sam_storyteller (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sam_storyteller) wrote2005-07-15 03:24 pm
sam_storyteller) wrote2005-07-15 03:24 pm
Entry tags:
The Rules Of Being A Godson 1/3
Title: The Rules of Being A Godson
Chapter One: Things You Can't Do At Hogwarts
Fic by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
copperbadge, art by Cara, who used to be elaboration but I'm not sure she is anymore, we've lost touch.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Teddy Lupin never gets too close or feels too much; his godfather's son never does anything else.
Warnings: None.
Notes: This arose while Cara and I were capslocking over the final Harry Potter book; she said she wanted to draw Teddy and ship Teddy/James. I said if she drew it I'd write it, and you see before you the result. Thanks to Simon, Heidi, and Judy for betas as well!
First Posted 7.21.07
Also available at AO3.
***
The young boy standing in the corridor of St. Mungo's did not look at all lost or alone; he was standing quite still, but the expression on his face was more curious than anything.
"There you are, Teddy," said a deep voice, and Teddy Lupin looked up to see his godfather looming over him, looking down. "You wandered off."
"Didn't," Teddy replied calmly. "I went looking for the nursery."
"Well, then you've found it," Harry said, looking perplexed. "Want to see?"
Teddy nodded and Harry wrapped an arm around his chest, the other supporting his legs so that he could be lifted comfortably. He peered over the low wall and into the nursery, where a young mediwitch was taking one of a lot of identical babies out of his crib.
"See, Ted?" Harry asked, holding him tightly. Teddy liked it when Harry picked him up; he wasn't terribly interested in babies. "That's your new cousin, my son James."
Not his real cousin, though, Teddy knew that; Harry wasn't really his uncle, even if he called his godmother Aunt Ginny.
"He's all right," he said, because he knew Harry wouldn't appreciate that. "He's wrinkly."
Harry laughed. Teddy liked it when Harry laughed, too.
"He'll grow out of it," he said, and set Teddy down again. "Where's your Gran?"
"In with Aunt Ginny."
"Let's go find her then, huh?"
Teddy took Harry's hand with some relief. He didn't much like the hospital and would much rather go home, back to Gran's warm, quiet house with all the books. Teddy adored his godfather and liked Aunt Ginny all right, but he was six and tired easily, and he was feeling very tired indeed.
"There's my Teddy," Gran said, when Harry led him back into the room where Aunt Ginny was sleeping. "Where'd you run to?"
"Went exploring," Teddy said.
"Did you see your new cousin?"
He's not my cousin, Teddy thought rebelliously, but he didn't say it. As far as he was concerned, James Sirius Potter was competition for his godfather's affections, and that was all.
"Yup," he replied, hoisting his small body up onto a chair. "Can we go home now?"
Harry and Gran both laughed. Teddy liked people who laughed.
***
The small boy standing in the front yard of the Potters' house could not possibly be sticky, messy little James; he looked clean and for once had managed to keep all his clothing on, even his shoes. Teddy decided this was probably a gift from James to him -- James would do that sometimes. He'd just do something spontaneously nice or well-behaved, and when someone said something about it he'd look at Teddy and Teddy knew that James was behaving only because he risked Teddy's disapproval if he didn't.
"Wotcha, kid," he said, dropping onto the steps outside his godfather's house. He'd never remembered a time when he had to knock on a door or ask before coming over to the Potter house; right now he didn't want to go in just yet, and someone would certainly come looking for him sooner or later if he stayed out here with James.
"Wotcha," James said, plopping down next to him with five-year-old clumsiness. Teddy leaned over and turned his face into a pig snout, which sent James off into wild giggles. "Do it again!"
"Oh yeah? How about this!" Teddy replied, turning his eyes neon-pink. James screamed happily. Teddy shook his head and his eyes dropped back to their usual soft brown. He hadn't decided what colour his hair would be for the Hogwarts Express yet; probably scarlet, at least till he got sorted. Although blue looked so much cooler...
James butted his head against Teddy's skinny chest. "Daddy says you're goin 'way," he said. "Daddy says you won't be home for ages an' ages."
"Well, a few months anyway," Teddy said. "I'm going off to school. Hogwarts. To learn to be a wizard like Harry and Aunt Ginny. You'll probably go there too, in a few years."
"You won't come to dinner anymore?" James asked, looking sorrowful. Oh, for the love of Merlin.
"Well, no, not as much as I used to," Teddy said. "But I tell you what, I promise to come for Christmas. You know when Christmas is, right?"
James nodded.
"Then you know exactly when you'll see me again."
"Don't you love us, Teddy?"
"Course I do, but I have to go to school," Teddy said, getting just a trifle impatient. "And I'll write, okay?"
"A letter?" James squeaked. "For me?"
"Sure. I like writing letters. A letter for you," Teddy said.
"James, there you are -- hullo Teddy, has James been distracting you?" Aunt Ginny said, coming to the door.
"I didn't do it," James said immediately. Aunt Ginny rolled her eyes.
"He gets that phrase from his father," she said, balancing Lily on one hip. Teddy had always privately thought it was a little weird that two of the Potter children were named for Harry's parents, but then he supposed being Theodore Remus he didn't have much room to talk. "Come inside, come inside, you can't be late for your own going-away party."
Teddy picked up James like a toy, tucking him under one arm and carrying him through the house to the back garden. Streamers were hung from the trees and a large table was laid out under the leafy canopy. He set James down and let the boy run off to make whatever mischief five-year-olds made.
He looked at the table piled with food and sighed. He'd have been happier with just a handshake and hug at the station, but Aunt Ginny insisted that he have a party and Gran thought it was a good idea. Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron would probably be there. Teddy got on all right with Uncle Ron but Aunt Hermione was a terrible boss. It was even possible that the entire Weasley clan would descend, though if so they definitely hadn't made enough food.
Truth be told, he wasn't certain he wanted to go to Hogwarts.
Well, he wanted to go off to school of course, he was more than eager to start classes and really dig into all the stuff Harry told him about theoretically. He liked his new textbooks and his wand. It was just...
There would be all those people there, on the train and in the Great Hall and in his dormitory at night. Teddy didn't think he understood people very well. He thoroughly liked books and understood them, but people...were loud. And they talked fast, and the ones who knew about his parents always looked at him funny. Which was why he'd started with the blue hair in the first place, because if they were going to stare they might as well stare at his hair instead of the parents he didn't have and hadn't ever known.
Harry and Aunt Ginny and the Weasleys were different, of course, but they'd known him all his life. He was practically raised in this backyard, even if he didn't live here. And now he wasn't going to see it again for months. He'd be trapped in Hogwarts, confined to the grounds and classrooms...just the thought of it made him panic a little. He didn't like being hemmed in.
Sometimes, around the full moon, he'd sneak out and go walking all night. He wasn't sure if it was just that he knew his dad had been a werewolf or if he had a few stray genes that kept him up on full moons, but he couldn't very well go for a midnight walk at Hogwarts, could he? He wasn't supposed to make faces at Hogwarts, either.
The list of things he couldn't do once he got to Hogwarts was, at the moment, much longer than the list of things he could do.
"How are you, then, Ted?" Harry asked, coming up behind him with cat-foot quietness. Teddy jumped and turned around. "Feeling a bit nervous?"
"Not really," Teddy lied.
"I was, my first year at Hogwarts. I didn't know anything about magic; Hagrid took me to buy my books and robes and wand, and then he left me at the train station. I didn't even know how to get into the platform, your Uncle Ron had to help me."
Not really my uncle, Teddy thought, out of habit. He wasn't even sure why. It was a stupid, hurtful thing to think. It was just he couldn't help it. His only real relative was his Gran, and she was great but she wasn't a dad or an uncle or a real cousin, was she.
Since Narcissa Malfoy's death, the Black family tree narrowed to a pretty fine point, at the tip of which were two people: Teddy Lupin and Scorpius Malfoy. He'd never even met Scorpius, who would be only about three now anyway and thus very boring. As far as he knew all the Lupins were either dead or very distant relations and Muggles to boot.
"...sure you'll be all right," Harry finished what Teddy realised was a reassuring speech he should probably have been listening to.
"Sure, course I will," Teddy replied. Just then the Weasley-Granger family descended en masse, however, and there was no more time for Teddy to think about anything much except dinner and cake and his going-away.
***
The teenage boy sitting on the bed in Gryffindor Tower could have been a poster for student life at Hogwarts school, if it weren't for his bright red hair streaked with metallic gold. He was relaxed, propped up on the bed's headboard, a casual study in grace, sorting through the day's work from his book bag. His uniform was spotlessly clean and the crisp creases in his trousers were well-ironed; he had a small lion's-head tie-tack holding down his tie under the scarlet cardigan he wore. He took out a letter from the post that morning and slit it lazily, unfolding the parchment.
"Hullo-ullo," he said, sitting up a little straighter. "Good news from the home office."
"Oh? What's that?" asked Nigel Bones, lying flat on a nearby bed and staring at the ceiling.
"Gabrielle's spawning. She's my godmother's brother's sister-in-law," Teddy said. "She was just married last year, it says the baby's due in August."
"Your what again now?" Nigel replied, sliding off the bed. "You're weirdly close to your family, you know that?"
"How's that weird?" Teddy asked, and his words dripped with warning. Nigel, though he had lived with Teddy for five years, did not know how thin the ice was on which he trod. "Are you saying my family's weird?"
"Oh, you know, between the Weasleys being a little strange and Harry Potter, he's sort of...I dunno. Iconoclastic," Nigel said. "And you being raised as the last heir of the House of Black and all."
"Nigel, how many times do I have to go over wizarding inheritance laws with you?" Teddy sighed, distracted by geneaology. "My godfather is the heir of the house of Black through the male line as material heir to Sirius Black, which means his son is the legitimate heir. As ancillary matrilinear cousin, twice removed, I am only a blood-representative."
"You sure know a lot about it for being only a blood-representative," Nigel retorted.
"Well, Gran knows a lot about this stuff. Anyway, it doesn't matter, I'm not really part of the family by blood or anything. They're nice to me and all, but the only blood family I've got is Gran." Teddy shrugged. Nigel gave him a curious look. "What?"
"I think that's the first time you've strung more than two words together about the subject," he said. "What you really think, I mean."
Teddy looked at him, perplexed. "What?"
"Well, you're the great stone face, aren't you? Everyone likes you but nobody ever knows what you're thinking, Teddy. It's nice to be let in a bit, that's all. I've got Quidditch anyhow -- see you for OWLs tutoring tonight, right?"
"Sure," Teddy said, waiting until Nigel was gone before rising from the bed and walking to a mirror in the corner.
As a child he'd tended to take after the Blacks, because he modeled his face on a mixture of his Gran and his godfather. For a while he'd sported messy black hair like Harry's, but it got annoying and seemed sort of...conventional, Gran would say. As he'd grown a bit older his eyes tended to settle into brown when he woke up of a morning.
There were very few pictures of his father in their house, not so much because Gran hadn't liked him as because he didn't appear to like having photographs taken. Harry had showed him some, though, especially the ones in Harry's prized photograph album, of his father as a young man. Teddy carried those images away with him secretly and as the years passed he'd modeled his face more and more closely on his father's, leaving off the premature worry-lines and grey hair. High cheekbones, biggish nose, his mother's firm chin...he picked and chose among the family traits, and he didn't think the end result was all that bad.
The great stone face, eh? He would admit that he didn't talk much, but then other people talked so much it seemed like folly to add to it, most of the time. He had his books and studies, and he got on all right with everyone, but he didn't see what business it was of theirs, what he was thinking.
For the first time in his life, the concept that he was different actually bothered him.
He was supposed to be a Gryffindor, loyal and chivalrous, brave and strong. To be frank he didn't feel like any of those things; he felt like he'd been mis-sorted and probably should have gone into Ravenclaw.
He frowned in the mirror, then smiled; he didn't think he looked much like a stoneface, he just wasn't allowed to make funny faces at school. He saved it all up for when he went home and James wanted him to read with him, and he could make the faces of the different characters while he read. More and more, he and James were actually reading for Albus and Lily, who could sit raptly by the hour and watch them act out the stories.
Well, there wasn't anything he could do about the way he was; the others were just going to have to live with stoneface Lupin, if that was what they wanted to call him.
***
The young, serious-looking man with the Prefect pin on his collar grasped the much-smaller boy by the back of his shirt, arresting his headlong flight through the steam and bustle of the train station.
"James Potter," he said severely. "What do you think you're doing?"
James looked up at him with utter innocence in his big hazel eyes. "Chasing Victoire," he said. "I've got a mouse and she's scared of them."
"Just because you're Harry's son doesn't mean I'm going to let you off when you tell me the truth, pipsqueak," Teddy replied, giving him a slight shake for good measure. "Go on with you, and don't harass Victoire. OR ANYONE ELSE!" he called, as James darted away again. If James was chasing Victoire then she was bound to be close by. Teddy smoothed down the short, bristling haircut he'd got over the summer, checked in a train window to make sure the blue was still streaked with bright silver, and straightened the collar of his shirt.
"Did James run by this way?" his godfather asked, skidding to a stop in front of him and panting slightly. "He's forgotten his money for the train. What's wrong with your hair?"
"Nothing's wrong with it," Teddy said defensively. "James just ran off after Victoire. Here, give it to me, I'll make sure he gets it. Where's the family?"
"Albus is still down with dragonpox so Gins stayed home; I think James didn't want her weeping all over and making a scene, anyhow," Harry answered. "You look nice. Why blue and silver?"
Teddy coughed. "Well, there's a girl in Ravenclaw -- "
Harry held up a hand. "Say no more. Listen..." he drew closer to Teddy, a concerned look in his clear green eyes. "You'll keep an eye on James for me, won't you? Nothing overbearing, I don't want you to babysit him, I just want someone at the school to watch over him a bit. He's...well, he's a lot like me, and I got into a lot more trouble than necessary as a student."
"What with saving the world and all," Teddy replied, smiling. "Don't worry, Harry, I'll keep a lookout."
"You're a good boy, Ted," Harry replied, though he looked oddly concerned by it. "Need anything, as long as I'm here?"
"Nope," Teddy said cheerfully. "Might owl you in a few months for a character letter, though. Need three references to get into the MLE."
"Following in mum's footsteps, are we?"
Teddy shrugged. "It's a good career, and let's face it -- I'm never going to play Chaser for England, right?"
Harry laughed. Teddy had never really mastered the broomstick. "Go on, then. Give my love to Professor Longbottom, would you?"
"Good as done, sir," Teddy answered, grinning. Just then Victoire emerged from the steam and Harry, with his usual impeccable timing, clapped him on the shoulder and wandered off to look for his wayward child.
"Hiya Teddy," she called, waving. Teddy waved back, giving her a grin he'd stolen from photographs of his mother's cousin, Sirius, which he'd been practicing all summer. She turned pink and giggled.
Victoire was two years younger than he was but otherwise more or less perfect in every way. She was smart and cultured, pretty to look at, good with her studies, and she was a Weasley. Teddy knew everyone wanted him to marry into the family so that he'd be properly a part of it, so that all the aunts and uncles could finally be really aunts and uncles. He wanted it too, because he hated the truthful little voice that kept reminding him what he wasn't. Victoire would be leaving school just as he finished his Auror's training, and if she fancied him well enough, then that would be all right, wouldn't it.
"How're you?" he asked as she approached. All the boys he knew were nervous around girls, but this was Victoire, after all. He'd poured sand in her hair when they were both toddlers. It was hard to be nervous about that.
"I'm all right. How was London?"
"The usual. Sticky. Full of tourists. What about you, though? You have to tell me about France!"
"Oh, Teddy -- it was so amazing! Tell you what, smuggle me into the Prefects carriage, I'll tell you all about it," she said. "Or come down into our carriage, it'll make all the girls jealous, they all think you're so handsome."
"And you don't, huh?" he asked, grinning.
"I think you're Teddy. Change your hair back though, you look like a surprised skunk."
Teddy laughed and made an intense face of concentration. The silver streaks in his hair were replaced by their normal turquoise blue. "See you on the train, Victoire!"
***
The lanky man and short, round-faced boy were sitting together at a table in the library, illuminated by bars of dusty sunlight from the high, narrow windows. It glinted off James Potter's glasses and blanched Teddy Lupin's blue hair into pale grey, but neither gave any notice. Teddy was bent over a piece of parchment, consulting a book occasionally; James looked like he was trying very hard to stick to his studies, but a twelve-year-old's attention span is not very long.
"Have you ever seen a Horklump?" Nigel heard James ask as he prowled behind the bookshelves nearby. Teddy held up a finger, finished writing, and turned a page.
"No," he answered.
"What about a Niffler?"
"James, I'm trying to finish my paper."
"Sorry." There was silence for a moment. "But, have you?"
Teddy looked up and Nigel saw a flash of impatience cross his face, too quickly for James to notice. He marked his place in the book and closed it, laying it across the parchment. James' face lit up and he closed his book, too.
"I did, yeah," Teddy said, crossing his arms on the book and resting his chin on his crossed arms. "You'll have them in fourth-year Magical Creatures. What're you working on?"
"We're supposed to find pictures of Magical Creatures and bring them in to show and talk about, I just thought you might have some," James answered.
"Everybody's going to pick Nifflers and Crups and Kneazles," Teddy replied. "You should bring in a dragon."
"You think?"
"Sure. Why don't you write your Uncle Charlie? When do you need it by?"
"Tuesday."
"That's loads of time," Teddy said, stretching out one long arm to chuck James under the chin. "Go on up to Gryffindor and send him off a letter. I need to finish this but I'll be up before lights out."
"M'kay," James said, gathering up his books. "Thanks, Teddy."
Nigel waited until the boy had left and then slouched his way out of the stacks, dropping into the chair he'd vacated. Teddy looked up, nodded, and went back to his work.
"You spend an awful lot of time with the Potter kid," Nigel said.
"He's not the Potter kid, he's my godfather's son. I did last year too," Teddy answered. "Have you found anywhere that gives a layman's explication of the twelve uses of dragon's blood? Everything I have is so bloody technical."
"Lay off for a bit, Ted."
Teddy looked up at him, curious now. "Need to talk about something?"
"Yeah! You hanging around with second-years. It lowers the tone of Gryffindor Seventh. We're supposed to be austere and terrifying."
"How droll for you," Teddy answered.
"Listen, I'm your best mate."
"You're telling me this for my own good, is that it?"
"No! I'm just saying I shouldn't be jealous of a second-year. Or a fifth-year girl," Nigel added meaningfully. "Everyone sees you and Victoire together, the Ravenclaws have a pool going on when you'll ask her out."
"I'm not going to. Not while we're still at school. I haven't got time, anyway, not with NEWTs in five weeks."
"Still got time to jerk me off in the showers, though -- " he was interrupted by a warning hiss from Teddy. "Well, it's true. You may as well admit that you're a pouf, Teddy, and you're only following Victoire around like a sheep because she's the right kind of girl from the right kind of family."
Teddy's book closed with a thump that reverberated throughout the library. Madame Chang looked up from the librarian's desk and shushed him. He gave her a wave of apologetic acknowledgement and turned to Nigel.
"I'm not a pouf," he said.
"Nobody cares anymore if you are."
"Well, I'm not."
"Come off it, Teddy, it's not like you don't come by it honestly. Look at the old yearbooks, everyone knows your dad and Sirius Black -- "
Teddy leapt for Nigel and the two went down on the library floor together, scuffling and shouting.
"TAKE IT BACK!" Teddy cried, as Nigel got a hand in his face to push him away. He kneed his friend in the ribs and Nigel groaned. "DON'T SAY THAT ABOUT MY DAD!"
Madame Chang was sweeping towards them, fury on her brow, but a handful of Ravenclaws materialised as if by magic and soon the two boys were pulled apart, chests heaving, glaring angrily at each other.
"It's a lie!" Teddy said.
"You hit me!" Nigel replied, blood running down his lip.
"I'll hit you again if you talk about my dad and mum," Teddy replied, surging forward. A slim hand stopped him, and he looked down into the face of Madame Chang.
"Banned from the library, both of you, one week," she said. "Report to Headmistress McGonagall for detention."
Teddy shrugged off the boy and girl who were holding him and went to the table, shoving his books into his bag. Nigel was still staring at him, dazed.
It took three days for the two boys to speak to each other again, an epic rift in the unsinkable friendship; nobody knew what Nigel had said to Teddy to set him off, but they all talked incessantly of it. The Head Boy of Hogwarts was known to be an utterly unflappable, even-tempered student who never raised his voice even at the first-years. He'd never had a fistfight, hardly ever even got a detention. Whatever Nigel said, they whispered, must have really scraped a raw nerve.
Even with their friendship patched up, Nigel noticed that Teddy pointedly kept away from him -- kept away from everyone -- in the bathroom, showering alone early in the morning or late at night. Nigel, who had learned great self-restraint in dealing with his private, quiet friend, did his best to shrug it off and told himself that Teddy'd come round, sooner or later, and be a much happier man when he did.
***
The man sitting on the stair, drawing deeply on a magical smokeless cigarette, looked like the picture of despair. Slumped, head hanging down, knees drawn up, he looked awkward and miserable, and James felt very sorry for him. Teddy hated rows, and from the sound he'd heard drifting up through his bedroom floorboards, a really first-rate family row was going on.
He settled next to Teddy, whose hair was a boring mousy brown, and copied his posture. Teddy finally looked up, saw James' mimicry, and pulled up a smile for him.
"Did it wake you up?" he asked, gesturing with the cigarette towards the living room, visible through the banister railing. It looked like every adult Weasley was there, along with his own parents and Gran Tonks. Most were talking loudly, some even shouting a bit. It looked like Gran Tonks was trying to verbally beat sense into Uncle Bill. Aunt Fleur was the only one who looked peaceful, even complacent, and was saying something about "Eet ees quite acceptable een France; we unnerstand zere."
"Yeah. What's going on?" James asked.
"Victoire and I broke up."
"I'm sorry," James said sincerely. "But I meant in the living room. Why are they arguing?"
"Victoire and I broke up," Teddy repeated morosely.
"Are Uncle Bill and Aunt Fleur angry? Did you dump her?"
Teddy shook his head. "Nope. We both realised we weren't going to work, so I told her she was free, and she said thanks, and that was that."
James leaned against Teddy comfortingly. "Didn't you love her? Everyone thinks you did."
"I..." Teddy put the cigarette out with a flick of his hand and turned his head to look at James. "I love Victoire, because she's one of you, you know? Like I love you and Aunt Ginny and Harry and everyone. But...James, can I tell you stuff?"
"Course you can."
"No, I mean...grown-up stuff. Stuff that maybe most fourteen-year-olds shouldn't really know."
James shrugged. "I don't care if you do."
"Gran Tonks gave me mum's journals when I graduated. I started reading 'em this year, I thought they'd help me in Auror training. And I found my dad's school trunk, there were letters in it."
"That must've been interesting."
"It was, but...look, my dad and mum made a big mistake. I mean they were in love and all, but dad was always worrying about being a werewolf and I don't think...I think he was in love with someone else, too, and he married Mum because everyone thought they were a good match. Your grandma Molly threw them together a lot."
"Well, they were, weren't they?"
"I don't know. I just think that maybe Dad and Mum got married because everyone said they should, they felt like it was the right thing to do. Maybe if they'd lived it would have been okay or maybe they'd have been miserable together. I don't want to make the same mistake, that's all. So I can't get married to Victoire, I don't love her properly."
"Do you love someone else properly?"
"It's complicated, James."
"So uncomplicate it for me. Like you did with Arithmancy."
Teddy smiled again. "Well, some men like women, and some men like other men."
"You don't like girls?"
"Not that way. And it was ages before I realised it because I really wanted..." Teddy sighed. "I wanted to be family with you and your dad and mum, and that meant marrying Victoire. But you see how unfair that is to her because I could never really properly love her. And I told them..." he gestured at the still-arguing adults in the other room. "And that's what the row is about. Gran Tonks and your dad and Fleur are on my side anyway, and the others'll come round, I don't care about that. I just don't like rows."
"You know you're family anyway," James said.
"Well...I am and I'm not. Probably never will be, now. But nothing's going to change, I mean, Harry's still my godfather and we don't have to stop writing letters or anything."
"Good, I like your letters. So you're going to marry a boy?"
"Well, someday maybe."
"Are you going to marry Nigel?" James asked.
"No, we're just friends, and anyway he has a girlfriend. I'm sorry I told you this, James. I shouldn't be putting it on your shoulders."
"That's rot," James declared. "Besides, I'll help you find a nice boy to marry."
He thought Teddy might laugh at this, but instead a warm, cheerful smile spread across his face. "Thanks. That means a lot to me. Come on," he added, standing up. "Let's get some ice cream from the kitchen and then you can go back to bed."
***
Chapter Two: Nimbus Broomsticks Can't Brake For Shit.
Chapter Three: Lupins Always Look Out For Potters
Chapter One: Things You Can't Do At Hogwarts
Fic by
copperbadge, art by Cara, who used to be elaboration but I'm not sure she is anymore, we've lost touch.Rating: PG-13
Summary: Teddy Lupin never gets too close or feels too much; his godfather's son never does anything else.
Warnings: None.
Notes: This arose while Cara and I were capslocking over the final Harry Potter book; she said she wanted to draw Teddy and ship Teddy/James. I said if she drew it I'd write it, and you see before you the result. Thanks to Simon, Heidi, and Judy for betas as well!
First Posted 7.21.07
Also available at AO3.
***
The young boy standing in the corridor of St. Mungo's did not look at all lost or alone; he was standing quite still, but the expression on his face was more curious than anything.
"There you are, Teddy," said a deep voice, and Teddy Lupin looked up to see his godfather looming over him, looking down. "You wandered off."
"Didn't," Teddy replied calmly. "I went looking for the nursery."
"Well, then you've found it," Harry said, looking perplexed. "Want to see?"
Teddy nodded and Harry wrapped an arm around his chest, the other supporting his legs so that he could be lifted comfortably. He peered over the low wall and into the nursery, where a young mediwitch was taking one of a lot of identical babies out of his crib.
"See, Ted?" Harry asked, holding him tightly. Teddy liked it when Harry picked him up; he wasn't terribly interested in babies. "That's your new cousin, my son James."
Not his real cousin, though, Teddy knew that; Harry wasn't really his uncle, even if he called his godmother Aunt Ginny.
"He's all right," he said, because he knew Harry wouldn't appreciate that. "He's wrinkly."
Harry laughed. Teddy liked it when Harry laughed, too.
"He'll grow out of it," he said, and set Teddy down again. "Where's your Gran?"
"In with Aunt Ginny."
"Let's go find her then, huh?"
Teddy took Harry's hand with some relief. He didn't much like the hospital and would much rather go home, back to Gran's warm, quiet house with all the books. Teddy adored his godfather and liked Aunt Ginny all right, but he was six and tired easily, and he was feeling very tired indeed.
"There's my Teddy," Gran said, when Harry led him back into the room where Aunt Ginny was sleeping. "Where'd you run to?"
"Went exploring," Teddy said.
"Did you see your new cousin?"
He's not my cousin, Teddy thought rebelliously, but he didn't say it. As far as he was concerned, James Sirius Potter was competition for his godfather's affections, and that was all.
"Yup," he replied, hoisting his small body up onto a chair. "Can we go home now?"
Harry and Gran both laughed. Teddy liked people who laughed.
***
The small boy standing in the front yard of the Potters' house could not possibly be sticky, messy little James; he looked clean and for once had managed to keep all his clothing on, even his shoes. Teddy decided this was probably a gift from James to him -- James would do that sometimes. He'd just do something spontaneously nice or well-behaved, and when someone said something about it he'd look at Teddy and Teddy knew that James was behaving only because he risked Teddy's disapproval if he didn't.
"Wotcha, kid," he said, dropping onto the steps outside his godfather's house. He'd never remembered a time when he had to knock on a door or ask before coming over to the Potter house; right now he didn't want to go in just yet, and someone would certainly come looking for him sooner or later if he stayed out here with James.
"Wotcha," James said, plopping down next to him with five-year-old clumsiness. Teddy leaned over and turned his face into a pig snout, which sent James off into wild giggles. "Do it again!"
"Oh yeah? How about this!" Teddy replied, turning his eyes neon-pink. James screamed happily. Teddy shook his head and his eyes dropped back to their usual soft brown. He hadn't decided what colour his hair would be for the Hogwarts Express yet; probably scarlet, at least till he got sorted. Although blue looked so much cooler...
James butted his head against Teddy's skinny chest. "Daddy says you're goin 'way," he said. "Daddy says you won't be home for ages an' ages."
"Well, a few months anyway," Teddy said. "I'm going off to school. Hogwarts. To learn to be a wizard like Harry and Aunt Ginny. You'll probably go there too, in a few years."
"You won't come to dinner anymore?" James asked, looking sorrowful. Oh, for the love of Merlin.
"Well, no, not as much as I used to," Teddy said. "But I tell you what, I promise to come for Christmas. You know when Christmas is, right?"
James nodded.
"Then you know exactly when you'll see me again."
"Don't you love us, Teddy?"
"Course I do, but I have to go to school," Teddy said, getting just a trifle impatient. "And I'll write, okay?"
"A letter?" James squeaked. "For me?"
"Sure. I like writing letters. A letter for you," Teddy said.
"James, there you are -- hullo Teddy, has James been distracting you?" Aunt Ginny said, coming to the door.
"I didn't do it," James said immediately. Aunt Ginny rolled her eyes.
"He gets that phrase from his father," she said, balancing Lily on one hip. Teddy had always privately thought it was a little weird that two of the Potter children were named for Harry's parents, but then he supposed being Theodore Remus he didn't have much room to talk. "Come inside, come inside, you can't be late for your own going-away party."
Teddy picked up James like a toy, tucking him under one arm and carrying him through the house to the back garden. Streamers were hung from the trees and a large table was laid out under the leafy canopy. He set James down and let the boy run off to make whatever mischief five-year-olds made.
He looked at the table piled with food and sighed. He'd have been happier with just a handshake and hug at the station, but Aunt Ginny insisted that he have a party and Gran thought it was a good idea. Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron would probably be there. Teddy got on all right with Uncle Ron but Aunt Hermione was a terrible boss. It was even possible that the entire Weasley clan would descend, though if so they definitely hadn't made enough food.
Truth be told, he wasn't certain he wanted to go to Hogwarts.
Well, he wanted to go off to school of course, he was more than eager to start classes and really dig into all the stuff Harry told him about theoretically. He liked his new textbooks and his wand. It was just...
There would be all those people there, on the train and in the Great Hall and in his dormitory at night. Teddy didn't think he understood people very well. He thoroughly liked books and understood them, but people...were loud. And they talked fast, and the ones who knew about his parents always looked at him funny. Which was why he'd started with the blue hair in the first place, because if they were going to stare they might as well stare at his hair instead of the parents he didn't have and hadn't ever known.
Harry and Aunt Ginny and the Weasleys were different, of course, but they'd known him all his life. He was practically raised in this backyard, even if he didn't live here. And now he wasn't going to see it again for months. He'd be trapped in Hogwarts, confined to the grounds and classrooms...just the thought of it made him panic a little. He didn't like being hemmed in.
Sometimes, around the full moon, he'd sneak out and go walking all night. He wasn't sure if it was just that he knew his dad had been a werewolf or if he had a few stray genes that kept him up on full moons, but he couldn't very well go for a midnight walk at Hogwarts, could he? He wasn't supposed to make faces at Hogwarts, either.
The list of things he couldn't do once he got to Hogwarts was, at the moment, much longer than the list of things he could do.
"How are you, then, Ted?" Harry asked, coming up behind him with cat-foot quietness. Teddy jumped and turned around. "Feeling a bit nervous?"
"Not really," Teddy lied.
"I was, my first year at Hogwarts. I didn't know anything about magic; Hagrid took me to buy my books and robes and wand, and then he left me at the train station. I didn't even know how to get into the platform, your Uncle Ron had to help me."
Not really my uncle, Teddy thought, out of habit. He wasn't even sure why. It was a stupid, hurtful thing to think. It was just he couldn't help it. His only real relative was his Gran, and she was great but she wasn't a dad or an uncle or a real cousin, was she.
Since Narcissa Malfoy's death, the Black family tree narrowed to a pretty fine point, at the tip of which were two people: Teddy Lupin and Scorpius Malfoy. He'd never even met Scorpius, who would be only about three now anyway and thus very boring. As far as he knew all the Lupins were either dead or very distant relations and Muggles to boot.
"...sure you'll be all right," Harry finished what Teddy realised was a reassuring speech he should probably have been listening to.
"Sure, course I will," Teddy replied. Just then the Weasley-Granger family descended en masse, however, and there was no more time for Teddy to think about anything much except dinner and cake and his going-away.
***
The teenage boy sitting on the bed in Gryffindor Tower could have been a poster for student life at Hogwarts school, if it weren't for his bright red hair streaked with metallic gold. He was relaxed, propped up on the bed's headboard, a casual study in grace, sorting through the day's work from his book bag. His uniform was spotlessly clean and the crisp creases in his trousers were well-ironed; he had a small lion's-head tie-tack holding down his tie under the scarlet cardigan he wore. He took out a letter from the post that morning and slit it lazily, unfolding the parchment.
"Hullo-ullo," he said, sitting up a little straighter. "Good news from the home office."
"Oh? What's that?" asked Nigel Bones, lying flat on a nearby bed and staring at the ceiling.
"Gabrielle's spawning. She's my godmother's brother's sister-in-law," Teddy said. "She was just married last year, it says the baby's due in August."
"Your what again now?" Nigel replied, sliding off the bed. "You're weirdly close to your family, you know that?"
"How's that weird?" Teddy asked, and his words dripped with warning. Nigel, though he had lived with Teddy for five years, did not know how thin the ice was on which he trod. "Are you saying my family's weird?"
"Oh, you know, between the Weasleys being a little strange and Harry Potter, he's sort of...I dunno. Iconoclastic," Nigel said. "And you being raised as the last heir of the House of Black and all."
"Nigel, how many times do I have to go over wizarding inheritance laws with you?" Teddy sighed, distracted by geneaology. "My godfather is the heir of the house of Black through the male line as material heir to Sirius Black, which means his son is the legitimate heir. As ancillary matrilinear cousin, twice removed, I am only a blood-representative."
"You sure know a lot about it for being only a blood-representative," Nigel retorted.
"Well, Gran knows a lot about this stuff. Anyway, it doesn't matter, I'm not really part of the family by blood or anything. They're nice to me and all, but the only blood family I've got is Gran." Teddy shrugged. Nigel gave him a curious look. "What?"
"I think that's the first time you've strung more than two words together about the subject," he said. "What you really think, I mean."
Teddy looked at him, perplexed. "What?"
"Well, you're the great stone face, aren't you? Everyone likes you but nobody ever knows what you're thinking, Teddy. It's nice to be let in a bit, that's all. I've got Quidditch anyhow -- see you for OWLs tutoring tonight, right?"
"Sure," Teddy said, waiting until Nigel was gone before rising from the bed and walking to a mirror in the corner.
As a child he'd tended to take after the Blacks, because he modeled his face on a mixture of his Gran and his godfather. For a while he'd sported messy black hair like Harry's, but it got annoying and seemed sort of...conventional, Gran would say. As he'd grown a bit older his eyes tended to settle into brown when he woke up of a morning.
There were very few pictures of his father in their house, not so much because Gran hadn't liked him as because he didn't appear to like having photographs taken. Harry had showed him some, though, especially the ones in Harry's prized photograph album, of his father as a young man. Teddy carried those images away with him secretly and as the years passed he'd modeled his face more and more closely on his father's, leaving off the premature worry-lines and grey hair. High cheekbones, biggish nose, his mother's firm chin...he picked and chose among the family traits, and he didn't think the end result was all that bad.
The great stone face, eh? He would admit that he didn't talk much, but then other people talked so much it seemed like folly to add to it, most of the time. He had his books and studies, and he got on all right with everyone, but he didn't see what business it was of theirs, what he was thinking.
For the first time in his life, the concept that he was different actually bothered him.
He was supposed to be a Gryffindor, loyal and chivalrous, brave and strong. To be frank he didn't feel like any of those things; he felt like he'd been mis-sorted and probably should have gone into Ravenclaw.
He frowned in the mirror, then smiled; he didn't think he looked much like a stoneface, he just wasn't allowed to make funny faces at school. He saved it all up for when he went home and James wanted him to read with him, and he could make the faces of the different characters while he read. More and more, he and James were actually reading for Albus and Lily, who could sit raptly by the hour and watch them act out the stories.
Well, there wasn't anything he could do about the way he was; the others were just going to have to live with stoneface Lupin, if that was what they wanted to call him.
***
The young, serious-looking man with the Prefect pin on his collar grasped the much-smaller boy by the back of his shirt, arresting his headlong flight through the steam and bustle of the train station.
"James Potter," he said severely. "What do you think you're doing?"
James looked up at him with utter innocence in his big hazel eyes. "Chasing Victoire," he said. "I've got a mouse and she's scared of them."
"Just because you're Harry's son doesn't mean I'm going to let you off when you tell me the truth, pipsqueak," Teddy replied, giving him a slight shake for good measure. "Go on with you, and don't harass Victoire. OR ANYONE ELSE!" he called, as James darted away again. If James was chasing Victoire then she was bound to be close by. Teddy smoothed down the short, bristling haircut he'd got over the summer, checked in a train window to make sure the blue was still streaked with bright silver, and straightened the collar of his shirt.
"Did James run by this way?" his godfather asked, skidding to a stop in front of him and panting slightly. "He's forgotten his money for the train. What's wrong with your hair?"
"Nothing's wrong with it," Teddy said defensively. "James just ran off after Victoire. Here, give it to me, I'll make sure he gets it. Where's the family?"
"Albus is still down with dragonpox so Gins stayed home; I think James didn't want her weeping all over and making a scene, anyhow," Harry answered. "You look nice. Why blue and silver?"
Teddy coughed. "Well, there's a girl in Ravenclaw -- "
Harry held up a hand. "Say no more. Listen..." he drew closer to Teddy, a concerned look in his clear green eyes. "You'll keep an eye on James for me, won't you? Nothing overbearing, I don't want you to babysit him, I just want someone at the school to watch over him a bit. He's...well, he's a lot like me, and I got into a lot more trouble than necessary as a student."
"What with saving the world and all," Teddy replied, smiling. "Don't worry, Harry, I'll keep a lookout."
"You're a good boy, Ted," Harry replied, though he looked oddly concerned by it. "Need anything, as long as I'm here?"
"Nope," Teddy said cheerfully. "Might owl you in a few months for a character letter, though. Need three references to get into the MLE."
"Following in mum's footsteps, are we?"
Teddy shrugged. "It's a good career, and let's face it -- I'm never going to play Chaser for England, right?"
Harry laughed. Teddy had never really mastered the broomstick. "Go on, then. Give my love to Professor Longbottom, would you?"
"Good as done, sir," Teddy answered, grinning. Just then Victoire emerged from the steam and Harry, with his usual impeccable timing, clapped him on the shoulder and wandered off to look for his wayward child.
"Hiya Teddy," she called, waving. Teddy waved back, giving her a grin he'd stolen from photographs of his mother's cousin, Sirius, which he'd been practicing all summer. She turned pink and giggled.
Victoire was two years younger than he was but otherwise more or less perfect in every way. She was smart and cultured, pretty to look at, good with her studies, and she was a Weasley. Teddy knew everyone wanted him to marry into the family so that he'd be properly a part of it, so that all the aunts and uncles could finally be really aunts and uncles. He wanted it too, because he hated the truthful little voice that kept reminding him what he wasn't. Victoire would be leaving school just as he finished his Auror's training, and if she fancied him well enough, then that would be all right, wouldn't it.
"How're you?" he asked as she approached. All the boys he knew were nervous around girls, but this was Victoire, after all. He'd poured sand in her hair when they were both toddlers. It was hard to be nervous about that.
"I'm all right. How was London?"
"The usual. Sticky. Full of tourists. What about you, though? You have to tell me about France!"
"Oh, Teddy -- it was so amazing! Tell you what, smuggle me into the Prefects carriage, I'll tell you all about it," she said. "Or come down into our carriage, it'll make all the girls jealous, they all think you're so handsome."
"And you don't, huh?" he asked, grinning.
"I think you're Teddy. Change your hair back though, you look like a surprised skunk."
Teddy laughed and made an intense face of concentration. The silver streaks in his hair were replaced by their normal turquoise blue. "See you on the train, Victoire!"
***
The lanky man and short, round-faced boy were sitting together at a table in the library, illuminated by bars of dusty sunlight from the high, narrow windows. It glinted off James Potter's glasses and blanched Teddy Lupin's blue hair into pale grey, but neither gave any notice. Teddy was bent over a piece of parchment, consulting a book occasionally; James looked like he was trying very hard to stick to his studies, but a twelve-year-old's attention span is not very long.
"Have you ever seen a Horklump?" Nigel heard James ask as he prowled behind the bookshelves nearby. Teddy held up a finger, finished writing, and turned a page.
"No," he answered.
"What about a Niffler?"
"James, I'm trying to finish my paper."
"Sorry." There was silence for a moment. "But, have you?"
Teddy looked up and Nigel saw a flash of impatience cross his face, too quickly for James to notice. He marked his place in the book and closed it, laying it across the parchment. James' face lit up and he closed his book, too.
"I did, yeah," Teddy said, crossing his arms on the book and resting his chin on his crossed arms. "You'll have them in fourth-year Magical Creatures. What're you working on?"
"We're supposed to find pictures of Magical Creatures and bring them in to show and talk about, I just thought you might have some," James answered.
"Everybody's going to pick Nifflers and Crups and Kneazles," Teddy replied. "You should bring in a dragon."
"You think?"
"Sure. Why don't you write your Uncle Charlie? When do you need it by?"
"Tuesday."
"That's loads of time," Teddy said, stretching out one long arm to chuck James under the chin. "Go on up to Gryffindor and send him off a letter. I need to finish this but I'll be up before lights out."
"M'kay," James said, gathering up his books. "Thanks, Teddy."
Nigel waited until the boy had left and then slouched his way out of the stacks, dropping into the chair he'd vacated. Teddy looked up, nodded, and went back to his work.
"You spend an awful lot of time with the Potter kid," Nigel said.
"He's not the Potter kid, he's my godfather's son. I did last year too," Teddy answered. "Have you found anywhere that gives a layman's explication of the twelve uses of dragon's blood? Everything I have is so bloody technical."
"Lay off for a bit, Ted."
Teddy looked up at him, curious now. "Need to talk about something?"
"Yeah! You hanging around with second-years. It lowers the tone of Gryffindor Seventh. We're supposed to be austere and terrifying."
"How droll for you," Teddy answered.
"Listen, I'm your best mate."
"You're telling me this for my own good, is that it?"
"No! I'm just saying I shouldn't be jealous of a second-year. Or a fifth-year girl," Nigel added meaningfully. "Everyone sees you and Victoire together, the Ravenclaws have a pool going on when you'll ask her out."
"I'm not going to. Not while we're still at school. I haven't got time, anyway, not with NEWTs in five weeks."
"Still got time to jerk me off in the showers, though -- " he was interrupted by a warning hiss from Teddy. "Well, it's true. You may as well admit that you're a pouf, Teddy, and you're only following Victoire around like a sheep because she's the right kind of girl from the right kind of family."
Teddy's book closed with a thump that reverberated throughout the library. Madame Chang looked up from the librarian's desk and shushed him. He gave her a wave of apologetic acknowledgement and turned to Nigel.
"I'm not a pouf," he said.
"Nobody cares anymore if you are."
"Well, I'm not."
"Come off it, Teddy, it's not like you don't come by it honestly. Look at the old yearbooks, everyone knows your dad and Sirius Black -- "
Teddy leapt for Nigel and the two went down on the library floor together, scuffling and shouting.
"TAKE IT BACK!" Teddy cried, as Nigel got a hand in his face to push him away. He kneed his friend in the ribs and Nigel groaned. "DON'T SAY THAT ABOUT MY DAD!"
Madame Chang was sweeping towards them, fury on her brow, but a handful of Ravenclaws materialised as if by magic and soon the two boys were pulled apart, chests heaving, glaring angrily at each other.
"It's a lie!" Teddy said.
"You hit me!" Nigel replied, blood running down his lip.
"I'll hit you again if you talk about my dad and mum," Teddy replied, surging forward. A slim hand stopped him, and he looked down into the face of Madame Chang.
"Banned from the library, both of you, one week," she said. "Report to Headmistress McGonagall for detention."
Teddy shrugged off the boy and girl who were holding him and went to the table, shoving his books into his bag. Nigel was still staring at him, dazed.
It took three days for the two boys to speak to each other again, an epic rift in the unsinkable friendship; nobody knew what Nigel had said to Teddy to set him off, but they all talked incessantly of it. The Head Boy of Hogwarts was known to be an utterly unflappable, even-tempered student who never raised his voice even at the first-years. He'd never had a fistfight, hardly ever even got a detention. Whatever Nigel said, they whispered, must have really scraped a raw nerve.
Even with their friendship patched up, Nigel noticed that Teddy pointedly kept away from him -- kept away from everyone -- in the bathroom, showering alone early in the morning or late at night. Nigel, who had learned great self-restraint in dealing with his private, quiet friend, did his best to shrug it off and told himself that Teddy'd come round, sooner or later, and be a much happier man when he did.
***
The man sitting on the stair, drawing deeply on a magical smokeless cigarette, looked like the picture of despair. Slumped, head hanging down, knees drawn up, he looked awkward and miserable, and James felt very sorry for him. Teddy hated rows, and from the sound he'd heard drifting up through his bedroom floorboards, a really first-rate family row was going on.
He settled next to Teddy, whose hair was a boring mousy brown, and copied his posture. Teddy finally looked up, saw James' mimicry, and pulled up a smile for him.
"Did it wake you up?" he asked, gesturing with the cigarette towards the living room, visible through the banister railing. It looked like every adult Weasley was there, along with his own parents and Gran Tonks. Most were talking loudly, some even shouting a bit. It looked like Gran Tonks was trying to verbally beat sense into Uncle Bill. Aunt Fleur was the only one who looked peaceful, even complacent, and was saying something about "Eet ees quite acceptable een France; we unnerstand zere."
"Yeah. What's going on?" James asked.
"Victoire and I broke up."
"I'm sorry," James said sincerely. "But I meant in the living room. Why are they arguing?"
"Victoire and I broke up," Teddy repeated morosely.
"Are Uncle Bill and Aunt Fleur angry? Did you dump her?"
Teddy shook his head. "Nope. We both realised we weren't going to work, so I told her she was free, and she said thanks, and that was that."
James leaned against Teddy comfortingly. "Didn't you love her? Everyone thinks you did."
"I..." Teddy put the cigarette out with a flick of his hand and turned his head to look at James. "I love Victoire, because she's one of you, you know? Like I love you and Aunt Ginny and Harry and everyone. But...James, can I tell you stuff?"
"Course you can."
"No, I mean...grown-up stuff. Stuff that maybe most fourteen-year-olds shouldn't really know."
James shrugged. "I don't care if you do."
"Gran Tonks gave me mum's journals when I graduated. I started reading 'em this year, I thought they'd help me in Auror training. And I found my dad's school trunk, there were letters in it."
"That must've been interesting."
"It was, but...look, my dad and mum made a big mistake. I mean they were in love and all, but dad was always worrying about being a werewolf and I don't think...I think he was in love with someone else, too, and he married Mum because everyone thought they were a good match. Your grandma Molly threw them together a lot."
"Well, they were, weren't they?"
"I don't know. I just think that maybe Dad and Mum got married because everyone said they should, they felt like it was the right thing to do. Maybe if they'd lived it would have been okay or maybe they'd have been miserable together. I don't want to make the same mistake, that's all. So I can't get married to Victoire, I don't love her properly."
"Do you love someone else properly?"
"It's complicated, James."
"So uncomplicate it for me. Like you did with Arithmancy."
Teddy smiled again. "Well, some men like women, and some men like other men."
"You don't like girls?"
"Not that way. And it was ages before I realised it because I really wanted..." Teddy sighed. "I wanted to be family with you and your dad and mum, and that meant marrying Victoire. But you see how unfair that is to her because I could never really properly love her. And I told them..." he gestured at the still-arguing adults in the other room. "And that's what the row is about. Gran Tonks and your dad and Fleur are on my side anyway, and the others'll come round, I don't care about that. I just don't like rows."
"You know you're family anyway," James said.
"Well...I am and I'm not. Probably never will be, now. But nothing's going to change, I mean, Harry's still my godfather and we don't have to stop writing letters or anything."
"Good, I like your letters. So you're going to marry a boy?"
"Well, someday maybe."
"Are you going to marry Nigel?" James asked.
"No, we're just friends, and anyway he has a girlfriend. I'm sorry I told you this, James. I shouldn't be putting it on your shoulders."
"That's rot," James declared. "Besides, I'll help you find a nice boy to marry."
He thought Teddy might laugh at this, but instead a warm, cheerful smile spread across his face. "Thanks. That means a lot to me. Come on," he added, standing up. "Let's get some ice cream from the kitchen and then you can go back to bed."
***
Chapter Two: Nimbus Broomsticks Can't Brake For Shit.
Chapter Three: Lupins Always Look Out For Potters