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sam_storyteller) wrote2005-07-17 02:37 pm
sam_storyteller) wrote2005-07-17 02:37 pm
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Torchwood Season Zero: Episodes 5 - 7 (Ianto Arc)
0.05 Jones Ianto Jones
Out on a Weevil-hunt in a local Cardiff park one evening, Jack encounters a young man who knows more than he should about Torchwood. Ianto Jones seems to know not only what Weevils are but a fair bit about how to fight them. Jack brushes him off and makes his getaway, but once he has the Weevil stashed in the Hub he wants to know everything about young Jones.
He may regret asking when the name rings a bell with Suzie, who uncovers the fact that Jones is one of the few surviving employees of Torchwood One, and therefore a veteran of the attack that destroyed Torchwood's London headquarters and killed more than eight hundred people. Suzie thinks a resourceful kid like Jones is just what Torchwood needs, but Jack doesn't want anything to do with Torchwood London, even by proxy. When Jones turns up at the Hub the next morning, asking for a job, Jack rejects him out of hand.
Jack has more important things to think about, anyway, like a dead paramedic found holding what looks like a sword -- or rather, half of a sword. It's a reasonably routine operation, retrieving an artifact and securing it in the archives, but obviously the sword is dangerous, and Jack wants to be certain it won't hurt anyone else once they locate the other half.
Then, while Jack is out on a routine Rift-spike investigation run, Ianto Jones turns up again. This time he has a feral pterodactyl that needs catching, and shows enough resourcefulness and dedication that Jack revises his opinion and hires him, though he makes it plain he doesn't trust him.
Unfortunately he's going to have to, because on Ianto's first day an armed gang of intergalactic gun-runners comes looking for the sword and will do anything to get it. The team must rely on the new boy to stall the gun-runners upstairs while they prepare a counter-attack, but Jones is an unknown quantity and hasn't been trained in emergency lockdown procedures.
To the team's surprise, Jones manages to hold his own against the attackers until Jack can lay a trap for them. Ianto may think he's failed when he's finally overpowered, but as the gun-runners break into the Hub atrium Jack's trap springs shut and the Torchwood team emerges triumphant.
The team is ready to celebrate, Jack included, but Ianto demurs; while they make their way to a nearby pub for a well-deserved pint, he informs the Captain he still has to process and archive the recovered sword and clean up the blood on the Hub floor. Jack, shrugging, leaves him to his work.
Episode Quotes:
Suzie: Ianto Jones, you said?
Jack: Yeah?
Suzie: Familiar name... [works at her computer] Right. Thought so. Torchwood One.
Jack: You're kidding me.
Suzie: Junior researcher. Going on two years.
Jack: That dumb kid was Torchwood?
Suzie: Better still. He was in the tower.
Jack: What?
Suzie: Twenty-seven people survived Torchwood One. Fourteen of those were out sick or off-premises for whatever reason. Thirteen of them were actually in the building. Your boy's in a very elite club, Jack.
Jack: So, I hired the kid.
Suzie: Awww, just for me?
Jack: He showed promise.
Suzie: What else did he show you?
Jack: Oh, how I wish.
Suzie: Yeah, I saw his file photo. I'm sure hiring him has nothing to do with those cheekbones. He's just cute as a button, Jack.
Jack: Believe it or not, I don't make hiring decisions with my hormones.
Suzie: I'm going to go with "not".
Jack: By the way, there's a pterodactyl in the loading dock.
Suzie: A what?
Jack: It might be a pteranadon.
Jack: This is your gun.
Ianto: My...gun?
Jack: Ever fired one?
Ianto: I was a researcher.
Jack: Research can be dangerous.
Ianto: No, sir, I've never fired a gun.
Jack: Okay. I'll get Suzie to teach you later. You're also in charge of archival, she can train you on that, and supplying the team with whatever they need. Equipment, food, services. Petty-cash. Butlering. You know, like you wanted.
Ianto: Yes, sir.
Jack: Now, I have just one question for you.
Ianto: Just one?
Jack: Can you re-create that coffee you brought me? On a daily basis.
Ianto: [looking relieved] Yes.
Jack: Get on it.
Tosh: How are you settling in?
Ianto: Oh, fairly well.
Tosh: Different to London, I expect.
Ianto: More...cluttered, mostly. Soon have it ship-shape, though.
Tosh: I don't think Jack really wants gleaming white walls and chrome.
Ianto: No, but he might enjoy not tripping over a pile of files every time he needs to leave the office.
Tosh: I suppose we're all a bit untidy.
Ianto: Well, now you have me to take care of that.
Tosh: Why would you want this job?
Ianto: Ever thought about leaving Torchwood?
Tosh: I can't.
Ianto: Me neither.
Owen: NEW BOY! Going out!
Suzie: Pints and darts. First round's on Jack.
Jack: Coming, Ianto?
Ianto: I'm afraid not.
Jack: What?
Ianto: The sword still needs processing; plus there's the blood to be mopped up, and some light repairs to the Tourist office. It won't take long.
Jack: You're...staying to do work.
Ianto: I have a very good work ethic.
Jack: You don't really need to impress me. You know, earlier today, holding off the Kthari, that pretty much spoke for itself.
Ianto: With all due respect, I wouldn't do it to impress you.
Jack: Then why?
Ianto: Someone has to do it. This is what you pay me for.
Jack: Your choice, Ianto.
Ianto: Thank you, sir.
BBC WEBSITE EXTRAS
Personnel Profile
IANTO JONES:
Hire Status: New Hire. Recruited by CJH. Former occupation, Junior Research Assistant, Torchwood London.
Tenure: New. (2yrs Torchwood London).
Position(s) held: Current: General Support, Archivist, Deputy Technologist (restricted, see "Security Notes"), Pterodactyl Wrangler. Former: Junior Research Assistant.
Training: Minimal Firearms (maintenance), no hand-to-hand.
Father: Deceased.
Mother: Deceased.
Partner/dependent(s): None.
Security Notes: I. Jones held standard rank security clearance at Torchwood London. New Hire restrictions apply: telephone and home-surveillance, 3mos. Jones is currently restricted from systems access except for the archival database, 1mo. Expect all security restrictions to be lifted within 3mos if he doesn't get himself killed or kicked out first.
General Notes: Jones is eager to work for Torchwood and accepts his current restrictions. Suzie has agreed to monitor him for signs of PTSD post-London. Seems to play well with others, hard worker, well-informed; Cardiff native with extensive knowledge of local history and geography. Great coffee, great ass.
Clearance Level: Restricted, upgrading to Top Secret on completion of 3mo trial period.
CAPTAIN'S BLOG
Entry -9
Ongoing Archive Notes
Torchwood 3
Volume 71, Week 5
Alien activity: Another topside Weevil. My life, in weevils!
Rift activity: Rift spat out a pterodactyl and a Magic Sword. Pterodactyl brought an office boy along. Magic Sword brought the gun-runners.
Security: New entry doors worked really well, held back a high-power...photon ray. I can't say photon ray seriously. New office boy worked pretty well too. Not as durable though.
Other security issues: Asked Tosh to work on scan-shielding for a portion of the archives. They never would have come close if we had the sword in proper containment. She has high hopes. Suzie has some ideas. Nice to see them working together. Also, started standard security monitoring on new hire.
Staff: Hired Ianto Jones as General Support.
Other Staff issues: Jones seems shy. Competent in the field but requested -- re-requested -- Hub duty only. Thinks he knows more about pterodactyls than he does. I've asked Suzie to give him his firearms instruction and orientation. I'd like to get to know the kid, he seems resourceful (and kind of into me?) but London's too recent. It'll come in time.
Capt. Jack Harkness.
0.06 Fiddler In The North
Jack has always referred to the Glasgow office as a listening station, an almost-dead branch of the Torchwood family tree run by one eccentric Scot. Once or twice a year he turns up items of interest for the Cardiff team to investigate, but most of the time Torchwood Two simply gathers information.
The problem is, people are turning up dead in Glasgow after "white lights" envelop them, leading to rampant speculation about alien abduction. Seocan Young has asked for Torchwood's help, and now that they have an office boy to mind the shop Jack feels confident leaving Cardiff to investigate. Suzie is more reluctant, still deep in her studies on the mysterious gauntlet she uncovered in storage, but Jack insists. With a cheerful admonishment not to get killed, they leave Ianto in Cardiff and head northwards.
Seocan, who is every bit as weird as Jack warned them, has managed to secure three of the five bodies in a tiny makeshift morgue (otherwise known as his garage). To Owen's surprise, there's a decent medical lab in the garage as well, and he sets to work examining the bodies while Tosh arranges the equipment they've brought up with them and Jack and Suzie go out into Glasgow with Seocan to try and steal the latest victim from the police.
When they return successful, they find a very puzzled Tosh, whose equipment goes haywire every time it gets near the bodies, and an even more puzzled Owen, who has discovered that their blood types don't match any ordinary human's. Before Owen can finish his assessment, however, there's a crash from the garage and they rush in to find Suzie and a very alive victim -- well, alive for all of twenty seconds, anyway.
Suzie, it turns out, has brought the glove with her to study its potential effects outside of the Hub. Jack is furious, but also intrigued; the glove can revive the dead, if only for short periods of time. It's of no use on the older victims, but Suzie is certain that if she can get at some of the more recent bodies she can revive them long enough to ask them what happened. The police, on the other hand, don't recognise Torchwood's authority, and getting them to give up the bodies could take precious time they don't have.
The team is now faced with two problems: breaking into a police morgue and, once they have, compiling the data Suzie wrings from the corpses into something useful. With the time they have, they've only managed to glean the fact that all the revivable victims were either at a specific nightclub the night they were taken, or were actually taken from the nightclub itself. They rush to the nightclub, but before they can investigate properly Tosh is enveloped in white light and disappears.
With time running out for Tosh, they realise that they have to find whoever has the alien device that's "stealing" people. It's Owen who finally spots the murderer, a young woman hooked on an alien box that strips the victim's blood and feeds it to the operator as energy. Once they've taken the box from her, it's not long before Tosh is restored and whole again. Just in time to return to the Hub -- a Hub that in their absence has been unobtrusively cleaned by Ianto, who greets them with fresh coffee and sandwiches.
Episode Quotes:
Owen: How long have you known Jack, anyway?
Seocan: Oh, he's been with Torchwood as long as I ever have.
Tosh: When did you join?
Seocan: '73.
Owen: No way. Jack would've been a kid then.
Seocan: He's aged well. Nice for some. Spent a little time on the Rift myself, after the unpleasantness with Alex, poor bastard.
Tosh: Who's Alex?
Seocan: He hasn't told you?
Owen: The things Jack hasn't told us would fill a book that'll never be written.
Seocan: I worked with him for a bit -- Edinburgh boy. He went down to Cardiff...oh, a while back, took the reins down there. Ran a tight ship, given what he had to work with. Which wasn't much. Maybe s'what made him crack.
Tosh: Crack?
Seocan: New Year's Eve, 1999. I got a call from Jack, drove down in the middle of the night. Got there the next day, found him sitting in the middle of a bloodbath. Never could figure out what happened exactly, though the CCTV told us some. Jack doesn't like to talk about it.
Owen: But you do.
Seocan: Alex sent Jack out on New Year's Eve, then locked down the Hub and shot the whole team. Young team, too. Said it was a mercy killing. Unlocked the Hub, Jack came back, Alex shot himself. Bout as far away from Jack as where you are from me now.
Owen: Bollocks.
Seocan: God's honest truth, I saw the footage. Jack still had blood on his face when I got there. That's how he got to be leader. Everyone else was dead.
Suzie: Jack. Don't be mad.
Jack: Suzie, don't do things that make me mad.
Suzie: I brought the glove along.
Owen: Have I mentioned how creeped out I am by that thing?
Suzie: I think the glove brings people back to life. I put it on and touched the victim's forehead --
Jack: What on -- what possessed you to put on an alien gauntlet and touch dead people with it?
Suzie: The spirit of scientific inquiry.
Jack: That's so...okay. Actually I can't argue with that. But when we get home you are so grounded.
Suzie: Yes, dad.
Ianto: [answering phone] Good evening, Captain.
Jack: Ianto Jones! What are you wearing?
Ianto: Savile Row.
Jack: Are you still at the Hub?
Ianto: Just clearing up a few things.
Jack: How's Cardiff holding up?
Ianto: Ticking along. Few reports for you to look over when you get back.
Jack: Oh?
Ianto: Power fluctuations in the Hub grid. CCTV went out for a bit. Nothing major. How is Glasgow?
Jack: Suzie brought the glove along. She thinks she's figured out what it does. Wanna guess?
Ianto: I'm sure I couldn't.
Jack: It revives the dead. I'm torn between that being really neat and something we should lock up forever and throw away the key.
Ianto: What do the others think?
Jack: Owen thinks it needs a cool name.
Tosh: So you want us to break into the police morgue, steal two bodies, and bring them to life with alien tech.
Jack: Yeah, pretty much.
Tosh: I love this job.
Jack: This glove.
Suzie: It could be useful, Jack.
Jack: Could be dangerous.
Suzie: I'll do all the testing myself. Rigorous safety procedures.
Jack: Don't let it interfere with your work for the team.
Suzie: It won't.
Jack: All right, then get on it. [Suzie turns to leave] Hey!
Suzie: Yes?
Jack: Does the Hub look different to you?
Suzie: I think Ianto cleaned it or something.
Jack: Huh.
BBC WEBSITE EXTRAS
***
To: T. Sato
From: CJH
Subject: Re: Snap
Seocan insisted. I have no regrets. Publish and be damned!
Message Received From: T. Sato [t.sato@torchwood.org]
> Jack:
>
> And you thought I didn't know how to use a spy camera.
> Hope you didn't put it on Torchwood's expense account.
> Bad form wasting company time playing dress-up!
>
> Twenty quid not to send it to Suzie.
>
> Tosh
>
> ATTACHED FILE:
CAPTAIN'S BLOG
Entry -8
Ongoing Archive Notes
Torchwood 3
Volume 71, Week 6
Alien activity: Some tech in Glasgow. Nasty little thing, almost ate Tosh. She's better now.
Rift activity: Negligible. Ianto reported no spikes or shocks.
Security: Remote partial-lockdown for the Hub worked like a charm. It's not that I don't trust Ianto yet, it's just...I don't trust Ianto yet. Being able to control various Hub functions from my phone was useful. Can't let Owen have that power though. He'd only use it for evil.
Other security issues: I'd like to think this was a fluke, but if the Glasgow office is going to deal with actual aliens or alien tech on a regular basis, Seocan will have to do some hiring. We might think about vetting some people down here just in case. No actual approach or recruit, just background research.
Staff: Interoffice cooperation was high, probably because everyone was afraid Seocan would go actual nuts if they disagreed. Suzie likes to touch dead things with alien tech.
Other Staff issues: Ianto did very well holding down the Hub while we were gone, apart from the power outage. He cleaned, too. Useful.
Capt. Jack Harkness.
0.07 We Eat What We Kill
The episode opens, strangely, with a voice-over by Ianto, who explains (presumably to the viewer) that Torchwood is an organisation indpendent of nationality. Although Cardiff's branch was once funded by the government of Great Britain, it has had to depend on its wits since Jack broke ties with London and London was destroyed.
Ianto continues to narrate events, sometimes not entirely accurately, as Jack and Suzie depart for an evening of "fundraising", selling services (aided by alien equipment) to the highest bidder and trying to make contact with passing alien ships in the hopes of selling off scrap. Soon after they depart, a team of hackers attacks Torchwood's mainframe and Tosh decides to play some games with them before crushing them utterly. Owen pulls a fascinated Ianto away to take him on a training mission, educating him in the fine art of fooling, retconning, and lying to the British public.
Tosh monitors both teams from the Hub as she engages in "BackHacking", tracing down the hackers trying to break into the Mainframe and hitting them back while they're distracted. What she finds, however, is deeply unsettling: one of the hackers is planning to bomb a major location in London, though they're not clear on just what. Here, for the first time, the audience hears a woman replying to Ianto's narration, asking where the bomb was supposed to be and what happened next.
Ianto explains that, with Jack and Suzie unreachable, Owen and Tosh have to try and figure out who the bomb is aimed at, since it had already been planted. Their only clue is an image one of the hackers emailed to another: a five-pound note, riddled with bulletholes.
It is Ianto who solves the riddle correctly, covertly tipping off Tosh by idly mentioning to her that the Queen is at Windsor for the first time in weeks. They manage to avert the crisis, sending UNIT in to defuse a bomb in the Royal residence, and when Jack returns with Suzie it is to a telephone call from Her Majesty, offering to reinstate Torchwood's financial support.
Ianto, sitting in a dim room in the Hub, sums up the end of the story and it is revealed that his audience is, in fact, his girlfriend Lisa. She is not dead at all, but imprisoned in a Cyber-conversion unit, half-converted and unable to move. She is outraged that Ianto got no credit for helping Owen and Tosh, but Ianto insists that the less notice taken of him, the better. He then tells her to get some rest, kisses her, and departs.
Episode Quotes:
Jack: We're going fundraising.
Ianto: Fundraising, sir?
Suzie: Torchwood's an independent underfunded --
Jack: Un-funded.
Suzie: -- law enforcement agency, technically speaking. We lost our funding when Jack dissociated from London.
Jack: It was a choice between losing our funding or selling our souls. Sue me, I have a vested interest in your souls.
Suzie: So now, every few months, we go out fundraising. It's not bad work, really. We sell some scrap, offer some services, make some money, and come home with enough to pay everyone's salary for a while.
Jack: Someone's got to keep the pterodactyl in fish-heads and squeaky balls.
Jack: You know, you don't have to put up with Suzie when she gets that way. You can tell her to go to hell, she'll respect you for it.
Ianto: I don't mind.
Jack: Yeah, that's what I can't figure out.
Ianto: I like her. She's the only one who hasn't had a go at me over London.
Jack: Are Owen and Tosh bothering you?
Ianto: Nothing cruel. Just questions. Suzie doesn't ask questions. Not that kind.
Jack: And you like it that way.
Ianto: Yes.
Jack: Mmhm. Yes ma'am. Yes, ma'am. No, I don't know that -- I see. That's generous, but we can't give up our non-national status...oh. Yes. Yes ma'am. I understand. Thank you, ma'am.
Owen: what was that all about?
Jack: That was a telephone call from Her Majesty.
Tosh: The --
Jack: Yeah.
Suzie: What did she want?
Jack: She's reinstating Crown funding for Torchwood. We retain our autonomy, the government will support Torchwood financially and legally, and you two are definitely getting raises.
Lisa: But you should get a raise too! You solved the puzzle!
Ianto: I'd like that. I might get one anyway.
Lisa: You should tell him.
Ianto: I can't do that, you know I can't. I have to be invisible. For both our sakes. The less they care about what I do, the easier it will be to get you help.
Lisa: Brave Ianto.
Ianto: Not really. I'm scared of the Captain.
Lisa: He sounds nice.
Ianto: He sounds nice. [kisses her] Get some rest. I'll be down in a few hours to change your IV.
BBC WEBSITE EXTRAS
***
From: CHJ
To: All Staff
Okay, kids!
Here is what the Crown Funding means for you.
Suzie: Buy yourself that membership to the academic database you've been wanting. Take inventory of our arms locker (get Ianto to help) and figure out what we need to make it a truly magnificent monument to ballistic weaponry. Anything below a bazooka. Figure out what Tosh needs to upgrade the SUV and send me a full report.
Owen: Two new gurneys. I know you're good at cannibalizing parts for the cryo units, but buy yourself something shiny to make all our guests feel more at home. Stop stealing medical software and pay the registration on some of it.
Tosh: Whatever baby wants, baby gets. Find out what Mainframe needs. I want upgrades on everyone's personal Torchwood computer. Including the TIC computer -- do what needs to be done and then put the old casing over it.
Everyone: Send your proposals through Ianto, he'll vet them budgetwise and pass them on to me for final signoff.
Ianto: New squeaky ball for the pterodactyl. Think up some creature comforts for this place and run them past me. Archival supplies within reason. The others will tap you as needed for repair/upgrade assistance once the new parts come in.
Hop to. Once we've squared away expenditures on all this, I'll work out budgetwise what I can do for everyone in terms of salary. Or I will make Ianto do it.
CJH
CAPTAIN'S BLOG
Entry -7
Ongoing Archive Notes
Torchwood 3
Volume 71, Week 7
Alien activity: Torchwood-initiated contact with several races (see file #XQ9339-2 for full account).
Rift activity: None.
Security: Hackers attacked Mainframe. Tangentially, someone tried to bomb the Queen out of Windsor.
Other security issues: Per our deft intervention in an assassination plot on Her Royal Highness, Torchwood is being reinstated in the Crown's good graces. We are now funded by the government of Great Britain with the understanding that we retain our autonomy. We'll see how this works in practice.
Staff: Ianto is now officially trained in retcon procedure.
Other Staff issues: Tosh took care of our hackers with thinly-veiled glee. I need to remind myself to unplug my computers from the network if I ever piss her off. Ianto is quiet but seems to be thriving. Suzie reports no signs of PTSD, which is a little surprising, but I suppose she would be the one to notice it. Even if she and Owen keep sneaking off like they think none of us have noticed.
Capt. Jack Harkness.
Episodes 8, 9, and 10
Out on a Weevil-hunt in a local Cardiff park one evening, Jack encounters a young man who knows more than he should about Torchwood. Ianto Jones seems to know not only what Weevils are but a fair bit about how to fight them. Jack brushes him off and makes his getaway, but once he has the Weevil stashed in the Hub he wants to know everything about young Jones.
He may regret asking when the name rings a bell with Suzie, who uncovers the fact that Jones is one of the few surviving employees of Torchwood One, and therefore a veteran of the attack that destroyed Torchwood's London headquarters and killed more than eight hundred people. Suzie thinks a resourceful kid like Jones is just what Torchwood needs, but Jack doesn't want anything to do with Torchwood London, even by proxy. When Jones turns up at the Hub the next morning, asking for a job, Jack rejects him out of hand.
Jack has more important things to think about, anyway, like a dead paramedic found holding what looks like a sword -- or rather, half of a sword. It's a reasonably routine operation, retrieving an artifact and securing it in the archives, but obviously the sword is dangerous, and Jack wants to be certain it won't hurt anyone else once they locate the other half.
Then, while Jack is out on a routine Rift-spike investigation run, Ianto Jones turns up again. This time he has a feral pterodactyl that needs catching, and shows enough resourcefulness and dedication that Jack revises his opinion and hires him, though he makes it plain he doesn't trust him.
Unfortunately he's going to have to, because on Ianto's first day an armed gang of intergalactic gun-runners comes looking for the sword and will do anything to get it. The team must rely on the new boy to stall the gun-runners upstairs while they prepare a counter-attack, but Jones is an unknown quantity and hasn't been trained in emergency lockdown procedures.
To the team's surprise, Jones manages to hold his own against the attackers until Jack can lay a trap for them. Ianto may think he's failed when he's finally overpowered, but as the gun-runners break into the Hub atrium Jack's trap springs shut and the Torchwood team emerges triumphant.
The team is ready to celebrate, Jack included, but Ianto demurs; while they make their way to a nearby pub for a well-deserved pint, he informs the Captain he still has to process and archive the recovered sword and clean up the blood on the Hub floor. Jack, shrugging, leaves him to his work.
Episode Quotes:
Suzie: Ianto Jones, you said?
Jack: Yeah?
Suzie: Familiar name... [works at her computer] Right. Thought so. Torchwood One.
Jack: You're kidding me.
Suzie: Junior researcher. Going on two years.
Jack: That dumb kid was Torchwood?
Suzie: Better still. He was in the tower.
Jack: What?
Suzie: Twenty-seven people survived Torchwood One. Fourteen of those were out sick or off-premises for whatever reason. Thirteen of them were actually in the building. Your boy's in a very elite club, Jack.
Jack: So, I hired the kid.
Suzie: Awww, just for me?
Jack: He showed promise.
Suzie: What else did he show you?
Jack: Oh, how I wish.
Suzie: Yeah, I saw his file photo. I'm sure hiring him has nothing to do with those cheekbones. He's just cute as a button, Jack.
Jack: Believe it or not, I don't make hiring decisions with my hormones.
Suzie: I'm going to go with "not".
Jack: By the way, there's a pterodactyl in the loading dock.
Suzie: A what?
Jack: It might be a pteranadon.
Jack: This is your gun.
Ianto: My...gun?
Jack: Ever fired one?
Ianto: I was a researcher.
Jack: Research can be dangerous.
Ianto: No, sir, I've never fired a gun.
Jack: Okay. I'll get Suzie to teach you later. You're also in charge of archival, she can train you on that, and supplying the team with whatever they need. Equipment, food, services. Petty-cash. Butlering. You know, like you wanted.
Ianto: Yes, sir.
Jack: Now, I have just one question for you.
Ianto: Just one?
Jack: Can you re-create that coffee you brought me? On a daily basis.
Ianto: [looking relieved] Yes.
Jack: Get on it.
Tosh: How are you settling in?
Ianto: Oh, fairly well.
Tosh: Different to London, I expect.
Ianto: More...cluttered, mostly. Soon have it ship-shape, though.
Tosh: I don't think Jack really wants gleaming white walls and chrome.
Ianto: No, but he might enjoy not tripping over a pile of files every time he needs to leave the office.
Tosh: I suppose we're all a bit untidy.
Ianto: Well, now you have me to take care of that.
Tosh: Why would you want this job?
Ianto: Ever thought about leaving Torchwood?
Tosh: I can't.
Ianto: Me neither.
Owen: NEW BOY! Going out!
Suzie: Pints and darts. First round's on Jack.
Jack: Coming, Ianto?
Ianto: I'm afraid not.
Jack: What?
Ianto: The sword still needs processing; plus there's the blood to be mopped up, and some light repairs to the Tourist office. It won't take long.
Jack: You're...staying to do work.
Ianto: I have a very good work ethic.
Jack: You don't really need to impress me. You know, earlier today, holding off the Kthari, that pretty much spoke for itself.
Ianto: With all due respect, I wouldn't do it to impress you.
Jack: Then why?
Ianto: Someone has to do it. This is what you pay me for.
Jack: Your choice, Ianto.
Ianto: Thank you, sir.
BBC WEBSITE EXTRAS
Personnel Profile
IANTO JONES:
Hire Status: New Hire. Recruited by CJH. Former occupation, Junior Research Assistant, Torchwood London.
Tenure: New. (2yrs Torchwood London).
Position(s) held: Current: General Support, Archivist, Deputy Technologist (restricted, see "Security Notes"), Pterodactyl Wrangler. Former: Junior Research Assistant.
Training: Minimal Firearms (maintenance), no hand-to-hand.
Father: Deceased.
Mother: Deceased.
Partner/dependent(s): None.
Security Notes: I. Jones held standard rank security clearance at Torchwood London. New Hire restrictions apply: telephone and home-surveillance, 3mos. Jones is currently restricted from systems access except for the archival database, 1mo. Expect all security restrictions to be lifted within 3mos if he doesn't get himself killed or kicked out first.
General Notes: Jones is eager to work for Torchwood and accepts his current restrictions. Suzie has agreed to monitor him for signs of PTSD post-London. Seems to play well with others, hard worker, well-informed; Cardiff native with extensive knowledge of local history and geography. Great coffee, great ass.
Clearance Level: Restricted, upgrading to Top Secret on completion of 3mo trial period.
CAPTAIN'S BLOG
Entry -9
Ongoing Archive Notes
Torchwood 3
Volume 71, Week 5
Alien activity: Another topside Weevil. My life, in weevils!
Rift activity: Rift spat out a pterodactyl and a Magic Sword. Pterodactyl brought an office boy along. Magic Sword brought the gun-runners.
Security: New entry doors worked really well, held back a high-power...photon ray. I can't say photon ray seriously. New office boy worked pretty well too. Not as durable though.
Other security issues: Asked Tosh to work on scan-shielding for a portion of the archives. They never would have come close if we had the sword in proper containment. She has high hopes. Suzie has some ideas. Nice to see them working together. Also, started standard security monitoring on new hire.
Staff: Hired Ianto Jones as General Support.
Other Staff issues: Jones seems shy. Competent in the field but requested -- re-requested -- Hub duty only. Thinks he knows more about pterodactyls than he does. I've asked Suzie to give him his firearms instruction and orientation. I'd like to get to know the kid, he seems resourceful (and kind of into me?) but London's too recent. It'll come in time.
Capt. Jack Harkness.
0.06 Fiddler In The North
Jack has always referred to the Glasgow office as a listening station, an almost-dead branch of the Torchwood family tree run by one eccentric Scot. Once or twice a year he turns up items of interest for the Cardiff team to investigate, but most of the time Torchwood Two simply gathers information.
The problem is, people are turning up dead in Glasgow after "white lights" envelop them, leading to rampant speculation about alien abduction. Seocan Young has asked for Torchwood's help, and now that they have an office boy to mind the shop Jack feels confident leaving Cardiff to investigate. Suzie is more reluctant, still deep in her studies on the mysterious gauntlet she uncovered in storage, but Jack insists. With a cheerful admonishment not to get killed, they leave Ianto in Cardiff and head northwards.
Seocan, who is every bit as weird as Jack warned them, has managed to secure three of the five bodies in a tiny makeshift morgue (otherwise known as his garage). To Owen's surprise, there's a decent medical lab in the garage as well, and he sets to work examining the bodies while Tosh arranges the equipment they've brought up with them and Jack and Suzie go out into Glasgow with Seocan to try and steal the latest victim from the police.
When they return successful, they find a very puzzled Tosh, whose equipment goes haywire every time it gets near the bodies, and an even more puzzled Owen, who has discovered that their blood types don't match any ordinary human's. Before Owen can finish his assessment, however, there's a crash from the garage and they rush in to find Suzie and a very alive victim -- well, alive for all of twenty seconds, anyway.
Suzie, it turns out, has brought the glove with her to study its potential effects outside of the Hub. Jack is furious, but also intrigued; the glove can revive the dead, if only for short periods of time. It's of no use on the older victims, but Suzie is certain that if she can get at some of the more recent bodies she can revive them long enough to ask them what happened. The police, on the other hand, don't recognise Torchwood's authority, and getting them to give up the bodies could take precious time they don't have.
The team is now faced with two problems: breaking into a police morgue and, once they have, compiling the data Suzie wrings from the corpses into something useful. With the time they have, they've only managed to glean the fact that all the revivable victims were either at a specific nightclub the night they were taken, or were actually taken from the nightclub itself. They rush to the nightclub, but before they can investigate properly Tosh is enveloped in white light and disappears.
With time running out for Tosh, they realise that they have to find whoever has the alien device that's "stealing" people. It's Owen who finally spots the murderer, a young woman hooked on an alien box that strips the victim's blood and feeds it to the operator as energy. Once they've taken the box from her, it's not long before Tosh is restored and whole again. Just in time to return to the Hub -- a Hub that in their absence has been unobtrusively cleaned by Ianto, who greets them with fresh coffee and sandwiches.
Episode Quotes:
Owen: How long have you known Jack, anyway?
Seocan: Oh, he's been with Torchwood as long as I ever have.
Tosh: When did you join?
Seocan: '73.
Owen: No way. Jack would've been a kid then.
Seocan: He's aged well. Nice for some. Spent a little time on the Rift myself, after the unpleasantness with Alex, poor bastard.
Tosh: Who's Alex?
Seocan: He hasn't told you?
Owen: The things Jack hasn't told us would fill a book that'll never be written.
Seocan: I worked with him for a bit -- Edinburgh boy. He went down to Cardiff...oh, a while back, took the reins down there. Ran a tight ship, given what he had to work with. Which wasn't much. Maybe s'what made him crack.
Tosh: Crack?
Seocan: New Year's Eve, 1999. I got a call from Jack, drove down in the middle of the night. Got there the next day, found him sitting in the middle of a bloodbath. Never could figure out what happened exactly, though the CCTV told us some. Jack doesn't like to talk about it.
Owen: But you do.
Seocan: Alex sent Jack out on New Year's Eve, then locked down the Hub and shot the whole team. Young team, too. Said it was a mercy killing. Unlocked the Hub, Jack came back, Alex shot himself. Bout as far away from Jack as where you are from me now.
Owen: Bollocks.
Seocan: God's honest truth, I saw the footage. Jack still had blood on his face when I got there. That's how he got to be leader. Everyone else was dead.
Suzie: Jack. Don't be mad.
Jack: Suzie, don't do things that make me mad.
Suzie: I brought the glove along.
Owen: Have I mentioned how creeped out I am by that thing?
Suzie: I think the glove brings people back to life. I put it on and touched the victim's forehead --
Jack: What on -- what possessed you to put on an alien gauntlet and touch dead people with it?
Suzie: The spirit of scientific inquiry.
Jack: That's so...okay. Actually I can't argue with that. But when we get home you are so grounded.
Suzie: Yes, dad.
Ianto: [answering phone] Good evening, Captain.
Jack: Ianto Jones! What are you wearing?
Ianto: Savile Row.
Jack: Are you still at the Hub?
Ianto: Just clearing up a few things.
Jack: How's Cardiff holding up?
Ianto: Ticking along. Few reports for you to look over when you get back.
Jack: Oh?
Ianto: Power fluctuations in the Hub grid. CCTV went out for a bit. Nothing major. How is Glasgow?
Jack: Suzie brought the glove along. She thinks she's figured out what it does. Wanna guess?
Ianto: I'm sure I couldn't.
Jack: It revives the dead. I'm torn between that being really neat and something we should lock up forever and throw away the key.
Ianto: What do the others think?
Jack: Owen thinks it needs a cool name.
Tosh: So you want us to break into the police morgue, steal two bodies, and bring them to life with alien tech.
Jack: Yeah, pretty much.
Tosh: I love this job.
Jack: This glove.
Suzie: It could be useful, Jack.
Jack: Could be dangerous.
Suzie: I'll do all the testing myself. Rigorous safety procedures.
Jack: Don't let it interfere with your work for the team.
Suzie: It won't.
Jack: All right, then get on it. [Suzie turns to leave] Hey!
Suzie: Yes?
Jack: Does the Hub look different to you?
Suzie: I think Ianto cleaned it or something.
Jack: Huh.
BBC WEBSITE EXTRAS
***
To: T. Sato
From: CJH
Subject: Re: Snap
Seocan insisted. I have no regrets. Publish and be damned!
Message Received From: T. Sato [t.sato@torchwood.org]
> Jack:
>
> And you thought I didn't know how to use a spy camera.
> Hope you didn't put it on Torchwood's expense account.
> Bad form wasting company time playing dress-up!
>
> Twenty quid not to send it to Suzie.
>
> Tosh
>
> ATTACHED FILE:
CAPTAIN'S BLOG
Entry -8
Ongoing Archive Notes
Torchwood 3
Volume 71, Week 6
Alien activity: Some tech in Glasgow. Nasty little thing, almost ate Tosh. She's better now.
Rift activity: Negligible. Ianto reported no spikes or shocks.
Security: Remote partial-lockdown for the Hub worked like a charm. It's not that I don't trust Ianto yet, it's just...I don't trust Ianto yet. Being able to control various Hub functions from my phone was useful. Can't let Owen have that power though. He'd only use it for evil.
Other security issues: I'd like to think this was a fluke, but if the Glasgow office is going to deal with actual aliens or alien tech on a regular basis, Seocan will have to do some hiring. We might think about vetting some people down here just in case. No actual approach or recruit, just background research.
Staff: Interoffice cooperation was high, probably because everyone was afraid Seocan would go actual nuts if they disagreed. Suzie likes to touch dead things with alien tech.
Other Staff issues: Ianto did very well holding down the Hub while we were gone, apart from the power outage. He cleaned, too. Useful.
Capt. Jack Harkness.
0.07 We Eat What We Kill
The episode opens, strangely, with a voice-over by Ianto, who explains (presumably to the viewer) that Torchwood is an organisation indpendent of nationality. Although Cardiff's branch was once funded by the government of Great Britain, it has had to depend on its wits since Jack broke ties with London and London was destroyed.
Ianto continues to narrate events, sometimes not entirely accurately, as Jack and Suzie depart for an evening of "fundraising", selling services (aided by alien equipment) to the highest bidder and trying to make contact with passing alien ships in the hopes of selling off scrap. Soon after they depart, a team of hackers attacks Torchwood's mainframe and Tosh decides to play some games with them before crushing them utterly. Owen pulls a fascinated Ianto away to take him on a training mission, educating him in the fine art of fooling, retconning, and lying to the British public.
Tosh monitors both teams from the Hub as she engages in "BackHacking", tracing down the hackers trying to break into the Mainframe and hitting them back while they're distracted. What she finds, however, is deeply unsettling: one of the hackers is planning to bomb a major location in London, though they're not clear on just what. Here, for the first time, the audience hears a woman replying to Ianto's narration, asking where the bomb was supposed to be and what happened next.
Ianto explains that, with Jack and Suzie unreachable, Owen and Tosh have to try and figure out who the bomb is aimed at, since it had already been planted. Their only clue is an image one of the hackers emailed to another: a five-pound note, riddled with bulletholes.
It is Ianto who solves the riddle correctly, covertly tipping off Tosh by idly mentioning to her that the Queen is at Windsor for the first time in weeks. They manage to avert the crisis, sending UNIT in to defuse a bomb in the Royal residence, and when Jack returns with Suzie it is to a telephone call from Her Majesty, offering to reinstate Torchwood's financial support.
Ianto, sitting in a dim room in the Hub, sums up the end of the story and it is revealed that his audience is, in fact, his girlfriend Lisa. She is not dead at all, but imprisoned in a Cyber-conversion unit, half-converted and unable to move. She is outraged that Ianto got no credit for helping Owen and Tosh, but Ianto insists that the less notice taken of him, the better. He then tells her to get some rest, kisses her, and departs.
Episode Quotes:
Jack: We're going fundraising.
Ianto: Fundraising, sir?
Suzie: Torchwood's an independent underfunded --
Jack: Un-funded.
Suzie: -- law enforcement agency, technically speaking. We lost our funding when Jack dissociated from London.
Jack: It was a choice between losing our funding or selling our souls. Sue me, I have a vested interest in your souls.
Suzie: So now, every few months, we go out fundraising. It's not bad work, really. We sell some scrap, offer some services, make some money, and come home with enough to pay everyone's salary for a while.
Jack: Someone's got to keep the pterodactyl in fish-heads and squeaky balls.
Jack: You know, you don't have to put up with Suzie when she gets that way. You can tell her to go to hell, she'll respect you for it.
Ianto: I don't mind.
Jack: Yeah, that's what I can't figure out.
Ianto: I like her. She's the only one who hasn't had a go at me over London.
Jack: Are Owen and Tosh bothering you?
Ianto: Nothing cruel. Just questions. Suzie doesn't ask questions. Not that kind.
Jack: And you like it that way.
Ianto: Yes.
Jack: Mmhm. Yes ma'am. Yes, ma'am. No, I don't know that -- I see. That's generous, but we can't give up our non-national status...oh. Yes. Yes ma'am. I understand. Thank you, ma'am.
Owen: what was that all about?
Jack: That was a telephone call from Her Majesty.
Tosh: The --
Jack: Yeah.
Suzie: What did she want?
Jack: She's reinstating Crown funding for Torchwood. We retain our autonomy, the government will support Torchwood financially and legally, and you two are definitely getting raises.
Lisa: But you should get a raise too! You solved the puzzle!
Ianto: I'd like that. I might get one anyway.
Lisa: You should tell him.
Ianto: I can't do that, you know I can't. I have to be invisible. For both our sakes. The less they care about what I do, the easier it will be to get you help.
Lisa: Brave Ianto.
Ianto: Not really. I'm scared of the Captain.
Lisa: He sounds nice.
Ianto: He sounds nice. [kisses her] Get some rest. I'll be down in a few hours to change your IV.
BBC WEBSITE EXTRAS
***
From: CHJ
To: All Staff
Okay, kids!
Here is what the Crown Funding means for you.
Suzie: Buy yourself that membership to the academic database you've been wanting. Take inventory of our arms locker (get Ianto to help) and figure out what we need to make it a truly magnificent monument to ballistic weaponry. Anything below a bazooka. Figure out what Tosh needs to upgrade the SUV and send me a full report.
Owen: Two new gurneys. I know you're good at cannibalizing parts for the cryo units, but buy yourself something shiny to make all our guests feel more at home. Stop stealing medical software and pay the registration on some of it.
Tosh: Whatever baby wants, baby gets. Find out what Mainframe needs. I want upgrades on everyone's personal Torchwood computer. Including the TIC computer -- do what needs to be done and then put the old casing over it.
Everyone: Send your proposals through Ianto, he'll vet them budgetwise and pass them on to me for final signoff.
Ianto: New squeaky ball for the pterodactyl. Think up some creature comforts for this place and run them past me. Archival supplies within reason. The others will tap you as needed for repair/upgrade assistance once the new parts come in.
Hop to. Once we've squared away expenditures on all this, I'll work out budgetwise what I can do for everyone in terms of salary. Or I will make Ianto do it.
CJH
CAPTAIN'S BLOG
Entry -7
Ongoing Archive Notes
Torchwood 3
Volume 71, Week 7
Alien activity: Torchwood-initiated contact with several races (see file #XQ9339-2 for full account).
Rift activity: None.
Security: Hackers attacked Mainframe. Tangentially, someone tried to bomb the Queen out of Windsor.
Other security issues: Per our deft intervention in an assassination plot on Her Royal Highness, Torchwood is being reinstated in the Crown's good graces. We are now funded by the government of Great Britain with the understanding that we retain our autonomy. We'll see how this works in practice.
Staff: Ianto is now officially trained in retcon procedure.
Other Staff issues: Tosh took care of our hackers with thinly-veiled glee. I need to remind myself to unplug my computers from the network if I ever piss her off. Ianto is quiet but seems to be thriving. Suzie reports no signs of PTSD, which is a little surprising, but I suppose she would be the one to notice it. Even if she and Owen keep sneaking off like they think none of us have noticed.
Capt. Jack Harkness.
Episodes 8, 9, and 10