sam_storyteller: (Default)
sam_storyteller ([personal profile] sam_storyteller) wrote2005-07-18 11:20 am

Four People...RPS, PG-13

Title: Four People David Tennant Didn't Have Sex With And One He Did. (Sort Of.)
Rating: Call it PG-13.
Summary: If he could just get people to seduce him on a regular basis instead of the other way round, things would go much easier.
Notes: I didn't even have this in mind, but as I was searching for a particular thread in Close Your Eyes And Think Of England I stumbled across this thread instead, which led to this fic. I suppose you could think of it as a sort-of sequel.
Warnings: None.

This RPS business is a slippery slope, isn't it?

Originally Posted 5.20.08

Also available at AO3.

Four People David Tennant Didn't Have Sex With And One He Did. Sort of.

1. John Barrowman

Because Scott is adorable, and John didn't manage to keep hold of him for fifteen years by sleeping with his coworkers.

(Except they did sleep together, just once. On the set of the TARDIS, waiting for lighting to fix something, sitting in a corner. David drooled on John's costume and John snored like a buzz-saw. Freema has photos she promises never to sell to anyone.)

2. David Thewlis

Saying your own name during sex is just, no.

Also, Gary would be annoyed. Not that Gary Oldman is having sex with David (Thewlis), at least not that David (Tennant) knows, but it messes up their dynamic or something on-set. David (Tennant) hangs out with Jason Isaacs and they gripe about the rugrats and David (Thewlis) looks very serious sitting at a table and writing things in a notebook and David (Tennant) thinks his book was just a little bit crap, but he's never claimed to be a great literary critic or anything. He's Doctor Who, there's only so many stones he can throw.

3. Gareth David-Lloyd

Boring, so boring, such a tedious human being.

That's what David tries to use as justification, even if it's completely a lie. Gareth says "um" a lot and is clearly pretty intimidated by The Great David Tennant (whatever) and he hasn't even got any scenes in the Torchwood blooper reel, because he's never really that funny, that informal, when they're working, but David suspects that Gareth might have layers. He's not a natural scene-stealer, he's not a great talent, but there's a sort of thorough workmanlike effort he puts into every single scene that speaks of unerring professionalism. Gareth has a bright future as an actor and David doesn't want to fuck him up, is the thing.

4. Derek Jacobi

Oh, take me, Sir Derek.

David knows he hasn't a chance. And even though -- Derek Jacobi, this is Sir Derek Jacobi, and he fancies him rotten, he knows what he sees when he looks at Derek Jacobi. He sees I, Clavdivs and Brother Cadfael and a slew of other Beeb classics. It wouldn't be like having sex with a person, more like having sex with the history of classic British television, and he's not sure he could deal with that. Even if he's sort of part of classic British television himself, now.

5. Gareth David-Lloyd

Fuck.

He is completely aware that Gareth is using him for research because, well, Gareth is a thorough person and Ianto clearly enjoys the buggery. Obviously he can't go to Barrowman and Burn Gorman is straight, straight, straight and crew are risky, you don't know who might tell the papers. But he must have seen David watching him and figured he'd have a go, and he's just so pretty sprawled on David's sheets that David really can't be bothered to regret it. He's not exactly going to fall hopelessly in love with him or anything, so it's a good time while it lasts and he's pretty sure Gareth isn't going to get fucked up over this.

So that's all right, really.

David stares at the ceiling and wonders. If he could just get people to seduce him on a regular basis instead of the other way round, things would go much easier.

"D'you sleep with men often?" Gareth asks, turning to him, propped on an elbow. There's no subtext to the question, not and is that why you're good at this or worse is that why you're bad at this, just curiosity.

David slings an arm over his eyes. "Not as often as I'd like," he sighs.

[identity profile] scorpionvoices.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 04:24 pm (UTC)(link)
*chortle*

How are you so awesome? My face looks like this right now: ":DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD".

[identity profile] lilanglniara.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 04:24 pm (UTC)(link)
oh sammmmmmmm *dies of laughter* not david tennant!

[identity profile] jkivela.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 04:25 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, just oooh...

Love Gareth. Perfect.

Reading your stuff makes me want to watch Doctor more and more...
ext_1798: (_emeraldgreen/sarcasm/text)

[identity profile] wildestranger.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 04:26 pm (UTC)(link)
Hahahhaa. It's nice how you sort of pretend to have scruples sometimes. ;)

I'm greatly intertained by your David Tennant, and particularly his dynamic with GDL. And now I'm imagining this taking place in the cast of Torchwood America.

[identity profile] sam-storyteller.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 04:50 pm (UTC)(link)
I COULD HAVE SCRUPLES! They're just in remission right now.

*sighs*

I'm going to hell. :D

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[identity profile] bobthemole.livejournal.com - 2008-05-20 21:18 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] louiex.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 04:36 pm (UTC)(link)
*gives you the internet and a rash of first-borns*

You never EVER cease to amaze me. Seriously, I'm not gonna be able to wipe this grin off my face for a while!!

[identity profile] lunaastrum.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 04:38 pm (UTC)(link)
David Thewlis, LOL!
Also, Gary would be annoyed. XD
drgaellon: TARDIS: phenomenal cosmic power... itty bitty living space (TARDIS itty bitty living space)

[personal profile] drgaellon 2008-05-20 04:44 pm (UTC)(link)
Holy SHIT, Sam. Where do you come UP with this stuff???? BRILLIANT.

Here, have a TARDIS. (It's bigger on the inside, I swear.)

[identity profile] sam-storyteller.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 04:49 pm (UTC)(link)
Dude, I totally need a TARDIS. *arranges it carefully in a corner of the bedroom*

[identity profile] hloke.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 04:48 pm (UTC)(link)
OMG
and Ianto clearly enjoys the buggery
killed me DED.

*laughing so hard now... I was thinking, by mid-fic "oh, that's too bad", and then... LOL*

[identity profile] kayleigh-jane.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 04:54 pm (UTC)(link)
The RPS slope is slippery, and you are still at the top! Beware, at the bottom is bandom...

This was, once again, awesome! And my inner geek, who is more of an outer geek today, loved that you spelled 'I, Clavdivs' right.

I really cannot properly express my delight at this at the moment, so I'll come back later. I'll try to form coherent sentences then!

And No, we cannot blame the Doctor for this, we will blame [livejournal.com profile] winterthunder and send her virtual cookies to make you do it again...

[identity profile] kayleigh-jane.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 04:57 pm (UTC)(link)
Damn! See what you made me do? I meant [livejournal.com profile] thunderemerald, she with that extremely sexy icon of David and icecream.

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[identity profile] capt-spork.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 05:13 pm (UTC)(link)
IMO, reading RPS during Ethics class is research. *whistles innocently*

[identity profile] naggawikka.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 04:56 pm (UTC)(link)
You realize, of course, that it's also a slippery slope for the people who swore to themselves never to read RPS except if some of their favourite authors wrote it.

I think my favourite part was number 2.
"Saying your own name during sex is just, no" is one of the best justification ever.
ext_49427: (Torchwood - Ianto Ponder)

[identity profile] jade--dragon.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 08:29 pm (UTC)(link)
You realize, of course, that it's also a slippery slope for the people who swore to themselves never to read RPS except if some of their favourite authors wrote it.
I think that about sums it up.

Sam, you make me feel dirty. And yet I keep reading. Why?!

[identity profile] musicianatheart.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 05:08 pm (UTC)(link)
Sam, I love it when you're on crack. which uh, seems to be a lot lately. not that I'm complaining!


(Except they did sleep together, just once. On the set of the TARDIS, waiting for lighting to fix something, sitting in a corner. David drooled on John's costume and John snored like a buzz-saw. Freema has photos she promises never to sell to anyone.)

had me gigglesqueaking so hard I probably sounded like a guinea pig. probably a good thing I have the house to myself today.

[identity profile] capt-spork.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 05:12 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm not quite sure of any response apart from: GLEE!

[identity profile] lhazzie.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 05:27 pm (UTC)(link)
David slings an arm over his eyes. "Not as often as I'd like," he sighs.



...Oh David. Poor love.

[identity profile] piss-and-ink.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 05:53 pm (UTC)(link)
aahahahh. Gareth! Too funny.

[identity profile] foreverrhapsody.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 05:53 pm (UTC)(link)
I never thought I'd ever say this very cliched quotation, but if (your) RPS/RPF is wrong, I don't want it to be right. I scoffed at the first Gareth David-Lloyd one, then squeaked and laughed at the second. :-D

[identity profile] thunderemerald.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 06:08 pm (UTC)(link)
MOO HA HA HA.

[identity profile] cryforthemoon.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 06:25 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, the fourth one made a bad evening so much better. :D *squees, goes to read again*

[identity profile] gritsinmisery.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 06:49 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm sitting here cackling out loud like the Wicked Witch of the West or some damn chicken (probably the latter.) It's a good thing the fambly isn't home to hear me. My teenage kids would want to know what I'm reading, and I have a policy to never point them at RPF. (They can go find their own damn RPF, this is MINE.)

BTW, this was wonderful.

[identity profile] only-sound.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 06:58 pm (UTC)(link)
I love you very dearly.

[identity profile] princessnothing.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 07:00 pm (UTC)(link)
"Not as often as I'd like,"

BRILLIANT! Actually, all of it is brilliant, but that line made me giggle, I can see DT making that sad/lonely/slightly ashamed arm!face.

[identity profile] elucreh.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 07:15 pm (UTC)(link)
I will return the favor of yesterday and give you a hug without pointing and laughing even a little.

And it is a clever story. I love the idea of Gareth using him for research.

[identity profile] bluejeans07.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 07:35 pm (UTC)(link)
I just let out this HUGE, NOISY SQUEE at work while surrounded by people, so thanks for that!

[personal profile] starkdependant 2008-05-20 07:40 pm (UTC)(link)
Awesome! You win.

[identity profile] darthhellokitty.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 08:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Gareth is using him as research, so really, he's doing Gareth a favor! Such generosity to the next generation of thespians!!!

(giggling madly)

[identity profile] sam-storyteller.livejournal.com 2008-05-20 08:38 pm (UTC)(link)
Well, you have to lend those beneath you a helping hand.

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