I love this. You've captured here something that I aimed for when I wrote a HP story for a fest earlier in the year. It has the same feel, to me; that intimacy, whether it's fighting or sex or just comfort, all the while overshadowed by the danger they're in.

I wish I could express better what I feel about this piece, but after three rereads I think I'll have to leave it at that.

A continuity thing - there are three references to Suzie in that first scene. The first and the third sound as though she is still alive and around, but the second says, "If Suzie had a locker it had already been cleared out, she guessed." I admit, I've only seen the pilot once, and quite some time ago. If this is all right and correct, fair enough.