sam_storyteller: (Gen Fic)
sam_storyteller ([personal profile] sam_storyteller) wrote2011-01-11 09:19 am
Entry tags:

Ben Sherman And The Lion

Title: Ben Sherman And The Lion
Rating: PG-13 (for The Swears)
Warnings: None.
Summary: Ben and Cooper get a home invasion call that turns out to be a little more than Ben bargained for.
BETA CREDIT, JESUS: [personal profile] girlpearl has been after me to write this forever. [ profile] 51stcenturyfox and [ profile] gypsylady got in on the action too.
Notes: This is part of my "Under 1000" challenge to myself; it clocks in at around 900 words.

Now available at AO3.

Police officers sometimes encounter unexpected obstacles to their duties, and are frequently forced to think on their feet.

The call said "possible intruder" and dispatch told them that the homeowner was sure someone was in his yard. He thought it was a woman. Ben and Coop gave each other a sardonic look, but Cooper went into the house to calm the homeowner and Ben went through the yard next door to see if he could get eyes over the fence.

When he climbed up on the trash can in the backyard to look over the fence, he saw Cooper peering through the edge of a set of truly disastrously ugly curtains hung across a sliding glass door. Cooper glanced at him; Ben made a face that he hoped indicated I can't see anything. Cooper bent his fingers and arched his palm, go over the fence. Ben nodded and carefully slithered down into the yard, hurrying to the side of the house for cover, gun drawn.

He seriously couldn't see shit and he didn't know why they were even here. Nobody was in this asshole's back yard.

Then he heard the scream. It sounded like a woman screaming, but too close to be next door. He popped his head around the corner of the house, pulled back, came around with his gun ahead of him like good protocol, and found --


There was a soft noise like a motor running, though. Ben gave a slow half-turn and realized what he'd taken for a patch of brown grass in the yard was actually a mountain lion.

"Sir?" Ben said into his radio.

"You got eyes?" Cooper asked.

"There's a mountain lion, sir," Ben said.

"There's a what?"

The mountain lion, which had been lying in the grass, stood up and stretched and made that noise again. It really did sound exactly like a woman screaming. Ben heard vaguely, over his radio, Cooper calling for animal control.

"Yep, that's a fucking lion," Cooper said, and Ben glanced to one side. Cooper was looking out the back window of the house now. He looked at Ben. "No sudden moves, okay? I'mma crack this window and cover you. Back towards the door."

Ben nodded, which was a mistake; it caught the lion's attention. It stopped mid-stretch, cocked its head at him, and began prowling forward. It was close enough he could see its ribs. It looked hungry.

"What kind of damage you think we can do to that?" Cooper asked. Ben appreciated the effort to calm him down but seriously it was not working. He was edging backwards with his suddenly very small-seeming handgun trained on the forehead of a motherfucking mountain lion.

"Are they endangered?" Ben asked.

"This one goes for you, it's going to be very endangered," Cooper answered. Ben heard the window open; the cat turned its head for a moment, then decided Ben was more interesting and turned back.

"Can you imagine," Ben said, more to keep himself from running like hell than anything else, "the newspaper article? LA Cop shoots endangered animal. Partner pisses himself laugh -- "

He didn't get the rest of the sentence out because the damn thing tried to jump him. He dove forward and tumbled, which on the one hand took him further from the house, but on the other meant he was not currently getting mauled. He rolled to his feet and turned, brought his gun around again, kept his left hand spread for balance. The lion circled. Ben focused in tight.

"Animal control's on its way," Cooper said. "If it tries that again, please, shoot the motherfucker."

"I think that might just make it angry," Ben said.

"Try shouting at it."

"Are you fucking nuts?" Ben asked, but before he was even finished the glass door was sliding open and Cooper was sidling out.

He marched into the yard, like he was in no danger at all of getting eaten by a lion, and yelled "Hey! Asshole!"

The lion turned its head. Ben fought down a laugh.

"Shoo!" Cooper called, clapping his hands, walking forward confidently. "Go on! Scram!"

The lion turned and wagged its ass, which Ben knew meant it was about to jump his partner, but Cooper just drew his gun and fired once into the dirt. The lion hesitated.

"Come on, get out of here," Cooper yelled. Ben edged back towards the fence.

The lion gave Cooper what had to be the most sullen look Ben had ever seen on something that wasn't human, turned, and stalked haughtily towards the back of the yard, away from them. It stopped at the fence and looked around; Cooper fired another shot, this one aimed a little closer to it, and it cleared the fence in a single, graceful bound.

Ben collapsed, laughing, against Cooper's shoulder.

"Scram!" he gasped. Cooper grinned at him and switched on his radio.

"Yeah, Dispatch, A-43 reporting in. Suspect was a mountain lion, over."

"A-43, please repeat?" Dispatch responded.

"Confirmed, suspect was a goddamn mountain lion," Cooper repeated. There was a long silence.

"I'm not sure we have a code for that," Dispatch said hesitantly. Ben started laughing all over again.

"You missed your calling, Boot," Cooper said.

"How you figure that?" Ben asked, still sagging with relief.

"Told you this job was a circus. You shoulda been a lion tamer."
lizzledpink: (Default)

[personal profile] lizzledpink 2011-01-11 03:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Best. Lion. Ever. Wish I knew the characters, but I'm laughing like crazy nevertheless.

[personal profile] chewipaka 2011-01-11 04:05 pm (UTC)(link)
Other effective methods of dealing with mountain lions includes: walking sideways to your jeep while talking to them, or accidentally running over their tails while mountain biking (taking care not to fall off your bike).

My cousins lead very interesting lives in the west...

But this story is much more dramatic than walking sideways while talking at a mountain lion :-D
51stcenturyfox: (Om nom nom!)

[personal profile] 51stcenturyfox 2011-01-11 05:49 pm (UTC)(link)
YAY. I love Cooper here. :D
dine: (Southland  B&C - loveben)

[personal profile] dine 2011-01-11 07:45 pm (UTC)(link)
"I'm not sure we have a code for that," Dispatch said hesitantly.

best line ever in a really fantastic short story - I could clearly see and hear both of them throughout this.

(Anonymous) 2011-01-11 09:52 pm (UTC)(link)
"Suspect was a goddamn mountain lion" has to be the best sentence I've read today. Also, I've never watched Southland, but I kind of want to now because of this. Is it as funny as this? Because the previews made it look like A Serious Cop Show Where Drama Happens and There Are Moral Quandaries.
florahart: (writing)

[personal profile] florahart 2011-01-11 11:49 pm (UTC)(link)
one of the few canon-gay characters and also one of the really few where this isn't actually the focus of the character.
florahart: (cheerleading)

[personal profile] florahart 2011-01-11 11:48 pm (UTC)(link)
jaydeyn: Teal'c from SG-1 with the most beautiful smile! (:D)

[personal profile] jaydeyn 2011-01-11 11:52 pm (UTC)(link)

I don't think we have a code for that! HAH!

So glad Southland is back.

tree00faery: (Default)

[personal profile] tree00faery 2011-01-12 02:05 am (UTC)(link)
LOL this was cute!
rdprice29: (Default)


[personal profile] rdprice29 2011-01-12 02:46 am (UTC)(link)
Excellent! I loved it and I seriously need to start watching this show if they're at all like this one-shot.

Great job!

[personal profile] elucreh 2011-01-12 02:54 am (UTC)(link)
butterflykiki: (Default)

[personal profile] butterflykiki 2011-01-26 10:59 am (UTC)(link)
And c'mon, they *SHOULD* have a code for that!

Or maybe I'm biased by being in Wyoming. *goes to check if we have a code for that*

Ahem. We have 10-54, "Livestock on Highway", and "10-45", animal carcass?

For what it's worth.
panisdead: (Default)

[personal profile] panisdead 2011-01-13 02:19 am (UTC)(link)
DUDE, AWESOME. Also, terrifying. Those things are scary.
txilar: the tulip era (Default)

[personal profile] txilar 2011-01-18 04:26 am (UTC)(link)
I adore this story and am so pleased you write Southland--almost as pleased as the fact that it is back.

You do such a nice job of capturing their personalities. I could really see this in my head.

butterflykiki: (highway horizon)

[personal profile] butterflykiki 2011-01-26 10:59 am (UTC)(link)
I love this. It's just-- fun and adorable and I love the sulky look the mountain lion gives him. HEE.
blueswan: (Default)

[personal profile] blueswan 2012-02-08 06:03 pm (UTC)(link)
I can so see this happening to John and Ben. *G*
tabaqui: (Default)

[personal profile] tabaqui 2012-07-03 05:29 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, man. That would seriously suck, but...heeee!