone to fetch and carry and take some of the burden off Ianto's shoulders. Nicholas knows his place is in the shadows, but he watches and listens as the dramas of Torchwood play out around him. And he learns all the rules.
Notes: AU for the second season, but only slightly. Spoilers through 2.12.
***
Unauthorised Police Public Call Boxes are required to give advance notice before arrival.
Jack's handwriting: WE SAID we're sorry.
Nicholas has to bring the drinks up to the conference room. Captain Harkness keeps giving him the once-over as if he's a stray cat who wandered in, and Captain Hart keeps giving him the once-over as if he's an attractive proposition. He isn't called to stay in the conference (that's fine; he rarely does, Gwen or Mr. Jones will tell him what he needs to know) but as he's leaving, Captain Hart wolf-whistles and he stops and stiffens, unable to help himself.
"So you do have a blond," he says. "Who do you belong to, gorgeous?"
Nicholas turns, uncertain how to reply.
"Me," Mr. Jones says simply. Both Captains look at Mr. Jones, Hart in amusement, Harkness in amazement. "Paw the help and you'll be surprised how fast he bites, Captain Hart."
"I like biting," Captain Hart says. Nicholas feels himself blushing.
"You won't when he does it," Mr. Jones retorts. "That's all, Nicholas."
Nicholas keeps out from underfoot for the rest of the evening; the team leaves again and, while he hears back once from Tosh, Mr. Jones and Captain Harkness don't contact him at all. He worries, of course, but there is still cleaning to do and there are reports to collate.
He is unaware the comms have been jammed until he hears the rolldoor opening, and then -- expecting Mr. Jones -- he is not ready for Captain Hart.
The real problem is that he never did get that firearms training, and Captain Hart shoots him in the shoulder.
Which sort of hurts, really.
***
We do not humour the whims of time-traveling ex-partners.
[Evidence of Jack's handwriting has been erased.]
Owen patches him up while the others confront the Captain (and he hears something, as if from far away, something about Captain Harkness being unable to die) and then there's a bomb and handcuffs and a ten-minute time limit and Nicholas feels as if this is all a bit much, suddenly, right before everyone is gone again.
He tries the comms, then their phones, but all he gets is static. Since Cardiff hasn't been blown up he feels that everything probably came out all right, but it's still an hour before he hears from any of the team.
"Is this Nicholas?" says that smooth American voice in his ear.
"Captain Harkness. Nice to hear you're still alive, sir," Nicholas says, flooding with relief.
"I could say the same. How's your shoulder?"
"Flesh wound, sir." He hesitates. "Is Mr. Jones there?"
A chuckle. "Yeah. Come on up, we're on the Plass. I'm taking you two to breakfast. I've heard a lot about you from Ianto."
Nicholas wonders exactly what the hell is going on and when Mr. Jones had time to talk to Captain Harkness about trivialities like Nicholas. Still, breakfast is breakfast.
They're settled into a breakfast place that Captain Harkness swears serves the best fried eggs on the planet; Mr. Jones is sitting on one side, Nicholas on the other, with the Captain expansive and smiling in the middle. A smile that does not quite reach his eyes.
"Two beautiful men and a hot meal," he says, and Nicholas glances at Mr. Jones. Mr. Jones is serenely taking this remark in stride; apparently this is the Captain's way. "Life is good."
He leans forward and turns to Nicholas. "So. You're our new General Support. Ianto says you've been useful."
Nicholas smiles hesitantly. Captain Harkness is huge, somehow, taking up all the available charisma in the room. "Yes, Captain. I've tried to be of help."
"You like working for Torchwood?"
"Very much, sir."
"What is it with the sirs?" Captain Harkness asks, turning to Mr. Jones. "Did you teach him that?"
"He came that way," Mr. Jones answers. "Can't get him to stop calling me Mr. Jones. Good for the ego, though."
"What's your stance on sexual harassment?" Captain Harkness asks, turning back to Nicholas. His hand lands on Nicholas's knee, which from anyone else would be deeply uncomfortable, but from him somehow...isn't.
Later, Mr. Jones will say to him, "Jack's just like that," and Nicholas will agree. For now, he meets Captain Harkness's deep blue eyes and smiles.
"I'll let you know if I ever encounter any," he says, and Captain Harkness laughs.
"Let's keep him," he tells Mr. Jones.
Nicholas sees a look on Mr. Jones's face that he can't describe. He doesn't have to, though, because he can feel it inside of him: Captain Harkness is big and loud and American, he talks with his mouth full, he is obviously chasing Mr. Jones shamelessly, he has no personal boundaries at all, and after half an hour in his presence Nicholas would gladly get mauled by a Weevil for the Captain's sake.
***
We do not sniff any of the resonators, especially the sub-etheric.
Captain Harkness lives at the Hub. This takes some getting used-to, because aside from Mr. Jones, Nicholas is there the most. But it's no bother really, because Mr. Jones looks after the Captain personally. And, with Mr. Jones as an infallible guide, Nicholas finds himself falling into a new rhythm, easy as that, working around and alongside the Captain. Captain Harkness says to call him Jack, but Nicholas finds himself stuttering every time he tries, so he gives up after a while.
All of them adore the Captain, that much is obvious. They fight with him and shout at him and once in a while there are glares that would freeze you to your seat (the Captain is clearly a Captain, he must be ex-military) but they love him. And, as Nicholas is just the tea boy, he feels pretty secure. Besides, Mr. Jones has all but put a collar on him; Mr. Jones would protect him if the Captain were angry.
Nicholas loves them, even Owen, but Mr. Jones most of all. He would love the Captain, but he's a little afraid to.
Amy sometimes complains now, about how much time he spends at work, but Nicholas knows she has friends and places to go and things to do, and she'll be fine.
***
When dying, we will make every effort not to bleed on the SUV's upholstery.
When they come back from chasing down the Sleepers, Nicholas is in the parking lot waiting for them, and he sees the Captain pale and bloody on the passenger's seat, his skin grey. He drops the coffee all over the cement.
"Nicholas," Mr. Jones says. "Come here."
Nicholas helps to lift the Captain out, body already cooling, and there's so much blood. It's not fair; he only just met him, and Mr. Jones will go back to being sad and silent and Gwen will cry and Nicholas isn't sure he has enough tissues.
When the Captain is laid out in the morgue, shirt stripped off (but trousers still on, though they're bloody too), Mr. Jones turns to him.
"There's something you should know about Jack," he says.
Then the Captain inhales.
Nicholas doesn't stop shaking for two hours. The Captain seems very amused.
***
We do not use Ianto's screwdriver set to try and pry open locked boxes. They are obviously locked for a reason.
Gwen's handwriting: Can't resist a puzzle. I'll buy you a new set.
Nicholas wonders sometimes, watching the Captain, if he's caught Mr. Jones yet.
After all, Mr. Jones does not seem to be running very hard.
***
We do not refer to Rhys as Tonto, Robin, or Arthur.
Nicholas thinks Rhys is a decent bloke. Pretty smart, too; he can't imagine showing Amy all this without Amy throwing an absolute fit. And it's quite nice that he took a bullet for Gwen, though everyone's agreed that Gwen should probably take her own bullets, this being the twenty-first century and all.
After the excitement has died down (and Gwen's thrown another fit at the Captain, which is becoming an annoying routine), Nicholas sees that Mr. Jones is tired, and sends him home. Mr. Jones does not want to go, but Nicholas insists, and says that he'll manage the Captain for one evening.
"Manage me, huh?" the Captain asks, as soon as Mr. Jones is gone. Damn. "How are you going to manage me, Nicholas?"
Nicholas is prepared, however.
"I believe, sir, that I ought to have some firearms training," he says boldly. The Captain's grin tells him all he needs, in conjunction with Gwen's earlier giggles over the phrase. "I'm told you're quite the expert."
Down in the range, the Captain teaches him how to load; he's pleased to know Nicholas already knows how to clean a gun, which Mr. Jones taught him late one night when everyone else had gone home. The Captain's hands are huge and warm on Nicholas's as he shows him how to hold the weapon, then how to fire. Nicholas is off by a mile.
"Here, like this," the Captain says, and steadies his arm with one hand. The other, disconcertingly, goes around his waist, pulling them together.
He's quite positive that the Captain didn't have a gun in his pocket. Which means that the Captain must be very happy to see him.
Still, and rather oddly, there's absolutely no inappropriate behaviour. The Captain touches his arms and shoulders constantly, but he never gropes him, it's never even a caress. His breath is warm in Nicholas's ear, but he never bites or licks or kisses. Yes, there's another man's erection pressed against his arse, but there's no thrusting or anything. Perhaps it is a gun.
At the end of the session, Captain Harkness looks more cheerful than he did. Nicholas thanks him, cleans the guns, locks up, goes home, and -- still smelling of gunpowder -- grabs Amy, pulling her into the bedroom.
The sex is astounding, world-shaking even. It's one of the best shags of his life.
The next morning, he realises Amy had planned an evening. And that evening was going to be spent dumping him. He realises this when she dumps him over breakfast and says she's moving back to Edinburgh.
At least he gets to keep the flat.
***
We will respect Owen's desire to become a vegetarian and we will not slip beef into his chili when he is not looking.
He's not certain if he can really talk to anyone about Amy dumping him.
Owen's right out, though he does think Owen would take him out drinking and help him drown his sorrows. After hours of mocking, on the other hand, and Nicholas isn't sure he can deal with that. He'd like to tell Owen, and that surprises him, because in the general way of things Owen is not his favourite person on Earth.
Tosh is best with computers, better than she is with people; she wouldn't know what to say to him, and he'd rather not inflict the awkwardness on her.
Gwen would pet him and coddle him, and he doesn't want coddling. He's hardly seen Amy, the last few weeks, and finds that while he feels bad about the loss, he doesn't care overmuch. Amy seems so...banal, after all he's been through with Torchwood.
Mr. Jones...no. Ditto the Captain.
So he goes quietly about his day and doesn't talk about it much, hoping nobody will notice.
The Captain stops him, around dinner time, a hand on his arm.
"Dumped you, huh?" he asks, without particular sympathy. Nicholas gapes at him. "I've been around. I know what it looks like. OWEN!"
Nicholas closes his eyes.
"YEAH?" Owen calls.
"NICHOLAS WAS DUMPED. TAKE HIM OUT."
Everyone is staring. Nicholas could melt into the floor. Owen comes up out of the medical bay.
"Fine, but you're paying," he says to Nicholas. And just like that, the Captain has solved his problem.
"Okay," Nicholas agrees weakly.
Owen grins at him. "Now, the big question. Are you now, Nicholas, or have you ever been, a heterosexual?"
"You people and your labels!"
"Come on Jeeves," Owen says, over the Captain's diatribe. It's one Nicholas has heard before, by now. "Girls exclusively? Interested in boys? Both?"
Nicholas casts a sidelong look at the others.
"Both?" he ventures. The Captain blinks at him.
"GAY BAR," Tosh and Gwen say, and each of them takes him by the arm enthusiastically.
As they march him out, Nicholas looks over his shoulder and mouths Help me at Mr. Jones. Mr. Jones, however, just grins and waves.
Bastard.
***
Gwen's handwriting: We do not stun-gun people in the head if it is avoidable.
We do not know what Gwen is talking about.
The bar ends up being kind of fun. Tosh makes eyes at Owen all night, while Owen grumbles about being secure in his sexuality and fends off a remarkable number of suitors. Gwen drinks things with lots of fruit in them, and Nicholas feels very, very attractive after the fourth or fifth phone number he collects. He'd never call them; he's not that kind of boy. But the attention is awfully nice.
He'd try to pull Tosh if she weren't so obviously into Owen.
At the end of the night he pours all three of them into cabs, sends them on their way, and walks home in the cool night air, alone.
It's been a very good night.
He's up early the next morning, and greets the three of them with hangover remedies as they come in.
***
We do not read other peoples' reports, computer screens, or diaries without permission.
Nicholas knows that Retcon has one failing: you can be triggered to remember, and if you work at it you can even install a trigger. Once they've all forgotten, Adam should die, so he feels no guilt over focusing on the Captain's coat and running the whole weekend over and over again in his head, so that when he sees the Captain the following day he'll remember.
The Captain calls him in on Monday afternoon.
"Do you remember where our two days went?" he asks.
"Yes," Nicholas admits, though he doesn't know how the Captain knows that. The memory unfurls before him, like a TV drama he saw but had no part in. He can see Owen in his silly cardigan, trailing after Tosh like a puppy; he can see some kind of darkness in Mr. Jones's eyes that he can't explain. He can see Tosh kissing Adam passionately, and even now he wants to punch Adam across the face for what he did to Tosh, to all of them. He can see Gwen, lost and confused with an engagement ring from a man she's never met. He can see what Adam thought would be best for all of them (except maybe Mr. Jones).
He can see Gwen propositioning him, saying that she's loved him forever, which he supposes was Adam's attempt to make Gwen happy.
He can see himself, almost unchanged, but kicked up to field agent while Mr. Jones drops back to play butler. Adam didn't know him. Adam had no clue.
He hates Adam passionately.
"Can you tell us what happened?" the Captain asks. "Can you tell us why you remember?"
"I think it's best left alone," Nicholas says quietly. He knows this is likely to cause a firestorm of anger from the Captain, but instead the Captain just smiles a little. In that moment, Nicholas knows, he could call him Jack without stuttering.
In the darkened room -- Gwen loving Rhys and Jack in different ways, Owen suffering his mother's cruelty, Tosh and her love of mathematics, Mr. Jones and his need for purpose, his need for Jack. Nicholas, and his first day at Torchwood, falling in love with everything about it.
"I'm old enough to know when not to ask," Jack says. "You okay keeping this secret?"
Yes. Nicholas is okay.
***
WE DO NOT FIRE THE SINGULARITY SCALPEL AT IANTO.
Nicholas falls hard for Martha Jones from the moment he sees her. She's gorgeous and talented and witty and hardcore. She's stupendous. He just wants to grab her and kiss her. He divines from Jack that this is perhaps not uncommon. Jack looks like he wants to grab her and kiss her too.
It's wonderful really, because Nicholas knows Martha is so far out of his league it would never in a million years happen, so it's like looking at this amazing work of art. It's just beautiful.
Tosh teases him about it. Nicholas doesn't care. He is beginning to discover a capacity that he thinks is not unlike Jack's: falling in and out of love with practiced ease.
He wonders eagerly who he'll fall in love with next.
***
Owen's handwriting: We do not take accidental near-dismemberment personally.
Nobody cries when Owen is brought back to the Hub. It's like they can't believe it's happened. They're pale and drawn and silent, and nobody cries.
Nicholas pushes Mr. Jones away gently and puts himself in his place, helping Martha get the gurney out and wheel Owen to the medical bay. He hasn't known Owen as long as the others, this should be his job.
They undress him carefully in silence, while the others gather somewhere and talk in low tones. Jack didn't come back with them. He doesn't know where Jack went.
He washes Owen himself, telling Martha she doesn't have to be there. As he washes him, he cries just a little.
***
Martha has a boyfriend. Yes, still. Yes. Still.
Martha's handwriting: And if I didn't I'd shag Ianto first.
Thank you, Martha.
Nicholas is afraid of death, but it's inevitable, so he doesn't spend much energy on it. He's more afraid of old age, of losing the power in his muscles, the flexibility in his joints.
Still, he stays in the hospital room with Martha and her frightening wrinkles, sends Mr. Jones off to help Tosh, and works like hell to try and find some answers, all the while with Jack demanding them in his ear. There is chaos of all kinds and screaming and Tosh cursing and Jack cursing and then sudden silence.
"Jack?" he asks. "Tosh? Owen? Mr. Jones?"
Silence.
"Anyone?"
Then a hand grabs him and he shrieks and turns and Martha's there and she's okay and he's laughing and he kisses her, and she kisses back, and then she looks so totally embarrassed.
By god, she's a beautiful woman. And it's lovely that he got to kiss her.
And now they have work to do.
***
To reiterate: We do not trust the undead nor take them on field trips. A significant goal of Torchwood Three is a decrease in the number of undead per fiscal year.
Owen's handwriting: Get stuffed, Jones.
"How long's he been under for?" Nicholas asks. Jack is standing on the decks, holding a stopwatch; Owen is out there in the bay somewhere, being not-dead.
"About ten minutes," Jack says.
"Shall I get some towels?"
"Yeah. And probably a bucket for the sea water."
"Charming."
"Take your time with those towels," Jack adds, as Nicholas walks across the Plass. "Owen looks hot in wet trousers."
Nicholas snickers. It's hard to take death seriously when one of your colleagues is dead but has yet to stop being a pain in the arse.
***
When Ianto calls us on our headsets we answer promptly.
We do not make inappropriate remarks about childrens' books.
This is how Nicholas stops calling him Mr. Jones.
Owen has dumped a lot on Mr. Jones, and on Nicholas, because he's been relegated to second-class citizenship over the whole "being dead" thing. For whatever reason (Gwen says it has to do with Mr. Jones shooting Owen, which Nicholas thinks is her having him on) Owen and Mr. Jones have this deep-seated animosity going on that is fun to watch if you're not in the crossfire. So Owen mostly uses Mr. Jones as a punching bag, and Mr. Jones takes it, and Owen only works out his frustration on Nicholas when he manages to notice he's there.
"Do you fancy a drink?" Mr. Jones asks him, after Owen storms off, shouting about stupid people with stupid pulses. Nicholas, feeling a little shaky about Owen's sudden descent from arsehole to raving lunatic arsehole, absolutely does fancy a drink. "There's a pub I know. Jack's buried in research, there's no shifting him. He'll keep an eye on the Rift."
"Does it scare you, death?" Nicholas asks, as the barman brings their drinks -- a pint for Nicholas, scotch for Mr. Jones.
"It's not death so much," Mr. Jones says contemplatively. "Not mine, I mean."
"Other peoples' deaths scare you?"
"It's just..." Mr. Jones draws invisible circles on the bar with his fingertips. "The problem is, in our line of work, nobody ever dies properly. Jack's old second -- before Gwen -- she died three or four times before she'd stay down, and even so I offered to put a lock on her drawer."
"This is S. Costello, isn't it?" Nicholas asks.
"Yes. Suzie. She went daft at the end."
"After or before all the death?"
Mr. Jones sighs. "Before. And there's Jack, of course. I haven't even bothered to keep count, with him. And now Owen. And -- " he stops abruptly. Looks at Nicholas. Looks down at his drink. Drains it. Nicholas waits patiently; he's good at that.
"My girlfriend, the one I said died. She was Torchwood. She was killed at Canary Wharf. Except she wasn't...and then -- " he stops again. "She really was killed then, her mind, who she was. But her body was still intact, and it was hard to see that she was gone. Jack killed that. Killed the body. Twice. Set me free."
He rubs his forehead. "Took me months to work it all out, to figure out how to grieve. But she was already dead. And I can't -- blame Jack. Or the others. I have to believe she was dead. Otherwise I'm shagging the man who murdered her."
Ah. So Jack finally did catch Mr. Jones. Or maybe he'd been caught all along. Nicholas remembers how unhappy he could be, before Jack came back.
"So you can see why death is a bit of a puzzle for us," he says, his voice bright and brittle.
"Ianto," Nicholas says. He has to be Ianto now. He just does. "Listen, mate, I'm really sorry."
Ianto shakes his head. "No, I am. No reason to bring it up. Lisa and Jack and the whole -- "
"Clusterfuck of Torchwood?" Nicholas says lightly. Another scotch is placed in front of Ianto's hands.
"To the clusterfuck of Torchwood," Ianto says solemnly, toasting him.
***
It is not funny to leave the Zombie War Survival Guide on Owen's desk, Gwen.
Nicholas realises one night, in his flat, that really it isn't that you don't leave Torchwood. It's that Torchwood never leaves you. His bookshelves have all kinds of history books and weapons manuals and science texts on them now, as well as a few books that Jack recommended on extraterrestrial life and temporal physics. His fridge is stocked with easy-to-cook food, because you never know when the Hub will call. He doesn't watch scifi television anymore, mostly he watches the news. He hardly ever brings anyone home, though he could, simply because it's hard to make ordinary conversation these days.
Tosh says it's worth it to protect people. Gwen says it's worth it because someone has to. Owen says it isn't worth it but you've got to earn a paycheck (this is a lie, but the truth cuts Owen too deep, he suspects). Jack looks at him funny when the subject comes up. Ianto says he's still working on it.
Nicholas thinks that Torchwood is the thinking man's drug. Because what other job could possibly compare?
***
Jack's handwriting: Maternity leave is now mandatory beginning at first sign of alien impregnation. Maternity leave will be taken in the medical bay or the cells.
Owen's handwriting: Especially for the men.
Nicholas expected to be the one picked to go get Gwen a new dress, but instead Ianto insists. He says his father was a tailor. Nicholas certainly won't argue.
He stays at the Hub, monitoring things even after Jack and Ianto and Owen run off to stop the wedding and kill some aliens. Jack pages him, that evening, and says he can leave; he sounds cheerful, but there's a maudlin undertone that makes Nicholas wonder if Jack was drinking at the reception.
The next morning, there's confetti on the Hub floor. Nicholas sweeps it up without comment.
Gwen sends him a very nice postcard from the honeymoon.
***
We do not hurl unnecessary insults at aliens or innocentparents bystanders whom we believe to be aliens.
He tells his partners, "This is my mobile. If it rings, it doesn't matter what we're doing or where we are. I go running."
Some of them get it. Some of them say they do, but get mad when he stops in the middle of kissing them and answers his mobile. Some of them think he's a loser and ditch him.
Maybe they're right.
Still, when the mobile rings, he goes running.
***
We do not ask Ianto for mix CDs. He does not "spin like a mofo" and we accept that he does not find this amusing.
We do not think it is funny to install Matrix screensavers on Tosh's computer when she's not looking.
Nicholas knows in theory that Ianto and Jack go out and...do things together, like a couple, as a couple actually, and it's weird on any number of levels. Foremost is that Jack is like a zillion years old and Ianto is only a year older than Nicholas. Second, the fact that Ianto's last girlfriend died horribly and Jack can't die at all is a psychologist's wet dream. Third, Jack's his boss. Fourth, some of their dates apparently involve Weevil hunting.
But it's weirder, he thinks, to be having a drink at the bar and turn around and randomly see your boss and his boss dancing together, in amidst the other couples on the floor. Somewhat crazily, his first thought is that Jack's probably leading, and it was definitely Jack's idea to dance.
Jack's coat and overshirt are both gone, his braces hanging off his trousers, and he's grinning. Ianto's lost the suit jacket and rolled his sleeves but kept the waistcoat. His hair is mussed.
Nicholas sometimes wonders what the others think, but either out of respect for Ianto or love of Jack they don't discuss it. Long ago he learned to keep no secrets in the Hub, but this, they don't touch on.
It's a shame, because it makes Ianto happy and puts the light back in Jack's eyes, and he wishes the others were here to see.
Chapter Three
Rating: PG-13 for shenanigans and greenhouses.
Characters: Jack, Team, OMC. Canon pairings.
Summary: After Jack disappears, Torchwood hires a new tea boy -- someone to fetch and carry and take some of the burden off Ianto's shoulders. Nicholas knows his place is in the shadows, but he watches and listens as the dramas of Torchwood play out around him. And he learns all the rules.
Notes: AU for the second season, but only slightly. Spoilers through 2.12.
***
Unauthorised Police Public Call Boxes are required to give advance notice before arrival.
Jack's handwriting: WE SAID we're sorry.
Nicholas has to bring the drinks up to the conference room. Captain Harkness keeps giving him the once-over as if he's a stray cat who wandered in, and Captain Hart keeps giving him the once-over as if he's an attractive proposition. He isn't called to stay in the conference (that's fine; he rarely does, Gwen or Mr. Jones will tell him what he needs to know) but as he's leaving, Captain Hart wolf-whistles and he stops and stiffens, unable to help himself.
"So you do have a blond," he says. "Who do you belong to, gorgeous?"
Nicholas turns, uncertain how to reply.
"Me," Mr. Jones says simply. Both Captains look at Mr. Jones, Hart in amusement, Harkness in amazement. "Paw the help and you'll be surprised how fast he bites, Captain Hart."
"I like biting," Captain Hart says. Nicholas feels himself blushing.
"You won't when he does it," Mr. Jones retorts. "That's all, Nicholas."
Nicholas keeps out from underfoot for the rest of the evening; the team leaves again and, while he hears back once from Tosh, Mr. Jones and Captain Harkness don't contact him at all. He worries, of course, but there is still cleaning to do and there are reports to collate.
He is unaware the comms have been jammed until he hears the rolldoor opening, and then -- expecting Mr. Jones -- he is not ready for Captain Hart.
The real problem is that he never did get that firearms training, and Captain Hart shoots him in the shoulder.
Which sort of hurts, really.
***
We do not humour the whims of time-traveling ex-partners.
[Evidence of Jack's handwriting has been erased.]
Owen patches him up while the others confront the Captain (and he hears something, as if from far away, something about Captain Harkness being unable to die) and then there's a bomb and handcuffs and a ten-minute time limit and Nicholas feels as if this is all a bit much, suddenly, right before everyone is gone again.
He tries the comms, then their phones, but all he gets is static. Since Cardiff hasn't been blown up he feels that everything probably came out all right, but it's still an hour before he hears from any of the team.
"Is this Nicholas?" says that smooth American voice in his ear.
"Captain Harkness. Nice to hear you're still alive, sir," Nicholas says, flooding with relief.
"I could say the same. How's your shoulder?"
"Flesh wound, sir." He hesitates. "Is Mr. Jones there?"
A chuckle. "Yeah. Come on up, we're on the Plass. I'm taking you two to breakfast. I've heard a lot about you from Ianto."
Nicholas wonders exactly what the hell is going on and when Mr. Jones had time to talk to Captain Harkness about trivialities like Nicholas. Still, breakfast is breakfast.
They're settled into a breakfast place that Captain Harkness swears serves the best fried eggs on the planet; Mr. Jones is sitting on one side, Nicholas on the other, with the Captain expansive and smiling in the middle. A smile that does not quite reach his eyes.
"Two beautiful men and a hot meal," he says, and Nicholas glances at Mr. Jones. Mr. Jones is serenely taking this remark in stride; apparently this is the Captain's way. "Life is good."
He leans forward and turns to Nicholas. "So. You're our new General Support. Ianto says you've been useful."
Nicholas smiles hesitantly. Captain Harkness is huge, somehow, taking up all the available charisma in the room. "Yes, Captain. I've tried to be of help."
"You like working for Torchwood?"
"Very much, sir."
"What is it with the sirs?" Captain Harkness asks, turning to Mr. Jones. "Did you teach him that?"
"He came that way," Mr. Jones answers. "Can't get him to stop calling me Mr. Jones. Good for the ego, though."
"What's your stance on sexual harassment?" Captain Harkness asks, turning back to Nicholas. His hand lands on Nicholas's knee, which from anyone else would be deeply uncomfortable, but from him somehow...isn't.
Later, Mr. Jones will say to him, "Jack's just like that," and Nicholas will agree. For now, he meets Captain Harkness's deep blue eyes and smiles.
"I'll let you know if I ever encounter any," he says, and Captain Harkness laughs.
"Let's keep him," he tells Mr. Jones.
Nicholas sees a look on Mr. Jones's face that he can't describe. He doesn't have to, though, because he can feel it inside of him: Captain Harkness is big and loud and American, he talks with his mouth full, he is obviously chasing Mr. Jones shamelessly, he has no personal boundaries at all, and after half an hour in his presence Nicholas would gladly get mauled by a Weevil for the Captain's sake.
***
We do not sniff any of the resonators, especially the sub-etheric.
Captain Harkness lives at the Hub. This takes some getting used-to, because aside from Mr. Jones, Nicholas is there the most. But it's no bother really, because Mr. Jones looks after the Captain personally. And, with Mr. Jones as an infallible guide, Nicholas finds himself falling into a new rhythm, easy as that, working around and alongside the Captain. Captain Harkness says to call him Jack, but Nicholas finds himself stuttering every time he tries, so he gives up after a while.
All of them adore the Captain, that much is obvious. They fight with him and shout at him and once in a while there are glares that would freeze you to your seat (the Captain is clearly a Captain, he must be ex-military) but they love him. And, as Nicholas is just the tea boy, he feels pretty secure. Besides, Mr. Jones has all but put a collar on him; Mr. Jones would protect him if the Captain were angry.
Nicholas loves them, even Owen, but Mr. Jones most of all. He would love the Captain, but he's a little afraid to.
Amy sometimes complains now, about how much time he spends at work, but Nicholas knows she has friends and places to go and things to do, and she'll be fine.
***
When dying, we will make every effort not to bleed on the SUV's upholstery.
When they come back from chasing down the Sleepers, Nicholas is in the parking lot waiting for them, and he sees the Captain pale and bloody on the passenger's seat, his skin grey. He drops the coffee all over the cement.
"Nicholas," Mr. Jones says. "Come here."
Nicholas helps to lift the Captain out, body already cooling, and there's so much blood. It's not fair; he only just met him, and Mr. Jones will go back to being sad and silent and Gwen will cry and Nicholas isn't sure he has enough tissues.
When the Captain is laid out in the morgue, shirt stripped off (but trousers still on, though they're bloody too), Mr. Jones turns to him.
"There's something you should know about Jack," he says.
Then the Captain inhales.
Nicholas doesn't stop shaking for two hours. The Captain seems very amused.
***
We do not use Ianto's screwdriver set to try and pry open locked boxes. They are obviously locked for a reason.
Gwen's handwriting: Can't resist a puzzle. I'll buy you a new set.
Nicholas wonders sometimes, watching the Captain, if he's caught Mr. Jones yet.
After all, Mr. Jones does not seem to be running very hard.
***
We do not refer to Rhys as Tonto, Robin, or Arthur.
Nicholas thinks Rhys is a decent bloke. Pretty smart, too; he can't imagine showing Amy all this without Amy throwing an absolute fit. And it's quite nice that he took a bullet for Gwen, though everyone's agreed that Gwen should probably take her own bullets, this being the twenty-first century and all.
After the excitement has died down (and Gwen's thrown another fit at the Captain, which is becoming an annoying routine), Nicholas sees that Mr. Jones is tired, and sends him home. Mr. Jones does not want to go, but Nicholas insists, and says that he'll manage the Captain for one evening.
"Manage me, huh?" the Captain asks, as soon as Mr. Jones is gone. Damn. "How are you going to manage me, Nicholas?"
Nicholas is prepared, however.
"I believe, sir, that I ought to have some firearms training," he says boldly. The Captain's grin tells him all he needs, in conjunction with Gwen's earlier giggles over the phrase. "I'm told you're quite the expert."
Down in the range, the Captain teaches him how to load; he's pleased to know Nicholas already knows how to clean a gun, which Mr. Jones taught him late one night when everyone else had gone home. The Captain's hands are huge and warm on Nicholas's as he shows him how to hold the weapon, then how to fire. Nicholas is off by a mile.
"Here, like this," the Captain says, and steadies his arm with one hand. The other, disconcertingly, goes around his waist, pulling them together.
He's quite positive that the Captain didn't have a gun in his pocket. Which means that the Captain must be very happy to see him.
Still, and rather oddly, there's absolutely no inappropriate behaviour. The Captain touches his arms and shoulders constantly, but he never gropes him, it's never even a caress. His breath is warm in Nicholas's ear, but he never bites or licks or kisses. Yes, there's another man's erection pressed against his arse, but there's no thrusting or anything. Perhaps it is a gun.
At the end of the session, Captain Harkness looks more cheerful than he did. Nicholas thanks him, cleans the guns, locks up, goes home, and -- still smelling of gunpowder -- grabs Amy, pulling her into the bedroom.
The sex is astounding, world-shaking even. It's one of the best shags of his life.
The next morning, he realises Amy had planned an evening. And that evening was going to be spent dumping him. He realises this when she dumps him over breakfast and says she's moving back to Edinburgh.
At least he gets to keep the flat.
***
We will respect Owen's desire to become a vegetarian and we will not slip beef into his chili when he is not looking.
He's not certain if he can really talk to anyone about Amy dumping him.
Owen's right out, though he does think Owen would take him out drinking and help him drown his sorrows. After hours of mocking, on the other hand, and Nicholas isn't sure he can deal with that. He'd like to tell Owen, and that surprises him, because in the general way of things Owen is not his favourite person on Earth.
Tosh is best with computers, better than she is with people; she wouldn't know what to say to him, and he'd rather not inflict the awkwardness on her.
Gwen would pet him and coddle him, and he doesn't want coddling. He's hardly seen Amy, the last few weeks, and finds that while he feels bad about the loss, he doesn't care overmuch. Amy seems so...banal, after all he's been through with Torchwood.
Mr. Jones...no. Ditto the Captain.
So he goes quietly about his day and doesn't talk about it much, hoping nobody will notice.
The Captain stops him, around dinner time, a hand on his arm.
"Dumped you, huh?" he asks, without particular sympathy. Nicholas gapes at him. "I've been around. I know what it looks like. OWEN!"
Nicholas closes his eyes.
"YEAH?" Owen calls.
"NICHOLAS WAS DUMPED. TAKE HIM OUT."
Everyone is staring. Nicholas could melt into the floor. Owen comes up out of the medical bay.
"Fine, but you're paying," he says to Nicholas. And just like that, the Captain has solved his problem.
"Okay," Nicholas agrees weakly.
Owen grins at him. "Now, the big question. Are you now, Nicholas, or have you ever been, a heterosexual?"
"You people and your labels!"
"Come on Jeeves," Owen says, over the Captain's diatribe. It's one Nicholas has heard before, by now. "Girls exclusively? Interested in boys? Both?"
Nicholas casts a sidelong look at the others.
"Both?" he ventures. The Captain blinks at him.
"GAY BAR," Tosh and Gwen say, and each of them takes him by the arm enthusiastically.
As they march him out, Nicholas looks over his shoulder and mouths Help me at Mr. Jones. Mr. Jones, however, just grins and waves.
Bastard.
***
Gwen's handwriting: We do not stun-gun people in the head if it is avoidable.
We do not know what Gwen is talking about.
The bar ends up being kind of fun. Tosh makes eyes at Owen all night, while Owen grumbles about being secure in his sexuality and fends off a remarkable number of suitors. Gwen drinks things with lots of fruit in them, and Nicholas feels very, very attractive after the fourth or fifth phone number he collects. He'd never call them; he's not that kind of boy. But the attention is awfully nice.
He'd try to pull Tosh if she weren't so obviously into Owen.
At the end of the night he pours all three of them into cabs, sends them on their way, and walks home in the cool night air, alone.
It's been a very good night.
He's up early the next morning, and greets the three of them with hangover remedies as they come in.
***
We do not read other peoples' reports, computer screens, or diaries without permission.
Nicholas knows that Retcon has one failing: you can be triggered to remember, and if you work at it you can even install a trigger. Once they've all forgotten, Adam should die, so he feels no guilt over focusing on the Captain's coat and running the whole weekend over and over again in his head, so that when he sees the Captain the following day he'll remember.
The Captain calls him in on Monday afternoon.
"Do you remember where our two days went?" he asks.
"Yes," Nicholas admits, though he doesn't know how the Captain knows that. The memory unfurls before him, like a TV drama he saw but had no part in. He can see Owen in his silly cardigan, trailing after Tosh like a puppy; he can see some kind of darkness in Mr. Jones's eyes that he can't explain. He can see Tosh kissing Adam passionately, and even now he wants to punch Adam across the face for what he did to Tosh, to all of them. He can see Gwen, lost and confused with an engagement ring from a man she's never met. He can see what Adam thought would be best for all of them (except maybe Mr. Jones).
He can see Gwen propositioning him, saying that she's loved him forever, which he supposes was Adam's attempt to make Gwen happy.
He can see himself, almost unchanged, but kicked up to field agent while Mr. Jones drops back to play butler. Adam didn't know him. Adam had no clue.
He hates Adam passionately.
"Can you tell us what happened?" the Captain asks. "Can you tell us why you remember?"
"I think it's best left alone," Nicholas says quietly. He knows this is likely to cause a firestorm of anger from the Captain, but instead the Captain just smiles a little. In that moment, Nicholas knows, he could call him Jack without stuttering.
In the darkened room -- Gwen loving Rhys and Jack in different ways, Owen suffering his mother's cruelty, Tosh and her love of mathematics, Mr. Jones and his need for purpose, his need for Jack. Nicholas, and his first day at Torchwood, falling in love with everything about it.
"I'm old enough to know when not to ask," Jack says. "You okay keeping this secret?"
Yes. Nicholas is okay.
***
WE DO NOT FIRE THE SINGULARITY SCALPEL AT IANTO.
Nicholas falls hard for Martha Jones from the moment he sees her. She's gorgeous and talented and witty and hardcore. She's stupendous. He just wants to grab her and kiss her. He divines from Jack that this is perhaps not uncommon. Jack looks like he wants to grab her and kiss her too.
It's wonderful really, because Nicholas knows Martha is so far out of his league it would never in a million years happen, so it's like looking at this amazing work of art. It's just beautiful.
Tosh teases him about it. Nicholas doesn't care. He is beginning to discover a capacity that he thinks is not unlike Jack's: falling in and out of love with practiced ease.
He wonders eagerly who he'll fall in love with next.
***
Owen's handwriting: We do not take accidental near-dismemberment personally.
Nobody cries when Owen is brought back to the Hub. It's like they can't believe it's happened. They're pale and drawn and silent, and nobody cries.
Nicholas pushes Mr. Jones away gently and puts himself in his place, helping Martha get the gurney out and wheel Owen to the medical bay. He hasn't known Owen as long as the others, this should be his job.
They undress him carefully in silence, while the others gather somewhere and talk in low tones. Jack didn't come back with them. He doesn't know where Jack went.
He washes Owen himself, telling Martha she doesn't have to be there. As he washes him, he cries just a little.
***
Martha has a boyfriend. Yes, still. Yes. Still.
Martha's handwriting: And if I didn't I'd shag Ianto first.
Thank you, Martha.
Nicholas is afraid of death, but it's inevitable, so he doesn't spend much energy on it. He's more afraid of old age, of losing the power in his muscles, the flexibility in his joints.
Still, he stays in the hospital room with Martha and her frightening wrinkles, sends Mr. Jones off to help Tosh, and works like hell to try and find some answers, all the while with Jack demanding them in his ear. There is chaos of all kinds and screaming and Tosh cursing and Jack cursing and then sudden silence.
"Jack?" he asks. "Tosh? Owen? Mr. Jones?"
Silence.
"Anyone?"
Then a hand grabs him and he shrieks and turns and Martha's there and she's okay and he's laughing and he kisses her, and she kisses back, and then she looks so totally embarrassed.
By god, she's a beautiful woman. And it's lovely that he got to kiss her.
And now they have work to do.
***
To reiterate: We do not trust the undead nor take them on field trips. A significant goal of Torchwood Three is a decrease in the number of undead per fiscal year.
Owen's handwriting: Get stuffed, Jones.
"How long's he been under for?" Nicholas asks. Jack is standing on the decks, holding a stopwatch; Owen is out there in the bay somewhere, being not-dead.
"About ten minutes," Jack says.
"Shall I get some towels?"
"Yeah. And probably a bucket for the sea water."
"Charming."
"Take your time with those towels," Jack adds, as Nicholas walks across the Plass. "Owen looks hot in wet trousers."
Nicholas snickers. It's hard to take death seriously when one of your colleagues is dead but has yet to stop being a pain in the arse.
***
When Ianto calls us on our headsets we answer promptly.
We do not make inappropriate remarks about childrens' books.
This is how Nicholas stops calling him Mr. Jones.
Owen has dumped a lot on Mr. Jones, and on Nicholas, because he's been relegated to second-class citizenship over the whole "being dead" thing. For whatever reason (Gwen says it has to do with Mr. Jones shooting Owen, which Nicholas thinks is her having him on) Owen and Mr. Jones have this deep-seated animosity going on that is fun to watch if you're not in the crossfire. So Owen mostly uses Mr. Jones as a punching bag, and Mr. Jones takes it, and Owen only works out his frustration on Nicholas when he manages to notice he's there.
"Do you fancy a drink?" Mr. Jones asks him, after Owen storms off, shouting about stupid people with stupid pulses. Nicholas, feeling a little shaky about Owen's sudden descent from arsehole to raving lunatic arsehole, absolutely does fancy a drink. "There's a pub I know. Jack's buried in research, there's no shifting him. He'll keep an eye on the Rift."
"Does it scare you, death?" Nicholas asks, as the barman brings their drinks -- a pint for Nicholas, scotch for Mr. Jones.
"It's not death so much," Mr. Jones says contemplatively. "Not mine, I mean."
"Other peoples' deaths scare you?"
"It's just..." Mr. Jones draws invisible circles on the bar with his fingertips. "The problem is, in our line of work, nobody ever dies properly. Jack's old second -- before Gwen -- she died three or four times before she'd stay down, and even so I offered to put a lock on her drawer."
"This is S. Costello, isn't it?" Nicholas asks.
"Yes. Suzie. She went daft at the end."
"After or before all the death?"
Mr. Jones sighs. "Before. And there's Jack, of course. I haven't even bothered to keep count, with him. And now Owen. And -- " he stops abruptly. Looks at Nicholas. Looks down at his drink. Drains it. Nicholas waits patiently; he's good at that.
"My girlfriend, the one I said died. She was Torchwood. She was killed at Canary Wharf. Except she wasn't...and then -- " he stops again. "She really was killed then, her mind, who she was. But her body was still intact, and it was hard to see that she was gone. Jack killed that. Killed the body. Twice. Set me free."
He rubs his forehead. "Took me months to work it all out, to figure out how to grieve. But she was already dead. And I can't -- blame Jack. Or the others. I have to believe she was dead. Otherwise I'm shagging the man who murdered her."
Ah. So Jack finally did catch Mr. Jones. Or maybe he'd been caught all along. Nicholas remembers how unhappy he could be, before Jack came back.
"So you can see why death is a bit of a puzzle for us," he says, his voice bright and brittle.
"Ianto," Nicholas says. He has to be Ianto now. He just does. "Listen, mate, I'm really sorry."
Ianto shakes his head. "No, I am. No reason to bring it up. Lisa and Jack and the whole -- "
"Clusterfuck of Torchwood?" Nicholas says lightly. Another scotch is placed in front of Ianto's hands.
"To the clusterfuck of Torchwood," Ianto says solemnly, toasting him.
***
It is not funny to leave the Zombie War Survival Guide on Owen's desk
Nicholas realises one night, in his flat, that really it isn't that you don't leave Torchwood. It's that Torchwood never leaves you. His bookshelves have all kinds of history books and weapons manuals and science texts on them now, as well as a few books that Jack recommended on extraterrestrial life and temporal physics. His fridge is stocked with easy-to-cook food, because you never know when the Hub will call. He doesn't watch scifi television anymore, mostly he watches the news. He hardly ever brings anyone home, though he could, simply because it's hard to make ordinary conversation these days.
Tosh says it's worth it to protect people. Gwen says it's worth it because someone has to. Owen says it isn't worth it but you've got to earn a paycheck (this is a lie, but the truth cuts Owen too deep, he suspects). Jack looks at him funny when the subject comes up. Ianto says he's still working on it.
Nicholas thinks that Torchwood is the thinking man's drug. Because what other job could possibly compare?
***
Jack's handwriting: Maternity leave is now mandatory beginning at first sign of alien impregnation. Maternity leave will be taken in the medical bay or the cells.
Owen's handwriting: Especially for the men.
Nicholas expected to be the one picked to go get Gwen a new dress, but instead Ianto insists. He says his father was a tailor. Nicholas certainly won't argue.
He stays at the Hub, monitoring things even after Jack and Ianto and Owen run off to stop the wedding and kill some aliens. Jack pages him, that evening, and says he can leave; he sounds cheerful, but there's a maudlin undertone that makes Nicholas wonder if Jack was drinking at the reception.
The next morning, there's confetti on the Hub floor. Nicholas sweeps it up without comment.
Gwen sends him a very nice postcard from the honeymoon.
***
We do not hurl unnecessary insults at aliens or innocent
He tells his partners, "This is my mobile. If it rings, it doesn't matter what we're doing or where we are. I go running."
Some of them get it. Some of them say they do, but get mad when he stops in the middle of kissing them and answers his mobile. Some of them think he's a loser and ditch him.
Maybe they're right.
Still, when the mobile rings, he goes running.
***
We do not ask Ianto for mix CDs. He does not "spin like a mofo" and we accept that he does not find this amusing.
We do not think it is funny to install Matrix screensavers on Tosh's computer when she's not looking.
Nicholas knows in theory that Ianto and Jack go out and...do things together, like a couple, as a couple actually, and it's weird on any number of levels. Foremost is that Jack is like a zillion years old and Ianto is only a year older than Nicholas. Second, the fact that Ianto's last girlfriend died horribly and Jack can't die at all is a psychologist's wet dream. Third, Jack's his boss. Fourth, some of their dates apparently involve Weevil hunting.
But it's weirder, he thinks, to be having a drink at the bar and turn around and randomly see your boss and his boss dancing together, in amidst the other couples on the floor. Somewhat crazily, his first thought is that Jack's probably leading, and it was definitely Jack's idea to dance.
Jack's coat and overshirt are both gone, his braces hanging off his trousers, and he's grinning. Ianto's lost the suit jacket and rolled his sleeves but kept the waistcoat. His hair is mussed.
Nicholas sometimes wonders what the others think, but either out of respect for Ianto or love of Jack they don't discuss it. Long ago he learned to keep no secrets in the Hub, but this, they don't touch on.
It's a shame, because it makes Ianto happy and puts the light back in Jack's eyes, and he wishes the others were here to see.
Chapter Three