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sam_storyteller ([personal profile] sam_storyteller) wrote2005-07-18 12:40 pm
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I Make No Promises As To Historical Veracity

Title: I Make No Promises As To Historical Veracity
Rating: PG
Summary: Ianto copes by inventing the coffee machine. Gwen copes by crossdressing. Shortfic.
Notes: Written in response to [livejournal.com profile] rm posting a steampunky coffeemaker and demanding a Torchwood steampunk AU. Which is not really AU so much as an unexplored branch, really. The original comment is on that post, this is the expanded and enhanced version.
Warnings: None.

Now a podfic by [livejournal.com profile] dreamwaffles!

Originally posted 5.16.09

Also available at AO3!

***

The workbench in the tiny flat filled most of one end of the sitting-room. Gwen wasn't sure where he'd acquired it, but Ianto had his secrets and ways. It made her feel a little like she was back in the Sherlock Holmes stories she'd read as a child, though she was by no means certain that either of them were Sherlock Holmes. A pair of Watsons, getting through as best they could, she supposed.

The flat served their needs, anyway, and the rent was cheap. Two bedrooms, a sitting room, meals fixed by the wife of the landlord and not unappetising, if a little heavier than they were used to.

Ianto was bent over the broad wooden table, working busily away. Most days when she came off shift -- was it a week now? Two? -- he would still be at work, but she'd pulled the short straw for an overnight. She counted back, and realised it was the first time she'd seen him in nearly three days.

"What are you doing?" she asked, as he fitted a piece of piping to a glass beaker. Ianto merely lifted his head from the workbench and gave her a nod of greeting before turning back to his work.

"I have decided that I am not," he said, returning to where he was adjusting strange dials, "going to be stuck in the nineteenth century without proper coffee. I can cope with the mediocre food and the intolerable hygiene, but not without coffee. Not anymore!"

"Where can you get the -- "

"Beau Brummel!" Ianto continued, wrathfully, screwing a clamp shut over a beaker. "He may have inspired generations of male fashion but have you encountered the man?"

"No, but Iant -- "

"Because I have! He came into the shop yesterday. He's repulsive and backwards. This whole century can kiss my arse. I'm building a teasmade next. And if I can get the right chemicals, a proper refrigerator. And a stun gun," he added thoughtfully.

"But what about the beans?" Gwen asked.

"Beans?" Ianto turned to look at her blankly.

"Coffee beans."

"Oh," he waved a hand. "They import them. They're not complete savages. Only mostly. Jack had better find us and get us back through the Rift soon," he added. Then he paused. "Sorry. How was your night? Anything interesting happen?"

"Well, I went out for breakfast and George Sand invited me to dinner," Gwen said slowly. "She was having breakfast too."

Ianto raised his head slowly and turned to regard her. She shifted uneasily from foot to foot, cursing the uncomfortable police boots she was wearing.

"I think it was in the spirit of transvestite solidarity," she said.

"Well. Erm. You do look brilliant in that uniform," Ianto offered. Something hissed and spat deep in the bowels of the coffee machine he was building. "And in another few days you can ask her to have coffee with us. How's the job?"

"Coppering is coppering," Gwen shrugged, then caught his meaning. "Oh! No, nobody's figured out I'm a woman yet. Except Sand. What...about you?"

"Tailoring is tailoring, I suppose," he replied, but he muttered "Stupid Beau Brummel" under his breath. "I tidied the flat, by the way, and I'm almost done with your waistcoat and trousers."

He turned back to his work but didn't actually start working; instead he paused, then slowly straightened and looked at her.

"Wait. Does this make me the wife?" he asked finally.

Gwen grinned and kissed him on the cheek. "But you're such a good wife, Ianto."

[identity profile] littlered2.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 01:56 pm (UTC)(link)
XD I love it.

[identity profile] fiveforsilver.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 01:58 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, that is lovely, and the last lines made me giggle.

[identity profile] sadera992.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 02:02 pm (UTC)(link)
lol! awesome! i've so missed your work.
ext_77335: (Coffee OTP)

[identity profile] iamshadow.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 02:02 pm (UTC)(link)
I know I missed most of the historical nods in this fic, but I am loving it just for itself.

You are making me that awesome coffee gadget for my birthday, right?

[identity profile] sam-storyteller.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 02:38 pm (UTC)(link)
There aren't really that many. Just Beau Brummel (famous male fashion plate) and George Sand (famous writer and transvestite). The timing is tricky since the pair of them don't overlap significantly, but *points to title* :D

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[identity profile] iamshadow.livejournal.com - 2009-05-16 15:00 (UTC) - Expand

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[identity profile] iamshadow.livejournal.com - 2009-05-16 16:40 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] quinn222.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 02:20 pm (UTC)(link)
I love how you take ideas that in less skilled hands would involve weepy Ianto and annoying angst and flailing Jack and make them clever and funny and totally in character.

[identity profile] sam-storyteller.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 02:38 pm (UTC)(link)
I feel like Ianto, if he had angst, would keep it to himself -- but I also think that he'd be reasonably confident for at least a year that Jack would find them and get them home, so he probably wouldn't angst, he'd just get on with things until Jack found them. :D

Jack is probably flailing, on the other end, but that's not as interesting as Gwen and Ianto settling into the early 19th century and entertaining themselves...

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[identity profile] littlered2.livejournal.com - 2009-05-16 22:28 (UTC) - Expand
ext_7384: (Yantoe has by bluejeans07)

[identity profile] elisi.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 02:20 pm (UTC)(link)
Gwen grinned and kissed him on the cheek. "But you're such a good wife, Ianto."
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FANTASTIC! Sorry, have run out of words today, but this put a huge smile on my face! :D

[identity profile] amand-r.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 02:31 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh Jesus. I wish there was more of this, and yet I don't. But I do. Really, I do.

[identity profile] sam-storyteller.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 02:36 pm (UTC)(link)
I feel like I want to write more, like how Jack got to them and got them home and insisted Gwen wear a suit for like a week, but I'm not sure I have it in me right now :D

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[identity profile] amand-r.livejournal.com - 2009-05-16 14:40 (UTC) - Expand

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[identity profile] toujours-nigel.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 02:43 pm (UTC)(link)
:)

[identity profile] bittervillager.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 02:45 pm (UTC)(link)
More, please! Lovely treat for the conclusion of my first year as an MA student.

[identity profile] sam-storyteller.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 03:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Congrats on surviving your first year! What are you studying?
contrarywise: Glowing green trees along a road (smug ianto)

[personal profile] contrarywise 2009-05-16 02:49 pm (UTC)(link)
Awesome! I remember those coffeemakers. The housemate of a friend who had attended MIT had one, and it did indeed make good coffee. I adore the idea of George Sand inviting crossdressed!Gwen to dinner. And Ianto taking matters into his own hands to make the 19th century more bearable. I approve of his priorities.

[identity profile] bare-bear.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 03:04 pm (UTC)(link)
Ianto wouldn't make a good time traveller. First he probably intoduced Beau to the modern suit, then he goes onto making a proper coffee machine, then assorted other things he can't live without (stun gun - love it!). Bad Ianto! No messing with the timeline.

[identity profile] sabra-n.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 03:07 pm (UTC)(link)
HEE.

[identity profile] chicleeblair.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 03:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Awwww

[identity profile] 51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 03:39 pm (UTC)(link)
Stupid Beau Brummel(!) And a stun gun. Yays!

That's brilliant. :)
Edited 2009-05-16 15:39 (UTC)

[identity profile] valancy-joy.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 03:48 pm (UTC)(link)
every time I try and come up with a coherent comment, I just start laughing again!

funny and wonderful all rolled up in one ball of fabulousness.

[identity profile] piss-and-ink.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 03:49 pm (UTC)(link)
A pair of Watsons, getting through as best they could, she supposed.

Love that line, and loved the entire thing. Very cute.

[identity profile] txrabbit.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 03:55 pm (UTC)(link)
Such a good wife!

This was very cute, and fit perfectly with their personalities, as well.

[identity profile] ysabet.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 04:05 pm (UTC)(link)
**DIES** Sand would approve, highly. They should invite *her* over for dinner.

(I read Torchwoodfic for breakfast! Go me! \o/)
Edited 2009-05-16 16:24 (UTC)
ext_9839: Yuko (Default)

[identity profile] lukita.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 04:17 pm (UTC)(link)
I want to pet him, that boy sure have his priorities straight. =D

[identity profile] melayneseahawk.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 04:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Haven't even read this yet, but OMG we have one of these. I found it when I was cleaning the cabinet over the fridge, and I had no idea what it was.

[identity profile] sam-storyteller.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 04:28 pm (UTC)(link)
AWESOME! Set it up and make some coffee! Or send it to me, and I will. :D

[identity profile] elucreh.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 04:44 pm (UTC)(link)
Beau Brummel?

I LOVE YOU, SAM.

[identity profile] sam-storyteller.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 05:56 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm easy to love! :D

[identity profile] tree00faery.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 04:45 pm (UTC)(link)
This was lovely! I had no idea who Beau Brummel was, but I loved George Sand asking transvestite!Gwen out to dinner. - I would love to see their conversation, if you ever write more of this. Of course, it works perfectly by itself, too. ^_^

[identity profile] darthhellokitty.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 05:02 pm (UTC)(link)
The only thing I had to look up was the teasmade! As far as making a refrigerator, that reminds me of "Mosquito Coast"s ice machine, so I fear disaster. Let's hope Jack picks them up before they make too much of a mess.

I love the moment where Ianto obviously realizes Gwen is so hot in her policeman's uniform.

Two Watsons, definitely, but two ADORABLE Watsons. And Ianto is the wife.

[identity profile] sam-storyteller.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 05:55 pm (UTC)(link)
See, the first thing I thought of when I wrote the fridge line was the ice-cube machine from Back To The Future III. :D

[identity profile] kayleigh-jane.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 05:03 pm (UTC)(link)
That last line is hilarious! Very sweet little fic, I like the way they are still so much themselves, even if they are not in their own time.

*uses appropriate icon* Look! Coffee and kilt skirt!

[identity profile] keristor.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 05:22 pm (UTC)(link)
I love it!

But re. the title: isn't it traditionally "This story has been checked for historical accuracy -- and any we found was removed with extreme prejudice"?

[identity profile] sam-storyteller.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 05:50 pm (UTC)(link)
ROFL! Bit of a long title :D

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