sam_storyteller (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sam_storyteller) wrote2005-07-15 03:26 pm
sam_storyteller) wrote2005-07-15 03:26 pm
Entry tags:
The Rules Of Being A Godson 3/3
Title: The Rules of Being A Godson
Chapter Three: Lupins Always Look Out For Potters
Rating: PG-13 all over.
Warnings: None.
Notes: Thanks to Judy, Tai, Heidi, and Simon for betas!
Chapter One | Chapter Two
"I'm on-call this weekend," Teddy said to James, a few days after The Incident With The Newspaper. "I'll be staying over at headquarters. Shouldn't be too bad; weekends are pretty quiet. Think you can hold things down here?"
"Sure," James said. "Be a bit quiet, though. I don't know how you stand it, living alone."
"Guess it just comes naturally," Ted replied. "I've never minded being alone."
"Well, you always have us if you want noise."
"Or even if I don't," Ted answered, ruffling James' hair.
"Quit it," James muttered, combing through it with his fingers. "I'm not twelve anymore, you know."
Oh, I know.
"Sorry -- force of habit," Ted answered, drawing back. "Anyway, if you get bored or lonely you can come down to Headquarters, you'll probably just find me too busy to talk while I play chess with my boss and stare at the wallpaper."
"The thrilling adventurous life of an Auror," James observed.
"It's a living. We can't all be Quidditch stars," Teddy said, resisting the urge to ruffle his hair again. Or lean over and kiss him passionately. He found himself staring at the curve of James' lower lip more than was probably healthy. "I'll be home Sunday night."
"Sure," James answered. "Don't get killed."
"Do my best." Teddy hefted his overnight bag and stepped out into the sunny August morning, feeling unaccountably cheerful. Usually on-call weekends annoyed him -- he hated being kept in one place, tied to the floo in case a Dark Wizard somehow arose overnight on a Sunday morning. Today, though, he felt like whistling or humming to himself or doing some other idiotic thing that he normally would never consider in his life.
His cheerful mood lasted through Friday and most of Saturday, only beginning to wane as he beat Augustus Derrill at chess for the fifth time Saturday afternoon. He was about to make some dinner in the poky little kitchen off the on-call common room and declare an all-comers challenge tournament when a familiar face poked into the doorway. He watched from the corner, amused, as James Potter stepped into the room.
"Who're you, then?" Maria barked pugnaciously. "If you're here to make a report, you're in the wrong place."
"N...o," James said. "I'm looking for Ted Lupin. I, uh, brought him some dinner," he added, holding up a bag of take-away cartons. The other Aurors hooted and laughed.
"Lupin, your boyfriend's here," Maria called over her shoulder. Teddy sat back, enjoying this moment.
"That's not my boyfriend," he said, stretching out his legs. "Go on, James. Give them a smile."
James grinned, the same open and handsome grin that was on all his Quidditch collectors' cards and magazine covers. Silence rippled outward from that grin.
"This," Teddy said, walking to James, "is my godfather's son. His name's James Potter -- you may have heard of him. Jem, this is Maria, that's Augustus in the corner...Aaron, Menander, Maenad (call her Mae), Richard, and Ulysses."
"Hi," James said cheerfully, nodding at each in turn. "I brought a lot of food, I hope nobody's eaten already."
"I thought you were brilliant in the Cup," Ulysses blurted.
"Thanks. Come on, have some naan, it's really fresh."
The aurors gravitated slowly to the table, Teddy throwing himself into the seat next to James and heaping a plate high with curry and pan-bread. It was a rare treat, having someone bring them food, and the others were a little in awe of the young Quidditch star who'd just won the Cup for England.
"I got bored," James said to Teddy, sopping up curry sauce with his bread. "And I figured you were probably bored too."
"Just a bit. This is brilliant, James, you didn't have to."
"Yeah, but why not?" James asked. "Besides, I've heard all your Auror stories. It's time I got some new ones, don't you think?"
"He didn't tell you about the time he lost his trousers, I bet," Menander grunted.
"That's not fair, I was just a trainee, I didn't know any better," Teddy protested, but Maria launched gleefully into the story and from there the others began to share their own tall tales as well. James listened and talked happily, a natural conversationalist, while Teddy sat enviously by and nursed a bottle of pumpkin juice. James made it look so simple.
By the time Ulysses was yawning and Augustus dropping hints about getting a good night's sleep, James himself looked done-in. Teddy packed him back to the flat through the common-room floo with a stern injunction to have a drink and go to bed, sending the leftovers through after him. When he finally closed the floo portal again, most of the others were in the dormitory, preparing to sleep. Only Maria and Ulysses remained in the common-room, picking up the day's trash and straightening chairs as they went.
"That was nice of him to come bring us dinner," Ulysses said, as Teddy cleared the chessboard and began packing the pieces back into their padded case. "I didn't think he'd be so, you know. Normal."
"Well, he's a person just like us," Teddy said. "Usually he's a little more overwhelming, but he's still recovering from that fall. He really shouldn't have been out buying food."
"He looked all right to me," Maria said. "Looked like he could use a little less coddling, that one."
"Maria, you think prisoners of war could use a little less coddling," Teddy answered.
"And he's not your boyfriend?" Ulysses asked.
"No, of course not. We grew up together, we're practically brothers," Teddy said quickly.
"Don't see why that means anything. You aren't actually brothers. Besides, he's rich and famous and easy to look at."
"What, do you want him to be your boyfriend?" Teddy asked.
"No! I'm just saying."
"Well, I don't think he's interested in blokes, and even if he was, he's too young for me," Teddy retorted, sweeping the chessboard into the case and shutting it with a click.
"Don't think he thinks that," Maria muttered.
"What did you say?"
"Well, it's obvious, isn't it? Bet he trailed you around when he was a little kid and did everything you did, didn't he?"
"All little kids do that, it doesn't mean anything," Teddy replied, the chess case forgotten in his hands.
"Not all little kids grow up and keep doing it," Ulysses put in.
"You're both crazy. Get to bed, I'm going to clear away the dinner plates."
"Suit yourself, but don't say I didn't warn you," Maria said.
***
Teddy had thought living with James might be annoying, because he'd heard that children without siblings sometimes didn't adjust well to sharing their space. It was true that Teddy liked to keep the place tidy as much as James liked to make a mess; they were opposing forces in that respect, but James always did the dishes when he cooked and never left his dirty socks lying around, so Teddy thought he handled it rather well, really.
For a while James had good days and bad days, but once his recovery was really underway he wasn't in the flat that much either, busy with Quidditch re-training and the delayed magazine and newspaper interviews that he couldn't have done any sooner. Teddy tried not to hover, or to think about the fact that James would soon be going home for good.
He also tried not to get too close, because he suspected he would be burned if he did. That meant avoiding James in the morning when he was sleepy-eyed and messy-haired, not making too much of the nice things James did like bringing him dinner, and definitely not ruffling his hair or cuffing the back of his head, things they'd done to each other since they were children. He didn't like what he felt, and he didn't like that he didn't like it; it reminded him too much of his last few years at school, trying to pretend he was something he wasn't. He didn't want to be in love with James, not least because it made him feel like a pervert, but he didn't want to hide it, either. He'd done enough hiding at school.
So he kept on, and did his best not to think about it.
The problem was that James kept getting underfoot, waking him up in the morning by hauling him out of bed, wandering around the flat in a towel, doing press-ups in the living room. And he did follow him around and Teddy caught him mimicking his posture, making gestures that he knew he was adopting from Teddy's movements. For the first time he understand how annoyed other people must get when he took little elements of their faces or bodies for his undercover work.
They started to snap at each other, then to lapse into sullen silence, and on the third day after Teddy may or may not have snarled at James for strewing newspapers everywhere, James went straight for the jugular.
"Listen," he said, in response to what Teddy thought was a perfectly normal "good morning" over his cold cereal. "If you don't want me here you can just say so."
Teddy blinked at him. "All I said was good morning."
"No, you said 'good morning'," James replied.
"Can we do this after I've had coffee?" Teddy asked, summoning the coffeepot.
"No, because once you've had coffee you'll just eat your food and run away," James replied. "You've been avoiding me for a week."
"Well, you were the one who said you weren't twelve and didn't need coddling anymore," Teddy answered crossly.
"I didn't!"
"You did, that's just a lie."
"Don't call me a liar."
"I'm not saying you're a liar, I'm saying you lied, because you did say."
"And I say I didn't, I think I ought to know what I said, seeing as I said it. Or didn't say it," James added, setting his jaw.
"You are so aggravating!" Teddy said, possibly louder than was really necessary.
"So like I said, if you don't want me here just say so and I'll go home!" James retorted, also rather louder than necessary. Teddy fell silent, bowing his head over his cereal and picking out the raisins.
"Okay, I'm sorry," he said. "You don't have to go, I don't want you to go."
"Now you're just placating me."
"Well, if you want to go don't egg me into telling you! Just GO!"
"MAYBE I WILL!" James jumped out of his chair, slamming his hands on the table.
"NOBODY'S STOPPING YOU!" Teddy shouted, waving a hand.
"Fine! It's not like I need looking after! You're not my mum! You're not even my real brother!"
Teddy rocked backwards as if he'd been slapped. It was one thing for him to think it; it was another for someone else to come out and say it. James looked pale and agitated, and his fists were clenched. As soon as he saw Teddy's face, his hands relaxed.
"I didn't mean that," he said. "Sorry, Teddy. I'm really sorry."
"Why not?" Teddy asked. "It's true. We're not family."
James lowered his eyes, then looked up at him again. Teddy leaned forward, stirring the soggy flakes in his cereal bowl. He couldn't remember the last time he'd shouted at someone. Probably that time he gone after Nigel in the library.
He got up and carried his cereal into the living room, where James hopefully wouldn't follow; he was so engrossed in his own frightened misery (he couldn't really stomach any more anger) that he didn't notice James had trailed behind him until the younger man sat down on the sofa next to him and pressed his forehead against the edge of Teddy's shoulder.
"Do you like me even a little?" he asked. "I know you did when I was a kid, but I guess people grow up and sometimes things change. I thought you liked me."
"Course I like you. I love you," Teddy said, and meant it honestly, though perhaps not in the way James would take it. "I don't want you to go, and I'm not placating you."
"Then why d'you keep running away from me? You didn't used to."
Teddy hesitantly stroked James' hair, and James didn't object. "Dunno," he lied.
"That's a lie."
Teddy laughed. "You're good at spotting those."
"Go on, Teddy. Tell me. You tell me everything, right?"
"It's complicated, James."
"Uncomplicate it for me. Like you did with Arithmancy," James said, leaning back to grin at him. Teddy set the bowl down on the end-table.
"You're still young, and I think maybe I've been asking things from you that I have no right to ask," he said slowly. "Expecting things from you. Treating you like you're older than your years. It isn't fair to either one of us, you know; you're too young to provide what I've been asking and I'm frustrated by my own expectations."
"You've always expected a lot of me, that's not new," James said. "It's the only reason I stayed on for NEWTs, you know. You said you'd be disappointed if I didn't."
"And how many NEWTs did you get?"
"Too many to waste my life playing Quidditch, according to Gran Molly," he laughed.
"Well, there's no reason you can't waste your youth on it at least." Teddy relaxed a trifle, feeling that he'd successfully diverted the conversation away from James' awkward questions. "Have you thought about what you're going to do when your professional career is over?"
James tilted his head. "You're really good at that."
"What?"
"Changing the subject."
"I told you, James -- "
"You said a lot of words that basically add up to I'll tell you when you're older, which once we're both past the age of eighteen isn't really a very good excuse anymore, Ted. Treat me like I'm as old as you want, I'm a grownup and I'll cope. "
"It's not just that, James."
"Then what is it?"
Teddy looked down miserably at his hands, idly lengthening and shortening his thumbnail. He didn't want a fight with James, he didn't want things to change. He wanted to just keep on as he had done, forever if possible, because change always hurt.
"You're just awfully young. The difference between twenty and twenty-six is enormous, James."
"No it's not," James said.
"Well, you're on the short end -- "
"No, I just don't believe you."
"James -- "
"I choose not to believe you," James said, crossing his arms.
"You can't just choose -- "
"Sure you can. I just did," James said, and kissed him.
Teddy was used to kisses from the female half of his not-quite-family, since the Weasleys were an affectionate lot. Years ago Harry's kids used to give him kisses on the cheek sometimes, especially Lily when she was really little. He wasn't used to being kissed by James anymore, though. Especially not on the lips, especially not with James' hands coming up to hold his face or the slick hint of tongue sliding between his lips.
His hands unclenched, fingers flexing like they were reaching for something, and he was dimly aware that his hair had gone brilliant turquoise blue, the colour he always associated with joy.
But this was James, who he'd known since he was a child -- James, idol of thousands of witches and youngest-ever winner of Witch Weekly's best-smile award. This was Harry's son, and it was wrong to take advantage.
He pressed one hand to James' chest, pushing him back gently. James went reluctantly and his face showed hurt over every inch of it, his hazel eyes confused and unhappy.
"You don't mean that, James," he heard himself say.
"Don't tell me what I don't mean," James replied, anger flashing in his eyes.
"But you never -- "
" -- what, had time for girls? I have a professional career to think of," James adoped his most detached being-interviewed-by-annoying-journalists voice.
"You never said anything to me about it."
"You never asked, did you? Don't act like you're the only homo in the wizarding world, Ted Lupin."
Teddy studied James' face. "You're Harry's son, James. He'll kill me if he finds out I've hurt you or -- "
James punched him in the chest and Teddy's breath whooshed out of him. On instinct he dove for his attacker, pinning James down to the sofa and holding his flailing wrists, getting a knee over James' thighs to keep him from kicking.
"You make me so angry sometimes!" James cried out, still struggling. "Show some human feeling, Teddy! Take a risk!"
"Hold still!" Teddy hissed. "You hit me again, James Potter, and I'll take your head off, I swear to god I will!"
"Go on then! If you can't be kissed by someone who's loved you since he was twelve then you might as well kick him while he's down! Geroff me!"
Teddy, shocked by this more than the punch, sat back and released him, rubbing a hand across his face. James looked up from the sofa, not moving now, his legs still pinned under Teddy's knees.
"Don't you see?" James asked. "Of course I never wanted you to be my brother. You're not really family because you kept yourself all high and aloof and because I love you and not in the way brothers love each other. You think I tagged around after you at school because I needed you? I didn't need you! I had a crush on you, you great big stupid ass! I have plenty of friends, I have a brother, I have a dad, I don't need more of any of those!"
Teddy stared down at him. He couldn't come up with a single good refutation for what James had said, but James had always been a little cleverer than him, far less afraid to sail into the middle of a fight and start shouting.
"I thought it was a stupid crush," James continued, struggling up on his elbows. "But it's not. And anyway you wouldn't notice if someone punched you in the head with it, too busy trying not to actually connect with anyone, trying to make sure nobody ever touched you. Well, I'm going to, so either kiss me like you mean it or send me off home and you won't be fussed by me anymore."
Teddy saw, rather than felt, his hand sliding along the upholstery, down towards James' shoulder where it was propped against the arm of his cheap sofa. He saw his other hand, fingers still outstretched, drift down James' face wonderingly before settling on the edge of a cushion. James stared up at him, chest rising and falling, perfect handsome face expectant and furious.
He had never really credited Harry's story about seeing his father again after he'd died, but he was certain he heard a voice and he knew, though he couldn't have, that it was his father's voice.
Go home, Theodore. Time you came home.
He kissed James, bending over him, shifting his weight to straddle the other man's hips, his back hunched painfully and his knees digging against the springs in the sofa. It hurt, which meant it was real. James' nose got in the way at first and he accidentally bit Teddy's lip in his eagerness and that hurt, too. There was a bruise beginning to form where James had punched him, which made it hurt to breathe.
Not that it mattered, because he didn't need to breathe.
"You're part of us," James said against his lips, kissing between every few words. "You'll always be part of us, Teddy."
He was unbuttoning Ted's shirt as he said it, which was moving a little fast even for Teddy Lupin, king of the off-duty one-night-stand. He stopped at the third or fourth button, though, and pressed his hand over his heart, over the bruise he'd just inflicted.
"Don't you want to belong to someone?" he asked.
"Yes," Teddy said, no longer bent over James but pressed against him, their bodies touching, something like magic leaping between them. He kissed James' jaw, felt hands thread through his short hair. "I do, but James -- "
"No buts," James said. "Dad says Lupins always look out for Potters. It's your job, Teddy. Practically a duty."
Teddy smiled against his skin as James casually continued to unbutton his shirt, pulling the tidy tucks out of his trousers as he went.
"Well, if it's a duty," he murmured, and lost himself in James' deft Seeker's hands and his hazel eyes and his slim body and his curly black hair.
END
Chapter Three: Lupins Always Look Out For Potters
Rating: PG-13 all over.
Warnings: None.
Notes: Thanks to Judy, Tai, Heidi, and Simon for betas!
Chapter One | Chapter Two
"I'm on-call this weekend," Teddy said to James, a few days after The Incident With The Newspaper. "I'll be staying over at headquarters. Shouldn't be too bad; weekends are pretty quiet. Think you can hold things down here?"
"Sure," James said. "Be a bit quiet, though. I don't know how you stand it, living alone."
"Guess it just comes naturally," Ted replied. "I've never minded being alone."
"Well, you always have us if you want noise."
"Or even if I don't," Ted answered, ruffling James' hair.
"Quit it," James muttered, combing through it with his fingers. "I'm not twelve anymore, you know."
Oh, I know.
"Sorry -- force of habit," Ted answered, drawing back. "Anyway, if you get bored or lonely you can come down to Headquarters, you'll probably just find me too busy to talk while I play chess with my boss and stare at the wallpaper."
"The thrilling adventurous life of an Auror," James observed.
"It's a living. We can't all be Quidditch stars," Teddy said, resisting the urge to ruffle his hair again. Or lean over and kiss him passionately. He found himself staring at the curve of James' lower lip more than was probably healthy. "I'll be home Sunday night."
"Sure," James answered. "Don't get killed."
"Do my best." Teddy hefted his overnight bag and stepped out into the sunny August morning, feeling unaccountably cheerful. Usually on-call weekends annoyed him -- he hated being kept in one place, tied to the floo in case a Dark Wizard somehow arose overnight on a Sunday morning. Today, though, he felt like whistling or humming to himself or doing some other idiotic thing that he normally would never consider in his life.
His cheerful mood lasted through Friday and most of Saturday, only beginning to wane as he beat Augustus Derrill at chess for the fifth time Saturday afternoon. He was about to make some dinner in the poky little kitchen off the on-call common room and declare an all-comers challenge tournament when a familiar face poked into the doorway. He watched from the corner, amused, as James Potter stepped into the room.
"Who're you, then?" Maria barked pugnaciously. "If you're here to make a report, you're in the wrong place."
"N...o," James said. "I'm looking for Ted Lupin. I, uh, brought him some dinner," he added, holding up a bag of take-away cartons. The other Aurors hooted and laughed.
"Lupin, your boyfriend's here," Maria called over her shoulder. Teddy sat back, enjoying this moment.
"That's not my boyfriend," he said, stretching out his legs. "Go on, James. Give them a smile."
James grinned, the same open and handsome grin that was on all his Quidditch collectors' cards and magazine covers. Silence rippled outward from that grin.
"This," Teddy said, walking to James, "is my godfather's son. His name's James Potter -- you may have heard of him. Jem, this is Maria, that's Augustus in the corner...Aaron, Menander, Maenad (call her Mae), Richard, and Ulysses."
"Hi," James said cheerfully, nodding at each in turn. "I brought a lot of food, I hope nobody's eaten already."
"I thought you were brilliant in the Cup," Ulysses blurted.
"Thanks. Come on, have some naan, it's really fresh."
The aurors gravitated slowly to the table, Teddy throwing himself into the seat next to James and heaping a plate high with curry and pan-bread. It was a rare treat, having someone bring them food, and the others were a little in awe of the young Quidditch star who'd just won the Cup for England.
"I got bored," James said to Teddy, sopping up curry sauce with his bread. "And I figured you were probably bored too."
"Just a bit. This is brilliant, James, you didn't have to."
"Yeah, but why not?" James asked. "Besides, I've heard all your Auror stories. It's time I got some new ones, don't you think?"
"He didn't tell you about the time he lost his trousers, I bet," Menander grunted.
"That's not fair, I was just a trainee, I didn't know any better," Teddy protested, but Maria launched gleefully into the story and from there the others began to share their own tall tales as well. James listened and talked happily, a natural conversationalist, while Teddy sat enviously by and nursed a bottle of pumpkin juice. James made it look so simple.
By the time Ulysses was yawning and Augustus dropping hints about getting a good night's sleep, James himself looked done-in. Teddy packed him back to the flat through the common-room floo with a stern injunction to have a drink and go to bed, sending the leftovers through after him. When he finally closed the floo portal again, most of the others were in the dormitory, preparing to sleep. Only Maria and Ulysses remained in the common-room, picking up the day's trash and straightening chairs as they went.
"That was nice of him to come bring us dinner," Ulysses said, as Teddy cleared the chessboard and began packing the pieces back into their padded case. "I didn't think he'd be so, you know. Normal."
"Well, he's a person just like us," Teddy said. "Usually he's a little more overwhelming, but he's still recovering from that fall. He really shouldn't have been out buying food."
"He looked all right to me," Maria said. "Looked like he could use a little less coddling, that one."
"Maria, you think prisoners of war could use a little less coddling," Teddy answered.
"And he's not your boyfriend?" Ulysses asked.
"No, of course not. We grew up together, we're practically brothers," Teddy said quickly.
"Don't see why that means anything. You aren't actually brothers. Besides, he's rich and famous and easy to look at."
"What, do you want him to be your boyfriend?" Teddy asked.
"No! I'm just saying."
"Well, I don't think he's interested in blokes, and even if he was, he's too young for me," Teddy retorted, sweeping the chessboard into the case and shutting it with a click.
"Don't think he thinks that," Maria muttered.
"What did you say?"
"Well, it's obvious, isn't it? Bet he trailed you around when he was a little kid and did everything you did, didn't he?"
"All little kids do that, it doesn't mean anything," Teddy replied, the chess case forgotten in his hands.
"Not all little kids grow up and keep doing it," Ulysses put in.
"You're both crazy. Get to bed, I'm going to clear away the dinner plates."
"Suit yourself, but don't say I didn't warn you," Maria said.
***
Teddy had thought living with James might be annoying, because he'd heard that children without siblings sometimes didn't adjust well to sharing their space. It was true that Teddy liked to keep the place tidy as much as James liked to make a mess; they were opposing forces in that respect, but James always did the dishes when he cooked and never left his dirty socks lying around, so Teddy thought he handled it rather well, really.
For a while James had good days and bad days, but once his recovery was really underway he wasn't in the flat that much either, busy with Quidditch re-training and the delayed magazine and newspaper interviews that he couldn't have done any sooner. Teddy tried not to hover, or to think about the fact that James would soon be going home for good.
He also tried not to get too close, because he suspected he would be burned if he did. That meant avoiding James in the morning when he was sleepy-eyed and messy-haired, not making too much of the nice things James did like bringing him dinner, and definitely not ruffling his hair or cuffing the back of his head, things they'd done to each other since they were children. He didn't like what he felt, and he didn't like that he didn't like it; it reminded him too much of his last few years at school, trying to pretend he was something he wasn't. He didn't want to be in love with James, not least because it made him feel like a pervert, but he didn't want to hide it, either. He'd done enough hiding at school.
So he kept on, and did his best not to think about it.
The problem was that James kept getting underfoot, waking him up in the morning by hauling him out of bed, wandering around the flat in a towel, doing press-ups in the living room. And he did follow him around and Teddy caught him mimicking his posture, making gestures that he knew he was adopting from Teddy's movements. For the first time he understand how annoyed other people must get when he took little elements of their faces or bodies for his undercover work.
They started to snap at each other, then to lapse into sullen silence, and on the third day after Teddy may or may not have snarled at James for strewing newspapers everywhere, James went straight for the jugular.
"Listen," he said, in response to what Teddy thought was a perfectly normal "good morning" over his cold cereal. "If you don't want me here you can just say so."
Teddy blinked at him. "All I said was good morning."
"No, you said 'good morning'," James replied.
"Can we do this after I've had coffee?" Teddy asked, summoning the coffeepot.
"No, because once you've had coffee you'll just eat your food and run away," James replied. "You've been avoiding me for a week."
"Well, you were the one who said you weren't twelve and didn't need coddling anymore," Teddy answered crossly.
"I didn't!"
"You did, that's just a lie."
"Don't call me a liar."
"I'm not saying you're a liar, I'm saying you lied, because you did say."
"And I say I didn't, I think I ought to know what I said, seeing as I said it. Or didn't say it," James added, setting his jaw.
"You are so aggravating!" Teddy said, possibly louder than was really necessary.
"So like I said, if you don't want me here just say so and I'll go home!" James retorted, also rather louder than necessary. Teddy fell silent, bowing his head over his cereal and picking out the raisins.
"Okay, I'm sorry," he said. "You don't have to go, I don't want you to go."
"Now you're just placating me."
"Well, if you want to go don't egg me into telling you! Just GO!"
"MAYBE I WILL!" James jumped out of his chair, slamming his hands on the table.
"NOBODY'S STOPPING YOU!" Teddy shouted, waving a hand.
"Fine! It's not like I need looking after! You're not my mum! You're not even my real brother!"
Teddy rocked backwards as if he'd been slapped. It was one thing for him to think it; it was another for someone else to come out and say it. James looked pale and agitated, and his fists were clenched. As soon as he saw Teddy's face, his hands relaxed.
"I didn't mean that," he said. "Sorry, Teddy. I'm really sorry."
"Why not?" Teddy asked. "It's true. We're not family."
James lowered his eyes, then looked up at him again. Teddy leaned forward, stirring the soggy flakes in his cereal bowl. He couldn't remember the last time he'd shouted at someone. Probably that time he gone after Nigel in the library.
He got up and carried his cereal into the living room, where James hopefully wouldn't follow; he was so engrossed in his own frightened misery (he couldn't really stomach any more anger) that he didn't notice James had trailed behind him until the younger man sat down on the sofa next to him and pressed his forehead against the edge of Teddy's shoulder.
"Do you like me even a little?" he asked. "I know you did when I was a kid, but I guess people grow up and sometimes things change. I thought you liked me."
"Course I like you. I love you," Teddy said, and meant it honestly, though perhaps not in the way James would take it. "I don't want you to go, and I'm not placating you."
"Then why d'you keep running away from me? You didn't used to."
Teddy hesitantly stroked James' hair, and James didn't object. "Dunno," he lied.
"That's a lie."
Teddy laughed. "You're good at spotting those."
"Go on, Teddy. Tell me. You tell me everything, right?"
"It's complicated, James."
"Uncomplicate it for me. Like you did with Arithmancy," James said, leaning back to grin at him. Teddy set the bowl down on the end-table.
"You're still young, and I think maybe I've been asking things from you that I have no right to ask," he said slowly. "Expecting things from you. Treating you like you're older than your years. It isn't fair to either one of us, you know; you're too young to provide what I've been asking and I'm frustrated by my own expectations."
"You've always expected a lot of me, that's not new," James said. "It's the only reason I stayed on for NEWTs, you know. You said you'd be disappointed if I didn't."
"And how many NEWTs did you get?"
"Too many to waste my life playing Quidditch, according to Gran Molly," he laughed.
"Well, there's no reason you can't waste your youth on it at least." Teddy relaxed a trifle, feeling that he'd successfully diverted the conversation away from James' awkward questions. "Have you thought about what you're going to do when your professional career is over?"
James tilted his head. "You're really good at that."
"What?"
"Changing the subject."
"I told you, James -- "
"You said a lot of words that basically add up to I'll tell you when you're older, which once we're both past the age of eighteen isn't really a very good excuse anymore, Ted. Treat me like I'm as old as you want, I'm a grownup and I'll cope. "
"It's not just that, James."
"Then what is it?"
Teddy looked down miserably at his hands, idly lengthening and shortening his thumbnail. He didn't want a fight with James, he didn't want things to change. He wanted to just keep on as he had done, forever if possible, because change always hurt.
"You're just awfully young. The difference between twenty and twenty-six is enormous, James."
"No it's not," James said.
"Well, you're on the short end -- "
"No, I just don't believe you."
"James -- "
"I choose not to believe you," James said, crossing his arms.
"You can't just choose -- "
"Sure you can. I just did," James said, and kissed him.
Teddy was used to kisses from the female half of his not-quite-family, since the Weasleys were an affectionate lot. Years ago Harry's kids used to give him kisses on the cheek sometimes, especially Lily when she was really little. He wasn't used to being kissed by James anymore, though. Especially not on the lips, especially not with James' hands coming up to hold his face or the slick hint of tongue sliding between his lips.
His hands unclenched, fingers flexing like they were reaching for something, and he was dimly aware that his hair had gone brilliant turquoise blue, the colour he always associated with joy.
But this was James, who he'd known since he was a child -- James, idol of thousands of witches and youngest-ever winner of Witch Weekly's best-smile award. This was Harry's son, and it was wrong to take advantage.
He pressed one hand to James' chest, pushing him back gently. James went reluctantly and his face showed hurt over every inch of it, his hazel eyes confused and unhappy.
"You don't mean that, James," he heard himself say.
"Don't tell me what I don't mean," James replied, anger flashing in his eyes.
"But you never -- "
" -- what, had time for girls? I have a professional career to think of," James adoped his most detached being-interviewed-by-annoying-journalists voice.
"You never said anything to me about it."
"You never asked, did you? Don't act like you're the only homo in the wizarding world, Ted Lupin."
Teddy studied James' face. "You're Harry's son, James. He'll kill me if he finds out I've hurt you or -- "
James punched him in the chest and Teddy's breath whooshed out of him. On instinct he dove for his attacker, pinning James down to the sofa and holding his flailing wrists, getting a knee over James' thighs to keep him from kicking.
"You make me so angry sometimes!" James cried out, still struggling. "Show some human feeling, Teddy! Take a risk!"
"Hold still!" Teddy hissed. "You hit me again, James Potter, and I'll take your head off, I swear to god I will!"
"Go on then! If you can't be kissed by someone who's loved you since he was twelve then you might as well kick him while he's down! Geroff me!"
Teddy, shocked by this more than the punch, sat back and released him, rubbing a hand across his face. James looked up from the sofa, not moving now, his legs still pinned under Teddy's knees.
"Don't you see?" James asked. "Of course I never wanted you to be my brother. You're not really family because you kept yourself all high and aloof and because I love you and not in the way brothers love each other. You think I tagged around after you at school because I needed you? I didn't need you! I had a crush on you, you great big stupid ass! I have plenty of friends, I have a brother, I have a dad, I don't need more of any of those!"
Teddy stared down at him. He couldn't come up with a single good refutation for what James had said, but James had always been a little cleverer than him, far less afraid to sail into the middle of a fight and start shouting.
"I thought it was a stupid crush," James continued, struggling up on his elbows. "But it's not. And anyway you wouldn't notice if someone punched you in the head with it, too busy trying not to actually connect with anyone, trying to make sure nobody ever touched you. Well, I'm going to, so either kiss me like you mean it or send me off home and you won't be fussed by me anymore."
Teddy saw, rather than felt, his hand sliding along the upholstery, down towards James' shoulder where it was propped against the arm of his cheap sofa. He saw his other hand, fingers still outstretched, drift down James' face wonderingly before settling on the edge of a cushion. James stared up at him, chest rising and falling, perfect handsome face expectant and furious.
He had never really credited Harry's story about seeing his father again after he'd died, but he was certain he heard a voice and he knew, though he couldn't have, that it was his father's voice.
Go home, Theodore. Time you came home.
He kissed James, bending over him, shifting his weight to straddle the other man's hips, his back hunched painfully and his knees digging against the springs in the sofa. It hurt, which meant it was real. James' nose got in the way at first and he accidentally bit Teddy's lip in his eagerness and that hurt, too. There was a bruise beginning to form where James had punched him, which made it hurt to breathe.
Not that it mattered, because he didn't need to breathe.
"You're part of us," James said against his lips, kissing between every few words. "You'll always be part of us, Teddy."
He was unbuttoning Ted's shirt as he said it, which was moving a little fast even for Teddy Lupin, king of the off-duty one-night-stand. He stopped at the third or fourth button, though, and pressed his hand over his heart, over the bruise he'd just inflicted.
"Don't you want to belong to someone?" he asked.
"Yes," Teddy said, no longer bent over James but pressed against him, their bodies touching, something like magic leaping between them. He kissed James' jaw, felt hands thread through his short hair. "I do, but James -- "
"No buts," James said. "Dad says Lupins always look out for Potters. It's your job, Teddy. Practically a duty."
Teddy smiled against his skin as James casually continued to unbutton his shirt, pulling the tidy tucks out of his trousers as he went.
"Well, if it's a duty," he murmured, and lost himself in James' deft Seeker's hands and his hazel eyes and his slim body and his curly black hair.
END
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